Fair & Balanced Preemptions

OK, I lied. I'm posting. So sue me. [No, please don't.] I couldn't resist sharing this.

I just received an email from XM Radio publicizing its upcoming college football broadcasts (this will be the first year that XM will broadcast selected Big 12 games, by the way). In the fine print at the bottom of the page was this note:

Someone obviously has made some very careful programming decisions in an attempt to be fair. Unfortunately, knowing human nature, they'll succeed only in ticking off just about everybody: liberals (Air America*), conservatives (America Right), and everyone else (The Weather Channel). But you have to give 'em credit for the symmetry.

One question I do have for the XM publicists is which of those three channels falls into the category of "entertainment"?

Now, who's up for monitoring XM through the season to track the number of times each station actually gets preempted, in order to lodge a claim of bias? Surely someone will perform that "valuable" public service for us.

*I thought these guys went bankrupt. Financially, that is.

I got nothing (again)

And even when I have something, it feels like nothing.

So, out of pity for youse guys, I'm going to take a break. Catch you post-Labor Day.

Cruel & Unusual Punishment

We suspected all along that the copyright enforcement division of the Justice Department was a group of bullying meanies (how else to explain the power of the RIAA and MPAA), but who knew they were capable of inflicting this kind of evil?

The guy who's being forced to switch to Windows is accepting donations via his blog to pay for a Vista license. Good luck with that, d00d.

Hat tip: Daring Fireball

Media Confluence in Our Backyard

I just caught the premier of what will apparently be an ongoing feature: Jimmy Patterson appearing live via webcam on the local CBS affiliate's early morning news show, pitching features appearing on the newspaper's website and in the current edition of the treeware version.

I confess that I don't get it.

I suppose there's some value as a technology "proof of concept," although if this morning's YouTube quality broadcast is any indication, even the technology isn't quite there, yet. Jimmy and the CBS anchor, Krista Escamilla (who, by the way, continues to be one of the more likable and capable on-camera personalities in this area) stepped on each other's lines or succumbed to long uncomfortable pauses, giving the impression that Jimmy was broadcasting from, say, Baghdad instead of his home.

In any event, it's unclear to me what value this arrangement will bring the average viewer. I also wonder what the TV station and the newspaper hope to gain, and I'm curious about the back story, including who approached whom and what financial or promotional consideration, if any, is being given on both sides.

This sort of collaborative effort is harmless (I think) and could be entertaining, and if entertainment's the end game, then there's no problem. OTOH, I'm completely missing the journalistic value at this point. Perhaps that will clear up (along with the webcast quality) as the concept evolves.

TV Exclusive: My DWTS Nominations!

While ABC has not yet officially announced the lineup for this year's Dancing With The Stars, I see that Entertainment Weekly has revealed that one of the competitors will be none other than Mr. Las Vegas himself, Wayne Newton. The rest of the cast will be announced on August 29, on Good Morning America.

In anticipation of that announcement, and in case ABC is having trouble filling the slots, I hereby offer my ideas for who should join Mr. Newton on the show. It's obvious that the show's producers have a predetermined list of generic roles to fill, and so the challenge is to find the right person to fill each role. Thus, I've described the role, and the ideal candidate to fill it.

• Famous retired athlete - Lance Armstrong


• Obscure retired athlete - Greg Louganis


• Clueless starlet-type - Paris Hilton


• Actor in need of career jumpstart - Steven Seagal


• Actress in need of career jumpstart - Demi Moore


• Current athlete in off-season - Carly Patterson (Olympic gold medal gymnast)


• Obligatory AARP representative - Already filled by Wayne Newton, but I was holding out for Bob Barker


• Media representative - Fox's Brian Kilmeade


• Guy who's there only for comic relief - Venezuela's Clown-in-Chief, Hugo Chavez


• Female bucking industry body-type conventions - Jennifer Hudson


• Politician - Karl Rove

If any of these are unavailable, my backup list includes Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz), Ben Stein, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Gina Torres (Serenity), and Kinky Friedman.

The only category I failed to include is "Entertainer Ringer," reserved for those who are only slightly on this side of the "professionally-trained dancer" line (ala Joey Fatone, last year). That's a category I hope the producers will also omit.

