Random Thursday
Contemplating the prospect of a stormy day in west Texas while wondering about the true significance of "Class 5 Flushing Action."
Caution: The following presentation contains material of a poopish nature. Reader discretion is advised.
- Isn't it amazing in this age of enlightenment that used car salesmen still seem to believe that yelling at us through the TV screen is an effective marketing technique?
- Following almost seven years of empirical study, I've come to the conclusion that the likelihood that a dog owner will pick up after his or her pet is inversely proportional to the size of the dog. This is rather disheartening to those of us who own small dogs, not to mention hazardous to the unobservant park walker.
- And what's the deal with owners who let their dogs poop right in the middle of the sidewalk? I blame cell phones, but that's an untested theory.
- Quick, for 20 points, in which movie is the planet Crematoria referred to?
- If you decide to buy this gun, make sure you request that the dealer demonstrate how to reassemble it after taking it apart for cleaning. Why? None of your business.
- Have you ever put a locking knob on a closet door and then realized that because the hinges are on the outside, your presumed security measure is easily defeated? Well, friend, you need a security stud (Save your comments for the debriefing. And save your comments about that comment for some other venue.). Good luck finding these in your local hardware store, but you might be able to get them from a keysmith. They're really simple to use, and will eliminate the easy opening of a locked door by removing the hinges. I'll leave it to your imagination -- which for some of you is already running wild -- to discern how they work.
- And, finally (yay!), I'll end on a symmetrical note by wondering what was going through the mind of the person who drafted the jingle for a local company that includes the phrase "...the name that needs no repeating," which is then immediately followed by two repetitions of that name?
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Thursday.
Friday morning marketing meeting at We-Sell-It Used Cars:
BOSS: Boys, we need a new commercial. Apparently people are being to ACTUALLY hate us for our last commercial, which, as per the used-car salesman law, has played 10,000 times this month alone.
MARKETING: Well, we've been thinking, and this is what we've come up. What if you get closer to the camera than you should, yell really loud - to get everyone's attention - and flail your arms and/or other limbs in a goofy and generally ridiculous fashion to show people you're SERIOUS about our service and prices? Then you can walk past some of the cars in the lot and explain how the prices are so low even YOU can't believe it. Then end it with, "Come down and see us, you'll be happy you did," and hold the pose until we cut away.
BOSS: Wow, that's brilliant. Let's do it.
Posted by: kyle at March 22, 2007 11:18 AM"beginning" -> not "being"
Posted by: kyle at March 22, 2007 11:19 AMMy point by point reactions:
- Boy howdy.
- Indeed. My corollary: why do people feel it's ok to leave dog poop in a yard of people they know have pets? I scoop my yard. Now I have to scoop up after them too??
- Hm. Haven't seen that. Knock wood.
- Transformers?
- Tee hee.
- No. But if you ever go into a home improvement store (where you can do it! We can help!) and ask where stud finders might be, dont' be surprised if the grizzly old man at the customer service desk asks in a laconic drawl, "Now why would you need any help with that?"
- Clearly nothing.
Happy THursday :)
Posted by: beth at March 22, 2007 11:40 AMRobert, I considered that approach, but I'm all about overspending and overcomplicating. Besides, didn't Foxworthy say you might be a redneck if you ever made your own security studs?
Well, Kyle, it doesn't sound so back when you explain it like that.
Beth, if the grizzly old man at my Home Depot ever makes a comment like that to me, I'll smack him.
And, no, it wasn't Transformers. Well, as far as I know, not having actually seen that movie. Or TV show. Or whatever it is.
Posted by: Eric at March 22, 2007 01:28 PMI like how your warning about content of a "poopish nature" is followed immediately by a comment about used car salesman ads. ;-)
Posted by: Gwynne at March 22, 2007 01:29 PMWas it? Gee. How, um, coincidental. ;-)
Posted by: Eric at March 22, 2007 01:32 PMOk then...Chronicles of Riddick? Or perhaps its predecessor, Pitch Black? Though I'm thinking Chronicles.
Posted by: beth at March 22, 2007 03:36 PMYes! We have a winnah!
Posted by: Eric at March 22, 2007 03:48 PMCool. 20 points for meeeee!
Both such gloriously cheesy movies. Ah how I enjoy them. :)
Posted by: beth at March 22, 2007 04:08 PMI respectfully beg to differ. Pitch Black was a first-rate sci-fi thriller that should be in the collection of anyone devoted to the genre. Chronicles ratcheted up the cheese factor considerably, and only True Believers like you (and, well, me) should add it to their collections.
Posted by: Eric at March 22, 2007 04:13 PMSomehow, "security stud" and "closet" conjure up thoughts that are better left unposted. Where's that delete key... oh, darn!
Seriously, I want to know what is IN the closet that requires such measures!
And the jingle -- Mr. Plow?
Posted by: Bret at March 22, 2007 04:41 PMSeriously, I want to know what is IN the closet that requires such measures!
Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to, you know, make you watch used car commercials until your eyes bled, or until supper, whichever comes first.
Mr. Plow? Sorry, I don't watch The Simpsons.
Posted by: Eric at March 22, 2007 04:47 PMWait. If you don't watch the Simpsons, how did you know that Mr. Plow was from the Simpsons? If it is, that is, cause, um, we dont' watch them either. Nope. Never. Never at all. :)
Posted by: beth at March 22, 2007 07:47 PMAbout the publisher
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You can make your own security stud by installing a longer screw, leave the excess sticking out, and cutting the head off. Of course you will have to use vise grips to remove it in the future.
Posted by: Robert at March 22, 2007 11:09 AM