TDF 2006: Who to root for

Update: I was almost finished with this epic post when I happened to click on a cycling news link, where I was shocked -- shocked, I tell you! -- to discover that the two odds-on favorites (and four of the top five in last year's race) to win this year's Tour de France have just been excluded from the lineup due to allegations of illegal performance-enhancing drug usage. Italy's Ivan Basso and Germany's Jan Ullrich were expected to duke it out for the yellow jersey and now, on the eve of the race, neither will even be on a bike. This blows the field wide open, and makes American Floyd Landis a strong possibility to succeed Lance Armstrong as the next American winner of the TDF. It also may push American Dave Zabriskie into an unexpected leadership role for his team. [See below for more info on these guys.]

But...what a black eye for the world of professional cycling.

The scintillating Beth, while admitting to not being a cycling fan, is at least willing to give the Tour de France a chance, and asks some good questions: ...can you tell me who I'm rooting for? Obviously the Americans but any particular rider?

Tour de France Overview

First, let's get an idea of the scope of this year's event, which is the 93rd in the Tour's history. There are 21 teams listed on the official website; each team has 12 riders, for a total of 252 participants. The 2,261 mile race will be run over the course of three weeks, and is comprised of 20 stages, the longest of which is 230 kilometers/143 miles (Stage 13, on July 15). The shortest is the first stage, known as the Prologue. It's a mere 7.1 km/4.4 miles. The Prologue is a "time trial," meaning that the cyclists are riding against the clock, one at a time, rather than competing head-to-head with one another as in the other stages.

Even though most of the action of the race takes place within the borders of France -- the race begins in Strasbourg and ends in Paris -- the cyclists will venture into the Netherlands, Belgium, and Catalonia (Spain) along the way. Along the way, the racers will pass before a crowd of spectators that will number in the millions, and which in places will be crowded in so tightly on the race course as to permit the clearance of the riders' handlebars by mere inches.

The Contenders

Conventional wisdom holds that this year's TDF is a two man race, with Italian Ivan Basso and German Jan Ullrich duking it out for the yellow jersey. Basso finished second to Armstrong last year, and Ullrich won the race in '97...and finished second to Lance more times than I can remember. Bicycling Magazine says that Ullrich has more issues than National Geographic, which is a colorful way of saying that he's his own worst enemy, and if he doesn't get off to a strong start, he could be a non-factor. Basso can climb like a mountain goat on meth, but he's not a great time trialer. Neither of them is The Total Package, ala Armstrong.

The dark horse, then, with at least a fighting chance is a Mennonite from Pennsylvania named Floyd Landis, who has some amazing physiological traits (like a VO₂ max that exceeds Armstrong's) but whose laid-back attitude makes him the Anti-Armstrong. And there's his best friend, Dave Zabriskie, a guy from Utah who won last year's prologue, wore the yellow jersey for several stages, and then lost it in a spectacular (and quite ungraceful) crash. Landis and Zabriskie ride for different teams, but they train and hang out together. Anyway, Landis is the leader for the Phonak team and as such he'll have a lot of help throughout the race. Zabriskie rides for Team CSC, which just happens to be Ivan Basso's team, which pretty much relegates Dave to the supporting cast.

Other Americans in the TDF include George Hincapie, the only rider who was on Lance's team for all seven wins and who is now the leader for the Discovery Channel team; Levi Leipheimer, who leads the Gerolsteiner team and has finished in the top 10 in the last four Tours; Bobby Julich, riding in support of Basso on Team CSC; Fred Rodriguez, an adept sprinter who will attempt to help teammate Robbie McEwen win the green jersey (for best sprinter); and a couple of other guys I know little or nothing about.

In summary, this is a long answer to a short question...if you feel the need to root for an American, Landis is your best bet, and Zabriskie might be a good underdog bet. But there's always something surprising in store in the Greatest Race on Earth.

Technorati tag: Tour de France

Random Thursday

Before giving me any grief, consider this: what's more random than Thursday showing up on Friday?

• I feel like I've been an absentee landlord with respect to the Gazette. In my defense, I had social engagements on Wednesday and Thursday nights. The one last night was a four-hour affair in which I was required to wear a coat and tie. I did get a free meal out of it, but in my experience, there's almost nothing of a social nature that requires four hours to accomplish. Anyway, it's not just blogging that I've neglected; I haven't even hooked up my new scanner.


• Bryan Murley's got a new blog -- creatively titled "Murley blog" -- which I've added to "The Business" blogroll. Bryan's another of those friends I've never met, and he writes with great insight about all things journalistic. He's also a Texan at heart, even though his profession has led him to Virginia by way of South Carolina.


• The lineup has been released for this year's Rock The Desert music festival, and it includes some heavy hitters like BarlowGirl, Big Daddy Weave, Jeremy Camp, Audio Adrenaline, and Skillet. The big surprise is that they've landed the UK group Delirious?, one of my favorites. As usual, RTD falls on the same weekend as Blogathon, so I'll miss most of it, but I'm assessing the chances that I could catch a 10:00 p.m. appearance of Delirious? on Friday night without destroying my ability to survive Blogathon, which begins at 8:00 a.m. the next morning.


• The Tour de France begins tomorrow, and I had hoped by now to have posted a "why you should care about the TDF" article. That's probably not going to happen, but I do plan on posting my usual insightful dissections of each day's stage, unless I get distracted. Oh, look...a baby squirrel...


• Speaking of Blogathon, donor sign-up is scheduled to open tomorrow at blogathon.org although the site as yet has no indication that it will actually be ready on time. Watch this space for details. But also check back here for some announcements about Blogathon that may be of particular interest to those in the Midland area. Here's a teaser: could it be possible that a blogger and an MSMer could actually find some common ground for collaboration, if the stakes were right?

OK, I'm off to repair a sprinkler head which has decided its purpose in life is to create a facsimile of the Chunnel under our house.

HBTM

Someone* once said, with respect to blogging, that it's not all about you (the blogger). I've given careful consideration to his words through the years, mining that wisdom to the bedrock, and have come to the conclusion that the person who said that is an idiot. Of course it's all about me. Duh.

