War Between the Tastes
Category: Just Plain Silly...
Posted Thursday, July 08, 2004 at 08:19 AM [GMT-6]

[Heh. The post title reminds me of my favorite joke: Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who laid awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?]

This innocent post by your humble correspondent has apparently set off a series of skirmishes that threaten to escalate into a full-blown conflagration that could shake the foundation of the blogosphere to its very core...

Ahem. Sorry about that. I just noticed that the Drama Dial was pegged all the way to the right. Let me make a minor adjustment...OK...that should be better.

My objective reporting of the fact that Blue Bell Creamery has introduced a new flavor of ice cream containing Pecos cantaloupe has stirred the passions of bloggers Bryan at Arguing With Signposts and Mark at The Bemusement Park about which geographic regions of the US have better frozen confections and fruit. Bryan is a displaced Texan and Mark roams the wilds of Iowa. They each have staked out unyielding positions, leading one to believe that the only possible outcome will involve the term "scorched earth."

Frankly, I'm not up for this battle. For one thing, near as I can tell, Mark's credentials stem from something in the area of the preacherly persuasion, and I learned long ago that just as you do not engage a Sicilian in a battle of wits, you do not engage a preacher in an argument over food.

I also believe that Mark should reassess the wisdom of crossing blades with a hockey-playing Texan with a bad attitude about not being able to live in the state he loves.

I suggest a truce, with two provisions. First, all parties should acknowledge that any fool with a carton of Half-n-Half and a box of sugar can make ice cream that's to die for. Really, now...have you ever had a bad bowl of ice cream?

Second, all parties should acknowlege that fruit is as fruit does. I happen to believe that the peaches grown in the Hill Country around Fredericksburg, Texas, are among the best in the world, but, frankly, the absolute best peaches I ever ate came from a lone tree growing in my own backyard. That tree sacrificed its life to provide us with one bounteous, trunk-splitting harvest a dozen years ago, and we enjoyed the fruit in its memory for a couple of years thereafter.

However, I will admit that I can't let stand one statement made by Mark, and that's his dismissal of the Pecos cantaloupe, via oblique reference to what we call around these parts a muskmelon, a flavorless filler useful only for doorstops. In the spirit of conciliation, I'll assume that Mark has never sampled a true Pecos cantaloupe (one of the few varieties of fruit that is actually subject to counterfeiting) or its close cousin, the Coyonosa variety. That such a sweet and delectable offering should come from terrain and climate that makes the Mars landscape look like Bali is a true testament to the reality of God's grace.

Well, having thought about it further, I've changed my mind. Mark, you're absolutely right. Nothing can compare to the melons in your part of the country. They are perfection on earth, and you would just be disappointed by Pecos cantaloupe. My advice is to stay far, far away from them, and tell everyone you know to do the same. In fact, in the off-chance that you should actually encounter one, my further advice is to ship it to me immediately and I'll handle the disposal thereof. And if you find two of them, send one to Bryan.