A Musician Weighs in On iTunes CMA

I love it when this happens. Kyle Lent checked in after I posted about Apple's new iTunes Store feature, "Complete My Album," and left a comment about it. He then crafted a longer post over at his provocatively titled blog, Kyle Lent.com, in which he shared his philosophy as a musician about why listeners and music purchasers shouldn't take albums for granted. It's well worth the read; Kyle's already got music on the iTunes Store (via the Justin Cofield Band) and will soon have a new solo album on the Store -- plus, he owns a commercial recording studio -- so his opinions are based in experience and expertise.

For the record, I've never assumed that [most] musicians didn't put any thought into the order in which the tracks appeared on their albums, or whether they "fit together" musically or thematically. That, to me, is simply a part of the implied artistic vision that I assume [most] musicians bring to the creation of an album. From their perspective, when we listeners/music buyers monkey with that, we're desecrating their vision.

On the other hand, just because they have that intricately worked-out vision doesn't mean that listeners agree with or appreciate it. Even musicians themselves disagree, as Kyle takes The Fray to task for the order of a couple of songs on one of that group's albums. I suspect they'd accuse Kyle of meddling.

And that's fine. On the third hand (see, Kyle, I can do it too), money has flowed out one pocket into another, and benefits accrue thereto. The buyer has purchased the right to rearrange (or ignore) the tracks; the artist gets the dinero needed to fund the realization of his or her next vision -- whether it's musical or putting dinner on the table.

I do think Kyle could come up with a better "proof of concept" album than Abbey Road, however, as most of that album was created for continuous play. However, I don't think I'd care one whit whether Octopus's Garden came immediately after Something, instead of Maxwell's Silver Hammer. But, then, I'm not a musician, and I'll stand corrected by anyone who can present a good case for it being like it is.

Technorati tag: Complete My Album

iTunes = Death to Albums? Maybe not...

A recent post about the "Definitive 200" list of "must have" albums generated some interesting discussion about a peripheral issue: whether or not the ability to purchase and download individual tracks instead of buying the whole album is a good thing for musicians. My general feeling is that listeners shouldn't be forced to buy "filler" they don't want; others, such as Scott (whose opinions are always worth considering), felt that this was a disservice to the artists, and especially to so-called independent musicians without big studio or label budgets behind them.

I guess Apple must have been monitoring the discussion, given yesterday's announcement of a new feature at the iTunes Store called "Complete My Album" (CMA). CMA basically ensures that if you buy individual cuts from an album via iTunes and later decide you want the entire album, you don't have to pay again for the tracks you already own.

This feature is being applied retroactively -- for a limited period. You have until June 26th to complete any album you've ever purchased from the iTunes Store. Thereafter, you'll have 180 days from the purchase of an individual track to take advantage of CMA. (Update: I just checked the iTunes Store CMA page, and the retroactive offer applies only to "eligible" albums, of which there are only 86. Going forward, all "qualifying" albums will be available via CMA; presumably, some artists/labels have not agreed to this feature. You can check Apple's FAQ page for more details.)

Further update: I completely misunderstood the CMA page on iTunes. It's not showing ALL of the albums that are eligible, just those in MY iTunes library that I can complete under the new program. Sorry for the misleading information. I thought it was odd that every one of those 86 albums looked verrrry familiar! ;-)

Obviously, Apple is hoping this will spur music sales -- and it does seem to remove one of the barriers to taking the plunge on music which you've sampled and liked, but didn't want to buy again in order to get the rest of the album. It also adds some incentive to try out music from new and/or obscure (in the marketing sense of the word) musicians. It's not a complete answer to the concerns expressed by Scott, but it may be the best that can be achieved in the new world of digital music delivery.

Technorati tag: Complete My Album

Random Thursday

Random observations while searching for my place on WikiMapia...

• Golf statisticians have -- by definition, I think -- too much time on their hands. How else to explain this report that fifty different players have been runners-up to Tiger Woods in PGA Tour tournaments. And, based on the fact that this story got written, it's equally obvious that some sports reporters are also running out of ideas.


• I would be curious, however, to know how many guys wearing red pants have finished behind Tiger. Surely someone is working on that.


• Ever wonder what it would be like to live the exciting life of a freelance web designer? Me, too. But I read this, and now I know. Actually, it pretty much describes my life (even down to the detail of having a law firm as one of my first clients, and wondering how I survived the experience), except I answer emails after 5 pm. I may write my own version of this article...if I ever find the time.


• My pal, newlywed, and Bible haiku king Larry Stephey brought WikiMapia to my attention recently, and it's a sure way to drain your discretionary time. The site combines the wiki concept with Google Maps by allowing you to draw a box around a place and enter a description of that place that's viewable -- and editable -- by everyone else. I spend some time outlining a few places in the Midland area, including our neighborhood park, the rifle range, and an airport south of town that we visit fairly regularly.
  This application has potential to be helpful in a number of ways, but it would be more useful if you weren't limited to rectangles for outlining places of interest. Anyway, to use WikiMapia, just zoom in on the place you want to describe, drag it to the crosshairs in the center of the window, and click "Add Place." Note that you can insert an URL in the description by simply preceding the web address with "http://" (and nothing else -- don't try to use tags; they don't work).


• I see where Governor Perry has signed SB 378, and it will go into effect on September 1, 2007. Dubbed "the Castle Law," this bill allows Texans to exercise deadly force in their homes, cars, and workplaces without first retreating. Up to now, one had to retreat from an attacker, presumably in the hope that once he understood you meant him no harm, he would have a change of heart and leave, after writing you a generous check to cover mental anguish and, possibly, broken window glass. This was a defense lawyer's dream come true. Thankfully, Texas citizens will now be able to protect their lives with the blessing of the law. Here's the text of the bill, if you're interested.

Dancing With the...Heidi?

Update: OK, our local station is off the hook. Based on a comment left on this post, and confirmed by this report, it was the network's problem that disrupted the conclusion of last night's program. The preceding link has a video of the show's ending, if you can't live without it.

Do you remember the infamous "Heidi Super Bowl," the one in 1968 where NBC deemed it more important to cut to the beginning of that movie than to show the last minute of the big game, thereby depriving millions of viewers the chance to see one of the great comebacks in sports history? It even warrants its own entry in Wikipedia.