Technorati tag: Dancing With The Stars

The Rangers give the Cowboys something to shoot for

One of the benefits of being a blogger is getting to know people you'd probably not otherwise encounter, and so when I read this morning about the Texas Rangers baseball team scoring 30 runs against the Baltimore Orioles – in the Orioles' home park, no less – and becoming the first major league team in 110 years to do that, my thoughts turned immediately to the only Orioles fan I know: Soccer Dad.

He's probably glad his blog isn't entitled "Baseball Dad."

This is not a gloating post, to be sure. I'm not a huge baseball fan, and I've attended a total of one Rangers game in my lifetime. I do find baseball interesting, however, for its ability to generate arcane statistics and anomalous outcomes like last night's game. The fact that two second-tier teams (they're both at or near the bottom of their respective divisions with healthy losing records) can enter the record books is somehow comforting.

Here's hoping the Dallas Cowboys can score that many points in any game this season.

A Note to My Fellow Midland Bloggers

If you're blogging in Midland, you should be on MyWestTexas.com's list of Local Updated Blogs. And, if you have an RSS feed for your blog (and why wouldn't you?), your new posts should be hitting the rotation shown on the "Blog Roll" on the left side of the afore-linked page.

Here's a tip. If you'd like the excerpt shown on the MyWestTexas.com page to be something other than the first 40 or so words of your article, try using the "Excerpt" field provided by many blogging software packages* to generate a more descriptive summary of the post. MyWestTexas.com's aggregator software should automatically pick up and use that excerpt instead of generating one based on the first few sentences of your post.

I know. It's more work. But it can also be useful in helping readers decide whether to click on your post (and, generally, when they're in doubt – they don't).

*If your software doesn't provide this feature, it's old and busted. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Note: Comments are closed.

Insufferable? You ain't seen nothing yet!

Bill over at Prairie Point drew my attention to the just-released national college rankings as determined by Washington Monthly. You can download the PDF listing the top 30 national universities if you can't believe what I'm afixin' to tell you: Texas A&M is El Numero Uno.

I like the way the press release describes the purpose behind these rankings, as contrasted with similar (and more controversial) rankings by US News & World Report:

I take these rankings with a huge grain of salt. And while it's nice to know that we're sending copious quantities of moola to a highly-ranked entity, I hope the university doesn't use the list as an excuse to raise tuition next year!

Nevertheless, I have to admit that this news rates a major "whoop"!

[I can't help wondering how many A&M fans are thinking, "OK, fine; but when will we get to see the football team get the same ranking?!" Gotta have your priorities, right?]

Technorati tag: Washington Monthly College Guide

Book Review: "Dead Boys"

Do you think your life sucks? If so, perhaps you need to pick up a copy of Richard Lange's Dead Boys, collection of short stories filled with characters whose lives are so desolate and hopeless as to make even the most committed pessimist feel like he or she is walking on sunshine.

Lange's stories are built around common themes: addiction, self-destruction, under-achievement, doomed schemes and relationships, "careers" measured in hours or days instead of years or decades, broken things and ruined people. The protagonists' stories are self-revealed, making some of the details of their lives all the more shocking or pitiful.

Nevertheless, I'll give this collection a grudging recommendation, based on the author's skill as a story-teller. Lange's prose is sparse and sharp, with an economy of words that more of us should emulate. You get the feeling that he's spent a great deal of time in the company of folks whose lives form the basis for these stories.

Lange's stories are oddly compelling. His eye for detail is impressive and conversations ring true. And just when you think you've figured out where a particular storyline or character is headed, the author throws in a twist that makes the journey more intriguing, while not significantly altering the final destination; most of these people lead lives for which the outcome was determined years before, by their choices or by fate, however you want to look at it.

Note: This book deals with "adult themes" using "adult language." It's not for children. A review copy was provided to me by the Hatchette Book Group, USA. You can read the publisher's promotional write-up here.

Technorati tags: Dead Boys | Richard Lange

More evidence that I'm not, say, James Bond...

These aren't your usual groceries! And what are you doing here in the middle of the week?

You know your life is bordering on being too predictable when the checker at the busiest grocery store in town makes such observations about your shopping habits. And that's precisely what happened to me this morning.

Setting aside the fact that Tuesday is not technically the middle of the week, she was right on both counts. I'm usually shopping early on Monday, and my cart normally has much more in the way of dairy products. Because of our travel schedule last week, the routine was disrupted. But I would never have guessed that it would be obvious to anyone else.

