The Incompetent Temporary Bachelor Chronicles: Vol. I
MLB is in another time zone on business, leaving me and the Dog Faced Girl to fend for ourselves, a task for which we each are woefully ill-equipped. In fairness to Abbye, the fact that she's aged, infirm, blind, and lacks opposable thumbs gives her some legitimate excuses that I, for the most part (hold your snide observations) lack.
Take the task of making coffee, for example. Now, one of the things my wife does to ensure that our home is a little bit of heaven on earth is prepare our fancy-schmancy coffeemaker the night before, so that when I arise at precisely 5:26 a.m. and stroll into the kitchen, while she's hammering out mileage on the treadmill I'm dispensing a cuppa joe so fresh it's like a slap in the face from Miley Cyrus.
She makes it look easy, but I'm finding there's more to it than meets the eye. Monday night, for example, I set everything up, carefully measuring three cups of water and four scoops of coffee that would yield my expected three cups of java. I failed to consider the effects of overnight evaporation and water loss during the brewing cycle, and had to resort to sucking on the bottom of a soggy #4 flat-bottomed filter to get my RDA of caffeine on Tuesday morning. If that paints a sad mental picture, I assure you that the reality is worse.
Last night, I was determined not to repeat that mistake, and I didn't. I achieved that goal by grasping at a higher standard of incompetence, as I failed to remember to put any water at all into the coffeemaker.
I can't wait to see what awaits me in the morning. I'm pretty sure that I'm approaching the end of the possible ways to mess up this task, but if things go badly again tomorrow, I'm putting Abbye in charge. She couldn't do any worse.
hmph. Yep, the water-soaked grounds do affect the yield. But don't forget that cups---as in 8 oz measurements---are rarely the same as servings. Your favorite coffee cup may hold much more than 8oz---most do.
It is my responsibility to set the coffee pot the night before, so it will be ready when Husband stumbles into the kitchen. And then he brings me coffee in bed, two hours later (insulated carafe).
Last night I had to grind beans because we were out ordinary canned coffee. So at midnight, I'm inhaling freshly ground Kona beans. And then I had to wait until this morning!
Posted by: Deborah at April 30, 2008 11:13 AMI'll repeat Jim's Starbucks refrain...is it much of a walk? I can never accomplish pre-set coffee either...that is because our coffee maker is not so new-fangled and the coffee comes spilling out in the middle of the night, but 4 scoops to 3 cups of water is bound to produce sludge!
Posted by: Gwynne at April 30, 2008 11:19 AMSenseo ... only takes a minute or two and you get great hot coffee by the cup. You do have to put water in it and a coffee pod ... but thats it and you get that beautiful "crema" on top.
Posted by: Bleu at April 30, 2008 11:26 AMOh, and btw, Starbucks.
At 5:26 in the a.m.? Surely you jest.
But don't forget that cups...are rarely the same as servings.
That's the one area where I was actually on top of things, as I measured two coffee mugs of water into the measuring cup so I'd be accurate on my H2O. When it comes to coffee and chocolate, serving sizes are laughably irrelevant.
The grinding of the bean is also MLB's responsibility; fortunately, she left a full container for my use. I'd hate to think what mischief I could get into with a burr grinder.
is it much of a walk?
Gwynne, unlike where youse guys live, the nearest S$ is a five-mile drive from our house. Anyway, the whole point is to be able to indulge in a fresh caffeinated beverage without having to interact in any way whatsoever with the outside world. Trust me, the outside world isn't ready for interaction with me that early, sans coffee.
We once had an unreliable coffeemaker. We won't speak of its fate; even the demons shudder when they contemplate it.
Posted by: Eric at April 30, 2008 11:28 AMBleu, there's absolutely nothing wrong with our machinery or our procedures. Everything that goes wrong can be chalked up to operator error.
Posted by: Eric at April 30, 2008 11:29 AMI hope tomorrow morning is a complete success---because we depend on you man.
Posted by: Deborah at April 30, 2008 12:50 PMNo pressure there, huh? ;-)
Posted by: Eric at April 30, 2008 01:19 PMIf Abbye gets it figured out, do you think you could have her write up instructions that Cassi would understand? it would be great to have someone else in charge of that chore around here. :)
Posted by: beth at April 30, 2008 02:26 PMHey, Eric, My Favorite Landman is also out-of-town for a couple of days, giving me a chance to add my own pages to the "Incompetent Temporary Bachelor Chronicles" ..... let's meet and have no coffee together!
:-)
Posted by: Jeff at April 30, 2008 02:33 PMBeth, can Cassi read Braille? ;-)
let's meet and have no coffee together!
Heh. Good plan. Although, this sounds like a great opportunity for those boys of yours to learn some useful skills! ;-)
Posted by: Eric at April 30, 2008 02:40 PM5:26 in the am? Surely you Jest
The problem is that you jest get up too early, and stop calling me Shirley.
Posted by: Jim at April 30, 2008 04:40 PMHow long is she away for?
Posted by: Rachel at April 30, 2008 04:48 PMBack Friday, thank goodness!
Posted by: Eric at April 30, 2008 04:53 PMAbout the publisher
Random Abbye photos...
Worst Customer Service Ever?
Texas Bike Builder Gets Big-Time Publicity
Book Review (Sort of): "Blue Like Jazz"
Book Mini-Reviews: 3 Novels
Random Thursday
Leibovitz Phones It In
The Incompetent Temporary Bachelor Chronicles: Vol. I
Al Jazeera visits Midland
Neighborhood Killdeer
My Wife is a Squirrel Mule
Local Company Celebrates Centennial
Random Thursday
Apple's 2nd Quarter Financial Conference Call
Oh, look...
The Neighborhood:
West Texas Blogs:
[Midland unless otherwise indicated]
Other Texas Blogs:
The Business:
The Church:
The World:
Hold the phone, bro! When were you slapped by MC?
Oh, and btw, Starbucks. You can thank me later.
Posted by: Jim at April 30, 2008 11:06 AM