Kiddie Kops

A while back, several of my fellow bloggers were participating in a meme in which they posted geeky photos of themselves as youngsters. I didn't participate because, well, I've always been handsome and sophisticated and thus had no such pictures.

This was reinforced by the photo shown below, which was unearthed by my wife yesterday as she cleaned out a dresser drawer. It was taken when I was in the third grade, attending Comanche Elementary School in Fort Stockton. The motley crew in the photo comprised the school's Safety Patrol, the name given to the group of boys who were selected to serve as crossing guards on Rio Street, which ran in front of the school.

As you can tell, we were studs. We got wear those funky white helmet liners (most of which had obviously seen better days) and those awesome white Sam Browne belts (complete with Official Badges which we apparently did need), and four of each crew got to carry the Official Crossing Flags -- yellow cloths affixed to white wooden poles (PVC pipe having not yet made its way to west Texas).

Rio Street had the distinction of being the only street in town that had a median, about a block long, and the school crossing went through the middle of that concrete divider. On school days, a team of five Safety Patrollers would solemnly parade out to the front of the school, four carrying the flags and one -- which I recall was designated as Captain, the most coveted of all titles -- carried nothing except the full weight of the authority of the Fort Stockton Independent School District. Two flag carriers would station themselves on the east side of Rio, and the other two would set up on the west side, with the captain in the middle, on the median.

Whenever civilian pedestrians would approach the crosswalk, the captain would assess oncoming vehicular traffic (most kids walked or rode their bikes to school, so there wasn't much, ever) and determined the optimal point at which we could cause the most disruption to the drivers' routines, and called out "Lower the Gates!" (I never understood why they were called "gates." But, then, there were a lot of things about the third grade I didn't understand.) Once the civilians were herded across like the helpless sheep we knew them to be, the call rang out, to, um, unlower the gates. Actually, I can't remember that command. "Raise the gates"? "Lift the gates"?

This photo is somewhat interesting from a cultural perspective. Girls were not allowed on the Safety Patrol. Also, this is a representative sampling of the ethnic makeup of our school...but not of our town. In the year 2000, Fort Stockton's population was almost 65% Latino. I don't think the percentage was quite that high back in the 60s, but it was surely around the 50% mark, and yet the boys in this photo are all Anglo. That's primarily because most Hispanics went to a different elementary school, one that was figuratively and literally "on the other side of the tracks."

However, the photo is valuable to me because of the memories. Many of the boys in the picture were still in Fort Stockton and in my graduating class almost a decade later. I know the whereabouts of many of them today, even though I haven't kept up with any of them.

Plus, the photo serves as a reminder of how handsome and sophisticated I've always been, even if it cost me a chance to participate in a blogger's meme.

Book Review: "The Crimson Portrait"

I can't say that I'm a big fan of romance novels. Can't say that I'm not, either, since I've never knowingly read one (Jonathan Livingston Seagull was as close as I ever came and it doesn't count because it was the Seventies and I was trying to impress someone). So when a review copy of The Crimson Portrait showed up in my mailbox, unsolicited, from Hachette Book Group USA, I was skeptical.

But I was also a bit intrigued, as the introductory letter from Hachette's "marketing specialist" used the word "creepy" in the summary of the book, which partially offset the comparison to The English Patient, a book (and movie) which I've studiously avoided.

After reading the book, I can honestly say that it didn't make me into a fan of the romance genre, but I can give it a recommendation to those who are interested in "historical fiction" or who like their dramas mixed with some interesting medical trivia.

The plot synopsis goes something like this. A centuries-old British country estate is converted into a military surgical facility at the beginning of World War I. The estate's owner was a doctor who was killed in the early days of the war, and his widow – who suffers from a pathological degree of grief – offered her home as a hospital. But this is no ordinary hospital, as it is devoted solely to the treatment of soldiers with severe cranio-facial injuries, injuries so severe that all reflective surfaces have been banned from the estate, so that the victims cannot see the extent of their wounds.

The treatment and repair of such injuries was at that time unmapped territory. The surgeons assigned to these cases had no modern precedents, instead relying upon ancient texts – Chinese, Middle Eastern, East Indian, etc. – and their own intuition and ingenuity to rebuild or reshape faces. Jody Shields, the author, did extensive research into the history of these surgical techniques, and has inserted the details throughout the novel.

But the book explores more than the medical aspects of such injuries. The widowed estate owner encounters a wounded soldier into whom she imbues the personality and mannerisms of her late husband, and she hatches a plan to more fully transform the fellow into a proxy for the departed doctor with the unsuspecting help of the military surgeons and their assistants, including a female artist whose role it is to record the "before and after" of the treatments.

The book's strengths are in its descriptions of the medical challenges of the day and the profiles of the doctors who did their best to shelter those in their care from the horrifying ravages of war. The author touches upon, but doesn't fully explore the extent to which our facial features define us, physically and emotionally, both to ourselves and to those who know us. Unfortunately, the reader is never drawn fully into the story; we're left to be onlookers, but not participants. The novel also has a rather unsatisfying and abrupt end, as if the author lost enthusiasm for the plot or the characters. (Some of the other reviews I read spun this into a positive thing: "you'll want more!")

In the end, even though it's slightly flawed, The Crimson Portrait is still a worthwhile investment of reading time, especially for those who enjoy historical fiction.

Commercial link: Amazon.com

Technorati tags: The Crimson Portrait | Jody Shields

"Got a loose firewire"

Via YouTube, here's one of a series of four parodies of the "Mac vs. PC" ads in which a "Christ follower" encounters a "Christian":

The other three are here, here, and here.

As with the ads this series parodies, there's something a little unnerving about the simplicity of the judgments put forth. Organized religion makes for an easy target, but the issues aren't really as black and white as either side portrays them. Still, they make for good fodder for discussion, and the parodies themselves are first-rate.

And in case you're wondering, the post title comes from Part 4 of the series, the silliest of the bunch.

Tip of the mitre to Chris, who, as a recent seminary graduate and current vocational minister is in a good position to argue both sides of the parodies. He's also a Mac user, so he's got that going for him. ;-)

Movie Review: "Night at the Museum"

Note: The following review probably contains plot spoilers, but if you're the kind of moviegoer that worries about a plot in a movie like this, you really need to get a life. I mean that with the utmost respect, of course.

My wife is off work until next week, so we caught a matinée of Ben Stiller's new movie, Night at the Museum. It's a harmless bit of fluff that has some true entertainment value if you go in with the right expectations.