And so it is that I'm not just privileged but I'm downright compelled to announce that today's my birthday. However, I'm not completely self-involved, not like Ann Coulter, for example, and so I'm happy to share this occasion with the rest of you who, unfortunately, do not have birthdays today. I'm happy to act as a Birthday Proxy for you, giving you the opportunity to feel the joy of my birthday, without actually getting any of the presents.

In my official self-designated role as your Birthday Proxy, I'm pleased to report that you are hereby entitled to enjoy the knowledge that I am enjoying, on your behalf, the following gifts:

• From MLB, an amazing and wonderful Canon CanoScan 9950F flatbed scanner, the first scanner I've had that will handle negatives and slides. She also gave me a copy of SilverFast AI, a powerful piece of scanner software whose capabilities far exceed mine. The only downside I can see to this whole package is that it comes with an implied assignment of finally digitizing the hundreds of decades-old slides that have been slowly deteriorating in our closet.


• Also from MLB, a new Craftsman cordless screwdriver to replace the one that crapped out six months ago and for which I've been pining ever since. This new one comes with a stupefying array of bits, the completeness of which would make MacGyver -- to borrow a phrase from Mel Brooks -- stand up and salute even as he remains seated.


• From my parents, you will be able to enjoy by proxy the following books:
  
  • King Dork, the book that out Napoleons Napoleon Dynamite;
  • Garner's Modern American Usage, raved about by David Foster Wallace; and
  • DOM Scripting: Web Design with JavaScript and the Document Object Model, because blogging and reading novels doesn't pay the bills.
  
  
• From my father-in-law, a very generous gift Barnes & Noble gift card which will enable you to enjoy by proxy our weekly gathering for coffee and dessert and reading magazines instead of buying them.

So, many thanks to the above folks, as well as to those who have been thoughtful enough to adorn my mailbox with ecards of exquisite taste and decorum -- especially the one about cutting the cheese -- and also my best wishes to you for whom I'm generously providing Birthday Proxy services at absolutely no cost. Enjoy!

*Mea culpa

Sunday Sloth

I'm way too busy to be writing this. I'm working on four new websites, and my existing clients have requested massive amounts of updates via every conceivable method of delivery, including email, FTP, hand-delivery, and USPS. One client just dropped off nine (9!) CDs of updates. If the Pony Express still ran, I've no doubt they'd be galloping by and throwing leather satchels full of disks onto my front porch.

In addition, the lawn needs mowing, the floor vacuuming, and the clothes launding. Laundrying. Laundering.

Faced with this unmanageable array of responsibilities yesterday afternoon, I had no choice but to resort to the time-honored strategy perfected by American males everywhere, planted myself in the recliner, and watched seven consecutive hours of westerns on TV.

AMC was running a cowboy movie marathon leading up to the premier of its much-ballyhooed (well, by AMC, anyway) "original movie event," Broken Trail, which stars Robert Duvall and Thomas Haden Church. I turned on the tube in time to catch the final extended gun battle in Open Range (more Robert Duvall, plus Kevin Costner, but it's a fine movie anyway), followed by Viggo in Hidalgo, which I'd somehow never seen (and I remain perplexed by the irony that a culture that so reveres horses would subject them to such a punishing event as a 3,000 mile race across the desert).

The evening concluded with the first half of Broken Trail (I'd provide a link but the website is one of those extraordinarily inconsiderate ones that has the audacity to automatically resize your browser window, and not being content with having taken control of your desktop, it then freezes your browser so as to prevent anything else from occurring, including the completion of the first draft of this post), which is formulaic and features Robert Duvall playing Robert Duvall, a role for which he's eminently qualified and which isn't an unpleasant prospect for the viewer but, really, it's been done before with much better scripts. Still, one Duvall is worth a dozen Costners, and Haden Church makes a remarkably effective cowpoke who knows the value of a good rope.

I mentioned the script, and I'm perhaps overly harsh with it. It really does have some scenes of ranch life that you likely haven't seen before. The opening sequence involving the "cutting" of calves will perplex some city slickers, and the scene where Duvall's character gets hold of a box of "therapeutic papers" ("guaranteed to be free of wood chips and splinters") is an old west vignette not often portrayed in film. Anyway, part two is tonight, and I plan to watch it.

But, until then, I'm really too busy to do anything else, including blog.

Riding Alone

I saw the old man on the tandem bicycle again this week, as I hurried through the neighborhood that marks the beginning of the end of my regular route. I suppose it’s his neighborhood, because that’s where I always see him, pedaling slowly on a bicycle that appears to be decades old, although well maintained.

And I pedal harder, as if doing so will clear the sweat that has unaccountably obscured my vision.

Movie Non-Review: "Cars"

Not a full-blown review, just a few observations from this afternoon's viewing of Cars:

• Obviously, the animation is amazing...spectacular...incredible. But I was also struck by the audio. Not the soundtrack, which was obligatorially eclectic but still forgettable, but by the sound effects. Tires rolling over sand. The glorp of the asphalt paver. The vrerp of an air wrench. It all rang so true. Sound is a bigger part of these movies than I think we sometimes realize, and Pixar works the details like no one else.


• The "One Man Band" short that preceded the movie was excellent and I wonder how much fun the production team has in assembling it. It's all theirs, of course...no human actors whose voices must be synched up before the thing's complete.


• As with X-Men 3, you need to stay through all the credits. It's easier to do with Cars because various animated scenes continue to appear while the credits roll. But there's still a couple of "Easter eggs" at the very end and we noticed a few people didn't stay quite long enough to catch them. Without being too spoilerish, think of some of the great Pixar movies remade to star cars instead of, well, whatever they originally starred. Actually, I'd like to see the credits again, as well, because some interesting names appeared, but too quickly to see in what capacity.


• Overall, this is one of the most enjoyable movies we've seen this year. Yes, it's a glorified cartoon, but don't underestimate the power of a good story well told.

Blogathon 2006 Update

It's official: the Gazette will once again participate in Blogathon, beginning Saturday, July 29, and we'll once again be raising money in support of Midland Fair Havens.

