Light Me Up
I will eventually get around to posting a report about our family reunions (although it occurs to me that family reunion reports are probably about as interesting as posts about dreams [not that your dream posts are uninteresting -- far from it; they're like angelic cotton candy in every respect -- but I don't have the gift of dreamwriting, and mine come out all "...and then I looked down and - whoa! - no pants!" and, really, who wants to read about that?] so the challenge will be to find those tidbits that are poignant-yet-piquant without overlapping into saccar... sachari... saccerhi... sugary sentimentality) but I have to share this touching anecdote that illustrates why blogging can, literally, save a life.
There was an interesting little package in the mailbox upon our return and after we got unpacked and semi-reorganized I tore it open to find the thing that's pictured at right: a package of Bob's Milchschokoladen Stäbchen, the literal translation of which is "Bob's milk chocolates rod" but which in American English you've no doubt figured out mean's "Bob's Chocolate Cigarettes."*
I immediately identified the sender...as do a few of you, I suspect. If you've been paying attention, you saw Julie Neidlinger's cry for help regarding her sad addiction to these Coffin Nails of Cacao. Being the selfless, empathetic type who is always willing to take on the burdens of others, especially when chocolate is involved, I counseled Julie that -- strictly for her own good -- she needed to dispose of the vile things, preferably by sending them to me where they would no longer be a threat to her well-being. I never thought she'd actually do it, but it shows that she's serious about taking back control of her own life, and I applaud her for it.
If the truth were known, I suspect many of you are carrying a similar burden and I'm going on record right here and now as being willing to provide the same kind of therapeutic solution that Julie wisely availed herself of: if you are enslaved to that Demon Chocolate, you should put your hand on your TV set -- no wait, that's another script...just a minute -- you should immediately forward that chocolate to the Gazette where trained professionals will dispose of it in such a way as to negate its danger to society.
*We're still trying to identify the insidious "Bob" (if that's his real name); we haven't made much progress other than to pretty much rule out Julie's own Bob. Although it would make a great O. Henry-esque type of story if that's who turns out to be behind the chocolates rod.
Technorati tag: chocolates rod
On the other hand...
You'll get my chocolate when you pry it out of my cold dead hand, Tex.
Posted by: Jim at October 2, 2006 06:01 PMHe's gotta give it a go at least hehe. Good try Eric!
Posted by: Rachel at October 2, 2006 06:25 PMBeth, I salute your perceptiveness. However, I feel bad for many others who I know would like to emulate my selfless qualities and yet they simply don't have The Gift.
Then there are those who haven't yet come to grips with the fact that the first step in solving a problem is admitting that they have one. *cough*Jim*cough*
I know that Rachel would gladly give up those Twinkies for me. Well, if she had any left. ;-)
Posted by: Eric at October 2, 2006 07:03 PMEric, I meant to bring you a bag of Hershey Truffles Saturday
but alas, I ate them before I realized what I was doing! So good
Oh, now that's just cruel! And here I almost remembered to bring you a Fire Ant coaster. ;-)
Posted by: Eric at October 2, 2006 07:28 PMAre these covered in powdered sugar so that they "smoke" when you smoke? I'm sure those come with a warning label. Better you send them to me. I'll dispose of them properly. ;-)
"Bob's Milchschokoladen Stabchen" sounds very Parisian.
Posted by: gwynne at October 2, 2006 08:02 PMNice try, Gwynne. Isn't there an old Croatian saying that goes "don't try to teach your grandmother to suck eggs"? ;-)
"Bob's Milchschokoladen Stabchen" sounds very Parisian.
I dunno. I thought it sounded more along the lines of "Moe's Orthopedic Surgery Clinic."
Posted by: Eric at October 2, 2006 08:11 PM...don't try to teach your grandmother to...
Oh, c'mon, I never said you were thatold. ;-)
Posted by: gwynne at October 2, 2006 09:16 PMWhy weren't they melted? Were they mailed with dry ice? Wasn't the interior of your mailbox hotter than chocolate's tempering point of 85?