I'm sure you've surmised the plot by now. Stiller plays a night watchman at the New York Museum of Natural History, and he soon learns that history truly comes to life each night, thanks to some ancient Egyptian magic. He encounters everything from a skeletal T-Rex who "lives" to chase his own rib, to Teddy Roosevelt, played by Robin Williams. (Why Teddy is on display in the Museum of Natural History is never adequately explained.)

Museum is basically a series of gags showcasing Stiller's not inconsequential comedic talents, along with those of Williams, Owen Wilson (as a really tiny cowboy - sort of a mini-Roy O'Bannon from Shanghai Noon/Knights), and Ricky Gervais (as the museum's director). All of the comedy is kid-friendly (and the theater full of mostly young children paid rapt attention to the on-screen action, occasionally providing running commentary that added to the fun of the movie), although there are plenty of jokes for adults, as well. (Stiller's character gently breaks it to the Confederate soldiers that the North won the Civil War, but the South got the Allman Brothers and NASCAR, so it sort of evened out.)

The addition of Dick van Dyke and a feisty-but-looney Mickey Rooney added to the fun of the film from an adult perspective. Another adults-only (in that the kids just wouldn't catch it) moment was early in the movie when Stiller visits the employment agency that lands him the museum job interview, and the employment consultant is none other than his real-life mom, Ann Meara. At one point, desperate for a job lead, he tries to ingratiate himself to her by telling her that as soon as he saw her behind the desk, he felt a real connection. She stares at him for a second, then replies, "I felt no connection." OK, it's funnier in person. (Incidentally, in 30 years, Ben is going to be the spitting image of his dad, not only in looks, but also in posture and build. He needs to enjoy life while he can.)

Based on the fact that the kids in the theater enjoyed the movie, and I got a significant quota of out-loud laughs from it, I'll rate it two-and-a-half whatevers. Take the kids to see it, enjoy some popcorn; it's not a bad way to spend some free time.

Footnotes:

• It's official: I'm old. I handed a $20 to the girl in the ticket booth, expecting to get $8 in change (matinées are $6 in Midland). Instead, she counts out nine dollars and gives me two tickets marked "Senior." Didn't even ask. Just did it. I kept the extra buck. Darn kids.


• Sit through the credits, at least half way, as there are two additional short scenes. One ties up one of the loose ends of the plot. The other is played just for laughs by van Dyke and Rooney. You know, the really old guys.


• The trailer for next summer's Transformers is awesome. Ten out of ten kids in the theater this afternoon agreed. Even the old ones.

Christmas Report: Installment 2

OK, so where were we? Let's see...peace, joy, presents, blah, blah, blah...oh yeah, plumbing.

We have to backtrack to early Christmas afternoon, when some potato peels were fed to the garbage disposer in my father-in-law's kitchen sink. I'm not saying who did it, or what volume was sent down the drain; that's not important and won't be, until we bring it up again at a future family gathering.

Anyway, we all know that while garbage disposers are marketed as being able to, you know, dispose of garbage, their actual function is to keep the federal government's Full Employment Act for Plumbers in effect, and the insertion of anything more substantial than melted ice and not more than eight sesame seeds at one time is a really bad idea.

So, the end result was a clogged kitchen drain. No big deal; happens all the time, especially during holidays, when professional help is unavailable, and the liquor stores are closed, too. We went ahead and ate Christmas dinner (consisting of the traditional brisket, pinto beans, mashed potatoes [peels off, unfortunately], and crescent rolls, the latter suffering greatly at the hands of the Nephew, who eats them by the dozen) and then waited until the Dallas Cowboys were looking especially ugly during another nationally televised embarrassment to explore the possibility that the clog was just under the sink. Which, of course, it wasn't. It never is, but you still have to disconnect all the pipes and get doused with yucky water in order to confirm what you knew all along.

We sent a poor man's plumbing snake (a metal tape measure) down the pipe that ran through the kitchen wall, hoping the clog was nearby. Which, of course, it wasn't. So we quickly reached the end of the very short checklist of Things I Know How To Do When It Comes To Plumbing, except for the last item, which doesn't do you any good on Christmas Day in Fort Stockton, because it's "Call a plumber," and good luck with that. Heck, even Wal-Mart was closed so we couldn't buy and apply the requisite ten gallons of Useless Drano. We were somewhat optimistic that we'd make progress because we were able to send a pretty good load of water down the drain before it backed up again, so chances were that the clog was becoming more porous. Perhaps it would miraculously dissolve. It was, after all, Christmas. Did I mention that already?

So we did the next best thing which was to rejoin the Cowboy fiasco still in progress, biding our time until something more entertaining came on TV. We were just settling into a state of Christmas miasma...no, wait...that's not the right word. Myopia? Misanthropy? Something starting with an "m." Anyway, we were pleasantly zoning out when it happened. Without warning, great gouts of evil black water began spouting up from the double sink in the kitchen, as if we'd tapped the very springs of hell.

Much running around and yelling and waving of arms ensued, by parties varied and sundry, including the dogs, who, while limited by a lack of arms, more than compensated with what passed for yelling. It was a malevolent mystery (more "m" words, except those are right, I think): where could the water be coming from? The dishwasher wasn't running; even we were smart enough to know better than that.

Then I heard that familiar ka-chunk...ka-chunk. I ran into the garage, opened the laundry room door, and -- sure enough -- the clothes washer was busily pumping black water back into the kitchen sink, where it was attempting to re-create an Everglades Christmas. I slammed my palm against the knob to turn the washing machine off, and ran back inside to survey the damage. The kitchen carpet was completely saturated, all the way into the dining room. We rushed out to the workshop and grabbed the big honkin' Sears wet/dry shop vac and I started squeegeeing the water from the floor. Fortunately, the carpet is thin and not laid over a pad, so the vacuum was pretty effective in getting the excess water up; after all, those Craftsman shop vacs will suck the skin off an anvil. After the emergency vacuuming, we set out a box fan and let the dry west Texas air do its thing.

Nobody fessed up to starting the washing machine, and I can't argue with that, since there weren't any clothes in it. All we can figure is that all that water we thought we were putting down the drain and which was moving through the "porous clog" was, in fact, backing up into the washing machine, which at some point, for reasons and by abilities still unperceived, decided that it was time to drain, sending the water back whence it came. If anyone has a better explanation, we'll be happy to entertain it.

