Random Thursday

Scattershooting* while pondering what kind of hangovers Phil Mickelson, Ernie Els, Vijay Singh, Justin Leonard, and the rest of the mortals on the PGA Tour are enduring this morning after what must have been a huge celebration last night following Tiger's announcement that he'll miss the rest of the season due to knee surgery. Likewise for the PGA and TV network officials who surely drank themselves into oblivion, albeit for a different reason: despair over what will likely be a huge drop in broadcast ratings for upcoming tournaments.

• My wife had the best line following the revelation that Tiger played the US Open on a torn ACL and with a double stress fracture: Rocco Mediate must feel even worse now, knowing that he was beaten by a guy with one leg!


• Speaking of Tiger Woods, and building on yesterday's post about the impact of the Net on the way we think, New York Times syndicated columnist David Brooks has an excellent piece about the golfer's otherworldly ability to focus. To more fully appreciate this skill (gift?), read Christine Rosen's essay, The Myth of Multitasking" (hat tip to Nicholas Carr).


• A local woman was quoted in this morning's newspaper about the importance of Juneteenth: More so than the Fourth of July, that's something we should never forget. Given the highly-charged emotional implications of that sentiment, I wonder why the newspaper chose to make it the pull-quote for the article? Or, did I just answer my own question?


• Did you catch the premier of Black Gold last night? Neither did I. Tru-TV is on a higher tier channel lineup, and isn't included in our subscription. That's a shame, because I'd love to blog about it, given that it's shot in our backyard and features people we run into every day. I'm hopeful that other local bloggers aren't as chintzy with their cable budgets and will provide recaps of the episodes. Update: According to George (whom I knew I could count on!), "Black Gold" episodes will be re-broadcast on TNT. Last night's premier will be re-run tonight at 9:00.


• I'm on the mailing list for news releases for a software company called Akvis. The company makes image processing software, and I've tested some of it in the past. Anyway, I received their latest release this morning in which they announce the relocation of their corporate headquarters from Russia to Canada. I was amused by some of the statements in the release.
  • The company changes its corporate style after moving its head office to Vancouver, BC, Canada. - Translation: We'll be drinking less vodka and more Big Rock.
  • AKVIS establishes presence on the North American continent and opens direct access to the wide North American software market. - So, the location of a software company's HQ is a major decision in deciding whether to buy its products?
  • ...while dipping into the highly qualified Canadian labor market will undoubtedly improve manufacturing quality. There's probably a way to be less flattering to the Russian labor force, but I'm at a loss to think of it.
  • To underline the importance of the move, AKVIS changes its visual identity and accepts a brand-new logo. - We may be moving to North America, but we're still using ESLers to write our press releases.

  OK, I'm off to watch the new batch of baby killdeer in the park. They're at a developmental stage equivalent to that of human teenagers, so clumsy that if they were driving, they'd be hitting every dumpster in sight.

  *As always, a debt of gratitude is acknowledged to Blackie Sherrod

  Posted by Eric at 09:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
  
  

Random Thursday

Haphazard observations while contemplating the concept of a "cool front" that lowers temps into the upper 90s...

• My nomination for the New TV Series Most Likely To Be Absent Any Socially Redeeming Value While Showcasing Forgettable Hairstyles: CBS's Swingtown. A lot of good things happened in the Seventies (Led Zep and Pink Floyd; Alien and The Godfather; our wedding), but I doubt that any of them will appear on this retro-trash series.


• Speaking of retro – but certainly not trash – get a load of this classic cartoon, from 1933: Betty Boop in Snow White (with sidekicks Ko-Ko and Bimbo, and featuring Cab Calloway scatting St. James Infirmary Blues. For background on the restoration of this 'toon, check out the related ASIFA page.


• Signs that you need to skip the day's bicycle ride:
  • You slather on the sunscreen, don the cycling garb and gear, and wheel the bike onto the driveway, only to find a flat rear tire.
  • You sigh, and pull out the spare tube from your bike bag, only to find that it, too, is punctured.
  • You sigh again, and pull out the patch kit, only to find that the cement has dried (what? those things don't last five years?!)
  • You sigh*, resign yourself to riding your other bike to the shop to buy a new tube, only to find that it's now too late to get in a ride before lunch.


• In the history of bicycling, has anyone ever had a flat on the front tire? (You have to be a cyclist to truly appreciate this phenomenon. But a non-cycling analogy is the way a dropped slice of toast always lands jelly side down.)