Well, our local ABC affiliate put forth its version of that fiasco on Tuesday night when it chose to run back-to-back commercials touting its new Sunday night newscast instead of the climactic announcement of the first couple to be kicked out of Dancing With the Stars. Goofy Czech model Paulina Porizkova (motto: "If it's not polka, it's not dancing") was the worthy recipient of the boot, but the only way we knew that was to intuit from her weepy demeanor as the ending credits rolled. I'd really like to blame the network for this, but until someone weighs in here from KMID, I can't.

Speaking of DWTS, the fact that Billy Ray Cyrus survived is an indication that guys have a built in advantage due to the predominantly female viewing (and voting) base. The only chick who stands a chance of winning this season is Laila Ali, and she'll do so only by being significantly better than anyone else (which, by the way, she has been up to this point).

Jury Duty: Not Needed

I was selected for one of two jury panels Monday morning, but because the trial wasn't to begin until Wednesday afternoon, I didn't have to report back for voir dire until Wednesday morning. Thanks to the excellent communications system set up by Midland County, I was able to phone in on Tuesday evening and find that the panel was not needed; presumably, the case settled out of court. I was not heartbroken at the prospect of not having to devote at least one more morning to this service.

Jury duty in Midland is a good excuse for people watching. I wonder if those who work near the courthouse observe the lemming-like Monday morning rush of prospective jurors between 8:00 and 8:30 a.m., each clutching their white postcards like first graders clinging to their Spongebob lunch pails. I suspect that most of those lemmings -- myself included -- don't get downtown all that often, and certainly don't spend a lot of time in the courthouse, so there's a bit of a sense of adventure in the journey, if nothing else.

If you do need to conduct business at the courthouse, you might want to avoid Monday mornings. The lines to get through the security checks have airport deja vu written all over them, although they're a little less stressful -- at least you get to keep your shoes on, and almost everyone gets wanded.

We in Midland, Texas, apparently take our jury duty service seriously. The jury pool on Monday filled the courtroom, with potential jurists sitting everywhere except in the judge's seat. I counted more than a hundred people in the room, not counting officers of the court. I also spotted not a single necktie among the male pool population. I guess the bankers got a pass this week.

In the comments to this post, Rob revealed that his biggest frustration with jury duty is the disorganization of the county clerk's office (I believe that Rob is in neighboring Ector County). I haven't found that to be the case in Midland, but it is easy to get annoyed with some of my fellow citizens on two counts. First, an arrival time of 8:30 a.m. seems beyond the grasp of more than a few folks, and that puts the whole process in the hole from the start.

Then there's the rush to the front of those who seek to be exempted from jury service. Fully 20% of our pool tried it; the judge ended up releasing only about five people, most due to age or illness, based on their appearances. But, there again, the remaining 80 or 90 people have to sit idly while each presents his or her case. It was fun, however, speculating on the various reasons each person was claiming to justify exemption, such as My mongoose and cobra are just not playing well together lately, and I need to be there as an intermediary.

In any event, all's well that ends well, and I should be exempt from the receipt of one of those ominous postcards for another six months.

"300": Another local voice

Jeff has finally weighed in with his review of 300, and it's a much more informed and intelligent discussion than what I put forth.

Jeff does take exception to my interpretation of the Spartan queen's actions in one particular scene, but I want to clarify that my quibble was with what I perceived to be a rather significant inconsistency in character wrought by the screenwriters, and not so much a judgment that what she did was simply inconceivable or unjustifiable.

That minor detail aside, I think he nails the movie in every aspect.

Sounds right to me

I see the newly enacted "Truth in Spam Labeling" legislation is beginning to pay dividends. I just got an email entitled "Worldwide Lootery Agent."

How do they know?

I suspect that many of you can confirm the following observation: if you want to ensure that your clients/boss/spouse/kids/etc. will demand more of your attention than usual, you can easily do so by opening that familiar piece of mail containing a jury duty summons.

On the bright side, if I'm selected to serve, I'll enjoy a significant bump in daily income.

Blogging will resume once my dire has been sufficiently voired.

I tremble at the implications...

We have a free credit monitoring account with Equifax via PayPal wherein we get emailed alerts when our credit card balances suddenly increase either in dollar total or percentage in excess of a specified threshold amount. I just received such an alert.

Oh, by the way. Have I mentioned that MLB is returning today from a weekend with the girls in the Georgetown/Austin area (aka "Shopping Ground Zero")?

Overheard at Church

Working a TV camera during one of this morning's worship services, I heard a question over the headset that I don't recall ever hearing in that setting, as the switcher and director contemplated a potential shot from the remotely controlled camera mounted over the choir loft:

Fashion tip for ladies: When dressing for church, consider all the various angles at which you might be viewed.

Of course, since the directorial crew consisted of all males, the answer to the question was "no, there's no such thing."

OK, just kidding. Well, the answer was "no," but the question was asked out of an abundance of caution given the setting. The young lady in question was appropriately attired -- from every angle.

Just another item to add to the list, along with gum-poppers, nose-pickers, and sermon-sleepers.

Movie Review: "300"

Warning: This post is rife with spoilers. In fact, you can't swing a dead Spartan without hitting a spoiler.

I keep waiting for Jeff's review of 300, but perhaps "Wow!" is sufficient to express everything he feels need to be said. I'm not sure I'd argue with that, either.

Rather than rehashing the movie's plot and its cinematic brilliance and genre-busting busting of genres, please indulge me the creation of a simple list of observations.

• The non-warring Spartans had weird tan lines. Their heads were tan, as were their necks, but their shoulders and chests were white. Perhaps they just broke out the v-neck togas for special staying-at-home-from-war occasions.


• A lot of Spartans seemed to have Scottish accents. Who knew?


• Lena Headey should smack the screenwriter(s) for making her Queen Gorgo -- a particularly unappealing name, by the way -- such an inconsistent character. One moment she's the perfect example of the strength and confidence one would expect from the first lady of Sparta; the next, she's weak, submissive, and willing to sacrifice her honor for political gain. Very odd. But when she's gets her groove back, she completely redeems those weak moments.


• Every now and then, I thought I'd fallen asleep and awakened in the middle of Gladiator. What is it about wheat fields and blowing pollen that is so apparently irresistible to directors of movies of this genre? There were also a lot of closeups of dirty feet.