It made for quite an exciting Christmas evening, which we capped off by watching the first few episodes from the first season of Northern Exposure. So, things could have been worse.

Well, they actually did get that way, but that's another story for another time.

"Embrace Helplessness"

Jim's posted an "old sermon," one that he preached on a Christmas Eve in a previous life. Go read it. I'm sure Jim is good at delivering the mail, but I know he's even better at delivering the Truth.

Christmas Report, Installment 1

I won't bore you with a whole slew of Christmas photos, even though our families are quite photogenic, as I'm sure you've surmised. But here are a couple of pictures from our time in Fort Stockton.

Caution: Fashionistas at Work

First, the weather on Christmas eve was pleasant enough to permit a bit of gunplay. Lest you think that we're completely uncivilized and uncouth, please note the origin of the paper bag we used to collect the used brass and empty ammo boxes...

PetSmart, Eat Your Heart Out

Second, I assume that you've seen that cute PetSmart commercial featuring the dachshund who loved his real toy. That one was staged. We got the real thing.

That's my mother holding one of her granddogs, Peanut, who was so proud of his Christmas present that we didn't think he would ever let go of it.

Our Christmas was quite pleasant -- lots of good food, cool gifts, happy families -- a time of exceeding joy and peace. Um, well, except for that plumbing thing...

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Eve

Just a quick report from the old homestead in Fort Stockton, where our normal holiday schedule has been rearranged to accommodate a somewhat unusual placement of Christmas on the calendar.

The Siegmund clan normally gathers for a Tex-Mex meal on Christmas Eve, but since that falls on Sunday this year, we've elected to instead have a combined luncheon with both my family and that of MLB in attendance. That led to our moving the Tex-Mex up a day, and in my opinion, the sooner you can eat homemade Mexican food, the better.

The menu tonight consisted of ratones (yeah, that translation is accurate; they're cheese-stuffed jalapeños, battered and deep-fried, and the stems make them look, you know, rodent-like), the traditional homemade tamales (chicken and pork) and burritos, guacamole, chips and salsa, and chili. Dessert was my mother's peach cobbler made with some Fredericksburg peaches saved in the freezer for just such an occasion.

We then settled back for that next great Texas holiday tradition -- football -- as the Division 1, Class 5A state championship game between Southlake Carroll and Westlake high schools was broadcast on TV. Very exciting game, right up until Southlake did the expected and pulled ahead for good with about five minutes remaining in the game.

Think this isn't an intense experience for the players? At one point during the drive that turned the game, the Southlake quarterback paused briefly during the snap count to puke, finished the count, took the snap, and threw a completed pass that led to a touchdown. He then threw up again as he left the field.

Tomorrow's a big day, and I hope you're spending it with those you love. I don't know if I'll have anything posted here other than the Gazette's traditional Christmas tribute, but please accept our wishes for a joyful and blessed Christmas holiday.

Movie Review: "Rocky Balboa"

As usual, there are no plot spoilers in the following review.

Rather than dancing around the ring, shadow boxing and playing games, let's come out punching, shall we? Rocky Balboa is manipulative, implausible, derivative, maudlin, and predictable.

It's also surprisingly endearing, well-acted, highly entertaining and -- forgive me, please -- possibly the "feel-good movie" of the year. It's a satisfying conclusion to a movie franchise that many, including me, had written off a long time ago.

Sylvester Stallone doesn't attempt to play anything but his actual age, and while he's definitely on the buff side of 50, it's sometimes one of those "eww, Jack LaLane in a swimsuit" kinds of buff. He also continues to play a character who is supposedly 5' 11" tall, but the camera doesn't lie, Sly. You need to pick shorter leading ladies.

Nevertheless, Stallone turns in an excellent performance, tempering his trademark Italian Stallion 'tude with genuine tenderness and a realistic portrayal of a man who truly believes that what a man thinks about himself is more important than what others think. There's much fodder here for father-son (and, perhaps, father-daughter) discussions about how one defines success. The rest of us can benefit from the "age is just a state of mind" message that underlies Rocky's desire to climb back into the ring one more time.

If you're not able to leave your cynicism at the door, this movie is perhaps not for you. But the rest of you will be happily surprised, I think, at the pleasure of watching Rocky Balboa. I recommend it.

Footnotes

• There aren't any Easter Eggs in the credits, but do at least sit through the footage of various tourists and residents running up the steps at the Philadelphia Museum of Art to re-create on of the most famous scenes in film history.


• This is a fairly family-friendly movie with minimal profanity and toned-down boxing-related violence. Nevertheless, the climactic fight scene might still cause one to wonder why, exactly, two men find it necessary to beat each other's brains out. Well, except for the money, that is.

Dueling Dingbats

It's been just a day and I'm already sick of the feud between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump. Neither of them are sympathetic characters, although my natural inclination is to side with The Donald on this one since (a) Rosie threw the first punch, and (2) the thought of her being an authority on "moral compasses" is just laughable. On the other hand, while $5 billion will certainly buy a lot of things, it apparently won't buy class, as evidenced by Trump's lame return volleys.

Now, if it was me, here's how the Trump side of the conversation would play out.

Me (upon being informed of O'Donnell's comments) - Um...Rosie who? I don't think I'm familiar with that name.

Them (you know, the adoring press) - Rosie O'Donnell, the actress.

Me - Uh, sorry. I'm drawing a blank here. I knew a Rosie Gillespie, back in high school. Are you sure she's someone I should know?

Them - Well, she's on a very popular daytime talk show, along with some other women.

Me - Oh. Oh! Wait a minute...wasn't she once married to Tom Arnold. I love that guy.

Them - Noooo...that was Roseanne Barr.

Me - Oh. Well, never mind. I guess I don't know her, and I can't imagine why I should care what she thinks. Next question.

OK, it sounded better in my head, but you get the picture. Can a celebrity continue to be a celebrity if she (or he) is universally ignored? I think not.

Just in Time: Some Serenity for the Christmas Season

While intently studying the Gazette's visitor logs -- there's a quiz coming up, you know, and I want to do well -- I noticed that we're number one in Google for a search of "Movie quote I swallowed a bug," so we've got that going for us. (We were also in the top 10 for "interesting dinner conversation," so Google's got a serious credibility problem. I'm not sure what kind of problem the searcher has.)

But that's not important. What's important is that through a series of random clicks, leading past some truly disturbing/vaguely hilarious/shockingly incomprehensible/achingly beautiful/totally irrelevant sites, I stumbled onto this: the Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) version of The Best Sci-Fi Movie Ever Made, Serenity*.

