Take my CWS ring...Please!
Category: Sports (Pro/College/HS)...
Posted Tuesday, June 24, 2003 at 04:56 PM [GMT-6]

This is a tad late in coming, considering that Rice defeated Stanford last night to win the College World Series (in the most lopsided game in CWS history). But while I was mowing the lawn this afternoon, I couldn’t help thinking about the implications of having two “brain trusts” meet in a national collegiate championship showdown.

I mean, for possibly the first time in history, you have two teams who not only compute slugging percentages to the 12th decimal point…they do it in their heads. <rimshot />

And, speaking of statistics, this may be the first time that all the players have SAT scores higher that their batting averages. <rimshot />

I can just imaging the on-field chatter:

• “Hey, this guy can’t hit, this guy can’t hit…his lips move when he does differential geometry!” </rimshot>
• First baseman to baserunner: “I wouldn’t advise trying to steal second. Our catcher achieves an exemplary terminal velocity via an arc-optimized throwing motion, and you’ll be out like an orphan muon.” </rimshot>

Everyone knows that they use aluminum bats in college baseball. These guys are no different, except that they can build their own. </rimshot>

And, finally, I heard that one unnamed player was recently ejected from a game. He was caught with a quarked bat! </rimshot>

[Thanks to the Fat Guy for getting me started down this ridiculous path!]