I'm really glad you wrote about this, because I just thought it was my family. When I was a kid, we used to go to all the family reunions. On Mom's side, these were pretty sporadic, but Dad's folks were regular as clockwork and some of the second cousins had some land with a little lake and a picnic shelter where we gathered every year.

In the mid-90s I joined my dad in working on the family genealogy, mining the internet and the microfilm collection at the Dallas library to fill in information he couldn't get to. I remember how I couldn't wait to fly back for the family reunion to share all the new stuff we'd uncovered, only to discover that most of my cousins and quite a few of my dad's siblings didn't even show up. The ones that did show didn't seem particularly interested in being there.

It was a completely different scene from the ones in the '60s, when the adults would spend all day laughing together, telling stories, playing lawn darts or horseshoes, and having a good time. Lots of hand waving, and did I mention laughing? The kids ran around, played the usual picnic games organized by some of the women, and paddled around the lake in a couple old boats. But not in the '90s.

I went back a second time, a couple years later, but it was worse. Many of my grandparents' generation—the ones who knew one another from childhood—had passed on, and without them to provide the glue to hold the family together, the rest just didn't bother to get off the sofa, put together a dish of baked beans, and come sit around the picnic shelter for a day.

It made me sad.

I have to say it's the same in our family. So you're (sadly) not alone. However, I place the blame fully on our developing "culture" -- if the nuclear family has no bearing or relevance, why on earth would the extended family matter? If the majority of families can't be bothered to eat dinner together even once a week, why would they take the time and expense to travel to see people they haven't seen since the last time they were forced to? It's sad, but I don't see the trend reversing any time soon.

It sounds lovely and I'm glad those times are enriching for you, even if the events themselves are shrinking.

The value of reunions may be strongly effected by perspective. My own extended family has never done reunions. I wish I could say that I'm sad about that or diminished in some way, but I don't think so. There was a fair amount of past family drama (trauma) on both my mom and dad's sides and it is no doubt for the best that we don't see each other much if at all.

My immediate family, however (me and mine, my brother, my sister and hers, and my parents), gets together all the time. On Memorial weekend we gathered once again and it was lovely and special like it always is. Those frequent small reunions are frankly the only ones I need or desire. I am confident that my siblings, and certainly my parents would say the same.

Well, hey, at least there is some family to gather. Ours is quickly diminishing and we are far from our cousins. But we all stay in touch,so that's a good thing.

Jim, certainly each family has its own dynamic and history that shapes it and the way the members interact, and what works for one isn't necessarily ideal for another. Your family's arrangement sounds like one that everyone is comfortable with. My point was that when you find that arrangement -- whether it's a big annual formal affair, or a small occasional informal gathering -- it seems important to keep it alive, and that takes some work and attention. At some point, your kids and those of your sister will be old enough to decide for themselves whether to continue to participate in those family gatherings. Will they feel the same way about them as you do now? That third generation seems to be where the traditions start to become fuzzy.

How jealous I am. Despite dwindling numbers and apathy there is at least some connection with most of you. I have cousins who won't talk despite my approaching them. The only immediate family I can talk with is my sister. To my knowledge there has been no family reunions on either side and my father would not talk to his sister. For me family is becoming those we are meeting since moving to West Tex seven months ago. Hey Eric, I suppose you're my brother.

Yeah, well, I've decided that I'm going to stop talking to you, too.

Just kidding. That's what brothers do. ;-)

That's a good point, Eric, about my kids and my nephews. Time will tell.

I guess the whole feel of these family gatherings of ours is not that of an event (and I obviously can't say whether or not yours have felt that way). The one family reunion we did have, years and years ago, definitely felt like an event. What we do usually feels like an afternoon out (or, in the most recent case an overnight trip). For now, it requires minimal effort and dedication and my kids look forward to it. Especially since Grandmom often takes them shopping. They love Kohls.

Well, ours really have to be "events," since the families are spread across hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of miles. Informal drop-in gatherings aren't practical, as I have yet to be able to convince any of them to invest in a Learjet. ;-)

I blame global warming. It's irrelevant, arrogant, and untrue, but it makes me feel better to blame it on something other than me and my priorities.

Eric, Bob...go sit in the corner until you can think this out. Then go apologize.

Boys.

I swear.

They're always trying to one-up each other.

Oh...wait...did I say that?

;)

But...but...he started it!

Well, not really. But he could have.

I think family reunions have gone the way of traditional church. You have to have BIG entertainment to get them there. No more just good food and fellowship.

We still have reunions on my husband's side of the family. He's one of the 'older' generation now, but we have a pretty good attendance comsidering none of them have many children or grand kids. They all love to tell our kids and grand kids about things Charles did growing up.

Hope we see you this weekend.

That's a good analogy, and probably a good explanation. It's a sad day when home cooking no longer draws a crowd. On the other hand, you're more likely to get KFC and catered barbecue than Grandma's pot roast and bundt kuchen at today's reunions, so that might be part of the problem. ;-)

We're planning to see you in FS -- looking forward to it!

I believe this has much to do with the Gen-X mindset and the ever-diminishing span of attention. Seems like kids noawadays can't sit in the back seat for a 10 minute ride to school or the grocery store without having a DVD to watch.

So heaven forbid they have to cope with a 5-10 hour road trip. Mercy me! And to think - we mustered the fortitude to do those several times a year when I was a kid. Why? Because we were given only two options:

1) Sit back there and keep quiet; or

2) Get your butt busted and then still have to sit back there and keep quiet.

(On a very related note, I've about decided that ADD (or ADHD) is an illness that we, as a society, have actually created behaviorally.)

Rob, you forgot the third option: get out of the car and run down the shoulder of the highway until you're so tired that you no longer have the energy to act up.

Not that that ever happened to me and my brother. I've just, um, heard stories.

Is the cup half full, half empty, or conveniently disposable? I prefer to look on the bright side and celebrate those who were there. Didn't someone famous say 90% of success is "showing up"? YLB's dad said that the annual reunion should continue until the only one in attendance is the president (of that year's reunion). The faithful few attendees ranged in age from 7 to 90-something, and I adore each of them. I'm grateful that my children love and adore them and look forward to seeing them. One can only imagine the banter carried on between the two elderly sisters as they shared a room together. They may have giggled, painted their toenails and called boys on the phone. Well, I know for sure that they giggled. Alot.

Didn't someone famous say 90% of success is "showing up"?

But if 90% don't show up...?

Aw, don't mind me. I'm just upset because no one brought deviled eggs, despite my plaintive pleas. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)