Get a cell phone. Or OnStar. Or an emergency starter battery (some come with a built-in compressor for the flat spare tire that you never check).

Get a cell phone.

Yeah, you never get stranded outside a cell signal. ;-)

%%% EXPERIMENTAL %%% ATTENTION: MIKE CONAWAY, GEORGE BUSH, US CONGRESS, DOMESTIC ENEMIES OF THE US CONSTITUTION

$ $ $ $ $ $ $ EURASIAN SOLUTION TO SAVE GASOLINE $ $ $ $ $ $

Say you turned your starter, and after the engine turns a little bit, the starter won't turn anymore and the sound is no longer heng heng heng heng but KRRRRRRIIIITTTTTTT. That KRRRRIIIIITTTT means your batterry is now dead!!!!

What you should do is let the car rest for about 30 minutes to an hour. THE BATTERY WILL RECHARGE ITSELF WITHOUT YOU DOING ANYTHING!!!! BUT THE RECHARGE WILL BE GOOD ONLY FOR ONE TRY!!!!!

AFTER 30 MINUTES TO AN HOUR, WHEN YOU TURN ON THE IGNITION TO CRANK THE STARTER, DO NOT RELEASE THAT STARTER, BUT KEEP IT TURNED ALL THE WAY CLOCKWISE UNTIL YOUR ENGINE STARTS. DO NOT RELEASE THE STARTER EVEN IF TURNING STOPS AND HENG HENG HENG IS VERY SLOW AND INTERRUPTED WITH LONG SILENCE BECAUSE IF YOU RELEASE IT, THE STARTER WON'T CRANK ANYMORE!!!!ONCE THAT SOUND TURNS FROM HENG>>>>HENG>>>HENG>>HENG >> TO KRRRRIIIITTTTTT, THEN NO MORE CHANCE WITH MY METHOD. You may have to try that aspirin method, though this is the first time I heard about that aspirin method.

Cars before World War II had a handcranck instead of a starter.

Cars with MANUAL transmissions in some foreign countries(maybe also in US) can be started by pushing the car. THESE MANUAL TRANSMISSION CARS ARE STILL AVAILABLE AND CAN GET YOU MORE MILES TO A GALLON HIGHWAY (ABOUT 6 MORE MILES THAN THE AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION ONES) ---- WHICH IS EURASIAN'S EXPERIMENTAL SOLUTION TO THE GAS SHORTAGE-HIGH GAS PRICE PROBLEM. President Bush and Congressman Mike Conaway, IT IS INSANITY TO BE CHARGING INVENTORS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN FEES FOR A SINGLE PATENT. YOU ARE VIOLATING THE CONSTITUTION IN THAT INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING POOR INVENTORS TO INVENT, YOU ARE PUNISHING AND ROBBING INVENTORS OFF THEIR SOLUTIONS AND INVENTIONS AND ISSUING THE PATENTS AND OWNERSHIPS TO THE WRONG PEOPLE, THE MONEYED JOHNNY COME LATELIES, THE MONEYED THIEVES, THE RICH CORPORATIONS WHO HAVE LAWYERS TO FIGHT FOR WHAT IS NOT THEIRS!!!! STOP SERVING THE SPECIAL INTERESTS!!!!! LOOK AT PRES. BUSH, HE PIRATED EURASIAN"S EXPERIMENTAL $300 GOVERNMENT MONEY GIVEAWAY TO ALL BY INITIALLY USING IT AS A "GEORGE BUSH $300 REBATE TO ALL", -----THEN LATER USING THE MONEY AS A PERMANENT TAX CUT TO THE RICH, THE SPECIAL INTERESTS!!!!