• The violence wasn't as abhorrent as I had feared (one reason why I delayed in seeing the movie). If you can make it through Saving Private Ryan, you can make it through this. I suppose that war movies should naturally get a pass on the violence issue. The bad stuff was much more gratuitous and thus offensive (to me, anyway) in the previous Frank Miller screen adaptation, Sin City.


• Gollum really bulked up for his appearance in this movie, by the way.


• I never figured out how the captain's son could exhibit reflexes in battle that were practically clairvoyant, and yet couldn't hear and react to a galloping horse quickly enough to keep from being separated from his head. And didn't any of the onlookers -- including his father -- ever think it might be helpful to shout a warning, seeing as how they were looking right at the enemy warrior?


• The captain's breakdown following that turn of events seemed completely out of character for a Spartan.


• Some people are taking the movie way too seriously.


• Grindhouse will, judging solely by the trailer, be this year's Sin City.

OK, despite my lighthearted jabs at some of the details of the movie, I do agree with Jeff's assessment. This is a powerful, beautifully made film, and kudos go out to the director and producers for not casting The Rock or Vin Diesel or even what's-his-face -- the phone throwing guy -- in the movie.

Meaningless Milestone

This is the sort of thing that only a blogger can appreciate, but at 7:43:15 pm the Gazette had its 500,000th page view. According to SiteMeter, the huge industrial conglomerate responsible for tracking such trivialities, the visitor was from -- get this -- Englishtown, New Jersey. Not only that, but he/she/it (in case it was a 'bot) was running Konqueror 3.5 (a Mozilla-flavored browser) on Linux.

I wish I had some pithy insight to explain the significance of this milestone, but all that comes to mind is that this is further proof that -- in blogging anyway -- longevity can trump quality.

Nevertheless, I appreciate the patronage. Immensely, in fact.

The Fire Ant Theatre's Triumphal Return!

Following an extended absence which, despite all rumors to the contrary, was not caused by the necessity of having to deal with a number of complaints from the neighbors, the Fire Ant Theatre is back, baby!

Today's Classical Reading has been rattling around inside my head for a couple of months, since I received an email from one Jan D. Hodge, who wrote:

Mr. Hodge was referring to this edition of FATCR, and besides being relieved that he wasn't threatening litigation (we all know how badly that turned out last time), and overlooking the fact that "mellifluous West Texan" is generally a euphemism for "teeth-grindingly brutal vocalizations," I was honored that he encouraged further such ventures. He provided a link to an online publication which includes a couple of his double dactyls, but he also included with his email the text of the verse that is butchere--um, presented in today's Reading, his version of The Taming of the Shrew.

Jan is a master of this poetic form; I'll let him describe his accomplishments:

So, without further ado, I present the latest edition of FATCR, brought to you in living sound waves compressed just to the edge of indecipherability, which is a good look for me:

Oh, by the way, I fully expect that within a week or so this post will be honored with Googlewhack status for the use of the not-completely-made-up word "uxoriophilic." I'll be happy to share that achievement with Mr. Hodge; that's just the kind of guy I am.

Technorati tags: Double Dactyl | Jan D. Hodge

Random Thursday

Contemplating the prospect of a stormy day in west Texas while wondering about the true significance of "Class 5 Flushing Action."

Caution: The following presentation contains material of a poopish nature. Reader discretion is advised.

• Isn't it amazing in this age of enlightenment that used car salesmen still seem to believe that yelling at us through the TV screen is an effective marketing technique?


• Following almost seven years of empirical study, I've come to the conclusion that the likelihood that a dog owner will pick up after his or her pet is inversely proportional to the size of the dog. This is rather disheartening to those of us who own small dogs, not to mention hazardous to the unobservant park walker.


• And what's the deal with owners who let their dogs poop right in the middle of the sidewalk? I blame cell phones, but that's an untested theory.


• Quick, for 20 points, in which movie is the planet Crematoria referred to?


• If you decide to buy this gun, make sure you request that the dealer demonstrate how to reassemble it after taking it apart for cleaning. Why? None of your business.


• Have you ever put a locking knob on a closet door and then realized that because the hinges are on the outside, your presumed security measure is easily defeated? Well, friend, you need a security stud (Save your comments for the debriefing. And save your comments about that comment for some other venue.). Good luck finding these in your local hardware store, but you might be able to get them from a keysmith. They're really simple to use, and will eliminate the easy opening of a locked door by removing the hinges. I'll leave it to your imagination -- which for some of you is already running wild -- to discern how they work.


• And, finally (yay!), I'll end on a symmetrical note by wondering what was going through the mind of the person who drafted the jingle for a local company that includes the phrase "...the name that needs no repeating," which is then immediately followed by two repetitions of that name?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Thursday.

Take my prokaryote...please

So Abbye and I were at the vet's office this morning, making our periodic contribution into his retirement account, when one of the young techs arrived, complaining about the early hour (it was 9:00 a.m.). I told her it was practically the middle of the day -- an observation she didn't appreciate -- and she replied that her molecular biology class wasn't too thrilling this morning.

My reply was as brilliant as it was instantaneous. "What's wrong?" I asked, "Don't you find mitochondria to be energizing?"

That may well be the best comeback in the history of biological references. See, mitochondria are where oxidative phosphorylation takes place, providing energy at the cellular level. And so -- ah, well, never mind. You just had to be there.

I couldn't discern whether the tech's expression upon hearing my questions was one of awe or pity. I have my theories. But I'm glad my 2 1/2 years as a zoology major finally paid off.

Technorati tag: Oxidative Phosphorylation

Highway Sign Fonts

Is there anything more annoying than needing to Photoshop a highway sign and not having the right font? I didn't think so.

I had a critical need for that capability just this week, and some tinkering quickly confirmed that those big green signs you see along the interstate don't use Arial or Helvetica or any other common sans-serif font. In fact, many of them are now using a typeface called ClearviewHwy®, which was developed by a multi-discipline design team, including representatives from the Texas Transportation Institute.

ClearviewHwy® was developed using the results of lengthy studies regarding legibility and recognition (which are not the same, by the way) issues that arise when the reader is potentially moving at a high rate of speed, in a wide range of weather and lighting conditions, and at differing angles of view. The research even looked at variables such as the performance of the typeface when set in reflective material (which tends to produce a mild halo effect -- halation -- when illuminated by headlights at night).

The end result is a font that's been approved by the Federal Highway Administration for highway signage, and is being implemented by a number of states, including Texas.