• Sometimes I think I have the most interesting job in the world, in terms of exposure to a wide variety of esoteric trivia. Case in point: I added a flyer to the West Texas Cowboy Church's website for a horsemanship clinic taking place this weekend. I was puzzled by a phrase** on the flyer – Coggins will be checked at the gate. Turns out that this is a reference to a test for Equine Infectious Anemia, a viral disease afflicting horses for which there is no vaccine or cure. Many equine events now require evidence – in the form of a Coggins test – showing that each horse is free of this disease.

*By now, the "sighing" is rather more vocal, IYKWIM.
**Just because I live in West Texas doesn't mean that I know anything about horsies, other than they'll bite like a sonuvagun if you give them a chance.

Random Thursday

Here's a pretty good example of irony: I may have to buy some sand.

More about that in a minute. But first...

• I challenge anyone who doesn't believe in the existence of teleportation to provide an alternate explanation about one's absolute inability to smack a hovering gnat.


• Unintentional Juxtaposition or Astute Political Commentary? - I had to laugh at the sequence of stories on Fox News Channel yesterday morning, as they first showed the robot directing the symphony, followed immediately by a report on Hillary's victory in the West Virginia primary. Why was that funny? The piece played by the Detroit orchestra was The Impossible Dream from Man Of La Mancha.


• Have you seen one of these tooling around town?
  
  
  
  It's a Can-Am Spyder, made by the Canadian manufacturer, Bombardier. Midland Powersports is a Bombardier dealer, and I understand the owner and/or his employees are showing it off. I spotted it last week and did a double-take; it's a funky-looking vehicle. It's powered by a 990cc liquid-cooled V-Twin engine turning out over 100 horsepower. It's 30 pounds lighter than a Honda Gold Wing, and $100 less expensive (MSRP) than the latter model equipped with anti-lock braking. I've never been a big fan of three-wheelers because of their inherent instability, but the design of this one - with the two front wheels - and the addition of computerized stability control probably mitigates that concern. If nothing else, it'll turn heads.


• I offer the following sure-fire, can't-miss, guaranteed method for finding the exact location of previously unknown sprinkler system lines and buried electrical cable. First, buy a big honkin' tree. Second, let your wife decide on the sole spot in your entire yard where said tree can be placed without throwing the feng shui of the entire universe out of kilter. Third, dig a hole. The lines and cable will be located in the dead center of that hole, at a depth that's approximately two feet shallower than the required planting depth.


• Got Photoshop? Want a free "tips" book? For the next 29 days or so, you can download The Photoshop Anthology: 101 Web Design Tips, Tricks & Techniques in PDF format from the SitePoint website. Even better, it's free! No catch; no strings attached* – a 278-page, $29.95 book for free. Hard to beat a deal like that. Be forewarned, though; the print-quality version is 63mb; there's a low-bandwidth version that's about a third that size. (*Well, you have to give 'em your email address.)

The sand I mentioned at the top of the post? I need to spread it under the one-and-a-half tons of flagstone being delivered tomorrow for some pathways down the sides of the house. Where's a 12 Barrow windstorm when you need it?

Random Thursday: Friday Edition

I was going to post this yesterday, but then I got a letter from the city that rocked my world and I spent the rest of the day curled in a fetal position, trying to wrap my head around the impending change that will affect every important aspect of our lives: trash pickup in our neighborhood is changing from Monday and Thursday to Tuesday and Friday.

Sure, they're giving us three weeks notice, but they may as well have said "in three weeks you'll have to start putting your rolling carts on one of Jupiter's moons for pickup."

• I want to introduce you to my new meteorological measurement for assessing the severity of a West Texas windstorm: the Barrow Scale. As in, the number of wheel barrows of sand I have to shovel from my back drive following a windy day.
  The worst I've seen this year was back in early March when a storm rated 11 on the Barrow Scale. Last Wednesday's blow wasn't nearly as bad, but it's still rated a 3. Trust me, you don't want to have to sweep and shovel even that amount of sand.


• The National Weather Service reports that the first four months of 2008 rate as the ninth driest on record, with just .92" of rain recorded at the airport. I don't think they keep records for windy conditions, but I'm thinking 2008 ranks even higher in that category.


