Super Bowl Extra Large...with Fries
Category: Advertising... Sports (Pro/College/HS)...
Posted Sunday, February 05, 2006 at 01:16 PM [GMT-6]

Gosh, is it time already for another Super Bowl? It hardly seems like basketball season is over. Well, anyway, one of the longstanding traditions here at the Gazette ("Published continuously since 2002") is to pretend to imbue the Ultimate Football Game with significance far in excess of its grasp (Cowboys running back Duane Thomas was rarely accused of having moments of clarity, but he did nail it when he asked the immortal question, "if it's the Ultimate Game, why do they play it every year?"), and blog about the more interesting aspects of the event. Those are, of course, primarily the commercials.

In a neverending effort to imbue this blog with significance far in excess of its grasp, we're introducing a new commercial rating system this year: the Ant Rating. The Ant Rating will be assigned to every commercial which falls under the baleful Gazette eye, and will give you a clue as to the reaction you should consider if you see the commercial again in the wild, so to speak.

Here's the Official Ant Rating Key:

Ant Rating:

One ant signifies a commercial that was obviously influenced, if not completely designed and executed by the advertiser's Human Resources Department. Be advised that viewing of this commercial will likely induce narcolepsy, with occasional outbursts of nausea.

Ant Rating:

A commercial meriting two ants was likely signed off on by Howard Dean, meaning that while one viewing won't kill you, the fun will wear off pretty dang quickly.

Ant Rating:

Three ants indicates an ad with good creativity or eye-catching production values, but not both. Think of it as dressing Jessica Alba (or Clive Owen, for you ladies) in a burkha: the overall effect is, well, sub-optimized.

Ant Rating:

Four ants is starting to edge into memorable territory. These commercials are why you tuned into the Super Bowl to begin with. Think Mastercard's "Badger the Lost Dog" series, or the AFLAC duck.

Ant Rating:

This last category is the Mt. Everest of TV Commercial Achievement. Frankly, I don't expect to give out any of these, but it's nice to have it around in case grade inflation rears its ugly head.

OK...that's it for the pre-game show (don't you wish the real thing was this short?). Hope you'll check back here starting just before kickoff -- if I can figure out when that will be -- and then weigh in with your own comments and opinions as the game progresses.

As for the game itself...I don't think the Eagles stand a chance.

Technorati tags: Super Bowl | Super Bowl Commercials