The Fire Ant Gazette - A Midland, Texas Blog

What's in a Name?
Category: Society & Culture...
Posted Saturday, November 19, 2005 at 06:02 PM [GMT-6]

I'm looking at a "holiday" shopping catalog, one of those glossy numbers touting some "exclusive" gifts such as

a Jimmy Buffett Las Vegas Concert Package for eight - Price: $30,000

a 1969 Chip Foose custom-designed 620 hp 1969 Camaro and travel package to meet the designer - Price: $190,000

a Hummer H3 Golf Car complete with hydraulic disk brakes and your choice of four colors - Price: $8,998

An inflatable 16' wide x 13' tall projection TV screen with Peavy audio system, perfect for poolside movie watching - Price: $6,999

a set of platinum ear studs made with 10 2/3 carat total weight in diamonds, one-of-a-kind - Price: $158,210

an 82 carat diamond wreath necklace, made with 155 pear-shaped diamonds set in platinum - Price: $263,574

Have you guessed the catalog? Neiman-Marcus? Nope. Gump's? Huh-uh. Tiffany? Nyet.

It's from none other than those good old boys right down the street at your local Sam's Club, where you can buy Pampers and hand lotion in pick-up bed sized loads, along with everything you need to stock your candy machine and storm cellars.

Now, I'm not a marketing expert, and I've certainly never had 200 large to drop on a bauble, but I somehow think that if I did have that kind of dough, I wouldn't be trekking down to Sam's to spend it in this magnitude. In fact, it would likely never even occur to me that I could get these things at a Sam's Club. (Does your average millionaire -- and I'm talking annual cash flow here, not 401K/home equity/comic book collection balances -- spend any time thumbing through a Sam's catalog?)

I also can't help thinking that the fortunate recipient of one of the above gifts, especially one of the jewelry persuasion, would much rather be able to brag about it coming from one of those exclusive names mentioned above. But, maybe that's just me.

Perhaps if Sam's Club is able to provide the same level of savings on these high-end items as on the more plebian bulk commodities it's better known for, the smart money will, indeed, get spent there. I'm just skeptical about their success in attracting those eyeballs in the first place.

Oh, by the way. While I don't have a wish list posted on this blog, I can assure you that my pride is sufficiently held in check so as not to be offended in the least if you decide to bestow one of these splendidities on me out of the sheer goodness of your heart. Feel free to use the money you save to buy yourself something nice, as well.

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Comments

SIMSCALEH*

*that means sitting in my Shaker chair and laughing extremely hard.

Posted by: Jim at November 19, 2005 06:39 PM

I was going to say something, but after Jim's comment, I find I've completely forgotten what it was.

I can't stop trying to pronounce "simscaleh"...

Posted by: Brian at November 19, 2005 07:12 PM

Yeah, that Jim's a distracting guy, sometimes.

You were probably going to say that this was the most brilliantly conceived and expertly written post in the history of blogging.

Thanks a lot, Jim.

Posted by: Eric at November 19, 2005 07:51 PM

You're absolutely right. When I think Sam's Club, it's usually (always) in conjunction with the 2000 roll pack of toilet paper, not the same place I want to be buyin' my diamond wreath (?!) necklaces.

Posted by: Gwynne at November 19, 2005 11:50 PM

Maybe it's just me, but when I try to pronounce, "SIMSCALEH" it sounds like a dirty word.

I imagine that there are a lot of millionaires shopping at Sam's Clubs. After all, most people can't afford to buy a years' supply of toilet paper or dog food at one time. But I rather doubt even the most frugal millionaire man has the nerve to present his wife with a $200,000 diamond necklace from Sam's. After all, he probably didn't get that wealthy by being that stupid.

Posted by: John Peter Smith at November 20, 2005 01:51 PM

Now, if Sam's was really on the ball (and had good lawyers), they could provide fake receipts from one of those other hoity-toity joints to complete the illusion.

Hey, I think I just invented a new work-from-home business...Fake Receipts R Us.

Posted by: Eric at November 20, 2005 02:01 PM

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