• But, the weather in our area can be funny, as the preceding article points out: Not that starting dry means anything. The driest start of the year in Midland came in 1986. Some may remember 1986 finished as the wettest on record with 32.13 inches. So, there's still hope. I'd love to shelve the Barrow Scale for the rest of the year.


• George over at Sleepless in Midland has devoted the last two weeks to in-depth coverage of the Midland arson trial. He did a fantastic job of summarizing each day's testimony and presenting it in a logical and objective fashion, and his extended post represents one of the more remarkable local blogging achievements in memory. That trial resulted in a not guilty verdict late yesterday afternoon, by the way, ending a couple of years of what must have been agonizing uncertainty for the defendants.


• Snake season has arrived, in case you haven't thought about it. Our next door neighbor killed a small rattler in his backyard last week. We're now adopting the Thousand Millimeter Stare whenever we let Abbye out after dark.


• This space reserved for your own important trivia. No need to thank me; it's what I do.

OK, that's enough. I now have to plan my new trash strategy. I'll let you know how that works out.

Random Thursday

• From the "Time to Get a Life" Files: By now, you've probably seen the AT&T GoPhone ad featuring future Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Meat Loaf, 80s teen diva Tiffany, and actor Adam Cagley (playing the couple's progeny – no, it's not Meat Loaf's actual child; he has no sons, according to Wikipedia). The short version is what plays most often, but the long version is more entertaining (choose "Paradise by the GoPhone Light" on the preceding link), especially if you're into obscure rock references. However, judging by this thread about the commercial [naughty language warning] over at Stereogum, some people are having a difficult time divorcing advertising from reality. Rev. Jeremiah Wright could take a lesson in bombasticity from these folks.


• I started to devote an entire Usability Hall of Shame post to this, because bad design isn't limited to websites. Anyway, am I the only one who can't open a bottle of H-E-B brand Half & Half without bringing in a toolbox from the garage? The foil seals on those containers are so tight that researchers investigating the strongest sub-atomic bonds would do well to include a bottle in their next experiment.


• Mother's Day is just around the corner. If you're stumped for a special present, why not give the gift of fish eggs? Just be sure to tell her that the $2,000/pound Caspian Sevruga caviar isn't bait.


• Speaking of upcoming events, we're only about two months away from the start of the next Tour de France. Race officials have reportedly been working overtime to ensure there's no embarrassing repeat of last year's fiasco when they ran short of subpoenas and disqualification letters. In fact, they're ahead of the game in that they've already prepared a full list of allegations against Lance Armstrong.


• From the "Flying Pigs in Frozen Hell" files: Only through the magic of RSS could you find the Gazette sharing billing with The Huffington Post on the New York Times website. I'm not sure who should be more offended. Click the teensy pic below to see the sordid details:

In closing, I wanted to share this tidbit with you weather fans. I switched on The Weather Channel yesterday afternoon around 5:00 p.m. and its report on the conditions in downtown Midland showed the relative humidity to be 3%. Three percent! I've never seen a reading that low, and you know it's dry when the record low humidity in Phoenix is 2%.

Random Thursday

Wow, it's been a while since we've done one of these. Bear with me while I get my bearings.

• Today is Trash Day. We've never had Trash Day before, so this is a big deal. Our new neighborhood doesn't have dumpsters, so we have to wheel our city-provided trash cans into the alley to await pick up. It makes me feel like a dutiful suburbanite. But, it's an egalitarian system. No one can monopolize the trash receptacle, as is the case with a dumpster. You can generate all the trash you want, but it won't get hauled off unless you can fit it in your personal container. Well, except for the neighbor across the alley, whom I've never met and who, noticing that we've got two containers (a temporary situation until we're completely unpacked), felt comfortable putting some of his overflow trash in one of them. I guess that's what neighbors are for.


• My nomination for two of the worst commercials on TV nowadays goes to FreeCreditReport.com, whose ads feature a band whose lead singer is bemoaning his poor status in life, attributing it to the fact that he failed to check his credit score. That oversight led him to (a) have to work as a waiter in a seafood restaurant, and (b) drive a beat-up sub-compact which is so, like, not really him. I can imagine how that might make a real waiter feel, knowing that his or her livelihood is being held up as an example of failure. And if you're a waiter driving a sub-compact? Well, you're a loser with a capital L, according to those commercials.


