The USPS: We're now 27% more efficient at mangling your mail!

One of my responsibilities as the Reservations Coordinator for the Ballroom Dance Society is to enforce the collection of the surcharge for walk-ins at our dances. This is not an enjoyable task, but it is necessary in order to motivate members to RSVP early so we can include them in the headcount for the kitchen and ensure that there's plenty of food for the pre-dance meal.

At the October dance, I was surprised to see a particular couple appear. I hadn't received their reservation, and since they live 150 miles from Midland, it didn't seem likely that they'd show up unannounced. But they did, and they were equally surprised that we didn't have their names on the attendee list. They were sure they'd mailed their reservation and check in plenty of time (although they gave each other that glance that married couples often exchange – you DID mail the check, didn't you?) but they dutifully (albeit a little grudgingly) paid the fee and $10 penalty. I told them that I'd continue to watch the mailbox for their original check, and let them know if it ever arrived.

Guess what was in the box yesterday when I stopped by the post office after church? Yep, it was their brutalized envelope (thankfully still containing their check), two months late, with a bright yellow label from the post office with the following message printed on it:

Please accept our apology. Mail was missent and/or delayed due to high speed equipment. Opened in error!

I thought the exclamation mark was a nice touch. "We're just as surprised as you! This has never happened before!! We're terribly disappointed in our high speed equipment, and have issued it a stern talking-to!!!"

During this week set aside for giving thanks, I'm especially grateful to live in a country where our mail no longer has to be misrouted or destroyed by hand. I think the Jetsons would be proud.

Comments

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experimental & pursuant to the 5th amendment PROHIBITING GOVERNMENT FROM USING PRIVATE PROPERTY WITHOUT JUST COMPENSATION such as eurasian's solutions to government problems

Let's say I have a solution or some solutions to the processing of mail problem so cost will be much more cheaper than it is today.

How should I be able to dialogue/converse with the postal officials that matter IF THESE POSTAL AUTHORIIES DO NOT COME HERE TO THE WEB AND DIALOGUE WITH US???
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Posted by: the-eurasian@earthlink.net at November 24, 2008 10:57 AM

I don't know, but whatever you do, don't mail them a notice.

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 11:07 AM

I'm sure that Jim will have something to say about this. : )

Posted by: Will Humes at November 24, 2008 12:18 PM

Will, I thought about dedicating this post to Jim.

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 12:43 PM

Alot of mail that goes through the main post office gets "Hometown of George W. and Laura Bush" printed on the cancel stamp area ... My Mother-in-law once wondered why "George was reading her mail?, because it had his name on her mail", I just had to laugh.

Posted by: Bleu at November 24, 2008 01:38 PM

Yeah, that's just preposterous. Everybody knows that John Ashcroft was the only one reading our mail. ;-)

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 01:47 PM

High-Larious!

Posted by: Lynellen at November 24, 2008 04:00 PM

Something similar happened to me one year except it was my federal tax return with check included.

It was sent early because my college student needed it filed to get student aid or something, so there were no penalties and the check was still there too.

I went a bit ballistic because everything anyone needed to steal my identity was there, except my mother's maiden name.

As a result, the post office manager took me on a tour of the plant and showed me how "careful" they were not to let machines eat stuff. I was not satisfied because that didn't explain the mud on the returned bits and pieces I got back.

So. I'm not laughing. In fact, I find I'm still a little ticked off. I must learn how to let go! :-)

Posted by: Donna B. at November 24, 2008 04:09 PM

The surprising thing isn't that this happened to the one couple who had to make a 150 mile trip to attend the event, nor is it that it showed up mangled.

No sir. The surprising thing is that it only took two months!

Can you tell I had a bad day at the post office today?

Posted by: Jim at November 24, 2008 04:21 PM

Jim, I'm thinking that I'd be better off next time just hiring you on a contract basis to deliver this mail. You could drive to Texas, do the delivery, have a few Starbucks, return to PA, and we'd still be ahead by weeks!

Sorry your day didn't go well. Perhaps you and Donna could form an intervention group. ;-)

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 04:37 PM

On the flipside of the efficiency equation, I once had a bet with an Army buddy that I could send my dad a letter (from Vietnam where we were stationed at the time - 1970) with a total address of 3 letters & 5 numbers, & he would receive it in a timely fashion. My fellow warrior, being from NYC, gave me a "yeah - right!" look & took the bet. I mailed the letter to "Ned - 76249", & Dad, being the only "Ned" in our town of around 500 good souls, known & loved by virtually all (just ask cousin Eric), got it about week later. As requested, he took a photo of the envelope & sent it back. Bet won.