So, given these credentials and the increasing ubiquity of the font, I figured it was worth adding to my personal collection for my own Very Important Uses. So I popped over to the online order form...and immediately dropped my gum. They're obviously not interested in catering to the blogging market, given those prices.

I decided that Arial was a perfectly acceptable substitute for a sign on the information superhighway, even though I realize that most of you are speeding through on your way to somewhere more enlightening and entertaining.

Evolving Television

I've somehow managed to misplace my subscription to Variety for, oh, about fifty years, so I missed this article describing ABC's plans to make a TV sitcom based on the merry antics of the Geico cavemen. Although there's many a slip 'twixt pilot and series, the idea seems just quirky enough to work.

Slate has a good analysis of the potential transition from advertising characters to TV stars. The article also has a link to CavemensCrib.com, a slow-loading Flash site that lets you snoop around in the Ikea-inspired apartment of those crustily comic Cro-Magnons. If you have the patience, you can eavesdrop on their voicemail, follow a refrigerator magnet-based argument in Esperanto, tinker with their iPod, and even view their NCAA basketball brackets (the latter proving the cavemen still have a thing or two to learn about evolution, as they picked Louisville to beat A&M and UT to make the Sweet 16).

Frankly, I'm not sure the cavemen series has legs as a ad campaign, much less a TV series. But I'm willing to give it a chance. I'll go along with anything that occupies a slot that might otherwise go to another lame reality show.

Although I can't imagine why one would want one when there's a perfectly good store for buying Fire Ant Gazette cra...uh...merchandise, you can buy caveman t-shirts and bumper stickers at the Geico Store.

Putting a speed bump on new Texas tollroads

The Texas Insider reports that a Houston state representative has co-authored a bill that puts a two year hold on the Trans-Texas Corridor (TTC) and allows the legislature to study the way the Texas Department of Transportation (TXDOT) handles all toll roads.

The report says that Dwayne Bohac has some of the same concerns that a bunch of ordinary Texas citizens have about the state's plans to grab a huge swath of land through the central part of the state on which a toll road would be built and operated by a Mexican company:

I'll confess that when I first encountered the arm-waving over the plans for the TTC, I chalked it up to the usual flat-earth backlash against anything that smacks of progress. But the more I learn of the project, the more odious it seems, and I applaud the move to slow things down in order to get full disclosure on the table.

If you want to track the flipside of the coin as shown on the TTC site linked above, visit CorridorWatch (which sports the world's longest home page). One key difference between the two sites that's more telling than one might initially realize: the TTC site is also provided in Spanish.

Technorati tag: Trans-Texas Corridor

Word of the Week

Skep·ti·cism [skep-tuh-siz-uh m] - noun: The attitude one should have when hearing from a sales clerk at Sears that the garbage disposer you're about to purchase will be an exact replacement for the 10-year old model you're going to switch out, because you realize that "exact replacement" means that the piping will be offset "only" one-half inch and too short by an equal amount, meaning that you'll either have to buy a 12' length of PVC pipe in order to get a 12" piece, or else use enough plumber's putty to fill the gap.

Also, the attitude one should have when assuring oneself that the above-described solution is actually a good one.

It's survived by a stream and numerous tributaries

I glanced up from this morning's newspaper just in time to see the following headline accompany the local TV station's report on various Saint Patrick Day's observances across the country:

And, yes, I'm well aware of the sheer hypocrisy involved in the creation of this post, given my skill at generating typos.

Weekend Wrapup

We made a quick trip to Fort Stockton this weekend for my brother's birthday, and we seemed to pack a lot into a relatively short period of time.

On Saturday morning, MLB and I rode the longbike down the I-10 service road west of town, out to the Firestone Test Track and back, which is about a 23 mile round trip. We invariably see interesting things on this route, and this day was no exception, as we spotted some dots on either side of the road close to the overpass marking the highway that leads to Alpine in one direction and Coyonosa in the other.

As we drew closer, I determined that the dots were a group of five javelinas foraging on both sides of the service road. My wife pulled out her little Canon digicam and I tried to steer and pedal us as unobtrusively as possible in their midst, recognizing the risks to doing so. After, these animals have been known to overturn pickup trucks to dispose of the occupants, and their razor sharps tusks will peel sheet metal like a paring knife on an apple. OK, just kidding. Javelinas pose little to no threat at all, unless you happen to startle them in high brush or get between a momma and her piglet or come across a big male with a bad attitude or...well, anyway, we were in no danger. They do look mean, though:

As soon as they spotted us, they headed under the fence and disappeared into the adjoining pasture. We didn't see them on the return trip, but we did spot a red fox the size of a coyote running at full speed from the pasture on the north side of the interstate, across all four lanes of the highway, and into the pasture on the south side, without breaking stride but coming that close to a nasty encounter with an 18-wheeler. It was cool to see him from a distance, but at least one Fort Stockton resident has been bitten by a rapid (Ed. OK, he was fast, as well as being rabid!) fox this year already, and my brother shot another one a couple of weeks ago at their place. I'd just as soon keep them at a distance.

Later that afternoon, we gathered up the family arsenal and did some target shooting. We also took turns on my brother's new/old dirt bike, which he acquired for the princely sum of $300. It's a 250cc Yamaha of indeterminate vintage, cobbled together with mismatching parts, but by someone who knew what they were doing because it gets up and goes.

It had been a couple of decades since my wife had ridden a motorcycle, but, as they say, it's just like riding a bike...sort of.

Nothing but pride was harmed in the process, and she was having too much fun for even that to be an issue.

That evening, we witnessed another somewhat unusual occurrence, as a large flock of buzzards arrived to roost in the topmost part of a neighbor's pine tree. They've apparently been doing this each evening for a few days, having arrived from Mexico as a part of their seasonal migration. It's a bit rare to spot a whole group of buzzards nesting like this (and it's a bit eerie to be around them, because they're so quiet...unlike those ridiculous grackles).

Ranchers claim that you'll never see buzzards north of I-10 until after the last freeze of the spring (giving us yet another harbinger of warm weather to go along with scissortail flycatchers and leafy mesquites). We had a discussion this weekend about what the buzzards did before the interstate was built.

It was a good weekend, and a good reminder why we'd really prefer to live nowhere else than west Texas.