SHOW US REP. MIKE CONAWAY THAT YOU CARE FOR THE PUBLIC GOOD BY SPENDING TIME WITH US, DIALOGUING WITH US HERE IN THE INTERNET. YOU ARE NOT SERVING THE PUBLIC GOOD WHEN YOU APPEAR ON RADIO BECAUSE ON RADIO, YOU ARE JUST A PUPPET FOR THEIR ADVERTISEMENTS. NO WAY WILL EURASIAN BE ABLE TO DIALOGUE WITH YOU ON RADIO BECAUSE THOSE ENVIOUS MISGUIDED TALK SHOW HOSTS LIKE CRAIG ANDERSON (KWEL) AND ROBERT HALLMARK (KCRS) WILL ALWAYS SABOTAGE AND CENSOR EURASIAN THE MOMENT HE UTTERS WORDS LIKE "EXPERIMENTAL", "INVENTIONS", "COMPENSATION". I SAY "MISGUIDED" BECAUSE THEY THINK INVENTORS WILL GET RICH. TRUTH IS INVENTORS ARE YOUR SLAVES. THEY WORK, WORK, WORK, THEN THE GOVERNMENT JUST STEALS THEIR WORK VIA DUE PROCESS LAWS, PLUS IT PUNISHES THEM BY MAKING THEM PAY THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN PATENT FEES. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, LOOK AT THE GREAT INVENTOR THOMAS "ALVA" EDISON WHO IN HIS LIFETIME INVENTED SOME 2,000 INVENTIONS. HOW RICH IS THOMAS EDISON TODAY????

BUT LOOK AT IT THE OTHER WAY. HOW RICH DID HIS PATENT LAWYERS AND HIS FINANCIERS BECOME???? YES, PRES. BUSH, CONGRESSMAN CONNAWAY, LEADERS LIKE YOU CAN BE MISGUIDED. IF THEY WANT TO PUT MILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON TOILETS AND LEAKY PIPES, WHICH IS ALWAYS THE ALIBI WHEN THEY WANT BONDS FOR AIRPORTS, SCHOOLS ETC, SURE THERE WILL BE MONEY ON TOILETS AND LEAKY PIPES!!!!. IF THEY DON"T WANT TO COMPENSATE POOR INVENTORS FOR INVENTIONS THE GOVERNMENT ROBS, SURE THERE WILL BE NO MONEY THERE!!!!! IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW MISGUIDED YOU ARE!!!! AND SOON CHINA WILL SURPASS THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE OF YOU ANTI-INVENTION ATTITUDES.

BUT THESE CARS WITH AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSIONS, YOU CANNOT START THE CAR BY PUSHING. If you push an AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION CAR, I READ YOU WILL RUIN YOUR TRANSMISSION.

the-eurasian@earthlink.net

%%% EXPERIMENTAL %%%

Please disregard everything I said above. I forgot to take my medication today. I much better now.

That's OK, amigo...most of the rest of us should be on meds; we're just too self-delusional to admit it! ;-)

%%% EXPERIMENTAL %%%

IDENTITY THEFT %%% IMPOSTOR IS IMPERSONATING EURASIAN@EARTHLINK.NET

The long EURASIAN POST posted at 10:28am was done by me, the-eurasian@earthlink.net

The short EURASIAN POST printed at 02:16PM WAS DONE BY AN IMPOSTOR, A PRETENDER!!!!

AS AN EXPERIMENTAL SOLUTION TO THESE IDENTITY THIEVES, EURASIAN SOLUTION IS FOR ALL POSTERS TO SIGN NOT WITH THEIR NAMES OR NICKNAMES BUT WITH THEIR EMAIL ADDRESSES.

There should be no need to register with the various websites. USERS ALREADY HAVE THEIR TRUE NAMES AND OTHER INFORMATION REGISTERED WITH THEIR INTERNET PROVIDERS.

the-eurasian@earthlink.net
experimenting for a better internet world

%%% EXPERIMENTAL %%% attention: Pres. Bush, Rep. Mike Conaway

%%% SOLUTION TO IDENTITY THEFT %%%

As a solution to identity theft, the-eurasian@earthlink.net is experimenting with a solution where the NINE (9) DIGIT POSTAL CODE WILL BE ONE OF THE ITEMS THAT WILL HAVE TO BE SUBMITTED AND CHECKED.
the-eurasian@earthlink.net

How do we know you're not the imposter?

Or, even better, perhaps you should just send me your credit card number, along with expiration date and that little three digit number on the back. ;-)

%%% EXPERIMENTAL %%%

This experimental is still being perfected and might require for example for websites such as yours to check that the email address printed by a poster is indeed a valid email address of the poster with the internet provider.

There are numbers, hidden data in the computer which will halp you and internet providers do this including codes, passwords that a poster may have to enter.

You will know that I am the real Eurasian and not an impostor because (1) that email address can be traced back to me through my provider (2) An impostor cannot keep up with the various experimentals eurasian posts in the internet and in the radios (3) the impostor does not have the capability to invent experimental solutions like eurasian.

the-eurasian@earthlink.net

You will know that I am the real Eurasian...

