Do you get a discount on your groceries if the lady at the check-out rolls their eyes?

Does a secretary's wages get docked if a customer doesn't like her tone of voice?

I think the whole arrangement is stupid as it currently stands.

I'm not sure why restaurants are allowed to legally pay servers less than half of minimum wage.

However, that is the case... so:

In my opinion, if the food is delivered to your table you OWE your server 15% for doing their job. Their job isn't to be your friend or even necessarily be nice. It is to carry the food from the kitchen to your table. If your food and drinks get to your table they have done their "job" and deserve to be paid.

Above that, if they provide good service - then give a tip larger than 15%.

If your food is slow, cold, wrong - don't take it out on the server by refusing them their due pay. It may have had nothing to do with them. It was likely a "restaurant" issue. Take it up with the restaurant by speaking with a manager.

If you have a problem a problem at Blockbuster you don't demand a refund from the personal wallet of the person helping you? Why is it considered OK to do that to a server?

Perhaps I should have explained that the eye-rolling was part of a pattern of behavior of that particular waitress. aside from not providing us silverware (necessary to the eating process) she did not check on us, did not bother to write down our order, which came out wrong, and also came on to my fiance in front of my grandmother, practically shoving her over exposed cleavage in his face. Her entire demeanor towards us was that it was an imposition to wait on us. Now this was actually a special occasion for us, and it was pretty much ruined by this girls rude behavior.
Yes I do feel it was right to not tip her as a I would a better server.
And yes the rest of us are penalized if we do not do our job to the best of our abilities. It comes in the form of not getting raises or bonuses.
And yes I do believe that a waiter or waitress does need to do more than just get my food to the table, whether it is correct or not. Good service is why I go to a nice restaraunt.
I have said before that I do agree that waitstaff should be paid at a regular rate - thus a tip really would be that.

C:

Sounds like you did have a bad experience.

Nevertheless, the waitress was there "on the clock" doing her job - even if it was a very poor job of it.

In your situation, my suggestion is that she should have been tipped 15% as a rule.

You then should have spoken with the manager to let them know how unhappy you were with the service.

Otherwise the issue never gets taken care of.

You are right that in other industries we are penalized for not doing a good job. But that needs to come through management, in my opinion.

The restaurant needs to be held accountable for the types of servers they "employee". And that doesn't happen if you just short the server.

I'm pretty sure we all agree that the whole tips-instead-of-salary issue is a huge part of the problem. Unfortunately, as with issues such as replacing the current tax system with a simplified flat tax, or fixing the Texas Rangers pitching problems, the challenges are so overwhelming that nothing will ever be done about them.

...shoving her over exposed cleavage

Well, in some establishments, that usually gets you an extra tip. (Or so I've heard.)

Sorry. I couldn't resist. ;-)

I disagree about the statement that tips are "owed". Convention or not, a tip is a gratuity. And gratuity means "something given voluntarily or beyond obligation usually for some service". So it's not "owed". What servers are owed is the hourly wage that they agree to work for when they accept the job. On the other hand, American convention indicates that, regardless of service, you tip between 10 and 15%.

Now, I have no problem adhering to convention. However - if servers are "owed" a tip, then customers are "owed" a few things from the server as well: friendly, courteous, quick, and responsible service.

No matter how bad your day is, don't take it out on your customer. No matter if I'm only ordering coffee and dessert, give me the time that it takes to tend to me so that I'm not flagging people down trying to get water. Or silverware. If you're in the weeds, communicate to me that you know you need to check on me but that you're trying to take care of other tables...it's amazing how much a little courtesy on the part of server can do - in the form of "Just one second and I'll be right with you" as they breeze by even - to calm a customer who feels ignored. I would say that, tip or no, a customer is owed the above because if all the customers go away, your prospects of getting even a lousy tip just went down considerably.

i guess, to me, the issue comes down not to "owing" somebody for a job, but to one's own heart.

how sad is it that my pride has taken over to the point where i can freely say: "you haven't pleased me to my full potential. i am withholding my money from you."? in the long run, they may not even care about my extra $8. they may not need my extra $8. instead, i've only embittered my own heart towards them.

i do not care about my own comfort and worth enough to feel so slighted that i actually withhold what i was planning on giving them anyway. i walked into that restaurant planning to give them AT LEAST 15%, maybe more if the service was especially excellent. i didn't plan on giving them a 15% tip because i OWE it to them, but because i PERSONALLY want to be a blessing, and that does my heart good. as if i couldn't afford that extra $8 anyway. the vast majority of the money i spend will be on the meal anyway; how stingy we are over a few measly bucks.

to me, it just reeks of: "because you didn't please me to the fullest extent, i am going to show you how important i am by punishing you. i came here planning on giving you an $8 tip, but here's $2 instead. feel my wrath. mwhahaha!" i would much rather say, "you know what? you stunk as a waiter/waitress. but i'm going to give you my money just the same, because it's just money, and i don't need it." and believe me, i am not rich and at the end of the month, i may miss that $8... but i'm happy that hopefully somebody is getting some good use from it.

i agree that customers should be treated well, of course i believe that. if i don't feel like i was treated well, i will still tip well, and possibly just decide not to come back to that restaurant.

but, as i said in my last comment (eric's previous post), i was given a Gift that i don't deserve: i am married to a Lover to whom i not only offer terrible service, but am constantly and consistently cheating on, turning left and right, following dead-end paths, but i have been given grace just the same. what right do i have to not give the same grace that was given me?

Kyle, you're a fool.

And I admire you greatly for it.

And for those of you who think I've just insulted Kyle, rest assured that he understands what I mean.

how ironically perfect then, considering the subject matter, is the old saying:

"a fool and his money are soon parted." :-)

seriously, where did all my money go???

We have been known to totally double tip for bad service. We consider tipping almost the same as "sowing"...when we get bad service, we figure there are reasons beyond our control, and that person needs a blessing.

(However, there are times this backfires...at one local eatery, we actually got a reputation for tipping better for bad service - the wait staff would fight over us when we came in...once one of our waitstaff friends tipped us off, we gave that place a rest for a couple of months and broke the cycle.)

9/10 times, the blessing of over-tipping bad waitstaff comes back to us 100 fold...in better service, even a friendship...last week, a young lady ran out of the restaurant to give us hugs.

Absolutely made our day.

Just sayin'.

We have been known to totally double tip for bad service. We consider tipping almost the same as "sowing"...when we get bad service, we figure there are reasons beyond our control, and that person needs a blessing.

(However, there are times this backfires...at one local eatery, we actually got a reputation for tipping better for bad service - the wait staff would fight over us when we came in...once one of our waitstaff friends tipped us off, we gave that place a rest for a couple of months and broke the cycle.)

9/10 times, the blessing of over-tipping bad waitstaff comes back to us 100 fold...in better service, even a friendship...last week, a young lady ran out of the restaurant to give us hugs.

Absolutely made our day.

Just sayin'.

I'm so glad we don't tip over here...

Rachel, I remember you mentioning that (Rachel lives in New Zealand, for those who might not know her), but I'm curious as to whether that's always been the case, or if it's evolved over the years. I assume that your waiters are salaried (at a living wage).

Over here we have a living wage. It's enough to live on. It's always been the case. Some restaurants etc are starting to put tipping jars up but I'm not sure how much they get used and it's not the norm.

We seem to be picking up the American way of doing things. IE. halloween. It's been promoted because the shops saw the money that could be made from it - so started promoting it...