When CDs Ruled the Mail - Pt 2: The AOL Commodities Collection

In the first installment of When CDs Ruled the Mail, some of you commented about the ubiquity of America Online's floppy disks. I suspect I still have a couple of AOL floppies in an unpacked box; like you, I erased the original content and used them for other things. However, we're focusing here on the higher steps of the evolutionary ladder.

I don't know if AOL was the ISP who pioneered the use of mailed digital media to promote its product, but the company certainly seemed to corner the market when it came to sending us CDs.

When you're sending out about a billion disks a week, it's probably difficult for your ad department to provide some differentiation among them. But, bless their hearts, they gave it a good try. Here, for example, is AOL's "bling theme" collection, beginning with a classy gold lamé disk, suitable for framing on black velvet. Even at version 4.0, it's apparent that AOL was feeling some competition and/or disenchantment with its services (how else to explain the tagline, "Come back and see the difference"?).

The next step up was AOL Titanium, distinguished by its soothing stark blue background. However, the disk provides no clue as to what else might distinguish this edition from the myriad others provided by the company.

Finally, the pinnacle (we assume) of the AOL Precious Jewels collection: the Diamond edition, featuring "Cutting Edge Internet!" (as opposed to the other blunt object versions), 500 free hours, and seven (7) email addresses.

Wonder how many people stopped to do the math and realized that to take advantage of AOL's free hours, they'd have to tie up their phone line for 16 hours each day during that first month? That's a lot of time to spend in the "Teen Wiccan Bikers Who Macramé Cat Toys" chatroom.

Up next: AOL gets funky

When CDs Ruled the Mail

I know that Jim hates delivering NetFlix envelopes (although the reason remains obscure) but he could have it worse. He could have been a carrier back in the olden days when ISPs filled mailboxes to overflowing with CDs touting their services.

One of the discoveries I made during the packing and unpacking process was a collection of said discs. At one time, I was sure that I could come up with a creative use for a thousand free CDs (I'm still working on how, exactly, to armor our recumbent tandem with them), and while I've given up on any kind of physical use, I've convinced myself that the internet needs another useless collection of quasi-historical trivia, and I'm just the guy to deliver.

So, this is your introduction to the fascinating world of scanned internet access disks from the late 20th century. At some point, there will be a permanent repository for this collection of trivia (not unlike someone's collection of Analog magazine covers). But for now, the Gazette is your go-to destiniation to relive this important part of history, filling that hitherto unrecognized gap in your existence.

Our first examples come from Juno, an ISP which is still in business. Its survival is no doubt traced to the fact that in 1999, it understood the marketing importance of being "Y2K Compliant." Does anyone remember Y2K?

Y2K compliance was a big deal to Juno as it apparently allowed them to justify nearly doubling their price, after they had a chance to think about just how big a deal it was:

Although, since I can't actually date these disks, perhaps it was the other way around.

Next up: The AOL Commodities Collection

Wendy's Gets a Clue

According to the Wall Street Journal, Wendy's is giving up on one of the dumbest ad campaigns in history:

You know, if someone had simply written that last phrase on a whiteboard in the ad agency's conference room, then read it out loud, that campaign would never have seen the light of day.

Super Bowl Ad Ratings

Here are my picks for the best (and worst) ads from yesterday's Super Bowl broadcast (ads are in no particular order within ratings):

Ant Rating:

• Garmin - Napoleon uses a talking GPS to navigate his car, as he can't see over the dashboard. Bonus points to Garmin for assuming that the audience actually knows who Napoleon is.


• SoBe Life Water - A flock (herd? gaggle?) of lizards re-create the dance moves from Michael Jackson's Thriller. The jewel-encrusted grillz on some of the lizards is great detail.


• Fed Ex - Mutant carrier pigeons do a less than adequate job of moving freight in this spot that finds its strength in its special effects.


• Pixar - Ad for upcoming move, WALL•E, pulls in some of the well-known characters from previous Pixar movies. Nobody makes animation more appealing.

Ant Rating:

• Audi RB - Re-creates the famous "horse head in bed" scene from The Godfather, using the bumper and grille of an Audi competitor in place of the head. Figured Audi was too refined for this approach...which is why it was so effective.


• Bridgestone - Screaming animals (and humans) used to highlight the maneuverability of the tires in emergencies.


• Cars.com - Plan B for car buyer is to pit salesman against buyer's "representative" in a Circle of Death ultimate fighting match.


• Tide Laundry Detergent - Talking stain on man's shirt manages to completely dominate a job interview. Funny and insightful on multiple levels.


• Toyota - Man is locked inside car with badger nursing little ones, in order to test the soundproofing of the vehicle. Another edgy commercial from an unlikely source.


• Doritos - Man sets a mousetrap using cheesy Doritos as bait, and succeeds beyond his wildest nightmares. Very odd ad.


• Cars.com - Sequel to previous commercial has plan B being a witch doctor to shrink the car salesman's head (a schtick that worked well in Beetlejuice, by the way).


• Bridgestone - Tire company gets a second thumbs-up with yet another tongue-in-cheek demonstration of handling skills. Seems serious up to the point where the driver spots Richard Simmons in the middle of the road and has some angst about whether or not to swerve.


• e-Trade - Two ads featuring the same baby lip-synced to a man talking about his investing success. First ad plays up (throws up?) real baby stuff; the second one features a background clown. A lot of companies have tried this baby-as-spokesperson approach, but none have done it as well.


• National Football League - The spot about the oboe-playing Houston Texan was downright fascinating (and this blog's visitor stats are through the roof for "NFL oboe player," so many others were equally smitten).


• Coca-Cola - Parade balloons fight over a Coke balloon. Punch line comes when a Charlie Brown balloon comes out of nowhere to steal the prize.

Ant Rating:

• GoDaddy.com - As always, in a class[less] by itself, GoDaddy continues to play up it's "we're too sexy for Fox" reputation. This year's version features Indy-car driver Danica Patrick unzipping her jacket, then cutting away to a web address where you can view the supposedly uncensored ad. I have no idea what that ad consists of, nor am I the least bit interested. I would feel badly for Patrick, other than the fact that she's surely taking a bunch of GoDaddy's money.

Overall, no "We Are The World"-class ads emerged from this year's Super Bowl, and not many of them will bear repeat views (but that won't stop advertisers from trying to get their money's worth via endless repetition. The trend continued toward edgy, obscure, non-product-trait-specific spots. But, you know, that's fine. After all, it's really hard to get excited about a laundry detergent. But a talking stain? That's another whole story. Just ask Bill Clinton.

And thus endeth another Super Bowl ad round-up. Catch you next year?

Mxd Sgnl

Setting: Conference room in Starcom MediaVest Group's Atlanta offices.

Ad Exec #1: Allstate wants a campaign to address the increasing problems caused by distracted drivers. They want to increase awareness of the dangers of not keeping your eye on the road.

Ad Exec #2: Oh, yeah, that's a huge problem. But how do we convince drivers to stop paying attention to things other than the task of driving?

Creative pause

Ad Exec #1: Hey, I know what we can do!

Seriously, does anyone else see the irony of this billboard? It's bad enough that they're using a sign on the side of a highway to remind folks to watch the road, but then they place a message on it that is non-intuitive to anyone except those who are too young to drive in the first place.

Funniest Ads?

The cable station TBS is sponsoring an online contest to select the funniest TV ad of the year. You can view the nominees and cast your vote here.

There's the usual assortment of lame beer ads (although I have always liked the Bud Light "Hitchhiker" commercial), but my favorite of the nominees is the one from the Norwegian company Hydro Energy. The Nationwide Insurance "K-Fed" ad runs a close second.