If you thought that this was actually official a long time ago, you might be surprised to learn that my participation was in jeopardy until recently. The Blogathon organization changed the rules for this year's event, requiring that every sponsored charity accept online donations. Fair Havens doesn't yet have that capability on their website, and I wasn't excited about 24 consecutive hours of blogging for someone else just because they had a PayPal account.

But I discovered something wonderful: donations may be made to Midland Fair Havens (and about 800,000 other organizations) via the JustGive.org website. Thus, all the pieces fall neatly back in place for another marathon session of fabulous frivolity for a good cause.

To those of you who made pledges last year, let me once again thank you...and humbly ask you to consider repeating that. And if you're a new Gazette reader -- a blessing on your head, and that of those you hold dear -- it would be great if you'd consider helping us out as well. We have a list of Fabulous Prizes to be awarded again this year, and most of them will be limited to those who make at least a nominal pledge. Who knows? You could be the envy of your breakroom with your very own Fire Ant Gazette coffee cup (in the extra large size).

Anyway, if all goes as scheduled, we'll be able to make our pledges via the Blogathon website beginning July 1. I'll try not to barrage you with an endless parade of snivelling appeals (but you know that Abbye has lost her sight, poor thing, and your pledge would go a long way toward helping her feel better about the world *sniff*), but be prepared for a few gentle reminders.

And here's how you can help immediately: start thinking of some cool things we can do at the Gazette during Blogathon. If you have ideas for contests, or subjects you'd like to see posts about, feel free to send 'em along. I'm open to all suggestions.

OK...not all suggestions. For instance, I won't be strolling through the unlighted backyard at 2:00 a.m. again this year, so you can forget that one.

Technorati tags: Blogathon | Midland Fair Havens

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

Some Texas blues from the King of Blue-Eyed Soul:

Tool Quiz: And the answer is...

Yesterday's "Name that Tool" question generated a few good guesses, ranging from Brian's "it turns something" to Denise's "Al Gore," but, sadly, none of the responses were exactly accurate.

The tool represents the acme (ha!) of specificity; it's a cup hook driver for an electric drill. You may not appreciate this one-trick pony's value until you try hand installing a series of hooks into hardwood...your aching fingers will cry out for just such a tool.

And lest you think I'm the only person in the world who knows or cares about this, you should know that there's at least one other person who wants one. (Although I can't imagine how one might wear out one of these tools. Is there such a thing as a professional cup hook installer?)

We Card...Colors, That Is

This is pretty exciting. I just got a notice that my ColorChecker Mini color card has just been shipped by the manufacturer, GretagMacbeth. I can't wait!

Um, you do have a color card to check the color fidelity and white balance of your digital photos and scans, don't you?

If not, join the crowd. This will be my first one, but it's long overdue. I had never thought about adding one to my gear bag until I received some professionally scanned images from a client, and each scan included color and grayscale cards adjacent to the image. It made adjusting the color range of the images in Photoshop a snap, and helped ensure that the web versions of the scanned paintings more closely approximated the originals.

Obviously, you can't frame most photos to include a color card, but where you have control over the environment -- or when you're scanning an image -- it's generally easy to place a card next to the subject. At the very least, it's a quick and easy way to ensure that the white balance of the images is correct, using the eyedropper tool in Photoshop's Levels command.

These little gems aren't cheap -- $59 for the small one and $74 for the larger version -- and they recommend replacing them every two years in order to assure color fidelity. But it's a small price to pay to speed up image processing while increasing a client's satisfaction level.

Random Thursday

Before we get started, it might be good to remember this quote from Texas Bix Bender: "Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse."

• What's in your goose? - 72 pounds. That's the weight of the spare change in our official household repository, which happens to be in the shape of a goose with a rare skin condition. Have you weighed your coinage lately? Now's a good time to take care of that important financial chore, especially if those coins are what you're relying on for your retirement income. There's probably a rule-of-thumb for computing the ideal coin poundage per predicted month of retirement living; someone should research that.


• If you laugh at the idea of worrying about retirement income (and who doesn't?), you can trundle that spare change to your nearest CoinStar kiosk and deposit them into an iTunes Music card. On top of that, the coin counting is free when you do that...100 pennies out of every dollar goes directly to feed your digital music jones.


• Of all the members of the animal kingdom, Abbye rates turtles dead last on the scale of Interesting Things to Contemplate. I realize that some dogs go wild around a turtle, barking their fool heads off, but she just doesn't see the attraction. And if you think she was blasé when she could see them, you can imagine her boundless level of disinterest now that she can't.
  
  The one at right was inexplicably exploring our back porch yesterday at noon when Abbye went out for her midday constitutional. I went to great lengths to call her attention to the little guy, and she spent about a nanosecond investigating. I guess they just don't smell very interesting, although I have to admit that I've never knowingly sniffed a turtle. I'm not sure that sort of thing is even legal in Texas.


• Employing the kind of obscure logic that's the exclusive domain of seventeen year old boys, The Nephew decided that his summer job this year needed to be one working outdoors...doing manual labor so he could bulk up, get in shape, turn himself into a lean mean teen machine. We're all like, yeah, right, this coming from a kid who would, if he but had the means, hire someone to press the buttons on the TV remote for him (IOW, a typical teen). So, he started work this week for a local fence-building company. His mother came home from her job around 5:30 pm after his first day, and he was already in his pajamas. Ah, he'll live. It reminds us of yet another Bender quote: "Nobody ever drowned in his own sweat."


• It's time to play the newest game sensation that's sweeping America: Name That Tool.
  
  
  

We've got rain in the forecast; time to pray!

Vote for Your Favorite Slogan

Advertising Week is not a period of time but is instead an international conference of those in the advertising industry. Advertising Week 2006 is September 25-29 and will be held in New York City.

One of the events at the conference is the naming of "America’s Favorite Advertising Icon and Slogan." The winners are inducted into the advertising hall of fame. This honor is bestowed based on the results of a popularity contest...and you're invited to vote. Go here to vote for your favorite slogan, and here to vote for your favorite icon.