Perhaps it's a natural phenomenon of being a long-time resident in a smaller city (although 100,000+ souls hardly qualifies as a village). Perhaps it's a testimony to the low employee turnover at this particularly supermarket, or to the observational skills of the checkers.

Or, maybe I'm just a really predictable, stuck-in-a-rut guy. But that couldn't be it, because just this morning I included in my basket – for the first time ever – a pre-cooked pork roast which will anchor tonight's dinner if I can figure out how to turn on the oven. Did I get any credit for that act of living-on-the-edge shopping? I think not.

Well, regardless, the lessons are clear: don't ever assume that you're anonymous or unobserved. And if you aspire to becoming a secret agent, try to shop at a different grocery store every now and then.

This is why God made Barnes & Noble...

Michael Shannon gives detailed instructions on how to make your own "Moleskine-like" writing journal, complete with a Naugahyde cover.

There's probably a site somewhere that will instruct you on how to make your own "Michelin-like" tires for your SUV, and I'm sure there's a valid sense of self-satisfaction from doing just that...but would you really want to thread the 18-wheelers on I-20 on them?

Hat (store-bought) tip to Jacky's Blog.

Unamused Abbye

I was toiling away at the pixel factory when I noticed that Abbye was heading for the back door, so I carried her into the back yard and went back to work. She normally roams around the yard for a while, and, depending on the weather, lays down to decipher the scents and sounds of the neighborhood.

Some time later, I caught a movement on the porch and saw that she'd made her way back to the door. She was also soaked.

What I'd failed to notice is that drizzle had begun to fall. Abbye had gotten disoriented and wandered around in the rain until she stumbled onto the porch.

She was not a happy camper, to say the least, and then she had to endure the humiliation of The Big Towel's invasion of all of her personal spaces.

I'm pretty sure I'm being given the cold shoulder treatment now. This is going to cost me when it comes time for the after-lunch liver treats.

Something interesting coming up in a local election?

Update (8/17): Well, how about that? It's not so hypothetical after all.

So, hypothetically speaking, say you're an incumbent city councilman who's decided to seek another term, and you find out that your opponent will be a local college student just a few years past voting age. Do you:

1. Essentially ignore the opponent, spend as little money as possible, and count on "business as usual" to get you re-elected, but run the risk of being upset if not downright humiliated at the polls?
   
2. Engage the opponent as if he's got a fighting chance, spending a bunch of money to deflect the threat, but run the risk of appearing to be a bully?

Just curious. You know, hypothetically speaking. ;-)

We Are The (404) World

Via one of my favorite bloggers, Deb at Write Lightning, is this excellent link to an almost universal 404 page.

I especially like the message from the BSD user, although the one from the Mac user comes in a close second. But I can't vouch for the accuracy of the Morse code version.

Aggieland Report: Day 2

It was a productive day, for the Nephew, anyway. He got his dorm and room assignment, has a squadron, got his stuff moved into the dorm, and put down a deposit for his Senior Boots.

Yep, that's right. Class of 2011, and he's putting down money for footwear that he'll not pick up for three years. Interestingly, if you want to have your boots made at Holick's (which has been around since 1932), that's the lead time that's required. Also, he's not really supposed to even know about Senior Boots, so don't tell anyone else. It'll be our little secret.

Moving him into the dorm took about 15 minutes, which is a benefit of two things: being male, and being a freshman in the Corps of Cadets. Boys just naturally require less in the way of things like clothes and "maintenance items," and freshman don't have any privileges for extras like rugs, floor lamps, etc. Of course, he's on the fourth floor (no elevators) and so we had to lug his footlocker up three flights of stairs. Did I mention how hot and humid it is down here?

His dorm was built in 1939, no doubt in the euphoric afterglow of A&M's last (and only) national football championship. It looks pretty much how mine looked back in the 70s, although the bunks are now set up as individual beds with the desks underneath. But the a/c works, and there are ethernet connections (the wireless network is only in the common areas of campus), so that's as modern as you need, I suppose.

His squadron's CO is female, another sign of how things have changed in the centuries since I was a student.

We did get a little good news when we discovered that the scholarship he'd qualified turned out to have a longer term than we expected. It's not a lot of money, but every bit counts – and he's still in the running for one additional grant. With any luck, I won't have to put out a Tuition Tip Jar on the Gazette.

