The Fire Ant Gazette - A Midland, Texas Blog

Random Thursday
Category: Random Thursday...
Posted Thursday, June 21, 2007 at 06:49 AM [GMT-6]

Reaffirming the inherent value of white noise, even of the pixelized persuasion, I offer the following for your snoozing pleasure:

I just found the new issue of Mountain Biking Magazine laying on a side table, under other important publications like the TV program listing and an old Crutchfield catalog. (MBM nowadays comes bundled with Bicycling Magazine, apparently because nobody will read it, otherwise.) One of the cover headlines is Go Faster Without Pedaling. Yeah, it's called "driving."

I noticed that the sports page in our local newspaper is sporting a new story category. Alongside of "Major League Baseball," "Track and Field," and "NFL" we now have "Felony Roundup." (I suspect the sports department is having a little fun with us.) It's a sad commentary on modern life that (1) there are enough stories to fill out such a section and (2) they don't even have to resort to misdemeanors.

And speaking of misdemeanors, this morning's paper carries a report of a naked man walking through our neighborhood yesterday evening. (I have an alibi, so put that thought to rest right this minute.) He was arrested somewhere on Boulder Street, just south of Loop 250. Boulder is just a block or two from the Gazette Global Headquarters and Manufacturing Facility. What's notable is that the story made a big deal out of the fact that he was "in the neighborhood" where Parker Elementary School is located. Well, not to defend anyone crazed enough to expose that much flesh to our newly-hatched mosquito population – although, frankly, we've all done it, haven't we? – but Parker is a half mile away, across a drainage ditch the size of the LA River, and school has been out of session for several weeks. It just seemed to be some unnecessary arm-waving about a felony that almost was.

I shudder to think what this might do to the Gazette's search engine traffic, but on a windless day disposing of the remains of a fully-grown Hindu can take six hours and 500kg of wood. That's according to this article in The Economist. This poses a pretty significant problem for India's environment:

With around 8.5m Hindus expiring each year in India, these pyres exact a huge environmental toll. By one estimate, they consume around 50m trees a year, producing 500,000 tonnes of ash and 8m tonnes of carbon dioxide.

Why, that's the equivalent of the carbon footprint of a month's worth of jacuzzi baths for Al Gore. (Oh, man – there's another unfortunate Google phrase.)

In closing, let me remind you that according to the Texas Mileage Guide, it's 391.9 miles from Midland to College Station. The significance of this number, and others of even greater magnitude will be made clearer later on. In the meantime, I'd appreciate if you'd start rounding up your spare change; I'll provide mailing instructions.

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Comments

So...wouldn't it cost more to mail you change than the change is actually worth? I know! We can all round up our change, turn it into Amazon gift certificates at the little thingys in the grocery store and then...spend them on ourselves. I was all set to mail them to you but then I realized what I was saying. Sorry.

And I have to say, I've never contemplated the carbon footprint involved in disposing of Hindus. Thanks for that.

Posted by: beth at June 21, 2007 10:03 AM

Naked Man Sighting - "DON'T LOOK ETHEL!"

College Station - Will be heading near there alot myself to the Kolache Capital of Texas.

Posted by: Bleu at June 21, 2007 10:52 AM

Beth, I believe that your definition of "change" is too limited.

But in the spirit of compromise, just send me all your money and I'll make change. ;-)

I've never contemplated the carbon footprint involved in disposing of Hindus. Thanks for that.

No problem, ma'am. Just doing my job as a citizen journalist.

Bleu, I forgot about kolaches! There's always a silver lining. Too bad I won't be able to afford to actually buy one.

Posted by: Eric at June 21, 2007 11:12 AM

you wouldn't be thinking about a 391.9 mile bike tour would you???

Posted by: lyle at June 21, 2007 01:33 PM

Uh, well...yeah. That's it! It's a fundraiser...care to donate? I figure $50/mile (roundtrip) ought to just about do it. ;-)

Posted by: Eric at June 21, 2007 01:48 PM

On my recent foray into Al Gore's carbon footprint, I learned that Al Gore's footprint is reduced by his heavy investment in carbon futures. So, you see, it's okay to burn through the ozone layer as long as you're willing to pay for it. I sure hope the Hindus are paying their fair share. ;-)

Posted by: gwynne at June 21, 2007 03:34 PM

Al's an inspiration to us all. I'm just glad he's not a Hindu... (You can fill in your own punch line(s)).

Posted by: Eric at June 21, 2007 03:50 PM

I was kind of wishing Al was a member of a certain roughly 8.5m sized Hindu population.

Well, ok, not really cause it's mean. But it's also kinda funny.

Posted by: beth at June 21, 2007 04:03 PM

But it was too late she'd already been mooned

It appears that there may be a solution to lower the carbon footprint of a cremation.

http://www.gorkhapatra.org.np/content.php?nid=20945

I remember reading a number of years ago about another environmental problem involved with the disposal of corpses in India. Apparently it is considered to be meritorious to swim with the fishes in the Ganges. Alas because of too many corpses in the river there may not be all that many fishes left.

Posted by: soccer dad at June 22, 2007 09:43 AM

I was actually going to do a whole post on cremation-related issues and alternatives, but I just ran out of gas (ha!).

And I think the disappearance of fish is probably the least scary issue associated with the disposal of partially-cremated corpses in the Ganges!

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Posted by: Nona at June 27, 2007 06:56 AM

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