However, in my opinion, the best ad didn't even make it to the top nine. Click on "Top Rated" and watch the one from Deutsche Postbank and see if you don't agree.

High Thread Count TV

This TV ad for Sony's Bravia brand is as inscrutable as it is impressive.

Link via Adrants, which likens it to running bunnies through the Congressional Cemetery.

Say what?!

I had despaired of finding either the inspiration or the time to post anything, but the former came in the form of ten minutes of television and the latter is being carved out of the time I usually devote to counting ceiling tiles.

Do you ever really listen to what's being broadcast? If you do, you won't be surprised by the following:

• The anchor on a national news show, describing a "breaking story" about a landslide in California, said that details were sketchy but that they were "efforting" to get more information. Just what we need: yet another noun-turned-verb.


• This was closely followed by an ad for a resort in the Caribbean which features many amenities and wonderful things, including an "exotic offshore island." Those really are the best kind, of course.


• Asian TV ads for English speaking audiences are an endless source of amusement and/or bafflement. The latter reaction accompanied the commercial for Korean Air, which featured a series of images (most of which had nothing to do with air travel) accompanied by various adjectives in text form. You know, adjectives like "graceful," "visionary," "admired," and, um, "pledging."


• Not everything on TV is silly. Car maker Hyundai is running a series of ads with the theme "Think About It." Along with the world's slowest loading website and some excessively preachy messages, it's providing at least one bit of commendable commentary. The ad I just saw spoke of commitment, and how it had become a scarce commodity in today's culture. "Don't like your nose? Get a new one. Don't like your spouse? Get a new one. Whatever happened to commitment, of making a decision and standing by it?" I confess to being puzzled as to how this will help them sell more cars, but it's a refreshing perspective.

Obligatory warning: Paying close attention to what's on television is not recommended. The preceding was done on a closed course by a professional cynic. Do not try this at home.

The Fruit Guys and Vince Gill

You didn't forget about this, did you?

Coming Attractions

After the frenzy of Live Free or Die Hard and Transformers, we were in the mood for some mellower escapism, so we went to see Ocean's 13 on Wednesday. It met all expectations – which weren't high – and it didn't invoke epilepsy or impose deafness. We did suffer a slight strain of credulity, but that had already been painfully stretched by the previous two movies.

But, that's neither here nor there. What I really want to briefly touch upon are three upcoming "events" that merit further consideration, listed below in reverse chronology and by increasing potential entertainment value:

• We saw the trailer for the remake of The Omega Man; this time it's called I Am Legend. It stars Will Smith, and I'll buy a ticket to watch Smith in just about anything, especially if it's sci-fi. Apparently, this time around the survivors of the apocalypse are vampires, instead of the scabrous albinos Charlton Heston had to deal with. Anyway, it's set to open in December, to help us get in the Christmas spirit.


• A more intriguing movie is set to open in August; it's Stardust, a fantasy with a cast of heavyweights including Robert DeNiro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, Ian McKellan, Ricky Gervais, and Peter O'Toole. Looks like a combination of Harry Potter, POTC, and Time Bandits.


• If you grow impatient awaiting those premiers, just try to hold out until next Monday, July 9th, when the Fruit of the Loom guys roll out their new music video, starring Vince Gill. Oops...I probably wasn't supposed to reveal that detail. Oh well. The ad ran with the trailers preceding Ocean's 13 and I thought I was going to collapse onto the theater floor, where I'd die a spasmodic death, stuck to the linoleum, but happy nonetheless for having viewed something so hilarious. Put a note on your calendar and visit the Fruit Guys on Monday. You'll be glad you did.

Using "the day before" in ads: Offensive or Effective?

What do you think of this?

Or this?

How about this?

The ad agency has turned icons of tragedy into fodder for selling newspapers. It's a technique that's breathtaking in its audaciousness.

It also makes me want to lose my breakfast. But, hey -- that's just me.

Can't help wondering if they've already dispatched photographers to the Virginia Tech campus for round 2.

Via AdRants

Evolving Television

I've somehow managed to misplace my subscription to Variety for, oh, about fifty years, so I missed this article describing ABC's plans to make a TV sitcom based on the merry antics of the Geico cavemen. Although there's many a slip 'twixt pilot and series, the idea seems just quirky enough to work.

Slate has a good analysis of the potential transition from advertising characters to TV stars. The article also has a link to CavemensCrib.com, a slow-loading Flash site that lets you snoop around in the Ikea-inspired apartment of those crustily comic Cro-Magnons. If you have the patience, you can eavesdrop on their voicemail, follow a refrigerator magnet-based argument in Esperanto, tinker with their iPod, and even view their NCAA basketball brackets (the latter proving the cavemen still have a thing or two to learn about evolution, as they picked Louisville to beat A&M and UT to make the Sweet 16).

Frankly, I'm not sure the cavemen series has legs as a ad campaign, much less a TV series. But I'm willing to give it a chance. I'll go along with anything that occupies a slot that might otherwise go to another lame reality show.

Although I can't imagine why one would want one when there's a perfectly good store for buying Fire Ant Gazette cra...uh...merchandise, you can buy caveman t-shirts and bumper stickers at the Geico Store.

Emmitt's HEB Commercial

For those who don't live in Texas, here's where you can view Emmitt Smith's commercial on behalf of the H-E-B Grocery chain that aired during last night's Super Bowl.

Super Bowl 2007: Commercial Wrapup

Here's my list of the best commercials from this year's Super Bowl, in no particular order:

• Nationwide: K-Fed's commercial


• Bud Light: axe-wielding hitchhiker


• Taco Bell: Lions trying to pronounce carne asada


• Blockbuster "click and drag the [live] mouse"


• Coke: computer game, take off on Grand Theft Auto


• GM: laid-off robot, contemplating suicide (dream sequence)


• Bud Light: gorilla plot


• Emerald Nuts : Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff


• Careerbuilder.com - The Series


• Coke: the animated world inside a Coke machine

Emmitt Smith's HEB commercial would have been included if it hadn't been limited to a regional audience.

If I had to pick one favorite, it would be Blockbuster's, with the Taco Bell ad coming in second. The most visually pleasing ad was Coke's "inside the machine" spot.

Overall, this was a somewhat disappointing offering. Nothing just blew me away; no 5-ant awards were earned.

I had planned to create a poll to let folks vote on their favorites, but I'm too lazy. Feel free to leave your choices or your reactions to my choices in the comments.

Chrysler 300 Ad: What are they thinking?!

Have you seen the new TV spot for Chrysler's 300C, the one spoofing the ancient Folger's Coffee ad in which an unsuspecting character's favorite brand of coffee is secretly switched for something supposedly superior? In the Chrysler reincarnation, the 300C is substituted for a Toyota Avalon, much to the pleasure of the clueless driver.

Anyway, that much would have been fine and even somewhat amusing, but the car company took it one step too far, as the narrator finds it necessary to point out that they've also "replaced his wife of 20 years -- Agnes -- with this piping hot fashion model, Isabella." The driver gets an ecstatic look on his face and responds..."ohhh, thank you, Chrysler."

OK, you can watch it yourself, courtesy of YouTube:

My question is simple: has Chrysler lost its freakin' mind? Is it doing so well, financially, that it can afford to alienate a large segment of its potential customer base, that being (1) married women and (2) married men who happen to be quite content with their wives of however-many-years...of which there are a whole lot more of us than the company apparently comprehends? And that doesn't even count the unmarried women named Agnes.

I'd expect this sort of thing from, say, Go Daddy. But from a car company? Chrysler should be ashamed of itself.