In the icon contest, there are 26 faces, ranging from Aunt Jemima to the Vlasic Stork. In an unbelievable oversight, neither the AFLAC duck nor the Geico gecko are nominated, which casts a serious pall over the legitimacy of this lineup. (OK, rather than playing true to type and expressing my patented Dismay of Ignorance, I tried doing a little research this time (ha! that's almost a slogan itself) and checked the Past Winners Gallery and found both of those, um, critters included. So, never mind.)

In the slogan race, we see Las Vegas ("What happens here, stays here") and 24 others slugging it out with the Great State of Texas ("Don't mess with you-know-who"). While the latter is a local and sentimental favorite, I sort of lean toward the classic "This is your brain; this is your brain on drugs" from the Partnership for a Drug Free America, due to the many ways it's been used and abused. The Las Vegas slogan will eventually claim that status, but it's just a 'ute compared to most of the others.

Anyway, go cast your vote. It's about time you got to participate in an election where the candidates had some creativity and flair behind them.

Droll Troll

The scintillating Cowtown Pattie sent me a link to this post, wherein the author goes out of his way to insult bicycle riders, particularly those of the recumbent persuasion.

And, just for the record, I [no longer] have a beard.

For those who aren't hep to the new lingo all the kool kids are using nowadays, a "troll" is an intentionally inflammatory statement made online with the express intention of rousing the rabble.

Two Thousand Words

Bougainvillea in our front yard. Both colors of blossoms originate from the same branch. They start out pink and eventually turn white.

Mexican Bird of Paradise Flower of unknown species growing in Fort Stockton. Referred to as "orange bell," but can't confirm the accuracy of that name. Click for larger image.

"Which way are the rafts headed?"

Bill Whittle strikes again.

He promises to be more prolific with his posts, as he begins to craft an entire book on his blog through the summer.

Regardless of which end of the political spectrum you place yourself, his insights are worth considering.

Hat tip: Jen over at Lintefiniel Musing

Scenes from a bike ride

Shutter: 1/1000 sec; F-stop 9.0; Aperture: 6.3;
ISO Equiv. 400; Focal length: 55mm; uncropped image: 8mpxl;
Camera: Canon Digital Rebel XT

Here are some lessons I learned from this morning's ride:

• Never assume that a camera on a bicycle is wasted dead weight;


• Don't underestimate the patience of a pair of burrowing owls perched on telephone lines;


• Likewise, the importance of a good lens and a bunch of megapixels cannot be overstated;

And last but not least...

• Skill counts for a lot in photography, but so does blind luck.

Gone Fishin'

See you next week...

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

Celebrating June while longing for a year-round October:

Random Thursday

Just a few idle thoughts while wondering if "Paradise" is everything al-Zarqawi thought it would be. I suspect not.

• Julie says she's envious of my book reviewing arrangement with a publisher. What she doesn't realize is that some of us would kill to be able to write stuff like this.


• As long as we're being impressed by other bloggers, take a look at Foo's account of his 55-mile bike ride last weekend. OK, you can be impressed with his ride, but what will absolutely blow you away if you think about it is the fact that his wife, Turtle, did the 22-mile route. Big deal, you think? Yeah...let's see how far you'd get on a handcycle, amigo. I'm in awe.


• OK, listen up. Just hypothetically, say you decided that you wanted to climb a tree in your backyard. My advice to you is that before you think about jumping up in the air to grab the branch that you think will be your passage into the tree, pause one second to contemplate what it feels like to have your fingerprints forcibly removed by the rough bark of that branch when you discover that your vertical leap is a bit less than it was, say, twenty years ago. Hypothetically.


• I realize that with respect to the series of Alltel commercials featuring the competition's lookalike spokesthings, the phrase "beating a dead horse" could apply to my coverage. But here's another thing that makes those commercials so fascinating to me: Alltel is succeeding in the improbable task of assigning new personalities to its competitors -- or to their icons, which really ends up being the same thing, and it's apparently succeeding in doing so without becoming libelous. I suspect that T-Mobile, Verizon, Cingular, and Sprint are absolutely seething at the way Alltel is defining the playing field (warzone?). There may be a way to retaliate, but it will have to be played deftly to avoid looking like a crybaby.


• Our electricity bill arrived yesterday from TXU. While there's not a lot I like about those bills, one useful feature is the comparison of the average high temperature for this billing period compared to the same period last year. We who have been sweltering through May and June won't be surprised by this, but the average temp for the 2006 billing was 96° F (35.6° C) vs. 89° (31.7 C) last year. A seven degree swing is pretty amazing; I'm sure Al Gore is dancing a ponderous jig at the news. Maybe he'll come to Midland to make a sequel.


• Just when you thought you were doomed to endure the dog days of sports events, you realize that the start of the 2006 Tour de France is just a couple of weeks away. I'm gonna miss Lance in the Great Race, but, frankly, it'll also be fun to watch a Tour that has a little uncertainty to the outcome. Anyway, here's my advice: bookmark two websites. The first is the previous link to the official TDF joint; the second is the best TDF blog around, the creatively named "Tour de France 2006." If something happened or someone said something related to the Tour and it's not on this blog, then it really isn't very important.


• Psst. Wanna see some photos of bloggers that you know by name but perhaps not by sight? I won't spoil the surprise, but go here to be enlightened.

By the way, tomorrow's FATCR may actually involve a reading of a classic.

"Hard Verse" Follow-Up

Yesterday's experimental post about John 8:42 was a smashing success. It's not that the post itself was anything special, but the discussion and responses it generated were, and I'm very appreciative of you who took the time to share your thoughts about not only that verse, but the greater -- and much more important -- context into which it fits.

I feel your comments are valuable for several reasons. First, studies focusing on that verse are really hard to come by. Your discussion thread will fill in that gap the next time someone is seeking some insights on the web about John 8:42. I think that's pretty cool.

More importantly, not everyone who drops by here is a Christian, and some who are undoubtedly haven't spent much time considering some of the issues you discussed so eloquently. I hope that the comment thread serves to encourage, enlighten, challenge, or even convict a visitor to this site. Who knows what the eternal consequences might be?