Oh, and if you're wondering what happens when a thousand dollar wheelgun meets up with a can of Big Red, here's a clue:

I'll be the first to admit that my scowl needs work.

Dodging Disaster

Did you ever suffer a mishap, and someone said to you, "well, it could have been worse," and you just wanted to smack them?

Well, I experienced that this morning, although the twist was that I laid that cliché on myself, and for once, I agreed with it.

It began innocently enough when I decided to polish my black ropers. I shine my shoes about as often as the Dixie Chicks play Midland, partly because it's a bore but also because my usual footwear consists of running shoes, flip-flops, and casual loafers. But, last Saturday evening I had polished a couple of pairs of dress shoes in anticipation of some upcoming events, and I noticed that the shoeshine brush sent little black specks of old polish all over the dressing table in our bedroom, which is where I normally take care of this task.

Remembering that minor mess, and not wanting to endure the rather chilly weather of the back porch (the alternate Polishing Location), I elected to go into the garage. I set up shop and eventually had the ropers shining again. Then, for unfathomable reasons, I decided that they needed more work. I decided to apply edge dressing to the soles and heels.

Have you ever worked with edge dressing? Nasty stuff. It's really just dye, but it has the annoying characteristic of drying too quickly when it lands where it shouldn't, and taking forever to dry when applied to shoes, so that you have to find a safe location to park the shoes to ensure they won't leave indelible marks on everything they touch.

Anyway, it had been a long time since I'd used the dye (you can see where this is going, can't you?), so I shook the bottle vigorously according to the instructions, and popped the cap -- and black dye exploded all over the garage. It splashed my shoes and jeans, it peppered the Durango which was parked close by, and it formed a permanent puddle in the middle of the concrete floor.

I was quick enough to grab a rag and clean the car; everything else could stand the stain. As you can imagine, I was not a happy camper. But that's when it occurred to me, what if I had not decided to break my usual routine and go into the garage? Yikes!

Of course, the lesson is clear: leave the shoeshines to the experts. And wear flip-flops as often as possible.

Random Thursday canceled due to excessive orderliness

I have two words: "Pesky Clients."

Or, "Wonderful Clients."

Depends on whether I should be blogging or paying bills.

And I SO wanted to tell you how I reduced my carbon footprint yesterday. Oh well.

Happy Pi Day

No, I'm not late with this; I'm exactly on time. Check me if you're skeptical.

Abbyeliciousness

Because everybody needs some cute dog pics every now and then...

Restoring Balance

So, Jimmy (aka Boxstep Boy) is giving up complaining and criticizing. I can only assume that that means he's finished with ballroom dance class, but that's just a guess.

Regardless of the reason, Jimmy's decision has had the effect of throwing the delicate balance of the blogosphere out of whack, meaning that -- once again -- it's up to me to take up the slack.

Henceforth, I shall be complaining and criticizing at double my previous pace in order to make up for the Jimster's failure to meet quota. In fact, I contemplated renaming the Gazette but Jen already has Whiny Complaints locked up (and she's not even really using it to the good purposes it merits; she's just dealing with a newborn, not the travesties, injustices, and idiots of the universe).

I'm pretty sure I can handle this burden alone, and, in fact, the thought of having to do so will likely ensure my success, but if you'd like to pitch in, feel free to leave your complaints and criticisms in the comments section. Maybe Jimmy will reconsider once he realizes the implications of his rash decision.

Boy, does daylight savings time reek, or what?

Weather Report: Accurate but Misleading

Midland sees record rainfall for March 11

That's the sub-headline (OK, what's the proper term for that?) in an article in this morning's paper reporting on yesterday's welcome rain. According to the National Weather Service, Midland received more rainfall yesterday than on any other occurrence of March 11 in recorded history. You have to read carefully* to find that that historically significant event totaled just over a quarter inch of rain -- .27" to be exact.

Up next: Red lights stop traffic all over town!

*Giving credit where it's due, the report did refer to the total as "only .27." Any excessive arm-waving is all mine.

It occurs to me -- not for the first time -- that I really should create a category entitled "Weather," thus enabling you to more easily ignore entire blocks of posts, rather than just a post at a time. I'll have my people look into it.

Firefox 3 drops support for Windows 95, 98 and Mac OS 10.2

The newest version of Firefox, code named Gran Paradiso, is in its second alpha release, meaning that it's not nearly ready for prime time but is available for application developers to test. But the next version of Firefox will be built using Gecko 1.9 as its layout engine, and the folks at Mozilla are already warning that it won't support Windows 95, 98, or ME, and will require Mac OS 10.3.9 or later.

I can't decide if the difference in the wording of these limitations is meaningful or not. Does it mean that Firefox 3 won't run on those versions of Windows, or simply that you're on your own if you have problems? There's less ambiguity with the Mac OS requirement.

Update: According to a Mozilla rep, it's incorrect to refer to this as an "alpha release of Firefox 3." The alpha designation is for the new version of Gecko. The practical implication is that Firefox 3 is waaaay off in the future.

Technorati tag: Gran Paradiso

Aggie Chokes

I should have known what would happen as soon as I published a public acknowledgment of Texas A&M's basketball prowess. That same evening, the women's team lost their first game in the Big 12 tournament, and the men's team waited until last night to lose their first game in the other Big 12 tourney (making the A&M men 1-11 in Big 12 tournaments).

Both teams played well enough during the regular season to get automatic berths in their respective NCAA tournaments, but given their proclivity to choke in the games that really count, I'm no longer holding out hope for anything other than not to be too badly embarrassed.

Kel-Tec P-3AT .380: Hands-On Review

MLB had the day off so we headed to the range to try out a new Kel-Tec pistol. The awkwardly-named P-3AT is one of the smallest semi-autos chambered for .380 ammo in the world, and as you can see below, it is indeed a tiny gun. We thought our Springfield XD Sub-Compact was small, but it looks absolutely bulky next to the Kel-Tec:

Of course, that photo doesn't really provide a good context for absolute size. Here's another photo showing how the pistol fits into my wife's dainty hand:

Neither photo gives an indication of how thin the gun is -- .77", which is thinner than my RAZR cellphone with leather case.