The world would be a better place if it had more MST3K.

Digging the Dirt on iTunes Store "Clean"

In response to a number of comments left on yesterday's post about the odd labeling in the iTunes Store of several songs by Christian rock band Audio Adrenaline, I did a little more exploration of the Store and learned enough to formulate a plausible explanation.

According to the iTS's page about Music Ratings (this link will work only if you have iTunes installed), the "Clean Lyrics" label (represented on iTS as an icon labeled simply "Clean," as seen on yesterday's post) is used "to differentiate the edited version of an album or song whose content has been modified from its original form so that it does not require the Parental Advisory Label." This is in keeping with the RIAA's guidelines on parental advisories.

In and of itself, this explanation still doesn't clarify the labeling of a handful of Audio Adrenaline's songs as "clean," but I looked closer at the song listing and discovered that all of the songs so labeled were taken from various albums and combined into a five song compilation entitled Top 5 Hits: Audio Adrenaline (EP). Thus, a mindless application of the RIAA guidelines apparently requires the labeling of these songs since they were modified from their original release, if only by virtue of their being put in a different lineup than the albums from whence they came.

This also explains why one listing of the song is labeled "Clean" while the original version is unlabeled.

None of this seems logical or helpful, but I can't think of a better explanation.

Of potentially more interest is this paragraph lifted from the above-linked page on the RIAA website (emphasis added):

One might wonder if Apple is violating the spirit, if not the letter, of the RIAA guidelines by labeling this music in this manner, as I can't imagine that the band or the record label would ask for such a label. It would be interesting to know if Audio Adrenaline is aware that some of its music is being labeled "Clean," and how the band might feel about the implication that its non-labeled music is explicit.

"Useless" Time with God

As I've mentioned a number of times, I subscribe to -- and highly recommend -- Dr. Jim Denison's daily email column entitled "God Issues Today." Denison has a gift for putting everyday news items into relevant spiritual contexts, with gentle grace and humor.

Today's column will have special meaning for anyone who wonders if they're the only ones in the world whose "quiet time" with God lacks a certain pious spirituality. I set aside the first half hour of each new day for Bible reading and prayer, and more often than not find my mind racing ahead to the day's tasks, or back to yesterday's failures, or just in circles to chase petty distractions. My Bible is well-read, but generally because my mind wanders and I have to re-read what I just read. My prayers seem to be the same-old same-old, if you know what I mean. I often imagine God glancing impatiently at his watch, waiting for our time to be up so he can move on to more focused or interesting worshipers.

Anyway, in today's God Issues column, Denison quotes theologian Henri Nouwen, who offers some very comforting insights about the significance of my -- and, perhaps, your -- "useless time with God."

Update: I neglected to provide a link to the subscription page for God Issues Today

Deciphering iTunes Parental Warning Labels

A couple of posts back I mentioned hearing Audio Adrenaline's cover of The Little Drummer Boy on the radio. What I neglected to mention was that in the process of searching for the song on the iTunes Store, I ran across something very odd. See if you can spot it in this screenshot:

I didn't focus on it at the time, but the question finally formed in my distracted brain...why did the iTunes Store feel it necessary to label specific songs from an evangelical Christian band as "Clean"?

And does that mean that the non-labeled songs are, well, dirty? (OK, Apple actually uses the label "Explicit" for songs that carry parental advisories.) Gosh, there's even a song entitled "Dirty" at the top of the shot, so that makes sense. Sort of.

Or, given the genre of music, does it really mean that the other songs are explicitly Christian, and perhaps these two are just nominally so?

I'd be interested in knowing just how the iTunes folks go about deciding which labels go on which music.

Too late for Christmas...unless you really hurry!

I just heard that Adobe released a Universal Binary version of Photoshop CS3 (in beta form) last Friday. According to early reviews, it's got the speed bumps those of us who were hesitant to upgrade to Intel Macs were waiting for.

The MacWorld reviewer says that CS3 is remarkably stable for a beta release, and those who want the speed but worry about stability might be comforted by the fact that you can continue to run CS2 on the same machine.

The beta is available as a free download to CS2 users, although at 750 megabytes you might want to set aside a hefty chunk of time for the retrieval.

I'm rapidly running out of excuses for not getting a new computer.

Tool Quiz

We have a winner! Fellow Texas blogger and author of the Glovebox Stories series, Deborah, correctly identified the device as a film leader retriever. For those of you who cut your teeth in the digital photography era, back in the old days cameras used something called "film." If you need more background than that, check with Wikipedia. Anyway, one of the drawbacks to using film is that it is possible to inadvertently roll the film completely into its canister before you've used all the exposures. This little tool allows you to reach inside (in a non-destructive manner, Foo) and pull the end of the film back out so it can be reloaded into the camera. Interestingly, several of you commented on the "clicking" nature of the device, and that is exactly how you can tell when the film is in the right position to be retrieved: the leading edge clicks each time it's rolled past the device, and once you hear a solid click, you roll the film backwards to jam it against the device, close the device over the film, and gently pull it out. With luck (it never worked on the first try for me), the film leader comes with it. It's another one-trick pony of a tool, but it saved several rolls of photos for me over the years.

Update: OK, I can tell that you really don't have a clue, so here's a hint: this device has become practically obsolete due to changes in technology over the past few years. (Man, I might as well spell it out!)

The first person to identify this device and its use will receive untold glory. No, really.

...And a Raptor in a Pine Tree.

I happened to glance out the back door just as a hawk landed in one of the leafless pecan trees across the alley. I pulled out my camera, switched out the short zoom for the 80-200 and hurried into the back yard.

The top photo is an image of the bird steadying itself against the gusty wind. After a few moments, it flew to a nearby pine tree (bottom photo) where it remained almost motionless for ten or fifteen minutes.

I was hoping that the hawk was biding its time, intending to pounce on one of the several little yapping dogs who were protesting my presence in the alley as I snapped a series of pictures, but no such luck. (OK...just kidding. Lighten up, wouldja?)

Musical Miscellany

Repeated iPod Playing: Fool's Paradise by Monday Morning. Wonder of it All (Next Year) is getting a lot of airplay on Air 1, and deservedly so. It's got the catchiest hook since Deeper by Delirious (with even the song title borrowing a phrase from the latter anthem).