Reading your responses to my questions also reminded me of a couple of principles that I sometimes forget when it comes to studying the Bible. I don't profess to be a Biblical scholar, but there are a couple of practical things that help me in that area, and maybe they'll be useful to you, as well.

First, we need to beware of the tendency to bend a passage to meet our own notions of doctrine or theology. Start with the premise that the words on the page say what they say...and then try to figure out the context, and how they fit. (It's harder than it sounds.)

Second, when a verse or a passage is puzzling and seems contradictory, we'll probably discover that we're giving insufficient consideration to the larger context. Scripture does not contradict itself, and if we think it does, we've gotten off-track somewhere.

Finally, regardless of where you are in your journey with and through the Bible, be aware of the opportunities to find gems like John 8:42 that are easily overlooked. Those gems can lead you to places that will enrich you in amazing ways if you're not afraid to wander off the beaten path for a ways.

Hard Verse

If you have a Bible handy, look up John 8:42 (or go here, the source of the following variations of this passage [emphases added]):

As I was reading this passage this morning, via the New American Standard translation, Jesus' words -- "...I have not even come on My own initiative..." -- burrowed themselves into my mind. I've read this chapter and book many times; why have I never focused on this before?

It's a troublesome passage for me, for a couple of reasons. First, it makes the mind-bending concept of the Trinity even more difficult, as it appears that God (The Father) is making Himself (The Son) do something that wasn't His (The Son's) idea to begin with. I know; that's ridiculous. Still...

Then there's the wondering that arises as to why The Son would not have wanted to come...why He might have been required by The Father to come to earth. If God is love, and if Jesus is God, was that love for His creation (that would be us sinful humans) not enough motivation?

Ooooh-kay. I think I've sufficiently set this thing up. Discuss, please. ;-)

New Blog: FireRANT

I'm not a fire ant expert, but I play one in the blogosphere.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Anyway, the Gazette gets a lot of hits from folks searching for information about fire ants. I'm sure they're disappointed when they land here, expecting to get information about how to kill the little demons and instead get photos glorifying them. Or posts about folding fitted sheets.

I feel awful about the misrepresentation. OK, not awful. In fact, I couldn't care less. But, still, I have included at least one link in the blogroll to a legitimate fire ant resource, the Texas Imported Fire Ant Project, hosted by Texas A&M (Motto: "Cows and More"). And, as of fifteen minutes ago, I've doubled the available fire ant resources by adding FireRANT to the roll.

FireRANT appears to be a commercial blog, sponsored by GardenTech, the company that makes Over'n Out Fire Ant Killer, among other things. The blog gives generous promotion to that product, as you would expect, but it also provides a wealth of general information about fire ants, and presents it in a very readable format. I was especially impressed with the post about the apparent impact of Hurricane Katrina on the fire ant population in and around NOLA.

I have no idea whether Over'n Out works as advertised, having never tried it. At this particular moment, our personal homestead seems to be fire ant free. That's almost guaranteed to change, however, and when it does, I think I'll look for that product and give it a field test. Watch this space for a review. And if you're dealing with fire ant infestations (of the non-blog kind), you might want to check out FireRANT.

Beware of Ants - Part 2

I'm pretty sure Scott wouldn't be interested in getting a Fire Ant Gazette coffee mug right about now.

Alltel Ads Continue to Push the Envelope

When I first posted about the new Alltel wireless phone ads that incorporate the competition's spokesmen/women/things, I received a couple of comments to the effect that the ads would be short-lived once those competitors sicced their lawyers on Alltel. My response was that I believe the usage to be legitimate and legal.

I feel somewhat vindicated as Alltel continues to have fun with and expand the ad series, which is designed to highlight its new service that purports to allow you to create a "friends and family"-style calling group that includes non-Alltel wireless customers. They started out by running a humorous and satirical little disclosure before every ad poking fun at their own lawyers while also presumably satisfying some concerns about misuse of other companies' logos. They also added a couple of new ads to the mix, providing the other spokeslookalikes the opportunity to interact with one another (e.g. the Verizon nerd hitting on the Catherine Zeta-Jones lookalike who represents T-Mobile).

But the latest version really gets edgy, especially when you think about it in these terms: the Sprint spokesman (the big guy in the trenchcoat) rips the head off the Cingular spokesthing and uses it for a bowling ball. If that doesn't generate some legal missives, nothing will.

OK, it's a lot funnier on screen than it sounds, although one has to wonder why that guy never takes off his trenchcoat, even in the bowling alley. Since the Cingular "man" is animated, it's just "cartoon violence" and he seems none the worse for wear. Besides, the Sprint guy means no harm; he simply seems incapable of distinguishing between a real bowling ball and an animated-but-featureless head. The really brilliant aspect of the ad is that Alltel has succeeded in poking fun at two competitors without dirtying the hands of its own spokesman (who's as squeaky clean Middle America as Opie Taylor).

I just wish that Alltel's customer service was as effective as its advertising department...but that's a whole other ball o'wax.

Beware of Ants

Deborah over at SanLeon.net -- she of the exquisite Glove Box Stories -- sent me the following photo, taken at a local residence, this afternoon:

I don't know about you, but I'd rather face a Doberman or a Rottie than a mass of agitated fire ants!

Ill Nip For Garcia

Update: In an amazing display of blogging power and in defiance of all known blogging rules, I've deleted the text of this post. Why? Well, (a) it was stupid, and (2) I felt like it.

As to why I don't delete all of my stupid posts, I have no response.

You have me confused with a literate person

For the most part, my arrangement with the Hatchette Book Group (formerly Time Warner Book Group) has worked pretty well. The folks in the Online Marketing group will occasionally contact me with recommendations from its publishers' upcoming releases and give me the opportunity to select any that I want for review purposes. I'm also able to request anything from their current inventory and they'll try to accommodate the request. It's a pretty sweet deal, and one that I don't take for granted.

In fact, I can also ask that they not send anything to me, during those periods where I can't handle a new addition to my reading list (which is the situation I'm now in).

