Counting Words...Even When They Don't Count
Category: Just Plain Silly...
Posted Saturday, December 17, 2005 at 04:52 PM [GMT-6]

Remember when you were in [junior high] [high school] [college] [graduate school] and you had to turn in a report containing at least X number of words*? The ability to pad a report without seeming to has always been a valuable but largely out-of-reach skill for students.

Sometimes, this approach even crops up in certain non-scholarly products. I'm sure most columnists never resort to padding, but I'm no longer willing to give all journalists a pass on this, not after reading this newspaper report about yesterday's brief snowstorm. This excerpt seems to smack of the art of padding in all its redundant glory:

This time last year, temperatures ranged from the upper 50s to 60s, Murdoch said. Changing weather conditions is one reason for the difference between this year and last year, experts said.

The weather fluctuates in this region and when a cold front comes through, it knocks temperatures back down to normal or below normal, which is typical for this time of year, Murdoch explained.

OK, let me see if I've got this straight. Temperatures differ in time because of changes in the weather. Check. The weather fluctuates, although that's a phenomenon that may be limited to this region. Check. Temperatures fall when a cold front comes through. Check.

Class dismissed [with apologies to Christopher].

*I can't remember how we accomplished this word counting bit without the help of Microsoft Word. Talk about living in the dark ages!

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Comments

I'd like to add that the weather either changes or it doesn't.

This is why I call my Internationally renowned site..... Weather Talk© The Journal of the Mundane.

Posted by: Wallace-Midland, Texas at December 17, 2005 06:42 PM

"I can't remember how we accomplished this word counting bit without the help of Microsoft Word. "

As someone who remembers doing reports with this requirement, I used the approach perfectly described by Rodney Dangerfield in "Back To School".

Rodney the millionaire is running his college career like a business, including paying a team of employees to do his schoolwork. One of his subordinates hands him "his" psychology report for review. Rodney doesn't even open it. He weighs it cautiously in his hand...

"It's too light. It feels like a 'C.' Bulk it up and add a few multicolored graphs."

Words to live by, folks. No teacher ever bothered to count the words in an 17 page paper if the "minimum" was 5 pages/ "x"# of words.

Posted by: Mr. Freen at December 17, 2005 07:24 PM

Of course, I don't think I ever knew a student who was motivated enough to write a 17 pages paper when only 5 were called for. ;-)

I think teachers learn very quickly not to use "page minimums" as their assignment criterion. Can you say "quintuple spacing"?

Posted by: Eric at December 17, 2005 08:56 PM

Normally they just included "double-spaced and half inch margins" in their list of requirements, along with the word count or page minimum.

You'd be surprised about student motivation, though. I learned the "padding" trick by observing several females in the class. On one occasion I had the opportunity to read a couple of their heavily padded "A+" reports and compare it to my very diligently researched (yes, really) though slightly over the minimum "B+" paper. The reason for their success was immediately obvious. Not one of their papers was under 11 pages, on an 8 page minimum.

Freens in their larval stage learned very quickly to consider the time wasted padding out a 17 page paper as a guaranteed investment for an "A" which could later be used to secure the far more valuable currency of parental approval and privileges.

It's a particularly effective tactic as it misleads the teacher into wrongly believing the student actually cares about the subject and falsely concludes this is due to their ability to "guide young minds" or some equally self-congratulatory rubbish.

I'm reasonably sure it still works, (unless you're in Mr. Siegmund's class and he catches you as he did here).

Posted by: Mr. Freen at December 17, 2005 10:21 PM

My assigments were normally measured my pages. Courier font was my friend.

Posted by: Christopher at December 18, 2005 08:32 AM
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