Best Cover of a Christmas Song: Little Drummer Boy by Guns n' Roses Audio Adrenaline, as found on the WOW Christmas compilation CD. One of the Amazon.com reviewers refers to it as a weird, punked-out version, but my response is, "and your point would be?" I can't think of a song more deserving of being "punked out," unless it's MLB's least favorite seasonal song, Go Tell It On The Mountain.

The Key to Good Writing

When this key snapped off in the door leading from our garage into the house, it thankfully was a minor incident, hardly worth writing about. Unless, that is, you use your imagination and picture one of the infinite number of scenarios that could accompany such an occurrence.

Of course, merely picturing something is hardly edifying or entertaining to the rest of us. On the other hand, if you were to, say, give us an opening sentence in a novel that had a broken key as one of its major plot elements...well, now we're getting somewhere.

What say ye?

Update: OK, here's my offering...

The blogosphere just got a little more interesting...

...because Janie's now a blogger!

Stop by and leave her a welcome message when you get a chance.

Looking Back

Even though we haven't lived there for thirty years or so, we still subscribe to the Fort Stockton Pioneer, so that we can sound knowledgeable about local news items when we visit our families.

One of the more interesting features of the paper is the long-running "Years Ago" column which highlights items from earlier editions, going back a decade at a time. Many of the names are familiar to us (occasionally, they're even our names), but the oldest of the stories are also quite entertaining and give insights into simpler times. Here's one that appeared in this week's edition, in the category of "90 Years Ago."

This one sent me running to Wikipedia, where I discovered that the Saxon Motor Car Company built cars in Detroit between 1914 and 1922. Their six-cylinder model was introduced in 1915, which meant that the car carrying the Hays couple was relatively new. I suspect that having your new car undergo external combustion would be cause for great chagrin, but Mr. Hays apparently handled it with west Texas aplomb, simply buying a replacement and continuing eastward for seventy miles or so to his ranch.

We're not told what model of "Ford car" Mr. Hays bought, but it likely was a Model T Touring edition, a hand-crank starter model which, according to this website, sold for $360. As with most Model Ts, you could get it in any color you wanted as long as it was black.

The "70 Years Ago" paragraph included this report: The jury also found against the operation of any mechanical device 'that pays one man more than it does another, in money or other thing of value, for the same money.' Can you guess to what this refers?

Peter Boyle Dies

I see that actor Peter Boyle has died in New York at age 71.

Boyle had a long career and even though he's best known for his role as Frank Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond, I prefer to remember some of his earlier and more provocative roles, such as the tuxedo-wearing monster in Young Frankenstein, the prescient insurance salesman in an episode of the The X-Files, or the loony with the messiah complex in The Dream Team.

According to IMDB.com, Boyle was set to appear in two new movies scheduled for release in 2007 and 2008.

Merry Christmas!

Here's what you get when you combine a cool song, some spare time, a fair amount of proficiency with Flash, and an encouraging dose of Christmas spirit.

Anybody know the identity of the group singing this song?

Tip o' the Santa cap to Toni, via MLB

Update: Fellow Midlander Kelly has confirmed for us that the group doing the singing on this animation is none other than The Drifters. You can verify this for yourself by watching and listening to the video on their website.

The Web's most simplest site?

What's your reaction to this?

Hat tip to this coumn in the Wall Street Journal.

What would Annie Oakley shoot?

Would she go for a 40 cal. S&W with slide, trigger and accents in a nice anodized lavender, equipped with a teal-colored tac-light and fitted with a tiger-skin grip inlay?

OK, the real reason for this post is to introduce a Photoshop plug-in filter called AKVIS Decorator. I'll be posting a full review of this software within the next few days, assuming the Firearm Fashion Police don't haul me off.

It's the most busiest week of the year...

The post title really works only if you sing it to the tune of that Christmas song. No, not "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"; that other one. Go ahead, try it; I'll wait for you.

Anyway, I'll bet everyone reading this has one of these weeks each year, and it probably comes around this season, when a whole fistful of events is crammed into a small space on your calendar and you think, "if I can just get through this week, I've got it made..." Which, of course, you don't, but it doesn't pay to acknowledge that.

Realizing that you've got your own scheduling challenges, I still want your sympathy for mine this week, which include: nine hours of volunteering at our church's Christmas Store (free toys for needy kids); one hour of running Abbye back and forth to the vet for a glucose curve; six hours of Christmas parties (assuming an average of three hours each, although one night we have two scheduled simultaneously); one hour of annual dental checkup (I have good teeth); 30 minutes of haircutting (which is twice as long as my inventory merits, but I have a gabby barber); and two hours of dance lessons.

OK, now that I've typed it out like that, it doesn't look so daunting. Heck, I might even have time for a post or two.

Firebug for Firefox

If you like to dabble with website design, I'm guessing that you use Firefox as your browser, and you've come to view the Web Developer extension as the greatest thing since sliced bread. (Perhaps I'm projecting, since that describes me.) But if you've ever wished for an even more powerful add-on to assist your development chores, Firebug may be the answer you've been waiting for.

This free open-source application allows you to browse, edit and debug HTML, CSS, and Javascript on any web page via a browser-based interface. It's currently in beta, but seems pretty stable on my installation of Firefox 2.0. It's also available in a "lite" version for browsers not named "Firefox" (as a Javascript that you embed in the pages you want to use it with...not a particularly elegant solution, but I assume it will get the job done).

One caveat: Firebug works best when you have a lot of spare screen space (it supports dual monitors), as its console attempts to convey a lot of information at one time.

I'm not ready to abandon Web Developer, as Firebug doesn't really fit with the workflow I've grown accustomed to, but it's worth checking out if you're not set in your ways and are looking for a full-featured browser-based development tool.

Technorati tags: Firebug | Web Developer

Movie Review: "Apocalypto"

Note: No plot spoilers are included in the following review, but the "Footnotes" at the end of this post do contain some minor spoilers. Be forewarned.

Think what you will about Mel Gibson and his personal indiscretions, large and small, the man can tell a story. He can also re-create a time and place as foreign as the surface of any distant planet and so immerse you in it that it becomes real, even if not necessarily comfortable.

The directorial and story-telling skills that Gibson brought first to Braveheart and then to The Passion of the Christ are powerfully displayed again in Apocalypto, which opened today to general release. My wife and I attended the first showing at the local multiplex, and we were riveted from the first scene to the last.

As an aside, let me say that I think the way the movie has been marketed is a mistake and will hurt the box office. The grand vision of the end of a civilization is hardly an appealing draw for the holiday movie-going public, and that vision isn't even a central part of Apocalypto's storyline. This movie is much more accessible than that, and it should have been marketed to play up the suspense and action that has an almost universal appeal.