We're heading back to Midland in the morning (the Nephew is spending the night in his dorm room; it'll be interesting to get his report at breakfast). The weather forecast has a 100% chance of rain; I hope it follows us all the way back to West Texas.

It's been an interesting few days. We've had more time to look around and get re-acquainted with the area. One thing I can tell you with certainty is that if you spend much time in College Station, you'll never again complain about the traffic lights in Midland. For a city housing the university that hosts the Texas Transportation Institute, the traffic patterns are wack.

And, in case you're wondering, I didn't go for a run today.

Mad Dogs and Aggies

I opted out of the New Student Conference today, choosing to stay at the hotel while the Nephew, his mom and my wife went through the orientation. I couldn't decide which might be more humiliating for the Nephew: showing up with three family members in tow, or being marked as "that kid with two mommies," but the prospect of the second made me laugh, and that's the one I went with. Anyway, I had work to do.

I also wanted to do something that I hadn't done voluntarily in more than 30 years, and that's run around and through the A&M campus. The last time I did it, it was under duress and I was wearing combat boots.

I worked until about 9:30 then put on my running gear and drank half a bottle of water and walked out into the blast furnace. They were forecasting a high of 104° (that doesn't count the heat index) and I had no reason to doubt them.

Our hotel is just a block from the northeast corner of the campus, so I walked to the intersection of George Bush Drive and Texas Avenue – one of the busiest intersections in town, and the scene of ongoing construction that started in the Roosevelt administration (Teddy, that is). I was already starting to sweat, and I hadn't actually made it onto the campus.

What follows is a brief list of the main points on my route, probably of interest to no one except those familiar with the campus. But you can follow along on this Google Map if you have nothing better to do.

• I started running along George Bush Drive, heading southwest, along the golf course. People were playing golf, but I was the only runner in sight.


• I had generally remembered that College Station is flat. It's not.


• Continuing down GB Drive, I passed the drill field where the bonfires were held when we were students, and the Band Dorm where I spent the longest two semesters of my life.


• A half mile further down the road and I was alongside Kyle Field, which I'm sure would have been an impressive sight had I not been blinded by sweat. Still no other runners.


• I turned right at Wellborn Road and ran past the two indoor football fields. Across the road was the baseball stadium (Olsen Field). This was a good direction to run, because there was a slight cooling breeze and sporadic shade.


• Moving along Wellborn Road brought back memories, some of venues and buildings that no longer exist, like the outdoor pavilion where students gathered for impromptu rock concerts and movies.


• I made the corner at University and Wellborn, heading back northeast and enjoying the temporary shade of the USDA building. Just past that building was my old dorm, Crocker Hall, renown at the time for its hippie leanings. Not that I would know anything about any of that. Nosiree. Today, all I could smell was the odor of cheeseburgers wafting from the Dixie Chicken, which brought an unusual combination of hunger and nausea. I glance past the Chicken and see a huge edifice a block or two behind it with a big sign designating it as "The Tradition." I'm guessing it's fancy off-campus student housing, and it strikes me as amusing that something so new would be referred to as a tradition.


• Running past North Gate, I flashed back to the location of the jewelry store where I bought the engagement and wedding ring set for my then wife-to-be. I think I paid around $300 for it, and that was just about the most money I'd ever paid for anything in my life. The jewelry store is long gone, but she still wears the rings.


• I continue down University, and I'm starting to feel the humidity. Still haven't seen another runner, and the few pedestrians I pass on the sidewalk eye me with skepticism, as they might a rabid dog. I draw even with the Chipotle at the corner of University and College (I know; it sounds redundant to me, as well), and decide to run through campus over to New Main Drive, where there are trees. And shade.


• I run east on Bizzell and then loop around on Ross. The administration building is where I worked as a multilith operator (look it up) for the Agricultural Extension Service.


• I hang a left onto New Main Drive (I forget what it was called when I was a student, but I don't think it was that) and run past the Bonfire Memorial, a beautiful and moving tribute to the students who lost their lives in 1999 when the stack collapsed. I worked on the bonfire when I was a freshman. It was an amazing experience.


• Thirty minutes have passed since I started running, and I'm fried. I walk the rest of the way back to the hotel, probably about another mile. I finally pass another runner, coming toward me. He looks a lot like Brad Pitt, and I remember thinking, great; why couldn't it have at least been Angelina?. I'm also trying really hard to keep from weaving on the sidewalk, and I try to do a math problem in my head to stay focused on staying conscious. I tried to figure out what percentage of the radius of a circle is traveled when you run a quarter of the circumference. I can visualize the equation in my mind (c/4 = 2πr – or something like that), but I can't quite work it out.