Posted by: Phyllis at October 2, 2006 10:48 PMEric, when you were a little kid, did you ever make "home-made snuff" out of cocoa powder and sugar, and put it into discarded snuff tins? My little boy cousins did, and no one thought a thing about it (except for the mess in the kitchen). They'd walk around with a "dip" of cocoa snuff in their cheeks and practice spitting. Do little boys still practice spitting?
Anyway, can you imagine what would happen today if someone saw a child pretending to dip snuff?
Posted by: Deborah at October 2, 2006 11:02 PMPhyllis, there may well be a solid mass of chocolate inside that package; I haven't actually opened it, and probably won't, because it's such a cool-looking thing. Julie brought them back from her trip to Europe, so they're the real thing. Whatever that means. ;-)
Deborah, the chocolate snuff thing sounds pretty good, but we never tried that. We limited ourselves to the shredded cedar bark (from fenceposts) in cigarette papers...which was much more effective in preventing the desire to smoke tobacco than any PSA on TV. [There was a *very* brief period when I both dipped and chewed, but never saw the appeal of continuing it as a habit.]
Posted by: Eric at October 3, 2006 06:36 AMI feel like such an... American when it comes to chocolate and beer. I mean, you pitch peanut butter in with chocolate (Reese's) and I'm enthralled. Toss some peanuts in chocolate (Mr. Goodbar) and I'm amazed.
But you start calling it LiebfraumilchbitteentschuldigensieStabchenKonzert mit Hazelkuchen und Lederhosen, and I lose interest around the seventh syllable.
What else would you expect from an idiot who would drink American beer, right?
Posted by: Bret at October 3, 2006 07:36 AMI think I'm going to have to start charging commenters by the syllable. Pixels don't grow on trees, you know.
Posted by: Eric at October 3, 2006 08:25 AMBut you start calling it LiebfraumilchbitteentschuldigensieStabchenKonzert mit Hazelkuchen und Lederhosen
Hmmm...Love Woman Milk Please Excuse Me y'all Stabchen concert with hazel cake and leather pants.
Don't know what kind of chocolate you're buying overseas, Bret...not sure I wanna. :)
Posted by: beth at October 3, 2006 09:16 AMPardon, I had a slight translation error:
Love Woman Milk Please Excuse Me y'all Cigarette concert with hazel cake and leather pants.
Yeah, that makes it better.
Posted by: beth at October 3, 2006 09:18 AMOk, on researching since Stabchen wasn't ringing bells in the dusty recesses of my high school German classes, I looked it up, it's actually the word for "small staff"
So...I give you Love Woman Milk Please Excuse Me y'all small staff concert with hazel cake and leather pants.
What do you mean slow day at work?
Posted by: beth at October 3, 2006 09:24 AMI'm just impressed that Bret knew all of those words and how to put them together in a sentence. ;-)
Good work translating, Beth...that's hilarious!
Posted by: gwynne at October 3, 2006 09:37 AMI've written most of David Hasselhoff's hit singles, so mein Deutch ist sehr gut.
To save Beth the trouble, that last bit means, "I'm full of it."
My goal was to create a word that would defeat all attempts at word wrap, but my fingers got tired.
Posted by: Bret at October 3, 2006 04:50 PMHeh.
Posted by: Julie at October 4, 2006 12:05 AMAbout the publisher
Random Abbye photos...
"Glove Box Stories" is Back!
Eel on a Wheel
Meteorological Musings
Random Thursday
Is stupidity the Net effect?
More Invaders
Back Yard Birds
Book Review: "The Year of Living Biblically"
Sometimes, you get lucky...
June Sunset
It's Official...
Google's new favicon rocks the design world
Give the Gift of Flame
The Incredible Shrinking Math Skills
The Neighborhood:
West Texas Blogs:
[Midland unless otherwise indicated]
Other Texas Blogs:
The Business:
The Church:
The World:
Eric, this last little bit of selflessness has pushed me over the edge and I must take the time to say: You're a giver. I hereby and forthwith nominate you for the next Nobel Peace Prize. Because seriously, if taking chocolate off someone's hands isn't the noblest form of sacrifice, I don't know what is.
Posted by: beth at October 2, 2006 05:51 PM