You've no doubt heard the general plot: it's set in central America, presumably in the 16th century, just prior to the arrival of the Spanish conquistadors. On a grand scale, it purports to show the beginning of the end of the mighty Mayan civilization (except that it never really ended...Maya peoples are today numbered in the millions). However, the collapse of an entire civilization is really too hard to capture in an entertaining way in a two hour movie, so Gibson has done the smart thing and made a movie about a small family whose travails provide manageable glimpses of the bigger story.

Is it violent and gory, almost to an extreme? Yes, no question about it. There will be a ongoing debate about whether the brutality was warranted (flashback to Passion). However, based on what I've read about the Aztec and Mayan cultures, what was shown on the screen is, if anything, understated compared to the reality. Human sacrifice was an accepted religious practice, and the source of many of those sacrifices was an extensive population of captives procured through raids and battles. For what it's worth, MLB was not put off by the violence, feeling (as did I) it to be a natural part of the societies and cultures being depicted. You'll have to decide for yourself if you want that kind of reality in your movie-going experience.

At times, the film is inexpressibly beautiful, especially the rainforest scenes. The action is fast-paced and suspenseful, and the occasionally heartbreaking story draws you in so completely that the subtitles are unnoticed. Overall, I rate Apocalypto as one of the best movies of the year, even as I acknowledge that it's not for everyone.

Footnotes (again, there ARE some spoilers in the following):

• I mentioned the subtitles above. One of the things I watch for in subtitled "period pieces" like this is the use of modern colloquialisms or anachronistic words or phrases. There were two in Apocalypto that stand out. One, the exasperated use of the word "mom" by a young bride trying to shoo her mother away from the front door of the hut where she and her husband are trying to make a baby (as demanded by the mother) seemed comfortably endearing; I suspect that every culture, past and present, has an equivalent word and the translation was fine in this case. The second was more problematic, as it involved the use of the "granddaddy of all swear words," if you know what I mean, and while it was definitely appropriate commentary for the scene it accompanied, it just seemed jarringly modern and unnecessary. I wonder about what, if any, discussion took place before they decided to use that word in the subtitles.


• Judging by the presumably accurate depiction of the Mesoamerican peoples, the vast majority of today's body piercing culture are a bunch of pansies.


• One aspect of Gibson's storytelling seemed highly derivative of an earlier movie. The "chase scene" through the jungle borrowed a number of elements from Steve McQueen's escape in the excellent 1973 movie, Papillion


• For those who worry about such things, unless you simply enjoy reading credits, there's no reason to sit in the theater after they start rolling, as there aren't any surprise features. I know you were wondering about that.


• Two separate zoos provided tapirs for the film. (As long as we were sitting through them, we might as well, you know, read the credits.)

"Apocalypto" Now; TSC Then and Now

We're heading out in a bit to catch the first matinee of Apocalypto. I'll try to have a review up later today, if you're waffling about whether to see it, and desperate enough to consider my perceptions in the decision process.

In the meantime, am I losing my mind or has the Tractor Supply Company edited its current Christmas TV commercial, the one where the wifely figurines are discussing the fact that they sent their husbandly figurines to deliver something to the local nativity scene without telling them that they'd been signed up to also appear in the tableau. In the earliest version, the last shot is of the husbandly figurines standing next to the manger dressed as shepherds, and one of them disgustedly mutters under his breath something like "Mabel in a manger." But in the current version, he just grunts his displeasure. Anybody else noticed that?

[I have to admit that the first time I saw the first version, I thought TSC was probably on shaky ground, at least with the PC Police. Perhaps I was a bit prescient. Or, perhaps I've just imagined the whole thing.]

"Avoid the Zune"

I haven't read much about Microsoft's new "iPod killer," the Zune, but rarely have I seen a more scathing product review than Andy Ihnatko's column in the Chicago Sun-Times. And if only half of what he claims is true, the world will be a better place as soon as the Zune is goon...I mean, gone. (I had a Seussical flashback there for a second.)

If you're contemplating buying one of these things as a Christmas gift, you might want to read Andy's take first.

Water on Mars? I can explain...

As we noted earlier, NASA scientists are now speculating that "liquid water" flowed across the surface of Mars as recently as a few years ago. They stopped short of guessing as to the source of that water but at least a few staffers have spoken off the record about evidence pointing to a rain shower that occurred the day after they last washed the Mars Rover.

Random Thursday

Sort of a mixed bag today, including idle curiosity about the origin of the term "mixed bag"...

• NASA claims to have discovered evidence that water flowed on Mars as recently as a few years ago. So, that apparently moves west Texas into the #1 spot as the driest place in the universe. [OK, it only seems that way, as we're getting close to two months without measurable precip.]


• So many blogs, so little time – Had a brief conversation with Gazette Blogathon prizewinner and soundman extraodinaire Jon Wheeler at church last Sunday, and he reminded me of a site I've had blogrolled for a while but hardly ever think to visit. Footnoted.org obsesses over the footnotes to corporate financial statements and brings to light interesting -- or outrageous -- details that we'd otherwise likely miss. For example, a recent entry calls attention to the agreement between Kohl's Department Store and former Chief Operating Officer Arlene Meier who retired from the company last September 1. The agreement calls for the company to pay Ms. Meier's a lump sum of $880,000, but the real value comes in the fact that she will continue to receive the employee discount at the company's store for the rest of her life. So she has that going for her.


• A Norman Rockwell moment - Last Monday morning, as Abbye and I made our way around the park in sub-freezing temperatures, my first notice of the young boy on the bike came in the form of sound, the unmistakable crunch of tires plowing over ice and slush. On his way to the local elementary school, the kid was taking obvious delight in riding slowly down the gutter, back wheel losing traction as he sought the line that offered the slipperiest section of ice. He wasn't making much progress, but he surely was enjoying the ride. Yeah, that's a lesson worth applying elsewhere, isn't it?


• Speaking of Abbye, she had a six month check-up on the status of her Cushing's Disease and the blood tests revealed that it's still well in control. So, what's her reward for being deemed reasonably healthy (for a sick dog)? She goes in tomorrow for teeth cleaning and annual shots, which we'd put off until her immune system was stronger. I'm sure she'll fail to see the irony in all of that.