• On the flip side, one of the better ads belongs to Nutrisystem's weight-loss pitch to men featuring Dan Marino and Larry the Cable Guy. This is a stroke of marketing genius, getting a still-chunky rednek to proclaim how he lost the equivalent of four bowling balls of gut on the diet plan. I'm not convinced that anything will sell the average American man on a weight loss program, but this approach probably has the best chance of success.


• By the way, sauce and gravy are very tough to deal with. Speaking of food, how would you like to make a living as a food photographer? It's not all peaches and cream (well, unless it is peaches and cream); as the lead-in quote implies, there are challenges. Fortunately, we have Michael Ray's Food Photography Blog to help us overcome them.


• We've discovered that Abbye doesn't like reverse osmosis water. She's been drinking tap water for the past dozen years, but the new house came with an RO system so my wife started filling Abbye's kitchen bowl with that purified stuff. We noticed that she rarely drank in the kitchen, waiting until she went back to the bathroom where another bowl was filled with good old Midland tap water. There's a saying about teaching an old dog new tricks, but who knew it extended to hydration?

In closing, let me extend my sympathies in advance to Texas Rangers fans, for whom this summer appears likely to be long and brutal. After last night's embarrassing 19-6 loss to Detroit, the Rangers are one game away from wresting the worst record in MLB from Washington, and they've already got the worst home record in baseball. With the Mavs heading for a quick exit from the playoffs and the Cowboys reportedly signing another thug, these aren't good times for Metroplex sports fans.

Random Thursday

• If the Sudanese government really believes that severe punishment is merited for the naming of "Mohammed the Teddy Bear," then I respectfully submit to them that they need to also lash (1) the schoolchildren who named the bear, (2) the children's parents, for obviously failing to properly educate their kids in the great theological issues of the day, and (3) all the local imams, for obviously failing to educate those parents.


• The line of the day comes from local early morning TV meteorologist Greg Morgan who, in response to a story about American Airlines spinning off short-haul carrier American Eagle, said that the latter company should be called "American Bumblebee." Anyone who's ever bounced along on one of those turboprops understands exactly where Morgan is coming from.


• Song lyric of the day comes from Lucy Woodward's Geographical Cure in which she exhorts her date to take her on a tour of NYC and buy her a "mocha-cappu-frivolous." That would be a great addition to a Starbucks menu.


• One of the purchases we'll make when we move into the new house is a flat screen TV to hang over the fireplace, allowing us to get rid of the ginormous 15-year-old RCA console that now dominates our living room. I have a lot of angst over which model to choose, but I figured I had a few more months to decide. That is, until last night, when said RCA suddenly became unresponsive. We couldn't turn it on with the remote, or manually. Not knowing what else to do, but feeling I needed to do something, I wrestled the box away from the wall in order to better peer into the tangled mass of cables that lurk in the dark places behind our electronics. (This is not unlike what I do with car troubles: pop the hood and tap randomly on things, not with any expectation or knowledge, but with a desperate desire for a serendipitous restoration of a life-giving circuit or mechanical connection. It never works, of course, but that doesn't stop me from trying.) What I spied made my heart soar like an eagle (or bumblebee). The power cord had fallen from the plug in the back of the TV. I may not be an electronics whiz but I immediately sensed that this could somehow be related to the problem. Now, the bigger question is how does a power cord just fall away from a plug? All we can hypothesize is that Abbye got disoriented and managed to squeeze behind the entertainment center, and in the process step on just the right cable in just the right way before putting it in reverse and extricating herself. Perhaps she figures that if she can't watch TV, neither should we.


• So, we were having dinner with friends at our favorite Tex-Mex restaurant when the conversation turned to the Thanksgiving snowfall. I shared how my parents in Fort Stockton lost their power for most of Saturday night and we empathized at how hard it probably was to stay warm. Suddenly, my spirit left my body and I found myself staring down at the table from a point close to the somewhat greasy ceiling, and I recoiled inwardly (you just had to be there) as I simultaneously anticipated and heard these words coming from my mouth: "...and I don't think they even have an electric blanket in the house."

Random Thursday

Busy day ahead, so let's dive right in, shall we?

• Terrorist Toys - Consider this scenario. It's December, 2001. Government and military leaders in a foreign country have observed how America has been shaken to its core by the 9/11 attacks, and begin considering if there's a way to take advantage of our country's new focus on radical Islamists. The core question: if one has the patience, what's the best long-term strategy for bringing an otherwise potent nation to its knees? Answer: destroy its children. Question: how is that possible? Answer: Booby-trap the toys we export to that country. Think of it as an IED with a really long fuse. Perhaps it's time that the Department of Homeland Security took over policing Chinese imports? (And remember the saying, "just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get you.")