• I make it back to the hotel room where the a/c has kept things frosty, man, and I immediately throw up four times in succession. Just kidding. It was only two. Just kidding. After I regain consciousness on the floor, I saw no signs of pukitude, so I'm pretty sure I didn't throw up at all. Just kidding. I did drink a bottle of water and spent another 30 minutes sweating, but otherwise I felt no ill effects. At 10:45 a.m., the temperature was 94° with a heat index of 99.

The best thing about this experience is that I don't have to repeat it. Unlike a certain freshman I know.

Shop 'til you drop: it's now a reality

Beth and I were joking with each other about Ikea stores being so big that you needed to plan on spending the night there.

Turns out it's not a joke.

This quote reminded me of an episode from My Name is Earl:

Anyone else remember that episode?

Back in College Station

We're back in east Texas, getting the Nephew delivered to freshman orientation, dorm check-in, and all that good stuff. And, man, is it hot and humid down here! The heat index is over 100 (at 6:30 in the pm).

The good news is that MLB and I are both hooked up to the web wirelessly, thanks to the AirPort Express I brought with me following last month's fiasco. Since this is not a vacation for either of us, this will help us get some work done while the Nephew and his mom are getting indoctrina...um...oriented.

I'll try to find time to post a few more things than I did last trip.

[Design] Rules are made to be broken

Matthew Mahon's photography website breaks just about every rule in the Good Book of Usable Design:

• Its navigation scheme is non-intuitive because, frankly, it doesn't have one. Visitors have no way of knowing where they're going when they click a link...if they can even find a link to click.
• It's 100% Flash and thus search-engine unfriendly. And good luck surfing it on an iPhone.
• The animations and most of the text could be termed third-graderish, except that would give third graders a bad name.

The website also resulted in $100,000 of new business in its first year, by estimation of the photographer. Considering it cost him only $12,000, one can conclude that rules aren't always what they're cracked up to be.

This is another website mentioned in this month's edition of Layers Magazine, in the article focusing on photographers' sites. Mahon's site was built by the two guys who run the design studio of WEFAIL (the studio name and their own website quickly communicate that you're not in Kansas anymore, design-wise, as it contains profanity as well as content that is borderline pornographic, an approach that sets some definite sideboards regarding its prospective clientèle), and every pixel was placed with conscious purpose.

And it works. I spent way more time than I had browsing through the site last Wednesday evening. Despite the unconventional presentation, it does a fine job of presenting Mahon's work and his outlook, which, apparently, is equally important to art directors seeking to hire free-lance shooters.

I'm tempted to let you figure out how to work the site on your own, but I value my visitors' time, so here are a few steps to flatten the learning curve:

• Click on any image to zoom in.
• Click on white space to zoom out.
• If a scary little head appears in the lower right corner of an image, click on it to see a video of the photographer and his assistant offering commentary – which may or may not elucidate or edify – about the photo.
• If a curved arrow appears in the lower right corner of an image, click to flip the image, which reveals supplementary text of varying usefulness.

And don't blame me if you get caught up in this site. It's not against the rules to have fun with it, you know.

Technorati tags: Matthew Mahon | WEFAIL

Early Morning Showers

So I'm standing at the kitchen sink (hence the post category; clever, huh?), cleaning up after this morning's breakfast, and my Spidey sense is tingling, warning me that something is wrong. I quickly go through a mental checklist to assess the situation, attempting to identify the source of my unease.

• Faucet on. check
• Full stream of water hitting me squarely in the chest. check

Oh, #$$%^^#!

Time slows down as I ponder the faucet head which is loose in my left hand, instead of being attached to the flexible hose that has now retreated into the bowels of the decapitated fixture. I feel the blast of the water and see it bouncing off my body into every nook and cranny (yes, our kitchen is old enough that we still have crannies). I take note of Abbye, formerly resting quietly at my feet but now heading for the unseen hills (while no doubt thinking, indoor rain? great. my life is now officially a living heck.).