Posted by: Marshall at November 24, 2008 04:42 PM

P.S. Just got the return letter yesterday.

Naww - that's a joke.

Posted by: Marshall at November 24, 2008 04:50 PM

...known & loved by virtually all

There are a lot of things – a LOT of things – that Marshall says that you should take with a large helping of salt, but this isn't one of them.

Marshall, I wonder if you could have reduced that address by one more digit, given the unusual name of your home town. I doubt there's another one in the USA. (I'll let you do the research on that, however.)

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 05:07 PM

Same thing happened with some of the tickets for our NYC trip last year. Nothing like spending money to receive something mangled beyond use by the USPS. Just wait till your surgery is managed by the government.

Posted by: Sharky at November 24, 2008 08:19 PM

Took the large helping(whatever happened to "grain"?) of salt you recommended & my BP went up 30 points on both ends. Thanks a lot, Doc!

Did a "quick" (on MY Black & Decker hobby-grade, recoil-rope-start pc? HA! Sleepwalking snails regularly leave it bobbing in their wake turbulance!) Google search & couldn't find another "Krum". A few "Crum's" out there - W.V., Crum Town, N.Y., & Crum Lynne, PA., so your idea just may have worked. I have a gut feeling however, that while the zip code definitely nailed the destination, a search for a "Krum" to send the letter to just may have inspired an early postal incident. Lord knows, we don't need to fan those flames!

Posted by: Marshall at November 24, 2008 09:20 PM

Just wait till your surgery is managed by the government.

At least the USPS has competition that provides some motivation for providing decent service (and, truthfully, I'm 99.9% satisfied with its service).

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 09:20 PM

...my BP went up 30 points...

Dang, I knew we sold our BP stock too soon!

You do realize that you've now been outed as a refugee of Krum, TX, and in a very short while, a Google search for "Marshall" and "Krum" will lead some poor soul right to this here blog-like thing and you'll thus carry the not insignificant stigma of being associated with the Gazette. Talk about unintended consequences...

Posted by: Eric at November 24, 2008 09:28 PM

We *do* have a better than 99% performance on getting 1st class mail delivered on time. Not sure how that stacks up against surgery but it's not bad for moving pieces of paper around the world. The problem is the less than 1% we mess up are always things like your friends' fees.

Posted by: Jim at November 25, 2008 05:01 PM

...but it's not bad for moving pieces of paper around the world.

That's an understatement. I'm continually amazed at what the USPS accomplishes. The sheer volume of mail ensures that we'll always be able to find examples to beat them over the head with, but that shouldn't obscure the fact of their overall efficiency.

Posted by: Eric at November 25, 2008 05:19 PM

Not to turn this into a postal love fest, but I'm amazed too. And we do it every day. It's even more amazing when you consider the type of people we employ (that sounds mean, but it's just a reflection of reality... postal jobs tend not to attract the top of the class, as it were).

Posted by: Jim at November 26, 2008 09:28 AM

experimental & pursuant to the 5th amendment PROHIBITING GOVERNMENT FROM USING PRIVATE PROPERTY WITHOUT JUST COMPENSATION such as eurasian's solutions to government problems

Jim

I don't know if you work for the US Postal Service.

But one main reason why the US Postal Service's cost for first class mail keeps going up is because THE US POSTAL SERVICE IS LIKE THE LEADERS OF OUR CITY OF MIDLAND WHO JUST POUR AND POUR MONEY ON THE FEW "SO CALLED EXPERTS ON THE FIELD."

Years from today, mail sorting will not be like now. All your flatteries about the US Postal Service. You might think that these so called sorting equipment that mangles the mail have reached perfection. BUT THEY HAVEN'T

Also, if Eric's post/title itself CATEGORIZES THE US POSTAL PROBLEM AS "JUST PLAIN SILLY", NO WONDER THE PROBLEM IS NOT SOLVED.

THIS US POSTAL SERVICE WILL BE SO MUCH FASTER, RELIABLE AND CHEAPER IF THE US POSTAL SERVICE WILL TALK WITH THE SMALL PEOPLE LIKE EURASIAN INSTEAD OF JUST TALKING WITH THESE BIG SHOTS. TAKE THE CASE OF THE US ECONOMY. HOW MANY EURASIAN SOLUTIONS ARE NOW BEING USED BY THE FEDERAL RESERVES, THE PRESIDENTS BUSH AND OBAMA AND THE LEGISLATURE? YOU MIGHT RECEIVE "GOVERNMENT MONEY GIVEAWAYS FROM THE PRESIDENT AND GOVERNMENT", FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS MIGHT RECEIVE BILLIONS IN MONEY, BUT SUCH DID NOT COME FROM THE PERSON WHO SUGGESTED TO PRES. CARTER TO GIVE REBATES BECAUSE WHEN THE US HAD A PROBLEM, EURASIAN WAS THE ONE WHO PRESENTED HIS SOLUTION ON THE CRAIG ANDERSON SHOW AND CSPAN ETC AND PRES. CARTER AND THE PERSON WHO SUGGESTED TO CARTER TO GIVE REBATES WERE ALL SILENT.

