Dodging Disaster
Category: Kitchen Sink...
Posted Friday, March 16, 2007 at 01:45 PM [GMT-6]

Did you ever suffer a mishap, and someone said to you, "well, it could have been worse," and you just wanted to smack them?

Well, I experienced that this morning, although the twist was that I laid that cliché on myself, and for once, I agreed with it.

It began innocently enough when I decided to polish my black ropers. I shine my shoes about as often as the Dixie Chicks play Midland, partly because it's a bore but also because my usual footwear consists of running shoes, flip-flops, and casual loafers. But, last Saturday evening I had polished a couple of pairs of dress shoes in anticipation of some upcoming events, and I noticed that the shoeshine brush sent little black specks of old polish all over the dressing table in our bedroom, which is where I normally take care of this task.

Remembering that minor mess, and not wanting to endure the rather chilly weather of the back porch (the alternate Polishing Location), I elected to go into the garage. I set up shop and eventually had the ropers shining again. Then, for unfathomable reasons, I decided that they needed more work. I decided to apply edge dressing to the soles and heels.

Have you ever worked with edge dressing? Nasty stuff. It's really just dye, but it has the annoying characteristic of drying too quickly when it lands where it shouldn't, and taking forever to dry when applied to shoes, so that you have to find a safe location to park the shoes to ensure they won't leave indelible marks on everything they touch.

Anyway, it had been a long time since I'd used the dye (you can see where this is going, can't you?), so I shook the bottle vigorously according to the instructions, and popped the cap -- and black dye exploded all over the garage. It splashed my shoes and jeans, it peppered the Durango which was parked close by, and it formed a permanent puddle in the middle of the concrete floor.

I was quick enough to grab a rag and clean the car; everything else could stand the stain. As you can imagine, I was not a happy camper. But that's when it occurred to me, what if I had not decided to break my usual routine and go into the garage? Yikes!

Of course, the lesson is clear: leave the shoeshines to the experts. And wear flip-flops as often as possible.