Fortunately, my lightning-quick reflexes kick in as I reach out and shut off the water before anything other than me gets seriously soaked. Even more fortunate is the fact that the problem is simply that the faucet head somehow came unscrewed from the hose, rather than snapping off and requiring replacement of the entire assembly.

Abbye's still steering clear of the kitchen, however. At least until lunch.

Gone Brushhoggin'

Update: I received some very kind feedback about this project via comments and email, and while I appreciate the sentiments, I need to redirect the focus to the guy who really did yeoman's work in planning and executing it. Wally (and his lovely wife) directs our Sunday School department (the Simon Department at First Baptist Church), and he arranged for the rental of the tractor. He also did most of the actual brushhogging, drawing on his experiences on a pipeline roustabout crew in another life. (Apparently, once you cleared right of way for a pipeline in southern Louisiana, mowing a few acres of West Texas dryland is a walk in the park!) The cost of the tractor rental was donated by department members. My role in all of this was limited to the things that require no skill or judgment – operate a hoe and weedeater, and generally trying to stay out of the way of the tractor.

My pal Wally and I are going out to Bob's place this morning to do some brushhogging. I have no idea what that means, but it should be fun. Wally said he got the biggest brushhogger he could find; apparently, he wasn't kidding:

Photos and videos forthcoming (but, hopefully, not on the 10 o'clock news).

Jeremy Cowart, Photographer

I went to Jeremy Cowart's website because of the write-up in the current edition of Layers Magazine. His is one of three photography websites spotlighted by the magazine as being a cut above the rest.

It certainly is a fine example of how Web 2.0 technology is making its way into sites that are using it for its practicality and not its novelty – but that's a post for another time. As I said, I went based on the magazine's review; I stayed because of Cowart's amazing photographs of Africa and its people. These are some of the most achingly beautiful photos of that place that you'll ever see.

This is not just another shoot for the photographer. He's collaborated with Jena Lee to produce a book, Hope in the Darkness, with the intent of raising awareness of both the desperation and the hope that exists on that continent, or, rather, in its people.

If you browse through more of Cowart's portfolio, you'll see that he's tagged a number of photos with the term "Christian." (The ability to sort and organize the photos by such tags is another cool application of technology for this site.) The photos in this section are primarily of musicians, and well-known ones at that (e.g. Jars of Clay, Switchfoot, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, Everyday Sunday, and some guy named Michael W. Smith). Given that his website's target audience is art directors (according to the Layers article) it's pretty gutsy of him to use the "C" word anywhere on the site.

He's got a Virb blog, if you're interested.

Technorati tag: Jeremy Cowart

Surfing the 'Lube

I hauled the laptop to AvisLube (Wadley and Loop 250) in order to get some real work done while waiting for the Durango to be serviced (3,000 mile checkup, inspection sticker, etc.). What I didn't anticipate was that after a couple of years of leaving comments on its feedback form, I find that the company has installed a wireless network – and I can't resist the urge to post something. I mean, it would be hypocritical of me, wouldn't it, to rant about having access only to a wired network for the usual twenty minutes it takes to change the oil and filter (oh, the humanity!), and then not to actually use the wireless version now that it's available.

[By the way, it doesn't instill confidence when the service tech comes out, tells you that the transmission fluid is past due for a change, and when you agree to letting them handle it, hands you a waiver form to sign agreeing that they're not liable for any problems caused by the performance of that service.]

OK...I've gotten this out of my system. It's off to work I go.

Unionized Gazette? Never!

Of all the harebrained ideas to float out of the port side of the blogosphere, this one takes the cake.

"Unionization would raise the professionalism of blogging"? Give me a break.

Here's where I stand on the issue (if it's not already clear):

Feel free to use this button on your blog, with or without attribution or link.

Technorati tag: Blogger Union | Yet Another Stupid Idea

Random Thursday: The Monday Edition

Am I four days late, or three days early? And why would you even care?

• My nomination for Dumbest Series of Car Commercials goes to Hyundai for its "Big Duh" sales event. Even when you set the duhs to the strains of Beethoven's Fifth, it's still dumb. But I would have loved to have been in the meeting where the ad agency first pitched the idea. Maybe "duh" means something different in Korean.


• Here's a question I'd like to pose to all the atheists out there: how do you explain trees? I mean, what evolutionary purpose would be fulfilled by trees? This is not an idle question, considering that trees and the wood and byproducts they provide quite literally made the earth livable for mankind. I think Joyce Kilmer had the right answer, all along.