• On a much more somber note, Janie Snelson emailed to say that local Halliburton employees are mourning the loss of one of their own, a man who was killed in a truck wreck Tuesday night, leaving behind a wife and young daughter. I noticed a short notice in this morning's newspaper, but not recognizing the name, didn't linger over it. It's fascinating how the mention of the name by someone else immediately transforms a dry factual description in newsprint into the story of a family, and a shared bond of humanity reveals itself.

Client Intimidation

This is the "disappearing post" I mentioned earlier. If it causes some kind of cosmic rift, it's all Brian's fault for telling me how to resurrect it from the grave.

I just fired off a solicited proposal to redesign the website of a well-known area art museum, and I'm feeling a little nervous about the prospect. I mean, I know that it appears that I have mad art skillz, but, really, that's a river that's a thousand miles wide and a nanometer deep. Whatever that means.

Anyway, I'm excited about the prospect, and I'm taking some comfort in my philosophy that the design should be about the art and not, well, the design, if that makes sense. After all, some of the most respected art museums in the nation have very approachable websites, and, if nothing else, I'm approachable. (That is, if by approachable one actually means simple.)

Stay tuned...

Dealing with the Ball and Chain

Figured I'd better post this before the distaff side of the blogosphere gets hold of it:

By the way, I'm in, although I'd prefer to substitute chips and salsa for the pickles.

Tip of the Santa hat to Cara...

Fox Bite

It's not a bug, it's a feature!

I'm here to tell you that any feature can be turned into a bug, if you simply apply yourself. Take that handy little "x" up there in the corner of a Firefox browser tab, used to close the tab when you no longer have a need for it.

[You can see this coming, can't you?]

I just discovered the unfortunate consequences of combining an unsaved blog post with imprecise mouse clicking, and as a result, you may never learn the details of The Extremely Intimidating Client.

Update: It helps to know really smart people, and they don't come any smarter than the FoxMeister himself, Brian, from over at BeanQuest, who left the following comment: "If you Ctrl-Shift-T after you close the tab, it comes back, with form fields as they were. Maybe it's not too late! Try it now!" Even though it had been more than an hour since I closed that tab, I tried it and -- voila! -- tab restored! Excellent.

Only now, I have to decide if I was really meant to post that thing after all. I mean, we could be messing with some universal laws here.

Blogger Friends in Need of Prayer

I've been remiss in pointing out a couple of folks who could really use your prayers right now. Jen over at Lintefiniel Musing is confined to a bed due to some possible complications in her pregnancy. The last prognosis was promising, but I haven't seen an update within the past few days.

Of immediate and serious concern is Patti's situation, described over at White Pebble, where just yesterday she received a diagnosis of a cancerous tumor in her esophagus.

I know many of you already read these two blogs regularly, and I trust that you've got both of them on your prayer lists, as I do. And even if you don't happen to believe in the power of prayer, I'm sure they'd still welcome your words of encouragement.

Local Blogger Convocation

I just got back from the big Midland blogger shindig luncheon, and it was quite the affair. In attendance was Jimmy Patterson, Jeff McDonald, and Wallace Craig. Darrell Ward attended as our token media hanger-on; I was going to link to his bio over at KWES-TV, but it seems to be missing. (What's up with that, Jeff?)

A lot of interesting things went on around the table, but I was sworn to secrecy and can't share most of them. I can, however, report that Jimmy ordered shrimp scampi and re-created the climactic scene from Dirty Dancing using the shrimp as the cast. Jeff told us obscure stuff about journalism, and Darrell spoke with a really deep voice. Wallace wore a pink shirt.

Predictably, each of the other bloggers brought their cameras so you'll soon see photos of the occasion appearing at their sites, except for Jeff, who had two cameras but couldn't work either of them. Darrell didn't get the memo, and thus will have to rely on his memory.

I've decided that photographing those mokes isn't all that much fun, so I've relied instead on my keen eye for detail and an innate artistic talent, honed with an advanced degree from the prestigious Art Institute Online, to provide a photo-realistic sketch of our group:

From right to left, that's Darrell, Jeff, Jimmy, yours truly and Wallace. The shadowy figure on the far left is the specter of the Jessica's Well crew; they were invited and we presume were in attendance at another table, disguised as elderly matrons wearing a lot of purple. I can't draw purple, however, so this will have to suffice.

I think it's pretty obvious why an invitation to these luncheons is highly coveted.

Firefox Search Tip

Those of you who've upgraded to Firefox 2 have no doubt already checked out the "Manage Search Engines" option when you click the little triangle in the search box on the tool bar. That option shows you which search engines are installed on your version of Firefox, and also provides a link to install additional search services. In my opinion, this powerful feature is one of Firefox's greatest strengths.

Did you also realize that when you change the default search engine in the tool bar that this carries over to the contextual search feature? That is, when you see a word or phrase on a web page that you want to use as a search term, you can select it, right-click on the selection, and choose the "Search for..." option to automatically fire up your chosen search engine.

Here's where I find this feature particularly helpful. When I write movie or book reviews, I often refer to other films or books. I generally try to link to those movies via IMDB.com and to the books via Amazon.com. With the Firefox search feature, I can write the entire review without getting distracted with embedding links as I go along. After I've finished the review, I can select the appropriate search engine and go back through my post, highlight each title, and find the right link to add to the post before publishing it. It's not a huge time saver, but it does make posting more efficient, and so you get more bloggy goodness from the Gazette. (However, try not to blame Mozilla/Firefox for that. After all, blogs don't bore people; bloggers do.)

Staying abreast of the news

Caution: Juvenile humor ahead.

Did you hear about Jessica Simpson's breakdown at the big shindig to honor Dolly Parton in Washington, D.C. over the weekend? Apparently, she forgot the words to Parton's 9 To 5 and ran off the stage in tears.

But that's not what caught the Herald Sun's attention. The Australian newspaper was focused instead on Simpson's and Parton's visit to the White House, and, specifically, their respective décolletages.

They really need to beef up their copy editing department. I'm pretty sure that last sentence was meant to read The pairs were invited for the Kennedy Center Honors, of which Parton was an honoree.

OK, fine. But what about shoulder-fired RPGs?

Members of the Midland Shooters Association received an email notice yesterday notifying them that certain types of ammo were not to be used on the rifle range due to the potential for damage to the targets. Here's an excerpt:

The memo went on to say (emphasis mine): "So, remember, don't shoot the steel targets with steel core ammo. And, maybe we should add -- don't shoot the steel targets with tungsten alloys, iron, brass, bronze, beryllium copper, or depleted uranium!"