The Kel-Tec is not an enjoyable gun to shoot. The recoil is not painfully strong, but due to the gun's small size and light weight, it doesn't feel comfortable in the hand. Also, the long throw of the double action trigger pull takes some getting used to -- well, a lot of getting used to, especially compared to the relatively silky single action of the Springfield. Nevertheless, the gun is accurate and ours proved to be reliable, with no misfeeds or ejection problems. (Most of the reviews I've read about the gun seem to group Kel-Tec owners into two categories: those whose guns work perfectly, and those whose guns operate so badly out of the box that they send them back to the manufacturer. Fortunately, we seem to fall into the first category.)

One interesting thing about the gun is that it's quite energetic when it comes to ejecting spent casings. Some of them landed a full 15 feet and more behind us! They also come out of the gun in a rather flat trajectory so if you're not careful to keep a firm wrist and grip on the gun when it fires, the casing could fly right into your forehead, something you'd probably want to avoid. We didn't experience that situation, but I had forewarned my wife about the possibility.

Of course, the intended purpose of this gun is not for casual and frequent target practice or plinking. The P-3AT is designed for easy concealment, for self-defense purposes. The owner needs to fire it just frequently enough to acquire confidence in how it operates and shoots, and that's it.

The gun is stupid simple; it has to be, to achieve its size. The only external control is the magazine ejector button (the mag holds 6 rounds). There's no external hammer, and no external safety (which is why the gun fires only in double-action mode). There's no slide lock-back, and the slide doesn't lock open after the last round is fired. I haven't disassembled the gun yet, but it looks pretty easy, if you can figure out how to pry out the slide pin without losing a fingernail.

Kel-Tec makes a version of this pistol in .32 caliber, and it's even a bit tinier, but I've never found anyone who advocates the smaller caliber for self-defense purposes. The gun comes in three finishes: blued, parkerized, and the hardened chrome you see here. In Midland, Between The Walls sells the hardened chrome version for $275; the other finishes are slightly less expensive. Their prices are significantly discounted over those shown on the Kel-Tec website, but call ahead as they get shipments only sporadically and tend to sell out quickly.

Technorati tag: Kel-Tec P-3AT

Missed by *that* much...

But, I'll bet you're not on It, either.

Hat tip to Kevin Dayhoff via Soccer Dad, who contends that Instapundit is more influential than PowerLine, although it occurs to me that there's probably a whole generation of bloggers who've never heard of Instapundit and wouldn't know an Instalanche from an instant latte.

Random Thursday

Some random observations while reflecting on how weird it feels to actually be caring about March Madness, given that A&M's men's and women's basketball teams are legitimate contenders for the first time in memory.

• I had a check-up at my internist's office a few years back, and the doctor asked me if it would be alright if someone besides him drew my blood for the usual tests. I said fine, expecting his nurse to do the job. Instead, the receptionist came in, sat down, and -- under his guidance -- stuck me. Fast forward to today when, according to this column in yesterday's Wall Street Journal, hospitals are implementing new initiatives to reduce the stress on patients due to awkward needle sticks. In addition to creating IV teams for patients with hard-to-access veins or fear of needles, hospitals are beefing up training programs for the medical technicians known as phlebotomists and other staffers who regularly draw blood, and developing stricter protocols for monitoring patients during and after procedures to avoid complications.


• The article also cites the use of a new gadget called the VeinViewer which, in addition to being an obvious boon for myopic vampires, helps technicians locate veins using "near-infrared light."


• In the same vein (ha! I crack myself up), the fear of needles is referred to as blenophobia. I haven't been back to see that internist. I don't suffer from blenophobia, but I am a bit worried that he might ask to bring in some outside help for my next prostate exam.


• Someday, I hope to attend South by Southwest (SXSW) in Austin, which seems to be a really cool mashup of technology, film, and weird cultural things. This year's film festival includes the March 13th premier of what is likely the world's first and only movie about a font, Helvetica. If you can't get excited about a film about a font, there's simply no hope for you. I just hope the movie's performers don't get, you know, typecast.


• I caught Abbye chewing on a hoof in our backyard this morning. Just thought you ought to know.


• I received a summons for jury duty in a couple of weeks. At first I was disappointed, because as a self-employed, um, employee, if I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. But then I realized, hey, I'll make more as a jurist than I do as a web designer, so now I've got that going for me. Maybe I'll get a government leak case.

In closing, if you're still tossing and turning at night, wondering about this, you'll be relieved to know that they exhumed the body of the Big Bopper 48 years after his death and confirmed that he died immediately in the same plane crash that killed Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.

The Definitive 200: Additional Thoughts

A couple of folks have observed via comment on the previous post the tilting of the population of the recently announced "Definitive 200" albums toward music from the 60s and 70s.

Setting aside the very real possibility that the music was simply better back then, I wonder if we're also seeing the impact of music downloads on album sales, something I'll call ICE (the "iTunes Chilling Effect"). As folks become increasingly released from the burden of having to buy an entire album to get the song(s) they really like, the focus on the album should inevitably lessen, and not just from the consumer's perspective.

The recent hoopla over Coldplay's return to the recording studio provides some provocative ammo for this argument. The lead singer is pitching the new album, of course, but even more pointed is his attempt to focus on a single song that will appear on the album: "...we have to have one song that we feel like everybody has to hear ... before we die." Could that be a subconscious acknowledgment that the album is no longer the touchstone for music delivery?

How many albums have you purchased in the last five years, vs. single track downloads? I've got 300 tracks in my iTunes Purchased Music playlist dating back to 2004 -- but only seven complete album downloads. The only albums we've purchased in plasticware form have been either ballroom dance music (don't get me started) or the Beatles' Love (which is, of course, unavailable via iTunes). I don't see that trend changing. Ever.

Technorati tag: The Definitive 200

The Definitive 200

I'm sure you soon won't be able to swing a dead cat without hitting a blog post devoted to the "Definitive 200" list of "must-have" albums just released by the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the National Association of Music Retailers. Watch for an endless variety of memes whereby bloggers bold the albums they have, italicize those they really liked, and highlight in red those they would have bought had they not spent all their money on drugs and/or leisure suits.

Here at the Gazette, however, we're all about statistics, and we've performed as exhaustive an analysis of this list as permitted by a 3rd grade level of expertise with in Excel. Here are a few of the results of this scrutiny.

Artists with three or more albums on the list:

• 5 - Beatles, Led Zeppelin
• 4 - Metallica, Rolling Stones
• 3 - Bod Dylan, Dixie Chicks (!), Jay-Z, Michael Jackson, Pink Floyd, Prince, U2

# of Soundtracks on the list: 8

Time span of list: 1954 - 2004

# of albums by decade:

• 50s - 4
• 60s - 17
• 70s - 58
• 80s - 40
• 90s - 56
• 00s - 25

Years with no selections: 1955, 57, 60, 62, 63, 74 (!)

