AdobeLand: Where All the Print is Fine
Category: Tech...
Posted Thursday, August 12, 2004 at 04:25 PM [GMT-6]

This is a story of incompetence. There are two characters. The names have been changed to protect the stupid. One is, um, my friend. The other is a software company named, appropriately enough, after a mud brick. Each has taken incompetence to a new level, and the combination is lethal.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm the moron who has just allowed Adobe Systems Inc. to get to me for $167 and two hours of wasted time, all because I made some erroneous assumptions about the capabilities of that company's pricey software, which, in this case, is Acrobat 6.0. The tragic details follow.

Now that I've made the complete jump to OS X, I needed to "upgrade" to Acrobat 6. I had read complaints about Adobe's move to a split personality issue of Acrobat, with "Standard" being the "home/small business" version and "Professional" being the "corporate" edition. What differentiated them seemed mainly to be some enhanced group workflow capabilities in the latter package, which I certainly didn't need, since all the members of my group reside within one basic corpus, that being me, and no software was going to address whatever issues that situation birthed. So I blithely submitted my online order for the Standard version, being quite content in this case to not be considered a Professional, along with the $50 premium such consideration required.

The software arrived yesterday, and as soon as I got back in town this afternoon, I popped in the CD and proceeded with installation. That was simple enough, but I was confronted with one nagging issue: the installed software didn't work. It wouldn't open PDF files, a rather significant drawback in a program designed to open PDF files.

I immediately jumped on Adobe's website, where I found the answer. Acrobat 6.0 doesn't work with Mac OS 10.3. Duh. Doh. Drat.

Fortunately, 6.0.2 does, and it was available as a downloadable update. Only, you first have to download and run update 6.0.1, because 6.0.2 will work its magic only on 6.0.1. So, 15 meg of downloads and two installations later, Acrobat 6[.0][.2] Standard is finally ready to fulfill its destiny. Sure enough, it opens PDFs slicker'n you know what on you know where.

So, I start acquainting myself with the layout of the new program, and I quickly realize that something is just. Not. Right.

One of the primary reasons for a builder of websites to invest in the full version of Acrobat is the capability of creating interactive forms in PDF format. You know, the kind you can fill out online? This is accomplished in fairly efficient manner through the use of Acrobat's Form tool, a tool which came with the good old 5.0 version but which is strikingly absent from Acrobat 6.0.2 (the Standard Loser Edition); at least, I don't see it in any of the logical menu items.

Back to Adobe's website, where I finally take the time to click the "Compare Versions" button and find that the Forms capability has been striken from the Simpleton Edition (after all, what can you expect for only $99 in upgrade fees?) and shifted to the Mega-Corporate Version, where it costs an additional $149 to upgrade, even if you're just baby-stepping from the Standard Fool's 6.0.2.

Well, I'm without excuse and without recourse. I've ordered the upgrade, paid the price and learned a lesson. And, to add insult to injury (to my wallet), I get to do the "0.1 and 0.2" two-step once Professional arrives, because it, too, is not compatible with Panther.

That great philosopher Leo Getz, as revealed in Lethal Weapons 2, 3 & 4, had some choice words about the practices of fast-food drive-throughs and cellphone companies. I think he'd similarly love doing business with Adobe.