The Fire Ant Theatre's Triumphal Return!

Following an extended absence which, despite all rumors to the contrary, was not caused by the necessity of having to deal with a number of complaints from the neighbors, the Fire Ant Theatre is back, baby!

Today's Classical Reading has been rattling around inside my head for a couple of months, since I received an email from one Jan D. Hodge, who wrote:

Mr. Hodge was referring to this edition of FATCR, and besides being relieved that he wasn't threatening litigation (we all know how badly that turned out last time), and overlooking the fact that "mellifluous West Texan" is generally a euphemism for "teeth-grindingly brutal vocalizations," I was honored that he encouraged further such ventures. He provided a link to an online publication which includes a couple of his double dactyls, but he also included with his email the text of the verse that is butchere--um, presented in today's Reading, his version of The Taming of the Shrew.

Jan is a master of this poetic form; I'll let him describe his accomplishments:

So, without further ado, I present the latest edition of FATCR, brought to you in living sound waves compressed just to the edge of indecipherability, which is a good look for me:

Oh, by the way, I fully expect that within a week or so this post will be honored with Googlewhack status for the use of the not-completely-made-up word "uxoriophilic." I'll be happy to share that achievement with Mr. Hodge; that's just the kind of guy I am.

Technorati tags: Double Dactyl | Jan D. Hodge

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

Some Texas blues from the King of Blue-Eyed Soul:

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

Celebrating June while longing for a year-round October:

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings

This week's edition of FATCR has a geneaology theme, in honor of the opening of family reunion season.

And, uh, you might want to be sure your lightning rod is firmly planted before firing up the old MP3.

No FATCR (And this time, I mean it!)

Due to severe family reunionage, this week's edition of FATCR will occur in the same time slot set aside for next week's edition, which has been sent on indefinite hiatus.

Fire Ant Theatre: Whiner's Edition

Oh-kay, enough already. Here's something to tide you over until Monday.

The double dactyl ("DD") is one of my favorite types of poetry. The rules that govern the crafting of a DD are as seemingly complicated and arbitrary as a five year old's imaginary card game, but the results roll pleasingly off the brain (or the tongue).

Besides containing the rather heavenly phrase "the voiced labial fricative," the above-linked page contains many examples of DDs and links to many more. Among those links is one to a series of DDs by Jan D. Hodge (gender undetermined, although some claim that proper DDs are best left to the male of the species, in that only men can generate the right mixture of comedy and obscenity that typifies the poetic genre; I'll leave that debate to the anthropologists in the crowd). M. Hodge offers examples of DDs which take on Shakespeare and nursery rhymes (and which yield little to no obscenity, if that's a concern), including this one:

It's only fair to note that my attention to DDs was inspired by fellow Texas blogger Cowtown Pattie, by way of this post from December, 2004. Further, I suggest that you visit the first link in this post and study those rules one more time, as I feel a new Gazette contest in the making.

FATCR: A Special Announcement

For those of you who eagerly look forward to Fridays and the next edition of Fire Ant Theater's Classical Readings, I offer an apology, as well as a suggestion that you seek out a good therapist for you surely have deep-seated issues.

This week's edition of FATCR will appear next Monday, as we observe Memorial Day.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings, Vol. V

Before you assign me to a new level of weirdness for this edition of FATCR, consider this: there will likely be people who listen to it and who can quote the whole thing from memory!

You know who you are.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings, Vol. IV

Years before I knew what a blog was, I was blogging. Sort of. Like probably hundreds of thousands of others, I was writing stories and uploading them to a website for friends and family to read, and for the occasional serendipitious Google-led visitor (only it was Lycos, Infoseek, or WebCrawler back then). I wasn't prolific, but at least I was amateurish...and it's comforting, isn't it, to know that some things never change?

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to give voice to one of those early stories*, all of which have some basis in actual events.

*For the complete list, you could go here...or you could wait to hear if they'll eventually show up as an FATCR.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings, Vol. III

Our third iteration of FATCRs can be blamed entirely upon two Gazetteers, Gwynne and Rachel. The former put up a blatantly provocative post involving Elvis, and the latter had the audacity to suggest that an FATCR should incorporate Shakespeare.

So, I got to wondering...what if we just killed two birds with one stone?*

*This is just a figure of speech. As with last week's reading, no actual birds were harmed, although a stern look or two was sent in the general direction of the sparrows who are still trying to build a nest behind our patio speakers.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings, Vol. II

Our second installment of FATCRs takes us places where, really, no one should ever go. Oh, it begins innocently enough, with a reading of a short original essay, but then something goes dreadfully wrong. I'm at a complete loss to explain why I ever thought this was a good idea.

For what it's worth, I don't own any woven hemp sandals, and despite how it may sound, no living creatures were harmed in the making of this recording. As far as the effect of listening to it...well, you're own your on.

Go ahead, fellow bloggers; laugh it up...but consider the gauntlet tossed.

Fire Ant Theatre: Classical Readings, Vol. I

I can't tell you how often people ask me why the Gazette isn't doing more to enhance the cultural and aesthetic sensibilities of our woefully déclassé-leaning society. Well, let me tell you, that's been weighing heavily on my mind, and I've decided to do something about it.

This post inaugurates what I'm sure will be a long-running series in which the great masterpieces of Western Cultural Expression are brought to life through the technological wonder known as MPEG-1 Audio Layer 3, aka MP3. Simply click the following link to be immediately transported into an aural dimension of wonder and delight.

And, in anticipation of your next question...yes, I am taking requests.*

*Requests that this series be discontinued immediately will be taken under advisement.