I don't know anything more than you about electricity, except that I learned I can take 110 volt AC household current in short bursts and suffer nothing more than rattled joints.

I welded a large screwdriver into a light socket once. I can't remember what prompted me to put it in there. Some would say it's just a guy thing, I guess.

Another time I made my (then) 12 year-old son wear heavy leather mittens and hold a wooden chair as I prepared to change a fixture in the ceiling, live, in an old house. I told him, "If Daddy starts to shake and can't let go of the wire, push him away from it with the chair."

Is it, "AC attracts (contracts muscles) and DC repels (extends muscles)," or the other way?

Kids need to learn respect for electricity; they already know how crazy is the old man, right? That was a blast of a prank. I got it done safely the first time. The gloves and chair were just for effect (kind of). I don't think he will ever mess with the stuff.

I remember many trips to the circuit breaker box, trying to get vanity lamps beside the bathroom mirror to work without disabling the exhaust fan in the bathroom.

But man, when asked to work with "black pipe" (read: gas lines, as in washer/dryer, hotwater heater, kitchen stove) my limited experience allows me to consider the project a success if these are true: (1) the house did not outright explode, (2) I am only intermittently dizzy from the fumes and not blue-lipped, (3) I wake up alive on the basement floor, not in flames. Meaning I did not create a spark of any kind!

That's why I am now ALL ELECTRIC. Some things are best left to the pro's.

Now, an Excel budget spreadsheet I can handle.

Oh, yeah...that gas stuff is muy malo. I am smart enough to leave everything related to explosive hydrocarbons to the experts. I didn't even like having to ignite the pilot light in our furnace each winter. Now it's all electronic and I'm much happier. It also gives me more time to miswire light switches!

Is it, "AC attracts (contracts muscles) and DC repels (extends muscles)," or the other way?

See, I didn't even know that electricity had sayings. But I could never remember them anyway; I'm still trying to master the one that lets me tell a coral snake from a king snake...and I started practicing when I was in Cub Scouts.

There is something in me that keeps buying houses that are as old as I am. And usually in the same shape.

But I have learned many things mechanical over the years because of this. The first is that if some task seems to be to hard or dangerous to tackle...then it probably really is and you'll save money [and time] by calling the Pro's in the first place.

I learned this in Dallas when I started to install an new disposal. Seemed simple enough, which should have been my first warning. As I disconnected the unit from under the sink I broke the drain pipe [old style, heavy metal] off inside the exterior wall of the kitchen. My easy to install new disposal ended up costing me $400 for all the repairs.

Electricians are like magicians, Eric. They have trade secrets and guard them jealously. I've long suspected (being the naturally trusting type) that a lot of the weird logic that goes into home wiring is deliberate. If everything was easy-to-understand, well laid out, clearly and correctly labelled, why then most home owners wouldn't need electricians for simple tasks like changing a light switch.

So, electricians add a little job security in with the wiring. The red wire isn't always positive, the black wire isn't always negative, a ground is often live, and just because the circuit breaker switch for that room is switched off, doesn't always mean the electricity actually is off.

There almost certainly is an electrician's rule of thumb used for knowing what sort of "logic" guides the wiring of homes. But they swear a blood oath on the name of Reddy Kilowatt never to reveal it to the uninitiated.

"I, who can dress in an instant in pitch black conditions..."
...those 20 Menthol Kools for a surgical eye shine really paid off!

You did say Pitch Black, right?

I learned a long time ago...if I'm going to work on anything that has an electric wire connected to it...remove one connection at a time and then use masking tape to identify said wire as to where it was connected and how it was connected and whether or not there was another wire hooked to the same connection or not. Also I do not hesitate to draw a sketch of the whole thing if need be just to be clear about how it was originally hooked up.

There is a three-way switch at the bottom and top of the stairs in this house. If it ever goes bad on me...I'm calling a professional. Just thinking about trying to change one of those switches scares me to death.

Wallace wrote: My easy to install new disposal ended up costing me $400 for all the repairs.

Happens to me all the time. I rationalize it this way: the part needed replacing anyway, and all I did was provide a means for getting it done in my own timeframe rather than waiting for a catastrophic unplanned failure. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Mr. Freen wrote: and just because the circuit breaker switch for that room is switched off, doesn't always mean the electricity actually is off.

Hence the voltmeter (and I'm even paranoid about it, always figuring that it will probably malfunction at a critical juncture. The likelihood of that happening is, of course, directly proportional to the likelihood of my fatality from trying to do the thing I think I need to do.

And, yes...the "Pitch Black" reference was intentional...and I counted on you catching it! ;-)

Clarence wrote: Also I do not hesitate to draw a sketch of the whole thing if need be just to be clear about how it was originally hooked up.

Clarence, I, too, am a big believer in sketches of existing installations, but the system fails when the replacement part bears no resemblence to the original. At that point, logic and understanding must kick in...and thus I am doomed.

the ground wire from the other parts of the room needed to be permanently affixed to the same terminal as the hot wire.

Seriously. I was an electrican in a former life. I am not joking.

You've potentially got 110 volts connected - via that ground wire in your light switch - to the chassis of all electric applicances in your house. (The chassis often serves as the appliance ground). So, touching your toaster or your electric oven - even if they're not on - could very well kill you.

Please call an electrician.

I like reading your stuff.
It would suck if you killed yourself, here.

Oh - and the "electrician's rule of thumb" for wiring switches and light fixtures: "Black gold and Hi-ho Silver" - the black wire (hot) goes to the copper (gold-colored) terminal, and the white wire goes to the silver terminal.
(Black gold being oil, and Silver being the Lone Ranger's horse, for the culturally-challenged or excessively young...)

BB, I do appreciate your concern and killing myself via a self-installed light switch would be wrong in oh-so-many ways, but I was kidding about the ground wire being connected to the hot wire. Even though the new switch was a bit different than the old one, I ended up wiring it in exactly the same way as the old one...it just took me a while to figure out the mechanics of the new one.

But your warning does give me pause, as I hope that no one googling something like "installing a light switch" will stop by here and actually try to follow my instructions in a literal sense. Maybe I'll post a disclaimer at the top of the post.

Thanks again, amigo.

...checking in to see if you're still alive, I see that you are.

I am relieved to see that I misunderstood you earlier.

:-)

Thank God! I was coming over; you and your family were going to a public place; you were calling an electrician. From said public place.

My kids all came running to see why Dad was pronouncing expletives. When I stopped shaking, I hugged my kids and told them to never, ever, under any circumstances, connect a ground wire to a hot wire. Not unless they were planning murder. Then they have to wear gloves and rubber-soled shoes.

And, like BB, thanks for sticking around. You have a safe, Merry Christmas, now. You hear?

Say, did I mention that I was also running with a pencil in my mouth?

I imagine you have scissors in your hand, too, as you run with that pencil in your mouth.
What's next? Swimming right after lunch?

What's next? Swimming right after lunch?

Listen, I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid.*

But I am going to eat some potato salad that's been sitting on the kitchen counter for a day.

[*Ever notice how only stupid people say this?]