• Pop Tart Consumption - I think we've been selling Britney Spears short, based on the revelation of her monthly budget in court records associated with her ongoing dispute with K-Fed. We've pegged her as undisciplined and unfocused, but I challenge the Gazette readership to consider if they have the sheer stamina and determination to party each month to the tune of a hundred large, or to spend $16K every 30 days on clothes (which is even more amazing considering that none of that goes for underwear!).


• Shocked, I tell you. Shocked! - Jimmy's dismayed over the lack of civility on the part of certain anonymous blog commenters. This is a subject that probably merits its own post, but here's one thought that springs immediately to my mind. The blogger is responsible for - and has complete control over - what appears on his or her blog. This is a lesson that's sometimes learnt the hard way, as Jimmy discovered last Tuesday evening. The sad fact is that if you're going to post on potentially controversial or emotion-laden topics, you'd better be prepared to exercise strong editorial control of the resulting conversation. Eventually, those who have nothing of value to contribute will head for easier hunting grounds.


• I hate to end on negative notes, so here are a couple of tips. First, for the locals: Burr Williams has posted his list of the best books about the Llano Estacado (primarily encompassing West Texas), fiction and non-fiction. If you're a resident of the area, or just have a love of the region, it's worth using as a guide for building your library. Second, for anyone who likes gumbo but doesn't like going to the trouble to make it from scratch: Look for a jar of Cookwell & Company "Cajun Two-Step Gumbo" (available at H-E-B). Dump it in a pot, add some boiled shrimp or diced chicken, and steam some rice on the side. Add jalapeño or Tabasco sauce to suit, and enjoy. You'll be amazed, I gar-on-tee.

Have a good 'un!

Random Thursday

Read a story in yesterday's Wall Street Journal about how Nike is teaming up with various "street artists" in an attempt to market to unconventional niches, like skateboarders and crackheads. OK, I made up that last one. Anyway, the writer described the work of one such artist as "hyper-realistic." I kinda thought realism was like being dead or pregnant; you either are or aren't, and degrees are unnecessary.

Nevertheless, today's Random Thursday should be considered hyper-realistic, because it's realer than real. Really.

• Egging On the Users - Still picking on writers, I can't resist pointing out a sentence in a technical article wherein certain software users were deemed to be unfairly "yolked with security provisions" (not an exact quote, except for the "yolked" part). I dunno; perhaps the users truly are eggheads.


• And speaking of eggs and the fowl who lay them, my brother shared last weekend how his herd of chickens has been steadily reduced in size, first by coyotes, and now by – get this – javelinas. I never realized that the peccaries *snicker* were meatosauruses (bonus points for movie ref), but they will apparently eat anything. I once dated...well, never mind. In case you're wondering (and who isn't?), coyotes are clean in their killing techniques, hauling the birds away, while the nasty little piggies act to type and generally make a big mess of things.


• And speaking of acting, we haven't exactly been enthusiastic consumers of this season's new television fare, but one guilty pleasure is Samantha Who, ABC's sitcom starring Christina Applegate, who plays an amnesia victim who is slowly finding out that in her previous life she was a Very Bad Girl. I predict that Applegate will be a front runner for an Emmy, and she's working with excellent scripts. It doesn't hurt that it's got Dancing With the Stars as a lead-in, but the audience has given ABC enough encouragement to extend its run.


• And speaking of Dancing with the [Not]Stars, our dance instructor has taken on the monumentally frustrating task of teaching us the Quick Step, a project akin to teaching, um, javelinas to eat chicken with knife and fork. But, I have to admit that anyone who can listen to the following music without wanting to get up and dance is likely a soulless automaton:
  
  
  Excerpt: Gene Krupa's version of Sing, Sing, Sing

  Anyone know where I can get a good deal on a zoot suit?

Random Thursday: Wednesday Edition

It's been a busy few weeks (months?) around the Gazette household, but I'm sure everybody's in that boat. MLB and I are occasionally feeling stressed over some of the things that are going on, but when I take a look at the list of the most stressful life events and see that we're not experiencing any of them, then I have to admit that we're pretty spoiled.