Posted by: the-eurasian@earthlink.net at November 26, 2008 10:34 AM

postal jobs tend not to attract the top of the class

I assume you're referring to graduating class, making your assertion one with more objectivity than it might at first appear. Even so, I'm not quite ready to take that next leap with you, which seems to be that such employees are inherently less competent. OTOH, you're much more qualified than me to make such judgments.

PRES. CARTER AND THE PERSON WHO SUGGESTED TO CARTER TO GIVE REBATES WERE ALL SILENT.

OK, this is yet something else we can blame on Carter. Excellent!

Posted by: Eric at November 26, 2008 10:46 AM

experimental & pursuant to the 5th amendment PROHIBITING GOVERNMENT FROM USING PRIVATE PROPERTY WITHOUT JUST COMPENSATION such as eurasian's solutions to government problems

COMMENT ON: "Pres. Carter and the person who suggested to Carter to give rebates were all silent."

-----------------------
Pres Carter and the person who suggested rebates to Carter were silent because NONE OF THEM HAD AN ANSWER TO THE NATIONWIDE QUESTION ON HOW TO COLLECT TAXES WITHOUT AN IRS COLLECTOR. HOW COULD ANY OF THEM GIVE AN ANSWER WHEN NONE OF THEM HAD AN ANSWER????

Eurasian however had an answer which was for government to simply print any amount of money, divide such money among the entire population and give each the same amount, FOR EXAMPLE $300 EACH!!! Yes!!! These were my words on the Craig Anderson Radio Show when Bush was only still the Governor of Texas and Clinton was President of the US.

When Pres. Bush gave $300 to some 150 million of the entire 300 million population, that was not a rebate. THAT WAS EURASIAN'S PROCESS OF COLLECTING TAXES WITHOUT AN IRS COLLECTOR.

Pres. Bush had no idea what he was talking about when he said that he was giving a $300 rebate. HE AND HIS PEOPLE JUST PIRATED EURASIAN'S RADIO SUGGESTION/SOLUTION FROM THE CRAIG ANDERSON SHOW IN PRES> BUSH' HOMETOWN OF MIDLAND, TEXAS AND CSPAN. THAT'S WHY WHAT HE GAVE, BUSH CALLED A $300 BUSH REBATE - NOT BECAUSE BUSH KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING BUT BECAUSE THAT $300 WAS EURASIAN'S MOST REMEMBERED $300 EXAMPLE ON THE CRAIG ANDERSON SHOW AND REPEATED AND REPEATED FOR OVER A YEAR ON THE RADIO WHEN PRES. BUSH WAS ONLY STILL A MERE GOVERNOR OF TEXAS.

Eurasian COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS ON CSPAN. FOUR DAYS LATER AFTER THAT VERBAL COMPLAINT, EURASIAN OPENED HIS TV, AND THERE ON NATIONAL TV SAW A DOZEN NATIONAL REPORTERS AND A DOZEN MICROPHONES ON THE PRESIDENTIAL PODIUM IN FRONT OF PRES, BUSH' MOUTH. THE REPORTERS ASKED HIM IF THAT $300 BUSH REBATE WAS HIS IDEA. BUSH WAS SO EMBARRASSED AND WITH HEAD BOWED, GAZE AVOIDING THE REPORTERS, IN A SOFT VOICE WITH SO MUCH PAUSES SAID, "it doesn't matter if the idea is Republican or Democrat, so long as it is American." Then Pres. Bush immediately shifted to another topic because Bush was so embarrassed.

Today, you see the government giving $700 Billion to Treasury Sec Paulson for distribution to certain financial institutions. Ford, Chrysler, GM also want billions of dollars. CITY CORP I READ ALSO WOULD RECEIVE SOME BAILOUT MONEY. Congress plans to give money to the public also. They call these rebates or bailout money, BUT THESE ARE MONIES THAT COME FROM EURASIAN'S SOLUTION TO HOW TO COLLECT TAXES WITHOUT A COLLECTOR.

Posted by: the-eurasian@earthlink.net at November 26, 2008 06:39 PM
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