I suppose that if they want to ban the use of depleted uranium ammo, that's their prerogative, but don't blame us for increased crime involving the use of tanks as getaway vehicles.

This gives a whole new sense of urgency to the slogan, "Don't Mess With Texas."

Review: "Seussical" (Midland Community Theater)

Thanks to our friends Mike and Vickie and their willingness to share their 2006 season tickets to Midland Community Theater, we attended MCT's presentation of Seussical, the musical production which debuted on Broadway in 2000 and which is based on the works of Theodor Seuss Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss.

We had not seen any other versions of Seussical and so we entered the theater with no preconceived notions. What we experienced was an entertaining production by a large and uniformly talented cast of local amateur performers, including a few standouts that bear further attention. These included:

• Cody Tumlin as The Cat In The Hat. Cody is a staple at MCT productions, and for good reason. He's an extremely versatile and gifted performer, and the many incarnations of TCITH gave him free reign to show off that versatility. (I hope he'll take it as a compliment that he sometimes reminds me of Jack Black.)


• Jena Tumlin as Mayzie La Bird. Cody's wife is also a gifted comedienne (they're both members of The Venue, a local improv group), and some of their scenes together got the biggest laughs of the night.


• Seussical is a musical, and we were amazed by the vocal talents of the folks portraying Horton the Elephant, Jojo (the son of the mayor of Whoville -- you are keeping up with all of this, aren't you?), and Horton's next door neighbor and the victim of a bad case of inter-species infatuation, Gertrude McFuzz (she's a bird, you know). Regrettably, since I have a poor memory and strong ethics, I didn't steal a playbill and I can't remember the names of the folks who played the first two characters. The fellow portraying Horton (I do remember that he works for Teraco) reminded me strongly of Rick Moranis in the movie version Little Shop of Horrors, and the young boy who played Jojo had as pure a voice as I've heard in a long time.


• But I do remember well the young lady who portrayed Gertrude McFuzz. Her name is Jenna Thomas and she happens to be the daughter-in-law of some good friends in Midland. Jenna is a new face at MCT, but I can assure you that she'll become well-known to theater-goers in Midland before too long. Besides having a wonderful singing voice, she displayed some impressive acting skill in the character of a sometimes-downtrodden, sometimes-bold heroine-in-the-making.

This production of Seussical wasn't without its puzzlements. I'm not sure why they decided that Horton would appear in the guise of a nerd straight out of Napoleon Dynamite, when every other main character bore at least some cosmetic resemblance to their Dr. Seuss book incarnations. And a couple of the musical numbers dragged on a bit (not the performers fault). But, overall, the music was fun, the performances top-notch, and the time was well spent. (Not lost on me was the fact that the five young children sitting to my left were mesmerized throughout the duration of the show, which should give you an idea of the quality of the production.)

Of course, this review isn't likely to be of much use; I understand that all the performances are sold out, although you might be able to get a seat in place of a no-show if you don't mind flying stand-by, so to speak. I primarily wanted to point out the notable performances of the local talent, the overwhelming presence of which continues to amaze me year after year.

Movie Review: "Deja Vu"

Note: No spoilers in the following. Well, no major ones, anyway.

We received a pleasant surprise at the movie theater this afternoon, as Denzil Washington's new movie, Deja Vu, turned out to be a smart little sci-fi thriller, instead of the run-of-the-mill police drama we were expecting.

Granted, your enjoyment of this movie requires that you be able to muster massive amounts of credulity, as some of the plot holes were big enough to drive Val Kilmer through (the man has been eating well, to the point of apparently having misplaced his neck). On the other hand, the plot is complicated enough and the screenplay intelligent enough to reward those who are willing to play along. And Washington is, as always, the quite effective glue that holds together what might be an unmanageable mess in less competent hands.

Another strength of the movie is the acting of Adam Goldberg as the scientist who heads up the secret government program that has the potential of allowing police to prevent crimes rather than just solve them.

Deja Vu is one of the more enjoyable movies of the year, employing some unique plot twists that kept us guessing through the very end of the film.

Footlights: We saw the trailer for a movie called Wild Hogs, a "buddy movie" starring John Travolta, Tim Allen, William H. Macy, and Martin Lawrence as four middle-aged guys who buy Harleys and go on a road trip in a yuppie version of Easy Rider. Marissa Tomei and Ray Liotta also appear in the film. It looked exceedingly funny, and it's due out next March.

I didn't notice any Apple Computers in Deja Vu, but the high-tech Hummer that played a central part in an unnerving chase scene was plastered with the white Apple logo decals that come with every new computer and iPod.

Desert Island Meme, Part 2: TV

Our recent "Desert Island DVDs by Genre" list seemed to elicit fewer yawns than usual, which has emboldened me to put forth a memequel. This one's similar to the first, except instead of movies, you get to pick boxed sets of television programs to accompany you on your island getaway. However, you still have to stick with the genres. (Don't gripe at me; I don't make the rules. OK, I do make the rules, but I don't know what I'm doing.)

Here's my list (and I've tried to stick with broadcast shows; no offense to you premium cable subscribers):

• Western - Rawhide (I toyed with Gunsmoke for a moment, but just couldn't take the thought of being alone with Chester for all that time. At the same time, Maverick was a strong contender.)


• Horror - Twilight Zone (The horror genre is underserved on broadcast TV, but as a mere youth, some of the TZ eps gave me nightmares, so it qualifies.)


• Sci-Fi - X-Files (I never enjoyed the government conspiracy episodes, but there were enough creature features to more than make it worthwhile.)


• Musical - American Bandstand (I still remember being inspired by Blue Cheer and their wall of amps.)


• Comedy - The Dick Van Dyke Show (Not only funny, but a great series of snapshots from a culture that changed America in many ways.)


• Police/Crime/Courtroom Drama - Boomtown (Smart and edgy, this could have been the best police series in history, if NBC hadn't given up so quickly.)


• Medical Drama - M.A.S.H. (It's my list, and I don't have to choose E.R. if I don't want to. And I've never watched House.)


• Foreign - Fawlty Towers (Consistently hysterical, especially the occasional attempts at American accents.)


• Variety - The Ed Sullivan Show (Two words: Topo Gigio!)


• Mini-Series - Shogun (How can you not pick the show that made konichiwa and domo arigato a part of mainstream American vocabulary?)


• Bonus Pick (any genre) - Seinfeld (The Dick Van Dyke Show for the 90s.)