Go Daddy's Rejected Super Bowl Ad

Welcome, Go Daddy visitors. If you want my take on the Super Bowl ads that did make it to the broadcast, here's the post.

Go Daddy's founder, Bob Parsons, reports on his blog that CBS has approved the third iteration of the domain name registrar's Super Bowl ad. He's also posted the second version that was rejected by CBS.

Unlike Go Daddy's previous ads, which seemed to promote the chestal regions of buxom lasses more than domain services, this year's version is actually relevant to the company's primary business. Sort of. It will be interesting to see what got changed in the final version to make it palatable to the broadcaster.

I continue to believe that Parsons is the Larry Flynt of the domain name business, but I do agree with some of his opinions regarding freedom of speech and internet access.

"Got a loose firewire"

Via YouTube, here's one of a series of four parodies of the "Mac vs. PC" ads in which a "Christ follower" encounters a "Christian":

The other three are here, here, and here.

As with the ads this series parodies, there's something a little unnerving about the simplicity of the judgments put forth. Organized religion makes for an easy target, but the issues aren't really as black and white as either side portrays them. Still, they make for good fodder for discussion, and the parodies themselves are first-rate.

And in case you're wondering, the post title comes from Part 4 of the series, the silliest of the bunch.

Tip of the mitre to Chris, who, as a recent seminary graduate and current vocational minister is in a good position to argue both sides of the parodies. He's also a Mac user, so he's got that going for him. ;-)

"Apocalypto" Now; TSC Then and Now

We're heading out in a bit to catch the first matinee of Apocalypto. I'll try to have a review up later today, if you're waffling about whether to see it, and desperate enough to consider my perceptions in the decision process.

In the meantime, am I losing my mind or has the Tractor Supply Company edited its current Christmas TV commercial, the one where the wifely figurines are discussing the fact that they sent their husbandly figurines to deliver something to the local nativity scene without telling them that they'd been signed up to also appear in the tableau. In the earliest version, the last shot is of the husbandly figurines standing next to the manger dressed as shepherds, and one of them disgustedly mutters under his breath something like "Mabel in a manger." But in the current version, he just grunts his displeasure. Anybody else noticed that?

[I have to admit that the first time I saw the first version, I thought TSC was probably on shaky ground, at least with the PC Police. Perhaps I was a bit prescient. Or, perhaps I've just imagined the whole thing.]

DLAM: Admit it, you know you want to

DLAM*: Dress Like A Mac.

Because being too cool is being just cool enough, and dressing cool is a great substitute for being cool. Or something.

Tip of the cap...oh, wait -- there is no cap. Rats. There goes my ensemblé. Anyway, thanks, Cult of Mac.

*This is, however, distressingly close to "Dress Like A Mac Enthusiast" or "D-LAME." Just figured I'd throw that out before you did.

Want to improve the reading skills of teenaged boys?

Send 'em to this site.

I'm either showing my age or my geekiness -- probably both -- as I confess that as I watched a preview in action, my main thought was "how did they do that?"

Note: This site was originally designed by Philips (the electronics conglomerate) to allow the sending of condolences to fans of losing teams during the recent World Cup Soccer tournament.

Tug of the zipper to AdRants, which provides a more titillating introduction than the site deserves. But, that's advertising for you.

Netscape? Are they still around?

Janco Associates has published a white paper documenting browser market share and the big surprise is that Netscape has almost 5% of the market, compared to 0.3% a year ago.

Quick show of hands: any Gazette readers using Netscape?

[Aside #1: I just popped over and looked at the Gazette's visitor stats and note that Netscape is used by 4% of the traffic, with a scary 2% (!) still using Netscape 3.x. Yikes. I can't imagine the jumbled mess they see here. OTOH, that's the same percentage as those using IE 7.]

Confusingly, Janco had this to say in the news release accompanying the white paper:

They must be seeing something in the numbers that I'm overlooking.

Anyway, Firefox's adoption rate has slowed a bit and continues to hover around the 12-14% share.

[Aside #2: The most intriguing things about all of this is the amount of interest that the relative market share of a bunch of free software can still generate. Sometimes I think that there's a perception that one's choice in browser says as much about them -- or more -- than their choice in automobile.]

[Aside #3: If that's the case, perhaps the browser marketers need to take some lessons from car makers like Hummer, where one's manhood (and, now, womanhood) is directly proportional to the amount of Hummerization of one's driveway.]

[Aside #4: I tried to find an URL for the Hummer commercial alluded to above but the whole dang website is a Flash movie.]

Business? We don't need no steenkin' business...

Not that I would know, but I suppose there are many different ways to alert the world that you have all the business you want, and this* is one of them.

*Profanity, albeit bleeped; may not be office-friendly for that reason, depending on where you work.

It's too bad, really, because Subway could really use the help with their ads. ;-)

Technorati tag: Coudal Partners

Puzzling Logo

Take a look at the logo at right. Do you recognize it? Does it resemble anything else you've seen elsewhere?

I find the design to be very ambiguous, and I don't know if it's because I'm not perceptive enough to identify it, or if it's intentionally so. From one perspective, it resembles a duck's head; it's a bird's wing if viewed from a different angle. It also resembles one of those tools that first responders use to cut the seat belt from a victim of a car crash.

What am I missing? Am I missing anything?

Click the following link (if you're reading this via the Gazette's home page) to learn who owns the logo.

The logo belongs to an organization called "GOPUSA." It's a conservative activist company that is not, as far as I can tell, officially affiliated with the Republican Party.

Most political organizations seem to develop logos and other branding identities that are rooted in patriotic symbols or political traditions (e.g. the Donkey and the Elephant). I can't discern such a tie in this logo, and that's vaguely annoying, for reasons that I can't quite nail down. I suppose I tend to prefer branding that actually communicates something about the organization it represents.

Vote for Your Favorite Slogan

Advertising Week is not a period of time but is instead an international conference of those in the advertising industry. Advertising Week 2006 is September 25-29 and will be held in New York City.

One of the events at the conference is the naming of "America’s Favorite Advertising Icon and Slogan." The winners are inducted into the advertising hall of fame. This honor is bestowed based on the results of a popularity contest...and you're invited to vote. Go here to vote for your favorite slogan, and here to vote for your favorite icon.

In the icon contest, there are 26 faces, ranging from Aunt Jemima to the Vlasic Stork. In an unbelievable oversight, neither the AFLAC duck nor the Geico gecko are nominated, which casts a serious pall over the legitimacy of this lineup. (OK, rather than playing true to type and expressing my patented Dismay of Ignorance, I tried doing a little research this time (ha! that's almost a slogan itself) and checked the Past Winners Gallery and found both of those, um, critters included. So, never mind.)

In the slogan race, we see Las Vegas ("What happens here, stays here") and 24 others slugging it out with the Great State of Texas ("Don't mess with you-know-who"). While the latter is a local and sentimental favorite, I sort of lean toward the classic "This is your brain; this is your brain on drugs" from the Partnership for a Drug Free America, due to the many ways it's been used and abused. The Las Vegas slogan will eventually claim that status, but it's just a 'ute compared to most of the others.

Anyway, go cast your vote. It's about time you got to participate in an election where the candidates had some creativity and flair behind them.

Alltel Ads Continue to Push the Envelope

When I first posted about the new Alltel wireless phone ads that incorporate the competition's spokesmen/women/things, I received a couple of comments to the effect that the ads would be short-lived once those competitors sicced their lawyers on Alltel. My response was that I believe the usage to be legitimate and legal.

