Death observed, embraced, conquered
I watched my mother-in-law die this morning. Her labored breathing -- "chain breathing," I believe the charge nurse called it -- grew quieter, slower, more shallow, and at 6:15 a.m., 12 days shy of her 85th birthday, she finally won her decades-old battle to gain release from a body that always seemed more enemy than friend.
I know of no one who suffered more through the decades than her. She survived cancer -- twice. She underwent open heart surgery and two angioplasties and at least three heart attacks (that we know of). She had three hip replacements. She had arthritis and osteoporosis. In the end, a ridiculous fractured pelvis cause complications that her poor heart couldn't cope with. Her body was, indeed, a battlefield, with the scarred landscape to prove it.
In the 35 years I knew her, I never heard her utter a single word in expression of bitterness or resentment at her situation. Anger? Perhaps a touch, but it was always a tool for overcoming obstacles, instead of surrendering to them. Her usual demeanor was one of humility, grace and humor, and people around her went away feeling uplifted, even if they came to her with the intention of lifting her up.
We miss her, of course...terribly. But none of us would wish to draw her back from where she is now. In the hours before she passed, moving in and out of lucidity, she spoke of climbing out of the bed, getting in her car, grabbing a hamburger and just...going.
I imagine her arriving at the gates of heaven in a large-finned Caddy, one strong healthy arm draped out the window, and empty Burger King bag at her side. She's gotten her wish...she got to leave, and her destination is more wonderful than anything we can ever imagine.
Lil, we'll join you someday; keep the motor running, sweet lady. And I call dibs on shotgun.
Sorry to hear of your loss......a reminder that the experience is coming for us all and to live the best life we can everyday.
Eric, our heartfelt condolences, from my family to yours. God bless you and keep you all, through the sure and certain knowledge you will be together again, someday.
Posted by: Jeff McDonald at October 8, 2003 07:08 AMI'm so sorry. I have always admired those that could take a less than ideal hand that was dealt them and move right past it. In this case health.
The hands are all good now. Nothing hurts, everything works.....and you surely get upgrades there even, don't you?
Posted by: Natalie at October 8, 2003 08:24 AMYour tribute spoke to us as I knew it would. Thanks for letting us know your thoughts on Lil's passing. Since Jesus knows what you wrote, I'll bet He has shared it with her and I know she's pleased! May each of you find the comfort only the Lord can give as you move through this week. Know that we're praying and that we care.
Phyllis and Phamily
Posted by: Phyllis at October 8, 2003 09:46 AMEric,
We love you and want to support you and Debbie in any way we can. What a precious tribute to Lil! May the Lord of all comfort shower His blessings of warmth and condolence on your hearts.
Grace and peace to you and your wife, friend.
{silence}
From God's heart, to your lips, to our ears...thanks for sharing your tribute. But mostly, thanks for listening for His message, in even this. God and Mrs. Funderburk must surely be smiling at your witness. Our thoughts and our prayers are with the entire family as you all administer (and minister) His work here on earth. Please let us know of ANY details we can take care of for you.
Posted by: Sherry Thomas at October 8, 2003 02:46 PMI can only offer my deepest condolances, and my prayers. God bless.
Posted by: Daniel Morris at October 8, 2003 03:03 PMI'm so sorry to hear about Lil passing on. I want you to know that myself and my team have been lifting you and Lil up to the Father. We will continue to do so for both of you. I love you guys and know that our Father will walk you through this valley and bring something beautiful out of it in the end.
Posted by: Emily H at October 8, 2003 09:20 PMMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife at this difficult time....
Posted by: Rachel at October 8, 2003 11:04 PMEric,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law, but I rejoice with you that she's with the Lord and that you'll be reunited one day. I look forward to meeting her too, she sounds like a great lady.
I'm praying peace and comfort for ya'll.
Posted by: jen at October 9, 2003 08:55 AMYou have my condolences.
Posted by: Phelps at October 9, 2003 12:17 PMEric,
I want you and Debbie to know that we are sorry with you for the loss of family. I have mentioned the loss to our other teammates and want you to know that we are all praying for you this week. I hope that you will find the peace that God has especially for people who experience loss. If there is anything that any of us can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.
Love you man,
Jim C.
Eric -
I hope that you and Debbie will accept my most hearfelt condolences over the loss of her mother. I know how that can hurt -- my wife lost her mother not quite four months ago, and it will be difficult for her for quite a while to come. Like Lil, her mother had many health problems and her quiet passing was a blessing to both her and the rest of us. Like you, we know that she is finally in a place where she can be whole and be with her Savior. Though the "hole" will be there for some time to come, God promises to heal all. May His peace be with you both.
Eric, your tribute to Lil is moving. Would that we all could face life's troubles with her "humility, grace and humor."
I will remember this the next time I think of complaining about something...
God bless you and your family and may our Lord receive Lil with open arms with a great big "welcome home".
Posted by: Jack Rich at October 9, 2003 06:26 PMYour respectful praise of your mother in law is exceptional (as I'm sure she was). What a tribute to the both of you. Please accept my sympathy for your family's loss.
Posted by: julie at October 12, 2003 05:08 PMGod bless you, my friend! Rest in the Lord.
Posted by: The Parson at October 13, 2003 02:18 PMEric, I'm sorry to hear of your mom-in-law's passing. It sounds as though you all are celebrating her life, and that's great. And it does help so much to believe that it isn't a real goodbye, but just a resting time between now and forever.
Posted by: Deb at October 14, 2003 07:47 PMWhile I tried in my typical feeble way to express my appreciation to you guys in the post dated 10/13, I want to reiterate my gratitude here. So, to Dan, Wallace, Jeff, Natalie, Phyllis, Gene, Bryan, Sherry, Daniel, Emily, Rachel, Jen, Mr. Phelps, Jim, David, Jack, Julie, Paul and Deb...I hope you know how special each of you are. Some of you I know well enough that you already know how much I love you; some of you I may never meet this side of heaven. But, somehow, you all feel like family to me.
As my Aunt Burtis says, "a blessing on your punkin head!" And I mean that with all fondness and respect.
Posted by: Eric at October 15, 2003 02:57 PMAbout the publisher
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Eric, so sorry for your loss, and your wife's. I found this reflection a really touching tribute to your mother in law and her spirit.
Posted by: dan at October 7, 2003 11:53 PM