• And speaking of the role wood has played throughout recorded history, this looks like a fascinating book. I actually considered buying it last Christmas and never got around to it, but I take my recent revelation as a sign I should go right out and get it. It's pages are made from trees, you know.


• My nomination for the Dumbest Sports Non-Story goes to this one reporting that UT has decided not to leave the Big 12 conference to join the Big 10. According to the report, "...Texas and Nebraska weren't getting along..." So, what exactly does that mean? That the universities won't sign each other's yearbook before graduation? That both states want to claim Oklahoma for overflow parking at their respective state fairs? Listen, I'd be more worried if they did "get along," at least when it comes to sports rivalries. I don't even want to think about football players getting together for slumber parties and doing each other's hair and giggling at stories in Dave Campbell's latest magazine.


• Foo found a place where Burger King will "Simpsonize" you. I'd post the results I achieved but you can get the full effect by looking at Foo's avatar and subtracting some hair. OK, a lot of hair; thanks for noticing.


• But my favorite new play toy is the Road Construction Sign generator (link courtesy of George over at Sleepless in Midland. My suggestion is shown below. I think Dante would approve. Especially if he drove a Hyundai*.

*In the interest of fair and balanced blogging, I confess that we own a Hyundai, and it's a most excellent vehicle. I'd buy another one.

Seven Wonders of West Texas - Results

I've been flooded with inquiries as to the voting results for the recent "Seven Wonders of West Texas" poll ("flooded" being a precise qualitative term found midway on the continuum bounded by "zero" and "two"). Most of the nominations were taken via comments to this post, and they were then turned over to MyWestTexas.com for the actual voting.

Although the deal was that I was to have access to the final results in order to post simultaneously with their appearance in the newspaper, that didn't happen, for whatever reason. But since not all my visitors have access to the local treeware version, and since the online story is a bit buried, here are the final results:

Man-Made "Wonders"

• Balmorhea State Park (Toyahvale)
• Our Lady of Guadalupe Shrine (Midland)
• McDonald Observatory (David Mountains)
• Indian Lodge (Davis Mountains)
• Summer Mummers (Midland)
• Southern Pacific Railroad Bridge, Pecos River Canyon (Val Verde)
• Paisano Pete, world's largest railroad [sic] (Ed. – Should be "roadrunner") statue (Fort Stockton)

Natural "Wonders"

• Chisos Mountains (Big Bend National Park)
• Santa Elena Canyon (Big Bend National Park)
• Marfa Lights
• Guadalupe Peak/El Capitan (Guadalupe National Park)
• McKittrick Canyon (Guadalupe National Park)
• Caverns of Sonora
• Monahans Sandhills

Thanks to everyone who nominated their favorite places in West Texas. Of the final fourteen, all but one (the Shrine, which I've never visited) came via your nominations on the Gazette.

Judy Fulton (Miss Judy) Passes

In June, I wrote about Judy Fulton, who portrayed Miss Judy on the local franchise of Romper Room. Judy's son, Doug DeBolt, had run across yet another post about local TV in the 60s and sent me an update on his mom.

I received another email from Doug yesterday informing me that Judy passed away last Monday. Doug also provided some additional information that might resonate with long-time Permian Basin residents:

Here are some of the links provided by Doug:

• Moving Tribute on Legacy.com


• Obituary and guest book


• 6-minute video of "Miss Judy and Friends" from the Odessa Fire Department historical site (Note: In addition to capturing "Miss Judy's" obvious grace and beauty – I'll surely not be the only one to whom the mental comparison to Jacqueline Kennedy comes to mind – this video is a fascinating historical snapshot of Odessa from 40+ years ago.)

I must admit that Midland Community Theater was not on my family's cultural radar screen back then, not in the backwaters of Fort Stockton. I thought a trip to the movie theater was akin to visiting Disneyland. But I understand that the theater was thriving both in Midland and Odessa (via the Permian Playhouse), and Judy would have been no small celebrity as a result, even without her television appearances.

Our condolences go out to Doug and the rest of Judy Fulton's family.

Dogs and Cats

Rachel forwarded this via email, and while I'm pretty sure it's been around a while, I still get a kick out of it.

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Now, if dogs and cats were bloggers, dogs would be MySpace users (or Flitter, but I think that's too challenging from a technical perspective) and cats would be using software that they coded from scratch (ha!) but their posts would be encoded using mil-spec encryption.