I feel somewhat vindicated as Alltel continues to have fun with and expand the ad series, which is designed to highlight its new service that purports to allow you to create a "friends and family"-style calling group that includes non-Alltel wireless customers. They started out by running a humorous and satirical little disclosure before every ad poking fun at their own lawyers while also presumably satisfying some concerns about misuse of other companies' logos. They also added a couple of new ads to the mix, providing the other spokeslookalikes the opportunity to interact with one another (e.g. the Verizon nerd hitting on the Catherine Zeta-Jones lookalike who represents T-Mobile).

But the latest version really gets edgy, especially when you think about it in these terms: the Sprint spokesman (the big guy in the trenchcoat) rips the head off the Cingular spokesthing and uses it for a bowling ball. If that doesn't generate some legal missives, nothing will.

OK, it's a lot funnier on screen than it sounds, although one has to wonder why that guy never takes off his trenchcoat, even in the bowling alley. Since the Cingular "man" is animated, it's just "cartoon violence" and he seems none the worse for wear. Besides, the Sprint guy means no harm; he simply seems incapable of distinguishing between a real bowling ball and an animated-but-featureless head. The really brilliant aspect of the ad is that Alltel has succeeded in poking fun at two competitors without dirtying the hands of its own spokesman (who's as squeaky clean Middle America as Opie Taylor).

I just wish that Alltel's customer service was as effective as its advertising department...but that's a whole other ball o'wax.

Another reason to switch to recumbents

Note: This post is engorged with euphemisms. It's hard to write one that isn't.

The Massachusetts Male Aging Study (MMAS), a "cross-sectional, population-based multidisciplinary survey of health in 1,265 normally aging men (aged 40-70 years) conducted from 1986 to 1989" has provided data for a number of related studies and pronouncements. One of the more controversial was issued by Dr. Irwin Goldstein in 1997 when he declared that the sport of bicycling caused or contributed to bad things like prostate problems, impotence, and infertility. Dr. Goldstein's stance was not well-received in the cycling community, as you might imagine. In fact, the leading cycling magazine devoted a large part of an issue in 1998 to the subject.

The magazine's conclusion was (1) that there was nothing to Dr. Goldstein's claims, but (2) even if there was, the problems occurred in only a small percentage of riders, but (3) even if a lot of people had problems, they could be mitigated, but (4) if you had problems anyway it only proved that you weren't man enough to be riding bicycles. OK, I made most of that up; the magazine actually included the story of one of its editors who was experiencing these problems after a lifetime of riding.

However, Bicycling Magazine continues to grasp at studies refuting the type of claims made by Dr. Goldstein and others.

So, with that context, I wonder about the reaction to the fact that Specialized -- one of the world's largest manufacturers of bicycles and cycling equipment -- has introduced a bicycle saddle with the stated purpose of helping to "prevent erectile dysfunction." In fact, Specialized is running a full page ad (shown at right) in this month's issue of Bicycling Magazine, and you don't even have to read the copy to get an idea of what they're up to. But click on the image just the same, because the copywriters have done yeomen's work in making almost every word suggestive of the benefits of riding on this seat.

In fact, Specialized's ad is followed by four additional pages of very fine print in which its dealers across the country are listed. The company might just be doing its dealerships a favor, but my theory is that they're trying to minimize the possibility that any demand for this saddle will be expressed via online orders rather than by guys showing up at their local bike shops asking for "that bicycle seat that, well, you know...not that I need it, mind you. In fact, it's for a friend. Yeah, that's it; it's for a friend."

Normally, one might judge the potential success of new cycling products by how rapidly they're adopted by the pros. If you see a particular handlebar or wheel in the peloton at the Tour de France, you can be assured that it's first rate (or that a sponsor paid unimaginably large sums to get the riders to use it). But my prediction is that it will be a cold day in hades before you see a guy like Jan Ullrich or Ivan Basso roll to the line on a bike sporting this particular saddle...even if they really need it (and I'm not implying that they do). You might as well brand your forehead with a big red "L."

Regardless, my curiosity is aroused as to why Specialized decided to name this product the "Toupé." Perhaps it's appropriate considering that the word connotes an attempt to cover a shortcoming, but I wouldn't think this would be a big confidence booster for a potential buyer.

Technorati tag: Specialized Toupé Saddle

Awesome Apple Ads Astound And Amaze And, Ah...Attest

Man, I just can't get enough of those alliterative titles, can you?

Like James Lileks, from whence cometh this link tip, I enjoy the amusing little OS flame war every now and then, and so I greatly appreciate his pointing us to the latest barrage from Apple.

I have to admit that the sight of the Japanese camera girl pulling a photo print from her, um, backside, was a little disconcerting. But everything else -- everything -- is designed to ensure maximum apoplexiage from Windows-owning watchers.

OK, Windows-owning watchers who DON'T own a Mac with Boot Camp.

Bon appetite!

Random Thursday

This is so much easier than actually giving any thought to a post...

• Print Ad of the Week goes to the new one for the Dodge Caliber, which I scanned from the new issue of Mountain Bike. Click on the thumbnail at right to see the full-sized version (minus all the annoying-but-inevitable fine print at the bottom urging you not to try to xerox your car's butt at home). It may be carrying the American tendency to anthropomorphize our vehicles to an extreme, but it's still funny. If you like junior high humor, of course. Which, of course, I do.


• Did I mention that I drive a Dodge?


• And speaking of ads, remember back a few days when we were talking about the Alltel wireless phone ads that showcase the competitors' spokesmen/women/things? (No? Shame on you. Here's it.) I wondered whether Alltel would build on that first ad, and the answer came this morning when it ran on Fox & Friends. Instead of the ending group hug, however, it concluded with the geeky Can-You-Hear-Me-Now? guy from Verizon (thanks, Beth!) leering at the Catherine Zeta-Jones clone, asking, "does this mean I can call her?" Pseudo-CZJ responds with a silent eye-roll that forever brands Verizon Guy as the all-time loser we figured him to be. Excellent. And, again, gutsy for Alltel to conclude the ad with the spotlight on the competition.


• Here's it is fun to type and funner to say. Try it.


• Which classic rock group did a song referring to the all-time loser?


• I see that a distinguished Congressional panel has done intensive study and concluded that FEMA is broken, can't be fixed, and needs to be replaced. I dare that panel to study Congress. Double-dare.


• Speaking of Fox & Friends, I liked E.D. Hill's suggestion this morning that if all Mexicans and illegal Mexican immigrants are going to boycott US products and services on May 1 in protest of the immigration reform movement, they should go all the way with it and refuse to accept any of the free government-subsidized social and medical services. The US taxpayers might just come out ahead on that deal.


• In closing, let me just say that any blogger worth his or her salt should be willing to make a fool of himself or herself, just to prove that he or she isn't taking himself or herself too seriously. As if I haven't already sufficiently shown my capacity to do just that, there's a good chance that I'm going to take that sentiment to a whole new level tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Just another Content Free™ post from the Fire Ant Gazette, where we take seriously our pledge to always be "cheap but not inexpensive." I urge all my readers to show your support by not buying any Fire Ant merchandise on May 1. (After all, why should May 1 be any different than the other 364 days of the year?)

Alltel's Ad: Other People's Spokesmen

Have you seen the new Alltel commercial touting its wireless plan that allows subscribers to call a specified list of people for free, regardless of which wireless provider they use? The plan itself is interesting, although I'm surprised no one has thought of it before. But the cool thing about the ad is how it includes the competitors' spokespersons:

OK, these aren't the actual spokespersons, but look-alikes ginned up for the campaign. Can you match each one with the company he/she/it represents? (I couldn't. I mean, they are all as familiar as the back of my hand, but I'll be danged if I can put a company name to the face...just another frustration for the ad industry, no doubt. Oh, except for the little Cingular guy; I did match him properly.)