Nevertheless, I am dealing with some pretty weighty issues. Like, how do I know whether to refer to someone as a "rapper" vs. a "hip-hop artist"? I mean, what's the difference? Are the former's lyrical vulgarities more crude? Are the latter's drive-by shootings done with a gold-plated rod? And does anyone still refer to a gun as a "rod"?

Also, why does Charmin insist on having eight varieties of toilet paper? Big rolls, mega rolls, ultra rolls, ultra-freakin'-ginormous rolls. Who can figure it out?

Anyway, here's some noteworthy stuff that I trust won't stress your mind too much:

• Got a lot accomplished before 7:30 this morning, including installing and configuring a message board for a nonprofit client, and tweaking the home page layout for a second customer. I also caught the appearance of fellow Midland blogger Ricë Freeman-Zachery on the local CBS morning show, as she took temporary leave from her easy chair at the Rankin HIghway S$s to plug her new book, Living the Creative Life in advance of her book signing at Barnes & Noble on Saturday. I trust that she was pleasantly surprised that the interviewer pronounced her name correctly.


• I think there's a whole boring post to be made around this concept, but for now let me just say that website designers are in danger of becoming the next used car salesmen (and by that I really mean no disrespect to any actual used car salesmen, all of whom are paragons of fiduciary responsibility and compassionate marketing strategies; I'm referring to those unfair stereotypes, doncha know?) if my most recent clients are any indication. The last three have retained me to rescue them from lousy designs and/or unresponsive designers. One of them told me, "I'd be happy just to have someone who answers their phone." Methinks we need to have a little group meeting to discuss such things as reliability, discipline, and customer service. After that, we can move on to the many reasons why scanning a brochure and slapping it on a server as a series of JPEGs does not a useful website make.


• How out of it am I? After telling some friends last night about the new album being released by a major recording artist, Toni informed me as diplomatically as she could without rolling on the floor in laughter that George Harrison's All Things Must Pass is, in fact, more than three decades old. (I have socks older than that, so that's not a big deal.) Say, did you know that he's dead? Next up: I share some rumors about this really big boat hitting an iceberg and sinking while an orchestra plays a hymn.

I'm pretty sure I had a couple of additional observations that would bring the world closer to true harmony and the ubiquitous availability of really good chile rellenos, but it all escapes me now.

Random Thursday

No promises, but if you manage to make it through this post I will try to later reward you with a gecko photo. Is that sufficient incentive? Only you can decide.

• For once, I'm actually eagerly awaiting the unfolding of a multi-million dollar celebrity lawsuit. Dan Rather's suit against CBS should reveal some fascinating looks behind the scenes of an MSM news operation. I predict that while neither party initially makes for a sympathetic litigant, whatever positive public perception of either there may be will only decrease through the course of the lawsuit.


• That, however, is still not enough to offset the prospect of a year of hysterical coverage of O.J.'s latest legal escapade. Fox News actually had two on-the-scene reporters covering the story this morning, one in Las Vegas (where O.J. currently isn't) and one in Florida (where O.J. may or may not be because they can't really find him, despite having more people assigned to track him than we have looking for OBL). What a waste of broadcast frequency.


• We're seeing a series of TV ads for a local bank that features a guy wearing a red blanket around his neck, proclaiming himself to be "Superbanker." The ads are surprisingly winsome, but I'm struck by the irrelevancy of the bank's tagline: "Changing the color of banking." I never realized there was a color associated with banking. I suppose one could make a case for the color green, but if the blanket/cape in the ad is supposed to herald a change, I submit that associating the color red with anything of a financial nature is a bad idea. In any event, on another level, the selection of yet another middle-aged white guy to represent the bank does little to validate the tagline. I'd like to know why the ad agency and bank decided that was a good slogan to adopt.


• The first day of fall draws nigh and the question on everyone's mind is which will expire first: my lawn or my lawnmower. I'm trying to finish this year's mowing season with my old and busted machine, which has lost or broken practically every piece that doesn't contribute directly to its prime directive of cutting grass. The latest casualty is the tread on one of the front wheels. In all my years of lawn mower ownership, I've never seen a mower tire throw its tread; I didn't even know it was possible. But I've got this one tightly wrapped with duct tape, making the machine look even more low rent than before (another thing I didn't think was possible). If I can make it through this this season, I'll replace the current self-propelled gasoline mower with a smaller, lighter model, perhaps even going electric. I learned to mow grass with an electric mower, and even though cord management is a pain, the quietness and lower maintenance are compelling arguments for switching, especially since our new lawn will be smaller and easier to mow. Anyone have any experience with cordless electric mowers?