Well, I'm not convinced. Are you "Eurasian" or "The Eurasian"?

I sense a disturbing inconsistency in nomenclature. Perhaps you should scan and email me an image of your social security number. ;-)

Ahah. I don't think you are the real ERIC. The real eric will never ask me for my social security number!!!!! One thing I know about the real eric, " HE IS AN HONEST PERSON!!!!"

Augh! The illusion has been shattered. This isn't the real Fire Ant Gazette, nor are you even in the real world wide web. And, now that I think about it, this whole universe thing looks suspiciously contrived.

Come over to the Dark Side, young Anaeurasakin...

Eric

The impostor is afraid to print uin hios post "the-eurasian@earthlink.net"

The impostor is already trembling when the real eurasian@earthlink.net describes the impostor as an IDENTITY THIEF!!!!!

HO HO HO. Looks like the EXPERIMENTAL is indeed WORKING!!!!!!! ATTENTION PRES. BUSH, MIKE CONAWAY, SSS!!!
the-eurasian@earthlink.net

[This reply deleted by site owner. Or, was it?]

Eric

When you click on "The Eurasian" on the bottom of the 10:28am post, does it give the same result as when you click on "The Eurasian" of the 02:15pm post?

There is no 2:15 pm post in my browser.

I think we're dealing either with a rip in the fabric of the time-space continuum, something which I've been predicting for years, by the way, or a typo on your part.

%%% Experimental %%%

I made an error. No, not 02:15 but 02:16PM.

But seriously, it looks like EURASIAN EXPERIMENTAL SCARED IMPOSTOR AWAY !!!!! HO HO HO HO HO. Based on what he wrote, I KNOW WHO EXACTLY YOU ARE, IMPOSTOR!!!!! HO HO HO HO HO.

Actually, Eric, impostor's action is not only in your Fireant website but is now moving at the speed of light into deep space. About 9.3 seconds after impostor posted his post, angels on the sun could see images of impostor typing in his message!!! A hundred years from now, impostor's image typing his message will just be reaching ANDROMEDA!!!!
FACINATING!!!!

BTW, I think one of your fireants just gave impostor a STING!!!!

After reading that, I was sorely tempted to include a couple of replies as "The Eurasian," just to wind his clock.

Gotta give you credit, Eric. You've taken all this remarkably in stride. Most bloggers get really upset at comment section mayhem. I suppose if you log comment IPs, that's the easiest way to tell who's real and who's the imposter.

Incidentally, I ran across this and thought you might find it interesting. They mentioned it " prevents internal loss of power" which got me wondering if you have any wiring shorts or something draining your car's battery.

Well, I wouldn't want to encourage this kind of give-and-take on every post, but it's harmless now and then.

I've seen those solar-powered trickle chargers in several places, and they are probably a good idea for infrequently driven vehicles. But to answer your specific concern, my dead battery was almost four years old and that's about all you can expect nowadays. If I had the discipline to do it, I'd put a reminder on my PDA and buy a new battery every three years, regardless of how it seemed to be performing. That amortizes out to less than $3/month...but the peace of mind is -- how do they say it? -- priceless. ;-)

I would like to see Mythbusters tackle this one as well as some of the other solutions on that site.

Eric, Jack checking in...

As with most things, the simplest solution is usually the best. What's that, you ask?

Buy a new battery every 36 months whether you need one or not.

Period.

This method has worked for me ever since I learned it 20+ years ago. After spending many happy hours attempting to a) jump start, b) pop the clutch in first, c) learning that cars don't respond to verbal threats. Or to kicks.

Jack, you're right, of course. As I point out in an earlier comment, following that principle works out to about $3 a month (probably less if you don't need the big honking V8 version), which is more than worth it to avoid the headache of getting caught with your amperage down.

Always great to hear from you, btw!

Did you see the prize? A real Swiss knife with a built-in UBS memory stick. They even make one without the knife blades, so airline travelers can carry their data with them.

The Swiss USB Flight looks just like a Swiss Army knife, except the case is a translucent red to show the diodes that come on when it is plugged in. Up to one GB storage.

Santa, hear that?

I did not see that! I have seen the Swiss USB thing in a catalog; that's a great prize. I'm sure someday they'll make a Swiss Army iPod shuffle or equivalent, and then perhaps a foldout miniature camera.