I know there have been instances where companies have included their competitors in their ad campaigns, although I can't recall any specifics offhand. Most attempt to show them in a negative light. This example is about as neutral as the strategy gets, although in the TV version one of the competitors issues a mild protest at the beginning to the effect of "uh, that's not what we do."

It's a gutsy move by Alltel, and it will be interesting to see if they build on the campaign.

Seeing this ad also made me think that there are worse things than to go through life playing a look-alike to Catherine Zeta-Jones. Unless you're a guy, and then you've probably got some issues to deal with.

Technorati tags: Alltel | Alltelcircle Ads

Now we know why those Brokeback Mountain guys were so confused

We should have known that L.A. wouldn't be content to let Utah have all the good state fair commercials. I'm a tad late in finding this, but if you haven't seen the two commercials for last fall's L.A. County Fair, be sure to pop over to see them. You'll never look at a cashmere sweater in quite the same way.

Maybe they'll even learn to pronounce "rodeo" correctly, someday.

Tip o'the cashmere cow beanie to MLB

Fed Ex Does Time

Need a creative virtual "clock"? Try this one, commissioned by FedEx.

Tip o'the hat to Advertising/Design Goodness

My new favorite commercial

I'll admit that when Staples introduced its "Easy Button" concept, I was unimpressed. And some of the early commercials were as lame as I figured they'd be. But the latest one is great. Whether it will generate any additional business, I don't know, but it's quite entertaining.

I'm sure you've seen it by now -- the one with the Chinese emperor and his army confronting an oncoming barbarian horde. The emperor calls for the Easy Button which in turn brings up from the depths of the earth the Great Wall (and we thought it took centuries to build). The twist is, of course, the exact placement of that wall...and the reaction of the supposedly divine and inerrant emperor.

Can't place it? Watch it here.

The translation of the emperor's final thought is classic. Bruce Lee would have been proud.

Technorati tags: Staples Commercial | Easy Button

SB Ads - Catch-up

OK, I see that I did miss some good ads that aired during the second quarter of the game, including three that I'd add to the Four Ant category:

• Bud Light's "Guys on the rooftop"


• Sprint's "Crime deterrant cell phone"


• Dove's "Girls' self-esteem"

The last one's generating a lot of buzz due to the seriousness of the message and the light touch of the ad. I had seen a preview of the ad last week and figured it would be well-received. I do wonder if we really need a special fund set up by a soap maker to improve the self esteem of young girls; it's a sad commentary on our family and social lives if we do. (Sorry about the preaching; couldn't help it.)

In the end, I still didn't see anything worthy of the coveted Five Ant Award. Maybe next year.

Technorati tags: SB Commercials

Super Bowl Extra Large...with Fries

Gosh, is it time already for another Super Bowl? It hardly seems like basketball season is over. Well, anyway, one of the longstanding traditions here at the Gazette ("Published continuously since 2002") is to pretend to imbue the Ultimate Football Game with significance far in excess of its grasp (Cowboys running back Duane Thomas was rarely accused of having moments of clarity, but he did nail it when he asked the immortal question, "if it's the Ultimate Game, why do they play it every year?"), and blog about the more interesting aspects of the event. Those are, of course, primarily the commercials.

In a neverending effort to imbue this blog with significance far in excess of its grasp, we're introducing a new commercial rating system this year: the Ant Rating. The Ant Rating will be assigned to every commercial which falls under the baleful Gazette eye, and will give you a clue as to the reaction you should consider if you see the commercial again in the wild, so to speak.

Here's the Official Ant Rating Key:

Ant Rating:

One ant signifies a commercial that was obviously influenced, if not completely designed and executed by the advertiser's Human Resources Department. Be advised that viewing of this commercial will likely induce narcolepsy, with occasional outbursts of nausea.

Ant Rating:

A commercial meriting two ants was likely signed off on by Howard Dean, meaning that while one viewing won't kill you, the fun will wear off pretty dang quickly.

Ant Rating:

Three ants indicates an ad with good creativity or eye-catching production values, but not both. Think of it as dressing Jessica Alba (or Clive Owen, for you ladies) in a burkha: the overall effect is, well, sub-optimized.

Ant Rating:

Four ants is starting to edge into memorable territory. These commercials are why you tuned into the Super Bowl to begin with. Think Mastercard's "Badger the Lost Dog" series, or the AFLAC duck.

Ant Rating:

This last category is the Mt. Everest of TV Commercial Achievement. Frankly, I don't expect to give out any of these, but it's nice to have it around in case grade inflation rears its ugly head.

OK...that's it for the pre-game show (don't you wish the real thing was this short?). Hope you'll check back here starting just before kickoff -- if I can figure out when that will be -- and then weigh in with your own comments and opinions as the game progresses.

As for the game itself...I don't think the Eagles stand a chance.

Technorati tags: Super Bowl | Super Bowl Commercials

Finally, some truth in advertising

Those of us who are otherwise fortunate enough to be residents of Texas are currently being treated to an ad campaign by the state lottery commission touting the fun and thrills of playing a scratch-off game patterned after a poker hand. One ad shows a poker game in progress in front of the refrigeration case of a convenience store, and the play is interrupted -- apparently at a critical juncture in the game -- by a woman asking one of the players to hand her a carton of milk.

The the commentator who's been giving us the play-by-play of the game is amazed: "whoa...he didn't see that coming!" Then the voiceover comes in to inform us that this newest lottery game "captures all the excitement of the world poker tour."

Yeah, I'd say that's about right.

Can we get a review of that call?

I'm not sure how I ended up at the official website of Super Bowl XL, but the headline caught my eye. "Vote for the best Super Bowl commercial of all time." Imagine my surprise when I found that the link led to a rather disappointing list of only about fifteen ads, and it hadn't been updated after the 2004 game.

I went back to the Super Bowl page to take another look at the linked story, to see if I'd missed something...which I had. The NFL apparently hasn't run spellcheck on their website since 2004 either.

And speaking of Super Bowl commercials (again), don't hold your breath to see another one from Go Daddy in this year's lineup. According to Go Daddy's website, they've now had ten submissions rejected by ABC (which is broadcasting the game). I'm sure our lives will be the poorer as a result.

Technorati tag: Super Bowl Commercials

Geico Gecko Redux

The fact that many of us are not impressed by the Cockney accent now sported by Geico's spokeslizard may come as a shock to the team that granted him that gift of speech. They seem to be quite proud of their handiwork.

Regardless of how you react to the news ads, you can't accuse the creators of slacking off during their creation:

I agree that the animation is impressive. But I can't help wondering if this is yet another case of "just because you can do something doesn't mean you should."

Technorati tags: Geico Gecko | Framestore CFC NY | Spokeslizards

Lame Lacertilian Linguistics

Say, am I alone in thinking that giving the Geico Gecko a voice is a bad idea?

Just because the AFLAC Duck has garnered worldwide notoriety with his vocalizations doesn't mean that the Gecko is deficient by comparison. After all, he's got nothing left to prove. And although geckos are the only lizards which, in life outside of television, actually have "voices," do we really need that kind of realism in our advertising?

And, pray tell, why the British accent? (Is it Cockney? It's been too long since I watched My Fair Lady.) Geico's an American company, and I'm wondering if the UK even has geckos.

It's all very confusing and not a little disturbing, akin to the metaphorical mustache on the Mona Lisa.

