True Relief
Category: Kitchen Sink...
Posted Thursday, November 20, 2003 at 06:36 PM [GMT-6]

I just about had a smothering spell today when I pulled an envelope out of the mailbox and spotted that all-too-familiar black-and-white logo and seriphed font designating the correspondence as originating from the official bowels of the Infernal Revenue Service (official motto: "Causing Smothering Spells Since 1862").

This isn't exactly the normal time of the year to be hearing from the good folks at the IRS, so all I could think of was the A-word. No, not that one; this one: audit.

Our tax returns have never been audited, in 35 years of filing. For one thing, we probably have the most straightforward returns possible, given our income level. We never do anything financially adventurous, which makes for boring tax returns, I suppose. But now that I'm self-employed and have business income and expenses to roll into our personal return, I figure I've become a bigger bogey on the radar screen. (I don't claim any home office deductions, though, which helps keep me out of the quicksand.)

So, I gritted my teeth, and ripped open the envelope, mentally preparing to devote the next month to building a defense, and wondering if I should have kept all those receipts.

Of course, it wasn't an audit notice, otherwise the title of this post would have been very different. It was, however, a really weird bit of correspondence, in that it was actually from BP, my former employer. They said that they had lost my address, and had asked the IRS to forward this letter to me, so that they could send me "important benefits information."

This whole situation is odd on an least two accounts. First, BP has no problem finding me to send me a monthly bill for my medical insurance. And second, is this the "new IRS"...a mail-forwarding service?

So, on the one hand we see the incompetence of one of the world's largest corporations, and on the other we see the desperation of one of the world's formerly most feared agencies. How fallen are the mighty!