But sometimes things take an unexpected turn. Such was the case last Monday afternoon when the doorbell rang and I got to the front door just as the UPS truck was pulling away, having deposited on the porch the now-familiar tan cardboard mailer containing a new book. That's odd, I thought; I don't recall requesting a new book.

It got odder when I tore open the package and extracted this: Agincourt: Henry V and the Battle That Made England, by Juliet Barker.

My next thought was a paraphrase of Owen Wilson's line in Shanghai Noon II: what in our history together makes you think I'm capable of something like this?

I admit it. I'm not a fan of historical non-fiction. Granted, I'm still engaged in Neal Stephenson's Quicksilver, the action of which takes place several centuries ago admidst actual historical events and characters, but it's still fiction, however realistically the author has painted the context. (And even then, the fact that it's taken me five months to get halfway through the book should tell you something.)

A similar thing happened last year, when an book about a real-life Boston crime family showed up on my porch, unsolicited. I read ten pages and tossed it aside.

I'm sure that Ms. Barker has written an engaging and accurate account of the Battle of Agincourt (the book was published in the UK last year but is just now coming to America); she's a well thought-of author of such histories. And I'm willing to give it the same ten page tryout that I offered the previous unannounced arrival. Just don't hold your breath for a review.

As far as why someone at Hatchette decided this was the book for me, perhaps they made an unfortunate extrapolation from the FATCR that excerpted Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Yeah, I could see that.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

This week's edition of FATCR has a geneaology theme, in honor of the opening of family reunion season.

And, uh, you might want to be sure your lightning rod is firmly planted before firing up the old MP3.

Teaching Lesson

I'm sitting on the floor -- actually, on a large piece of flannel cut in the shape of a bearskin rug -- next to a wall and in front of a small easel, with the remaining 180 degrees of space occupied by fifteen second graders, boys and girls. I've just finished lecturing to them about the contents of the third chapter of the gospel of John, which describes the nighttime meeting of Nicodemus, a Pharisee and member of the Jewish Sanhedrin, with Jesus, as Nicodemus attempts to discern just who Jesus is and what he's offering. I've gone through a rigorous discussion of justification and sanctification, of the concept of atoning grace and salvation through faith rather than works and other fundamental doctrines of our religion, all of which are touched upon in this passage. I feel that I've made an impact on these children with my wise and insightful apologetics, and I know they'll leave different people than when they arrived. I ask if there are any questions, and one little girl sitting next to me politely raises her hand. "Yes, Kim (not her real name), what's your question?" I ask, anticipating another opportunity to clarify important doctrinal issues for her and the other children whose rapt faces are turned to mine.

"Mr. Eric," she sweetly queries, "why do you have so much hair in your ears?"

A month ago, during an extended spasm of illucidity, I agreed to tell a "Bible story" during our church's Vacation Bible School (VBS). I figured that a lot could happen in a month, what with 6/6/06 coming up and the Mavericks in the NBA playoffs. Besides, they told me that I would be telling the story of Elijah, one of the more colorful characters in the Bible from whose life I could surely extract thirty quality minutes to keep a group of eight year olds enthralled. (Or maybe it was Elisha. Anyway.) Then I discovered that I had a scheduling conflict, which they could accommodate (drat!) and as a result I ended up with Nicodemus and Jesus (or, as our pastor likes to call it, "Nic at Night" [and, yes, I wasn't too proud to use it in my own telling]). So, instead of cool chariots of fire and stuff, I had a Jewish legalist who talked about re-entering his mother's womb. I felt a palpable sense of impending doom.

You'd think that by now I would have come to understand that God works in mysterious ways. This morning -- the morning that finally arrived despite my earnest pleading for an interventional Apocalypse -- I received two words, two very unexpected words.

First, as Abbye and I entered the park that part of our morning walking route, one of our church staff members was exiting. He was wearing a VBS t-shirt, so I told him that I was headed that way in a little while to tell a Bible story to second graders. He stopped and said that he'd done just that yesterday and had learned an important lesson: things really go better if you sit on the floor with the kids. Simple, right? It had never occurred to me, but I immediately saw the logic.

Then, as I got in the car to head to church, I got this word in an almost audible fashion from You Know Who: "Whatever it is that you're going to say will be much less important than the fact that you took the time to show up and say it." He was right (duh...); it's a cliché but that doesn't make it untrue: your availability is more important than your ability. It's especially important for Christian men to show up in these kinds of venues, where almost everything is being done -- and done quite well, of course -- by women. Some of these kids don't have dads in their families, or if they do, they don't hear them talking about Jesus and God and the Bible.

So, armed with a minor practical tip from a friend, and a major principle from the Father, I set off as if I knew what I was doing.

John 3 really is a rich passage of Scripture. William Barclay devoted 26 pages in his commentary to the 36 verses that comprise the chapter. It deals with a lot of theological, soteriological, and doctrinal issues, and because Jesus does most of the talking, it's really important to pay attention. (The chapter also contains what is arguably the most memorized verse in the Bible.) But, sadly, it's not the kind of passage that provides a riveting retelling for younger kids.

Nevertheless, I got down on the floor with 'em, talked a bit about Nicodemus's background and why it was so unusual for him to be meeting with Jesus, and then talked a bit about what it means to be born again. And you know what? They paid attention. Sure, we chased a few rabbits -- one boy's response to my question about the definition of a miracle offered up his personal experience of when his grandmother gave him a Sony PlayStation for Christmas, and we talked about how fast you'd have to ride a motorcycle in order to jump the spiritual chasm that separates us from God -- but that's not only expected but desirable.

We mostly managed to stay out of the doctrinal quicksand and stuck with the basics, and the allotted half hour passed very quickly. And, as usual, I came away feeling like I had picked up all the blessings of the morning.

And, for the record, nobody mentioned ear hair.

Random Thursday There, Not Here*

This weeks edition of Random Thursday is being hosted over at Foo's joint.

*It wouldn't be random if I did it every Thursday, now would it?

Bumper Sticker of the Day

I passed the prototypical "little old lady" this morning, driving her big white Coup deVille with the disabled parking license tag and a blue-and-white bumper sticker that made me laugh out loud:

You go, girl.