Technorati tag: Geico Gecko

The Gold Standard of Insufferability

I see that gold prices hit a 22 year high today, closing at over $500/ounce. I fear that means that we'll be seeing even more of that insufferably unctuous British woman pitching the Vienna Philharmonic gold coins on the Monex telly ads.

BPFAA Hamming it Up

McDonald's new spoof ad site for its McRib sandwich is pretty good; they even grabbed a dot-org domain name to further the illusion. Even the privacy policy has some funny stuff (I'd link to it but the whole dang site's a Flash movie). The videos are kind of corny, but what would you expect from a pig farmers association?

However, I can't help thinking that after the huge success they had at the Utah State Fair, this would have been an absolutely perfect gig for Napoleon and Pedro. Somebody at the ad agency really fumbled the old pigskin on this one.

Technorati tags: BPFAA | McDonalds

Powerful Nostalgia

I ran across the following image while backing up some old DVD-RAMs (possibly the slowest optical medium every invented) to DVD-R. It brought back fond memories of the days of Power Computing and my old PowerTower Pro 180 (which, by the way, is still used daily by my dad...generally for playing solitaire, but still...).

Click on the image to see a bigger version.

One can argue that Apple's licensing of the Mac OS to third parties was a strategic mistake, but you've got to admit that Power brought a certain cocky feistiness to the table that was refreshing.

I've got three more Power Computing ads which I'll try to remember to share in the near future.

Technorati tags: Power Computing | Apple

Another Annoying Dodge Commercial

Don't know if you're experiencing this in your neck o'the woods, but down here, they're running this commercial for Dodge's new "Mega Cab" (note to Dodge: next time provide a "turn sound off" button on your website) approximately 28 times an hour.

It's the one where a red Dodge pickup pulling a boat on a trailer parks at a rural diner and six manly men pile out of the cab (although one seems to have a bit of a problem moving the seat up to get out). The voiceover describes the sheer vehicular humongosity -- "the largest truck cab since the creation of large truck cabs" -- and that achievement is underscored by the fact that the big statue of Paul Bunyan is enticed into felony car theft (although he leaves the boat behind; I suppose that when you're made out of wood, a boat is unnecessary).

Anyway, besides the mind-numbing frequency of the commercial, what really bothers me is the implication that the four-door cab is, well, huge... simply because six burly guys can ride in it and presumably maintain their manly personal spaces. But if you look closely, you'll see that none of those guys is probably over about 5' 5" tall, based on the fact that they almost have to stand on tiptoe to adjust their manly hairdos in the truck's outside mirrors. Sneaky camera angles just can't compensate for some things.

Another Theory of Evolution: The Missing Drink

Even as a teetotaling Southern Baptist creationist, I find this British TV ad hilarious.

Tip o'the hat to James Lileks (as if he needs another link).

ACLU: Showing a sense of humor?

If you've been reading the Gazette for a while, you may recall this post about a simple trip to the supermarket, sort of a dream sequence exploration of life in a universal database-driven society.

It seems that those lovable lugs over at the ACLU have been worrying over this kind of scenario, and have hired a crack ad team to alert us to the danger.

It's actually pretty funny, but parts of it make me wonder if someone at the ACLU has been reading the Gazette.

Tip o'the hat to Gerv over at Hacking for Christ, who goes on to point out that when you click the "Take Action" button on the Flash-based ad, you're taken to an online form on the ACLU's site in which you must opt-out in order to protect your own privacy.

Technorati tags: Privacy Protection

Consumer Warnings Gone Wild!

I saw a TV commercial yesterday for Lunesta, a prescription sleep medication, and amid the long list of potential side effects was this admonition: "Lunesta may cause drowsiness." Gee, you think? I'm glad they warned me; I'd hate to get a prescription for a sleeping pill that made me sleepy.

I guess that's the one of the prices we pay for living in a litigious society where anyone can be sued for anything, up to and including doing what you were supposed to be doing. But, really, are we that dumb?

Perhaps. Look in any catalog selling consumer goods and you'll see evidence that someone was apparently instruction-challenged at some point. The photo at right illustrates this, carrying a warning that the $6.99 purchase of a "portable keyless security kit" for your notebook computer doesn't include a notebook computer.

Fair enough. I can see how someone might be confused. But the annoying thing is the lack of consistency in providing these warnings and disclaimers. Wouldn't you think that an ad like the one shown below, for a monitor cover/cleaning cloth, should be accompanied by the disclaimer that "Disembodied hand not included"?

Or is it just me?

"It's a Totzilla...and I baked my butt off!"

This is the 150th anniversary of the Utah State Fair and the slogan for this year's event is "All Your Wildest Dreams Will Come True." And in an ad campaign that's sheer genius, they've recruited none other than Napoleon and Pedro as spokesmen. They appear in three TV and five radio ads and the result is, well, freakin' awesome.

The 30-second videos are in RealPlayer format; you can download them here, here and here. Make sure you don't have a mouth full of delicious bass or something while you watch them or you'll have a monitor cleaning job on your hands.

Watching these videos, there's no doubt in my mind that someone needs to get a sequel to the big screen, and muy pronto!

Update: I just listened to the radio ads (they're linked on the Fair's home page) and they're even funnier than the videos...especially #5. "The Utah State Fair is really sweet...the cows will soon turn into meat."

Tip o'the hat to AdFreak, who's finding all the sweet stuff nowadays.

Technorati tags: Utah State Fair | Napoleon Dynamite | Totzilla

Don't give 'em any ideas...

Check out this TV ad for "our big September 11th sale!"

Stick with it until the end, though. It's not what you think.

Tip o'the hat to AdFreak.

Technorati tags: NYC Remembers | One Day's Pay

Ad Earworm

The weather this morning was perfect for a bike ride, so I headed out to blithely focus on nothing but the cool weather, some potential post topics and... floxie-noxie-pillification.

Ahem.

As I was saying, I was looking forward to the luxury of 60 minutes to simply think about topics like the unfortunate new TV series set in Iraq, the lame column slamming the president for being in shape and...floxie-noxie-pillification.

#$%@! Floxie-noxie-pillification.

OK. Out with it. Have you seen that insurance company commercial that touts the simplicity of the company's website, and uses a ridiculously complicated made-up word in a fictitious spelling bee to make the point? That word -- which I can't spell because it contains a variety of double Cs and AUs and PHs -- is pronounced "floxie-noxie-pillification," and I can't get it out of my head! I'd really appreciate it if you'd take it off my mind; feel free to pass it along to someone else when you tire of it.

The irony is that while I can remember the stupid word, I cannot recall which insurance company is making the pitch. Perhaps there's a lesson there for advertising firms: it is possible to be too clever for your client's good.

Regardless, I simply want to leave you with this: floxie-noxie-pillification.

Update: Charles over at Dustbury.com devotes a post to my lack of spelling and pronunciation skillz. To which I reply, "oh yeah?" And, further, "floxie-noxie-pillification."

Technorati tags: Earworms | Floxie-Noxie-Pillifiation

Time Warner Book Group: Viral Marketing via Blogs

Update (6/22): You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Texas blogger who's been contacted by Time Warner to get a free copy of the book referred to below. I've heard from three others so far: Denise at Blue Sky in Texas, Rob at Snippets and Cowtown Pattie over at Texas Trifles. While this turn of events takes some of the self-congratulatory glow out of the "honor," it's still a compliment to the blogging community...recognition that blog buzz might really count for something. We'll see if the reality matches the expectation.