Years with only one selection (after 1965):

• 1982 - Michael Jackson - Thriller
• 1990 - LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out

Most obvious omissions and travesties

• Nothing by Chicago or Blood, Sweat & Tears
• Albums by Faith Hill and Shania Twain, but none from Merle Haggard or George Strait
• Soundtrack from Forrest Gump but not Woodstock
• Three albums by the Dixie Chicks

Don't trust our analyses, or want to roll your own? Download the list in a well-formatted Excel spreadsheet and knock yourself out.

Technorati tag: Definitive 200

Naming of the Screw: Your Ideas Wanted!

Today was our friend Tommy's birthday, and a bunch of us gathered at a local Tex-Mex eatery to celebrate the occasion. As you may recall, Tommy is the guy whose skiing career met a tragic end at Lake Tahoe this time last year. Enough time has passed that we can laugh about it -- sort of -- and one of his gifts from his wife was a block of clear acrylic encasing four of the long and nasty-looking stainless steel screws that helped hold together the shattered bones of his leg up until a few months ago (he's still equipped with a half dozen or so more, plus a steel plate).

It's actually a pretty cool monument, but it's lacking something -- an inscription. She intentionally left the block unengraved, wanting to wait for just the right words. And so I figured, who better to come up with "just the right words" than -- you guessed it -- the intelligent, witty, literate, and occasionally irreverent readers of the Gazette!

So, here's your challenge: come up with some ideas to present to Tommy for inscriptions on his big block o'screws. I'm sure he'll appreciate your offerings, even if he elects to ignore them.

And, lest you're already going there, "Screwed in Lake Tahoe - 2006" has already been offered (and rejected).

Leave your ideas in the comments and I'll make sure he sees 'em. Thanks!

Update: Below is a photo of the screws, provided by Tommy's wife, for your inspiration. The bottom three are self-tapping and hollow. Very interesting, from an engineering perspective.

Jokes for Math Nerds

Soccer Dad just emailed me a link to this post at the Volokh Conspiracy, apparently confusing me with someone who can balance his checkbook.

If your eyes glaze over, like mine did, upon reading the post and the corresponding comments, you can at least visit this page and relate (link courtesy of one of the commenters).

As several people pointed out, it takes a real nerd to confuse "clever" with "funny." But, then, a real nerd doesn't care, so that's OK.

Movie Review: "Wild Hogs"

Note: There are no spoilers in the first part of this review, but they abound in the second part. Watch for the warning if you care about such things.

I see that Wild Hogs provided Disney with its best March opening on record -- proving among other things that baseball statisticians have nothing on their Hollywood counterparts in their penchant for tracking trivia -- and I confess that I and MLB contributed to that accomplishment.

Let me say right off the bat that if you're a parent of one or more teens, do not take them with you to see this movie. It's not that I worry about your exposing them to inappropriate content, but I do fear for what little credibility you undoubtedly have left at this point in your life when they see you laughing out loud at the endless parade of junior high-level (and sometimes that's a stretch) humor that makes up the substance of this film.

I'm sure someone has computed the collective box office generated by the movies in which the amazing ensemble cast has appeared over the past few decades, and it surely runs into the hundreds of millions of dollars, if not billions (DVD sales of My Cousin Vinny alone might account for that bump). It would be hard to imagine a more likable cast than one comprised of Travolta, Allen, Macy, Lawrence, Liotta, Tomei, and -- oops, I almost gave something away; see Spoiler section below. They obviously had fun making the movie, and the sheer forces of their personalities creates an irresistible draw for the audience. Nevertheless, I didn't get an overwhelming sense of chemistry as in, say, Ocean's Eleven, nor did the movie come off as anything but a series of gags loosely stitched together by the lamest of plots: four middle-aged guys set out on Harleys to recapture the imagined freedom of their youth (or to escape the real frustrations of their, um, middle-agedness).

But, hey...it's entertainment, not brain surgery, and if you laughed at Travolta getting smacked in the face by a crow as shown in the ubiquitous trailers, you'll find plenty of other things to laugh at in the movie, and that's not all bad. Just don't admit to your kids that you went.

Spoilers ensue...

Some random observations:

• One of the funniest parts of the movie came during the closing credits, where a take-off on ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" was shown, with the makeover project being the biker bar that Travolta's character inadvertently blew up during the movie. It was complete with an annoying Ty Pennington, a crowd yelling "Bus driver, move that bus!" and appropriate emotional reactions from the tough biker dudes.


• The climactic plot-resolving twist occurred with the appearance of Peter Fonda in full Easy Rider get-up, wherein he reveals that he's still king of the highway. This was accompanied by the movie's low point -- for me -- as the young lady sitting to my left whispered to her companion, "who's that?". The youth of America have lost their cultural heritage, and it's a sad, sad thing.


• I can vouch for the movie's realism in one respect: riding a motorcycle at highway speeds without a face shield is no fun. You can wax poetic all you want about the wind in your hair, but the bugs in your teeth provide a counterpoint that can't be denied.


• The cameo appearance of Orange County Choppers' Paul Teutul Sr. was as lame as it gets. I couldn't tell if he was supposed to be gay but acting tough, or tough but acting gay. He wasn't convincing in either case. His son, Mikey, was also in the movie, but I never noticed him.


• You'd have to go back to About Schmidt to find a movie that provides more unfortunate exposure of middle-aged flesh than does this one. William H. Macy seems awfully proud of his rear-end, and for no good reason. [Didn't he display the same proclivity in The Cooler?]

Coulter vs. Maher: Who's Worse? And Who Cares?

Jim's wondering where the conservative outcry is with respect to Ann Coulter's latest outburst.

Could be, Jim, that some of us distanced ourselves from Ms. Coulter years ago, and we don't see the need to continue respond to everything the apparently deranged woman spews out.

However, I see that I'm not the only one wondering where the liberal outcry is with respect to Bill Maher's more serious -- in my opinion, anyway -- outburst.

Municipal WiFi: Bloggers Beware

An article in this weekend's Midland newspaper described several "WOW" projects being considered by the city, and among them is the implementation of citywide WiFi.