Jesus: Teletransporter?

Those of us who believe in God typically also understand that since He created time and space, He's not bound by them. I think those characteristics are pretty high on the list of qualifications for Supreme Being. There are a few practical examples in the Bible of how God can control time, but I haven't found so many that show a similar command over space (the dimension, not the, um, general area way up there).

But I was reminded of this while reading in the sixth chapter of John this morning, specifically where John is describing the miracle of Jesus walking on the water. We tend to focus on that amazing feat, which is mentioned in verse 19 of that chapter. However, have you ever really paid attention to what happens next?

Let me set this up for you. Earlier in the day, Jesus had preached to thousands of people at Tiberius, which is sort of on the southwest corner of the Sea of Galilee. This is where He took five loaves and two fish and fed all those hungry folks...with lots of leftovers, to boot. Afterwards, the grateful crowd decided to make Him king (ironic, huh?) and so He made Himself scarce.

His disciples decided they also had somewhere else to be, and so they set out in a rowboat, headed for Capernaum, which is about 10 miles across the lake as the gull flies, up to the north. They had rowed "three or four miles" when Jesus strolled up to the boat, scaring them half to death. But He spoke to them, calmed their fears, and they let Him into the boat...a totally unnecessary gesture to my thinking, since He was obviously faster and more seaworthy than them. And here's where it gets really good. Verse 21:

Say what? At one moment they and the boat were six or seven miles away from Capernaum; in the next instant, they were...there. Is that not the coolest thing? I just wish John had recorded the reactions of the disciples, because I would have been, like, "wow...do that again!"

Next time you're in worship mode and acknowledging God as Creator and Ruler over all that was and is and ever shall be, you might just use this verse to reinforce that reality. I know it helps me to remember Who's in control.

There are other examples of how Jesus tended to ignore what we call immutable laws of nature, such as His apparent ability to make Himself invisible to those who would impose their will on Him before He was ready to permit it. I'll let you research those examples.

Tough day at the office

I'm referring to our church's Benevolence Office, where I reported this morning for interview duty. For the first time this year, we had requests for far more money than our daily budget allowed, meaning that we couldn't help everyone to the extent they needed.

We tried to prioritize the assistance according to our judgment about the level of desperation of each situation, and that's not easy nor enjoyable when you know that you're not just dealing with dollars and cents but with children and single moms and sick dads. Let's see...which do we want do see happen less: someone losing their electricity in this 100° heat, or someone being evicted? Those were pretty much the decisions that applied to every person who came in today.

I went away feeling a little depressed. I'm not cut out for this...but I'm not sure any of us are, and so I'll keep doing the best I can, same as the other folks I volunteer alongside of.

God, have mercy on us all, Your children.

666 So What?

Today's the day when thousands of tatoos become date-relevant, their bearers the human equivalent of a very limited use PDA. Other than that, the significance of today's date escapes me.

I like the way Dr. Jim Denison sums it up in his daily email commentary:

Or, as we like to say, the main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing. And today's date ain't it.

You can read more of Dr. Denison's observations about God, the Bible, and other matters of true significance over at GodIssues.org.

"The Omen" and the IMDB Message Board

The remake of The Omen is set to open in general release tomorrow, and we've all been regaled with the reminders that the date will be 06/06/06. What savvy marketing. Anyway, I saw an interview with Mia Farrow today (she's in the movie) and she says this version is "ten times better" than the 1968 version (and she should know, since she was Rosemary's Baby's mom [that makes her Rosemary, doesn't it?] and thus the expert on all things movie-ish occult-ish). I won't disagree with her math, although ten times zero is still a pretty small number, but that's just me.

Anyway, what the movie has already done is stimulate an interesting discussion over at the IMDB message board, where someone posted a question ("so what will exactly happen when the anti christ comes?") and the resulting replies, numbering in the hundreds so far, range from humorous to sad to weird to shocking, and back again. If you scroll far enough down (or you could just click here), you'll find someone describing Islam's perspective on the anti-christ, something that was new to me.

I'm not sure how to feel about this discussion. I'm glad that people are asking such questions, but the signal/noise ratio in the responses is so low that the question may as well have been rhetorical. And it's a scary thing to contemplate that there are indeed people who get most of their theology from Hollywood.

I suspect that there's an End Times prophecy about that very thing.

Why I hate Mondays: The Short List

1. A garage door opener that doesn't.

Technorati tag: Every five years, like clockwork.

Reunion Report - Wrap-up

We returned home this afternoon to broiling temps, a loaded email inbox, and one badly hacked client message board which I still don't know how to fix.

During the drive home, I saw an amazing scene. Between Sterling City and Garden City (neither one of which are, by the way, if you get my drift) the dust devils were proliferating like something in an alien landscape, and at the top of one particularly large and well-defined whirlwind, a flock (gaggle?) of ten or twelve buzzards were engaged in their own personal funride. They were hitching a ride on the perimeter of the swirling winds, going round and round and moving across the countryside with the mini-twister. It made me wonder if buzzards get motion sick.

Anyway, you can draw your own conclusions about whether it's appropriate to mix a story about buzzards with a report about our family reunion, but I do need to take care of a couple of housekeeping details.

First, in the comments section of an earlier reunion report, the reunion hostess observed that it wasn't "that kind of reunion", and by "that kind," she meant the kind of reunion where talentless hacks performed for a captive audience that isn't especially skilled in feigning interest. What we did get was some quick performances by her children who have inherited her musical gifts:

Did you know that violins come in sizes, like shirts or underwear? I believe the one that M³ is playing is a size 9, but she's about to graduate to a size 10. (I'm sure M⁰ will correct me if I got that wrong.) M¹ is playing a full-sized violin, and M² is playing a "chocolate cello." (See...I didn't know they came in flavors, either. I tell you...you can learn a lot at our reunions.)

