Chronicles of Riddickulous
Category: Movies...
Posted Saturday, June 12, 2004 at 10:04 PM [GMT-6]

OK, so we caught a matinee showing of Vin Diesel's newest flick, "The Chronicles of Riddick." What a sloppy mess!

Only an idiot would dwell on lapses in logic in a science-fiction/action movie, but sometimes they just overwhelm you. For example (mmmm...you might or might not consider some of the following to be spoilers, so continue at your own risk; however, it's not like there are any great surprises in this film anyway):

• The movie is set in some unknown (to me) future era and on a series of made-up planets, but we can safely assume that it's thousands of years from now in a galaxy far, far away.. The use of "Jesus" as an epithet in that setting is probably due to poor editing (not to mention taste), although I'd like to think that it's an unintentional acknowledgment of the Name before which every knee (regardless of galactic origin) shall eventually bow.


• It puzzles me why a civilization so advanced that it's moving throughout the universe, conquering and/or destroying planet after planet, would need to use mutant humanoids wearing scuba masks and tethered to handlers in order to locate fugitives via their body heat.


• Here's a handy survival tip for the next time you're caught on a planet where sunrise means an immediate temperature spike to 700°: make sure you step into a shadow. Simple, huh?


• This isn't necessarily a lapse in logic, but it was apparent that the special effects guys got a really good deal on some leftovers from Nightcrawler's repertoire in "X2."

"Chronicles" had flashes of humor and some well-choreographed action scenes. Unfortunately, Vin really deserves better material than this, and I was hoping for a better follow-up to "Pitch Black." The sub-plot of religious domination was just stupid and served only to sound a jarring chord on what should have been a mindless but enjoyable Popcorn Delivery Vehicle.