At first glance, this seems to be a wonderful idea, and at least a couple of people over at Jessica's Well profess great enthusiasm at the prospect of dumping their current ISPs in favor of the municipal option. I've given the issue literally minutes of thought and have come to the conclusion that I won't be one of them.

There are a lot of unknowns in the proposition, including pricing, reliability, and security. What is not unknown, at least in my mind, is that giving control over my internet access to the government seems foolish.

Last Tuesday, my internet access went missing all day due to a still-unexplained technical problem at my service provider. Annoyed as I was at the interruption, I felt confident that the company was (a) doing all it could to get things back online, if for no other reason than to minimize the chance of losing customers, and (b) the outage was not intentional. Perhaps I'm naive and paranoid, but as much as I personally like and respect most of the people I know in our city government, I cannot bring myself to assign those motivations to any government entity in a generic sense. Nor can I count on having our government perpetually staffed by people with noble intentions.

The folks who should be most skeptical of government-provided WiFi are those who consider blogging to be a valid form of journalism. I fall into that category, although the reality is far less impressive than the concept, given the extremely low signal-to-noise ratio we currently experience in the blogosphere. (And I count myself in that non-journalistic ubër-majority -- most of the time.)

Blogging does have the potential to play an important role in keeping citizenry informed, but it has the distinction of being a medium in which its practitioners have little control over the actual dissemination of the information they generate. Very few of us know how to independently build and maintain a backbone to the internet; we're at the mercy of folks who have the technology and willingness to do that for us. Up to now, those folks also need what we're willing to trade in exchange for that access. The real question is whether we can say the same thing about the government.

In closing, I'd like to address one additional piece of that article, a quote by one of our city councilpersons to the effect "...government should compete with the private sector as long as it can beat it." The previously linked post at Jessica's Well took issue with that statement, but I happen to agree with it. In fact, I wish that was the cornerstone of all government endeavor, for if the government actually limited itself to only those things it can do better than the private sector, I think we'd be in much better shape overall.

Join me in wishing a fellow blogger...

...a very happy birthday and a special blessing for the following day.

Tomorrow (Monday, the 5th) is Patti's birthday (I know which one, but you'll have to ask her if you want to know). And, as you probably know, Patti has also been undergoing treatment for cancer, and is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday.

So, I'll bet she'd love it if you'd pop over to White Pebble and (a) wish her a happy birthday and (b) assure her of your thoughts and prayers for a full and speedy recovery following her surgery.

And from me, Patti -- albeit in a west Texas accent -- yom huledet same'ach and shalom uv'racha, amiga!

Pioneer Look-Back

It's time once again for an exciting look back at historical Fort Stockton, courtesy of the "Years Ago" column published in the treeware edition of that town's newspaper, The Pioneer. This from 90 Years Ago:

It's an indication of how far we've come from journalists being able to drop references to the Roman god of rain and reliever of droughts, with the full and reasonable expectation of being properly understood by their readers, to the present time where a distinction between "its" and "it's" is apparently a lost and/or irrelevant art.

On the other hand, perhaps the writer of that report was simply showing off some newly acquired knowledge from a serendipitous source. This also is from the 90 Years Ago report:

It appears that disenchantment with Hollywood's offerings is nothing new.

Santa Fe Scenes

A few random images from our recent trip:

Another ant sculpture on Canyon Road

I thought there might be a joke about flatulence here, but couldn't make it work in the end.

This was actually in Taos, at the Visitor's Center, a very nice facility complete with free WiFi and a loaner computer.

It was tempting, but we elected to forgo the mental clarity.

All photos courtesy of MLB

Testing Creativity

Did you ever have a class in school where the subject matter was as incomprehensible as an interview with Paula Abdul? I can vaguely remember sitting in organic chemistry and calculus classes in college, staring at exam papers where the questions might as well have been written in Sanskrit, and seeing visions of an already anemic GPA shrinking into the nanosphere. I remember seeking inspiration in the faded ceiling tiles, and had I not been so self-absorbed, I might have taken some comfort in the fact that I surely was not the only sophomore in history to have put himself in such a position through a single-minded pursuit of strictly non-academic endeavors.

At some point, I would realize that I had to put something down on paper, in response to the ridiculous questions. *sigh* If only I'd been as creative as this.

Tip of the dunce's cap to Isaac Schrödinger

Random Thursday

Inconsequentia commenceth:

• Blogathon 2007 is scheduled for July 28th! Who's in?


• I was disturbed to discover that my local supermarket rearranged the cereal aisle while I was out of town. I can't help wondering what perceived feng shui faux pas led them to believe that putting the Shredded Wheat on the south end of the aisle instead of its traditional place on the north end provides a superior shopping experience.


• I'm also not happy that my good old green Zest soap -- the soothing verde of the ocean that I grew up only 500 miles away from -- has now been replaced by a strange purple lump in the shape of an elephant's vertebral disc and bearing a silly name like Serene Lilacs of Repose. The fool thing won't even stay put on the soap dish.


• Oh, for those of you who are familiar with the good eats to be found in Santa Fe, while I won't bore you with a blow-by-blow description of our gastronomic adventures, I will provide the following list of our dining destinations and you can fill in the blanks yourselves: Pasqual's, The Shed, Harry's Roadhouse, Tia Sophia's (twice), the Stakeout Bar and Grill (Taos), the Plaza Café, the Guadalupe Café, The Chocolate Maven, and Il Piata. Oh, and high tea at the Hotel St. Francis, which despite no longer providing clotted cream with its scones, is still worth the $9 it takes to enjoy the illusion of culture.


• Speaking of Santa Fe, here's a short video clip I captured during a Sunday afternoon stroll through a neighborhood not far from Canyon Road. Forgive the quality; a hand-held camera at 20x zoom doesn't make for the most stable of images, and the back-lit setting wasn't ideal. But do make sure your computer's audio is turned up to get the full effect:

• I'm not sure I've ever seen a woodpecker in the "wild" before, let alone been in a position to capture one on film.

In closing, I'll share with you that I just finished watching One Night with the King on DVD. This movie purports to be the story of Hadassah, whose accomplishments are described in the Old Testament book of Esther. My advice is short and probably cruel: read the short book of Esther, use your imagination to fill in any perceived gaps in the story, and skip the movie which, while not awful, doesn't come close to measuring up to the real thing.