Be Careful What You Wish For -or- Uncle!

OK, it's official. We've had plenty of rain. It can stop now. Please.

Our backyard gauge has measured 5.1" inches in the last 30 hours, and it's raining as I type this. Street flooding early Thursday morning was bad enough that the water lapped within a few feet of our front door, a phenomenon we haven't seen in the 25 years we've been in this house. (Our new one will be much better situated, elevation-wise.)

Of course, Abbye is miserable. Regular readers of the Gazette already know of her loathing of rainfall, particularly that which comes in the morning hours when she expects to get her walk. We headed out this morning during an apparent break in the precip, but it began to sprinkle as we made our way to the park. By the time we got there, the sprinkles were turning into a steady drizzle. She quickly did her business and we made a u-turn to head home, cutting our normal routine short.

The drizzle escalated to rain status and I resorted to what Abbye views as the ultimate in humiliation: picking her up and carrying her under the protection of the umbrella. This isn't exactly fun for me, either. She weighs only 17 pounds, but she carries heavier than that, for some reason. And, of course, she was wearing as her fragrance the ever-popular eau du wet dog.

Anyway, as of August 3rd, our yearly rainfall measures 50% more than our normal annual average, and we could desperately use a week or so of sunshine.

God, could you please arrange that? But, of course, not too much sunshine. We've grown accustomed to the cool weather. But, please, remove the humidity while you're at it. And the mosquitoes. Yeah, that should do it.

We're not that hard to please, are we?

A Dozen Texas Places

I guess a meme is as good a way as any to return to the 'sphere after a brief layoff (layout? layover? lay down?). Jimmy's originated one that's got a good Texas theme: ...find out from as many bloggers as possible just where they'd like to be in the state of Texas if they could choose A Dozen Places. Six of those would be places they've been before; six would be places they've never been.

He's got some good ones in his lists. I've actually been to a couple of his "never been" locations (top of Enchanted Rock; White Rock Lake).

I'm going to accede to his pleading request to participate, in spite of one highly offensive entry on his list, as I recognize that he's still recovering from Blogathon and is thus insane. But I'm also adding another dimension to my "would like to be there again" selections – time. Some locations are no longer what they once were (same goes for people, but that's another meme for another time). Anyway, here are my lists:

6 places I've been in Texas (where I wish I could be again right now)

• Tubing the Frio River just outside of Leakey, upstream from Garner State Park, in 1971. Back then, you could actually climb onto the bank of the river, or dive off the cliffs, without someone calling the sheriff or drawing a bead on you with a 12 gauge.


• Bicycling the 75-mile Fort Davis loop with "Chet" and "Natalie," 1984. This selection proves that time heals all wounds, even if it might leave you with a commemorative limp.


• Listening to dixieland jazz at The Landing on the River Walk in San Antonio on a cool October evening, following a meal at The Little Rhein Steakhouse.


• Scuba diving in the natural-bottomed swimming hole at Balmorhea State Park, chasing catfish and turtles and watching the sand boil where the springs feed the pool.


• Riding my 70cc Honda dirt bike through the pasture west of Fort Stockton, ca. 1966, following a summer shower with the fragrance of the flowering greasewood infusing the air, and the jackrabbits scattering before the tinny onslaught. That pasture is now mostly homes and other development, with fences that strangle the aspirations of young wannabe Wild Ones.


• Eating dinner at The Herb Farm in Fredericksburg during peach season, in order to enjoy their peach vinaigrette salad dressing and the cobbler for dessert

6 places I've never been in Texas (where I wish I could be right now)

• Bicycling the Houston MS 150 with Bret and family, or doing a fast training ride anywhere in north Texas with Foo.


• The Apple Store in Plano. Or, really, any Apple Store in Texas.


• NASA Headquarters, Houston


• The Ballpark, Arlington (World Series or not)


• Running to the top of Guadalupe Peak and back (this is semi-cheating, as I've been to the Peak a couple of times, but I've seen guys running the trail and it would be "fun" to try it someday)


• That bookstore in Archer City that Jim keeps trying to put in West Texas.

OK, I think that about covers it. I'd tag someone else for this, but it's too much trouble so you have to tag yourself. Still, it's a good meme, and I congratulate the Jimster on coming up with it. Perhaps he needs to get less sleep more often.