I received an email today from the manager of Online Marketing for the Time Warner Book Group asking if I was interested in reading and reviewing a new novel set in Texas. She had apparently found my short post about "The Kite Runner," and decided that I met all the qualifications to be a book reviewer: 1) I can read...or, at least, write, and 2) I command a vast audience now numbering in the high single digits (I found some new readers among distant relatives at the funeral today).

Seriously, though, I think this is an savvy marketing technique for TWBG, albeit a bit risky...and they deserve additional kudos for taking that risk. While I might question their judgment in including me on their list, they obviously recognize the potential of the blogosphere to provide meaningful buzz about products.

I'll provide more information once I have the book in hand (it's "in the mail"), but if you're a blogger who's also been contacted by TWBG, I'd be interested in hearing about it.

Hack the King

Daniel over at From Behind the Wall of Sleep thinks he may have hacked the Burger King "Revenge of the Sith" scratch-off game. He's 7 for 7 with his system, which sounds pretty convincing to me.

I'm glad to see he's putting his awesome cryptological skills to good use! ;-)

Cool Marketing Gimmick

The wireless broadband service offered by Clearwire is being rolled out in Midland on June 24, and they've mounted a rather impressive marketing campaign to pitch their wares. The following shiny new toy was in our mailbox this afternoon, inside a box labeled "5...4...3...2...1...Lift-off!"

The "Rocket Racer" is about 8" in length, made of that cheap tin that I associate (and fondly) with toys from the 50s. It's a great addition to any geek's desk.

I'll be following Clearwire closely, as they seem to be at the leading edge of efforts to bring WiMAX into commercial reality. I suppose that their initial service is similar to what other wireless ISPs are offering, since WiMAX isn't yet ready for primetime. But anything that introduces more competition into our broadband market is welcomed.

Technorati tags: Clearwire LLC | WiMAX | Wireless Broadband | Rocket Racer

Abandoning the lowest common denominator

I'm pretty sure I wasn't the target demographic for this ad, considering how long I had to look at it before I figured it out.

I admit that my eye went immediately to the photo and text at the bottom of the page; I completely ignored the top 80% of the page. And, frankly, that made me think that the ad was somewhat dry, if not totally lame. But, in the full context, it's a great approach, and certainly presumes a refreshing level of perception and intelligence on the part of the reader from which most advertisers flee.

You can read more about the ad and its creators at AdFreak.

Tip o'the hat to Mike Davidson at Mike Industries. You might also be interested in his post (and the resulting 50+ comments) regarding why Apple might or might not want to release Tiger (aka OS 10.4) via a P2P network like BitTorrent.

Technorati tag: Advertising | Apple | Tiger | BitTorrent | P2P

And another thing...

I also want to know, with respect to the Sonic Drive-In commercial mentioned below, why the people are sitting in their parked car, eating their salads with "meat-based dressing" (how appetizing is that, btw?), and wearing their seatbelts?

My guess is that the director had to strap 'em in to make 'em say those lines.

Super Bowl Commercial Wrapup

Everyone's dissected yesterday's Super Bowl commercials ad nauseum, but that won't stop me from piling on. The main impression they left was one of, well, insignificance. Perhaps the threat of FTC fines and sanctions had advertisers walking on eggshells to the point of completely losing their creative edges, but I'm going to accuse them of just copping out and using that as an excuse.

Note: All the ads can be viewed via iFilm's website.

Commercials don't have to be R-rated or in poor taste to be effective and memorable. There were at least two examples of that yesterday, with each coming in at the opposite end of the spectrum.

FedEx scored big with its spoof of the "ultimate Super Bowl commercial," wherein it listed the ten factors that make a great SB spot, and then attempting to put all ten into one ad. OK, so one factor was a "groin kick" (carried out by a dancing bear on Burt Reynolds and therefore it was completely forgivable) and another was "attractive females" (but the cheerleaders were quite modest). What made the commercial for me, however, was the item "Product Message," followed by "Optional" in parentheses. I like that sort of self-effacing approach (especially when contrasted with the overly-dramatic and proud offerings by most car manufacturers, Cadillac being Exhibit A).

At the other end of the spectrum was Anheuser-Busch's tribute to soldiers walking through the terminal of an airport and attracting spontaneous and increasing applause from bystanders and airport employees. I couldn't tell if the soldiers were leaving or departing, but it didn't matter. The message of gratitude was clear and moving.

In both of these instances, the ads had nothing to do with the companies' products, but they still managed to make a brand-specific impression.

Of course, the biggest buzz and, I suspect, educational success was achieved by GoDaddy.com with its spoof of the very thing that scared off the other advertisers: a presumed Congressional hearing into the appropriateness of broadcast material. The GoDaddy rep in the ad, a quite healthy young woman, suffered a "wardrobe malfunction" during the hearing, but carried on bravely in the recitation of GoDaddy's product offering. Fox News reported this morning that the ad that was shown was actually the third take (although CNN reports only two takes), with the first two not making through the vetting process for broadcast appropriateness. The final version was designed to look more dangerous than it really was; the commercial was actually more tame than some of the sideline shots of cheerleaders during the game itself. But I have no doubt that GoDaddy had a huge amount of traffic to its website (where the commercial could be downloaded) and many of those who visited it had never before heard of the company or what it offers. Now, whether any of those visits turn into paying customers is another issue.

Staples pulls ads from Sinclair News; caving to liberal pressure?

Update (1/6/05): According to a news release on Staples' website, the company is continuing to places ads with Sinclair. Excerpt: Our media buying process with Sinclair Broadcast Group stations has recently been misrepresented by an organization with no affiliation to Staples. ... Staples does not support any political party. We advertise with a variety of media outlets, but do not necessarily share the same views of these organizations or what they report. As we have done for a number of years, Staples will continue to advertise on Sinclair Broadcast Group stations.

The Washington Post is reporting that office supply retailer Staples Inc. is pulling its advertising from Sinclair Broadcast Group Inc., citing an email campaign alleging that Sinclair exhibits "right wing bias" in its reporting.

As you may recall, just prior to last November's election Sinclair aired parts of the controversial film "Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal," which was critical of John Kerry and his war record. Sinclair has since been targeted by Media Matters for America, a liberal media group, which claims the company was abusing the public airwaves to promote a conservative agenda and not offering politically balanced news.

Amy Ridenour wants to know if Staples will pull its ads from CBS as well, given the networks obvious anti-administration bias.

Until they get a satisfactory explanation from Staples, the National Center for Public Policy Research is ending purchases from Staples.

I suppose that what's good for the goose is good for the gander, but I wonder what all of this boycotting will accomplish. We all -- individuals and corporations alike -- have the right to "vote" with our dollars, but the tricky part is finding a pristine alternative who is properly aligned with everything that we consider to be right [ahem]. It can lead to some hypocritical outcomes.

The FedEx Logo

Logo designers are the drummers of the graphic design world. Their work is foundational to the act (the product), but only very rarely is it allowed to call attention to itself. An unskilled one confuses and alienates the audience while the best bring to the stage an unmistakable but almost undefinable sense of rightness.

Whew. Have I sufficiently bashed that metaphor like a Zildjian crash?

What I really mean to say is that I have great respect for those who dedicate their lives to finding meaning in simplicity, which is at the heart of all good logo design. I just ran across an example of that in this post about the FedEx logo and the subliminal figure that I had never before noticed. Were you aware of it?

And here's an interesting follow-up interview with the logo's creator, Lindon Leader.

I'm with the original poster in that I shall never again look at this logo in the same way.

Tip o'the HighHat to Simon Willison and his Blogmarks.

