The Fire Ant Gazette - A Midland, Texas Blog

Dogs and Cats
Category: Just Plain Silly...
Posted Friday, August 03, 2007 at 09:05 AM [GMT-6]

Rachel forwarded this via email, and while I'm pretty sure it's been around a while, I still get a kick out of it.

The Differences Between the Diaries of Dogs and Cats

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Now, if dogs and cats were bloggers, dogs would be MySpace users (or Flitter, but I think that's too challenging from a technical perspective) and cats would be using software that they coded from scratch (ha!) but their posts would be encoded using mil-spec encryption.

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Comments

That's hilarious!!

Posted by: Janie at August 3, 2007 09:36 AM

The dog diary is funny but the cat one left me laughing that silent laughter.... you know the kind, when you laugh so hard you can't hear it anymore, and can't breathe either. Yeah. So now I'm off to the hospital to get my ribs x-rayed.

Posted by: Jim at August 3, 2007 01:09 PM

Perfect! And hilarious. I wonder how many people really have cat allergies. ;-)

Posted by: gwynne at August 3, 2007 01:45 PM

fantastic. although i sometimes think it is the cat who has me captive.

Posted by: bill at August 3, 2007 03:11 PM

hey, what were the results of that "seven wonders of west texas" poll? I checked the My West Texas site several times but I evidently missed it.

Posted by: bill at August 4, 2007 08:37 AM

what were the results of that "seven wonders of west texas" poll?

Bill, that's a good question. One of the conditions when I agreed to share the "7 Wonders" poll with the newspaper was that they'd send me the results so I could post them simultaneously with the appearance either in the paper or online. That didn't happen. But here are the final results.

Posted by: Eric at August 4, 2007 12:55 PM

thanks

Posted by: bill at August 4, 2007 06:05 PM

Glad you enjoyed it! I thought y'all would!

Posted by: Rach at August 6, 2007 02:36 AM

My sister-in-law sent me this in my email a few weeks back.

My cat is in agreement.

Posted by: Julie at August 6, 2007 01:24 PM

Julie, this might surprise you, but Abbye agrees with your cat.

I swear she's a feline in canine skin.

Posted by: Eric at August 6, 2007 01:51 PM

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