But enough of cute, talented kids. What I really want to discuss is where I might find a good personal injury attorney. Thanks to the attractive nuisance and absence of a "You Must Be No Older Than 12 And Not Wearing Flip-Flops To Ride This Toy" sign, I experienced severe emotional and mental trauma, and a possibly disfiguring injury, as shown in the graphic photo below:

If any of my loyal and sympathetic readers can help me get a giant settlement from those responsible for this debilitating -- not to mention humiliating -- situation, then perhaps we can not only share in the proceeds, which I estimate will be in the low two figures, at least, but also likely save others from the same fate at the, um, hands of the Flying Turtle, a demonic contraption no doubt birthed on Mount Mordor.

You can contact me via my direct private line (BR-549).

Otherwise, this was a most excellent reunion, and we'll be doing it again next year in the lovely and sweaty hamlet of Waco. Mark your calendar!

At the very least, fellow bloggers, we could use this post as affirmation that there is potential for a meme featuring flip-flopped feet. You can blame Gwynne, if you wish.

Reunion Report #4

Every family has at least one...

This scary looking guy stands watch over our hosts' front door.

I don't know who the guy wearing the cap is.

Can you tell that they're checking in on the Gazette to see what I'm writing about 'em? ;-)

Below, the kids get a lesson in 42...

Reunion Report #3

Phrases overheard at the reunion:

• I'm just here for the beer.*


• I'm happy to be reunited with you...apparently we were really good friends when we were little.


• How many of those are you going to eat?


• She's the oldest love child of the bunch.


• We've been married for 60 years...20 of them happily.


• I can't believe you played that domino!**


• If you're going to bid it...make it!**


• I'm frequently wrong, but never uncertain.

*Just kidding. Our reunions are alcohol-free. This does, unfortunately, leave us with very few explanations for our behavior.

**We have some very serious 42 players in our group.

Reunion Report #2

I think this speaks for itself:

We may or may not have photos of actual reunionites.

Email Woes

Oh, by the way...even though our motel room has free wireless internet, I'm inexplicably unable to send email. Incoming mail arrives just fine, but I can't make a connection with either of my outgoing mail servers. So, if you've sent me a message since early this morning, don't read anything into my lack of response, other than I'm either a klutz or...well, that's probably good enough.

Reunion Report #1

I'm reporting from central Texas, home of the 2006 edition of MLB's family reunion (on her mother's side). Below is a photo of the back of our reunion headquarters. And, no...it's not a hotel...it's MLB's cousin's wonderful (though that's really an understatement) home.

We're just a few miles away from I-35 but still out in the country. The Leon River is within walking distance, and the nearest neighbor is a quarter mile away. That's probably a good thing, considering the rowdiness of our crew. (Not really. The only rowdiness occurs when the domino players get worked up, and that won't happen until tomorrow.)

Lunch tomorrow is catered barbeque, with the deviled eggs arriving from Weatherford by special courier (ie, the cook). Mmmmm...

No FATCR (And this time, I mean it!)

Due to severe family reunionage, this week's edition of FATCR will occur in the same time slot set aside for next week's edition, which has been sent on indefinite hiatus.

Ahhhhhhhhh...

That's the feeling in west Texas after a rare midday thunderstorm rolls through and drops between one-half and two inches of desperately needed rainfall on a dry and thirsty land.

And, it's amazing how quickly the Llano Estacado responds to rain. Below are photos of my backyard taken just before and immediately following today's showers.

Dang. Now where did I put that lawnmower?

Overachiever

Just got an email from a spammer purporting to teach me how to "Make Six Figures." Ha! The jokes on him/her/it. I already make six figures and I'm working on seven.

The decimals do count, don't they?

Technorati tag: Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be web designers

Random Thursday

[Gee, is it Thursday already? Seems like we just had one, like, a week ago.]

• Someone left a comment on Jen's short review of X3 to the effect that in the original comic...uh, graphic novel...the character of Rogue is a Southern Baptist. I'm pleased to find that my denomination is finally getting some onscreen recognition in the form of a character who sucks the life out of people and steals their powers and, um, well...never mind.
  
  Update: Thanks to David Gerstman over at the always excellent Soccer Dad, we now have exhaustive documentation of Rogue's denominational preferences. In fact, we have have access to the religious affiliation of just about every comic book character you can think of. The internet is a wonderful thing, isn't it? ;-)


• My nomination for "The Most Annoying Yet Common Defect In A Consumer Product - Post-Consumer Paper Category" goes to toilet paper in which the perforations don't go all the way across, so that each detachment leads to the creation of a long and worthless string of tissue. Surely there's a government agency that can deal with this problem.


• We're one month away from the start of the 2007 Tour de France, which isn't much time for French officials to fabricate another bogus doping charge against Lance Armstrong, now that he's been cleared of the last one. Given that success is the best revenge (I just made that up, sort of), some of the cycling pundits are predicting that five American riders have at least an outside shot at winning the big bike race.


• Here's a good Photoshop tip, although I'm probably the last person on earth to know about it. You can simultaneously crop AND rotate an image. After making your selection with the Crop tool, move the cursor outside of the selected area and it will turn into the familiar Rotate cursor. Simply drag the cursor to rotate the selection, then hit the Return or Enter key to complete the action. The resulting image will be cropped and rotated. [This technique is not as precise as using the Measure tool in conjunction with the Arbitrary setting of the Rotate Canvas menu item, but it works well when the result doesn't have to be pixel perfect.]


• Due to the unwavering truth of some natural law which I'm sure has a real name but we'll just refer to it as the Law of Nothing Really Ever Going Away, it's been said that at this very moment, some of us are likely breathing the same oxygen atoms that were once in the lungs of Jesus Christ. That's pretty cool, I think, but it doesn't bear much extrapolation, because at some point you're likely to then understand that you might also be breathing the same atoms as, say, Howard Stern.


• Finally, today kicks off the season of potential destruction and discomfort. No, I'm not talking about hurricane season; I'm referring to Family Reunion Season. Each year, the Gazette is proud to provide as a public service this link to The Relationship Chart, so you can figure out how you're related to that familiar-looking person who brings the deviled eggs.

In closing, I urge each of you to carefully consider your answer when asked to tell a Bible story to a group of second graders during Vacation Bible School.