Crap: Code Word for "Edgy, Creative"

Gotta love this blurb from today's Wall Street Journal "The Morning Brief":

Am I the only one who thinks that this is a total copout on the part of the advertising industry? My gosh, just look at the success of family-friendly or mainstream commercial campaigns like the MasterCard "Badger" series (lost dog finds way home)...my hit count goes up 50 per day everytime I simply mention that commerical on this here little blog. Or, how about the AFLAC duck? Small children nowadays think the duckie on the Barnyard Animal game says "aflac" instead of "quack." On the flipside, look at the total mess A&F made of things with its kiddie pørn clothing campaign.

If the only way an ad agency can figure out how to be "creative and edgy" is by offending the sensibilities of its clients' clients, then it's time for that agency to look for a new line of work. They shouldn't need a presidential election to clue them into that bit of reality.

TV Commercials [Lame Post Alert]

As the unflinchingly honest Scott would say, I got nothin'. The weather is dismal...a continuous spitting of rain that ruins any chances of a bike ride...my clientele has evaporated, and -- irony of ironies -- fire ants are taking over the neighborhood. So I'm reduced, intellectually and emotionally, to posting about TV commercials (and that's from memory, because, as you might recall, the TV is busted).

• This has been bothering me for quite some time. You know those iPod commercials, the ones where the flat black people have flat white headphones and dance maniacally in front of flat primary colors? Well, I just want to know how those folks keep those buds in their ears. They must be anatomic anomalies because I can barely keep mine in my ears sitting in an upright and fixed position in front of my monitor. Either that, or they're implants.


• My favorite commercials du jour are the ones HP is running for their digital imaging products. I love the way they morph shots of real people into paper photos and vice versa, and the song that plays in the background is dangerously earwormish.


• Some yahoo from Monahans is running for US Representative in our district (he's a democrat, although apparently ashamed of it as his party affiliation wasn't even shown on his website, last time I looked), and his commercial's closing line is this: "Vote for me and we'll be out of Iraq tomorrow." Well. I assume that he's running for the position of God, since I can't think of another person who could get this done. And while election is certainly a theologically supportable topic for discussion, it basically goes the other direction. I'm pretty sure the Creator of the Universe doesn't have to run for re-election.

Alice In Staples

I just saw a great new back-to-school commercial for Staples featuring Alice Cooper. Cooper is in full stage makeup and is loading a shopping cart with school supplies while his pre-teen daughter leans against a counter, arms crossed and pouting.

"I thought you said school's out forever," she says to him in an accusing tone.

"No. What I said was that school's out for summer. Nice try, though."

I find odd comfort in the unchanging fact that commercials on broadcast TV are more entertaining than the programming that surrounds them.

Yo...Milk Up?

I defy you to watch this without grinning.

What is it about milk that lends itself to creativity in advertising?

[Tip of the milking stool to Spare Change.]

Book Review: "Pattern Recognition"

I finished reading William Gibson's novel, "Pattern Recognition" a few days ago, and, frankly, I was underwhelmed.

Gibson is, of course, the guy whose 1984 novel "Neuromancer" created the cyberpunk genre (and he gets the credit for coining the term "cyberspace" in that book, although the meaning has shifted over time to something different). I naturally assumed that "Pattern Recognition" would continue the trend of edgy and cutting-edge technology-driven characters and plots. Instead, Gibson delivers a fairly standard mystery scenario and the technology rarely gets more advanced than someone hacking into the heroine's iBook. Granted, steganography plays a role in the plot, but it's almost a throwaway reference.

This would have been OK if Gibson hadn't been trying to be cool. You get the feeling that he's trying to keep up, but can't quite pull it off. He has his characters use Google to find out secret stuff about other people; he might have at least used "google" as a lower-case verb, 'k? Also, one of the primary plotlines involves the interaction of participants in a message board, discussing the meaning and origin of various video clips discovered in the nooks and crannies of the www. Message board? Really, Bill...ever heard of a blog, or, even better, a wiki? (Of course, if you ask Google [upper case, this time] for a definition of "wiki," you get a big old cyberblank, so maybe his research was just faulty.)

Anyway, I can't really blame Mr. Gibson for my apparently misguided expectations. Perhaps he's trying to shed the cyberpunk rep and is going for another look altogether. And if you approach the book from the perspective of a simple low-tech mystery, it's OK. I still got the feeling he was just on autopilot, though, and breezed through this one without breaking a sweat. Unfortunately, that's the same way I read it.

[If you want a tech-heavy plot with good character development and stimulating prose, try Neal Stephenson's "Cryptonomicon." The king is dead; long live the king.]

Super Bowl Commercial Watch

Well, I'm putting this in the Sports category, but it's really more interesting than sports...at least where this event is concerned. The Big Game is a dud, thus far (we're midway through the first quarter as I write), but we've seen some pretty good commercials already.

• The Bud Light groin-biting mutt made MLB and I laugh out loud, as did the Pepsi grizzly-bear-getting-carded-to-buy-a-six-pack commercial. Animals in anthropomorphic mode are always good bets for getting laughs.


• The Fat Guy is already lusting for a Ford GT; get in line, big guy; while you're out getting enchiladas, I'm running the numbers! I suspect that the price tag for 200mph and 0-60 in 3.3 seconds is just a little bit higher than I can swing.


• Can the guy who plays Wolverine really be serious about tracking down Wolfman?

More to come...

Deuce-and-a-Half Guys; Tampax Commercial

"Two and a Half Men" has just won the People's Choice Award for Best New Comedy. Watching this show is a guilty pleasure that I'll cop to. It has absolutely no redeeming social value, other than being funny as all get-out. Charlie Sheen is, in my humble opinion, one of the top three sitcom actors on TV today (and I would say that he's the best, but I really don't want to get into a huge flame war that leads to massive de-linking, threats of legal action and drive-by shootings. I'm still smarting from the last such episode.).

...

And, on an entirely unrelated note, except that it's something that showed on the same program, I just saw a commercial where a young lady uses a tampon to plug a hole in the hull of a rowboat.

OK, I realize that Arm & Hammer has done a wonderful job of pitching the multiple practical uses of baking soda (eg. refrigerator detox, dental hygiene, makeshift flux material for TIG welding), and this is a very legitimate market-expansion tactic for many consumer products. But, still...

BTW, I just made up the TIG welding thing.

Truth in Advertising Needed in Las Vegas

You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a talk show host who is gushing about the short-lived Britney/Jason wedding in Las Vegas. I suppose it's a Good Thing, in that it means that there aren't any significant world crises (other than the usual ongoing ones) that would bump such a non-story into the well-deserved dustheap of irrelevancy.

Nevertheless, I'm thinking about filing a breach of promise class-action lawsuit against the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority. After all, in their new ad campaign for the city, they assure us that "what happens here, stays here." Oh, how I wish that was the case!

Care to join me?

How did this get by the editors?

The September issue of MacWorld arrived today, with the expected cover photo of the new G5. What I didn't expect was the ad on the back cover, shown at right.

The tag line on the ad reads "Suddenly, Jennifer realized she forgot her Kensington Car/Air Adapter." The "snicker, snicker" is implied.

I've always had a fair amount of respect for Kensington products, although at the present time I'm not using any of their peripherals. However, if their creativity has sunk to the point indicated by this ridiculous ad, I doubt that I'll be wooed by any of their hardware any time soon.

I suppose this ad is appropriate if your demographic target is 13-year-old males, but last time I check Apple's price list (and it's been pretty recently, you know), most of them don't have the kind of folding cash needed for Apple's stuff.

If you'd like to express your opinion about Kensington's taste in magazine ads, they've thoughtfully provided an email address on their website, which I've taken the liberty of giving you here. Sic 'em!