Random Thursday: The Monday Edition

Am I four days late, or three days early? And why would you even care?

• My nomination for Dumbest Series of Car Commercials goes to Hyundai for its "Big Duh" sales event. Even when you set the duhs to the strains of Beethoven's Fifth, it's still dumb. But I would have loved to have been in the meeting where the ad agency first pitched the idea. Maybe "duh" means something different in Korean.


• Here's a question I'd like to pose to all the atheists out there: how do you explain trees? I mean, what evolutionary purpose would be fulfilled by trees? This is not an idle question, considering that trees and the wood and byproducts they provide quite literally made the earth livable for mankind. I think Joyce Kilmer had the right answer, all along.


• And speaking of the role wood has played throughout recorded history, this looks like a fascinating book. I actually considered buying it last Christmas and never got around to it, but I take my recent revelation as a sign I should go right out and get it. It's pages are made from trees, you know.


• My nomination for the Dumbest Sports Non-Story goes to this one reporting that UT has decided not to leave the Big 12 conference to join the Big 10. According to the report, "...Texas and Nebraska weren't getting along..." So, what exactly does that mean? That the universities won't sign each other's yearbook before graduation? That both states want to claim Oklahoma for overflow parking at their respective state fairs? Listen, I'd be more worried if they did "get along," at least when it comes to sports rivalries. I don't even want to think about football players getting together for slumber parties and doing each other's hair and giggling at stories in Dave Campbell's latest magazine.


• Foo found a place where Burger King will "Simpsonize" you. I'd post the results I achieved but you can get the full effect by looking at Foo's avatar and subtracting some hair. OK, a lot of hair; thanks for noticing.


• But my favorite new play toy is the Road Construction Sign generator (link courtesy of George over at Sleepless in Midland. My suggestion is shown below. I think Dante would approve. Especially if he drove a Hyundai*.

*In the interest of fair and balanced blogging, I confess that we own a Hyundai, and it's a most excellent vehicle. I'd buy another one.

Random Thursday: Birthday Edition

Why, yes...it is my birthday; what tipped you off?

And it's been a special one already, starting at 2:00 am this morning when a greeting via text message arrived from our favorite Kiwi (and she even recorded a song for me).

The fun continued at breakfast where MLB presented me with her usual cool and unexpected gift, which I'm modeling below:

That's right. It's a Geordi La Forge costume kit! OK, not really; it's even better than that, difficult as that may be to imagine. It's a MyVu "personal media viewer," aka iPod glasses. I haven't had time to do more than watch about ten minutes of a movie (Serenity, if you must know), but first impressions are quite favorable. The picture is high quality, the sound is incredible, and you aren't completely cut-off from your surroundings, meaning that I can watch all my favorite episodes of The Office while driving around town! (Just kidding. Probably.)

OK, you know what? I was going to do this whole Random Thursday post thing, but, hey, it's my birthday! I have toys to play with! Catch you tomorrow.

Random Thursday

Reaffirming the inherent value of white noise, even of the pixelized persuasion, I offer the following for your snoozing pleasure:

• I just found the new issue of Mountain Biking Magazine laying on a side table, under other important publications like the TV program listing and an old Crutchfield catalog. (MBM nowadays comes bundled with Bicycling Magazine, apparently because nobody will read it, otherwise.) One of the cover headlines is Go Faster Without Pedaling. Yeah, it's called "driving."


• I noticed that the sports page in our local newspaper is sporting a new story category. Alongside of "Major League Baseball," "Track and Field," and "NFL" we now have "Felony Roundup." (I suspect the sports department is having a little fun with us.) It's a sad commentary on modern life that (1) there are enough stories to fill out such a section and (2) they don't even have to resort to misdemeanors.


• And speaking of misdemeanors, this morning's paper carries a report of a naked man walking through our neighborhood yesterday evening. (I have an alibi, so put that thought to rest right this minute.) He was arrested somewhere on Boulder Street, just south of Loop 250. Boulder is just a block or two from the Gazette Global Headquarters and Manufacturing Facility. What's notable is that the story made a big deal out of the fact that he was "in the neighborhood" where Parker Elementary School is located. Well, not to defend anyone crazed enough to expose that much flesh to our newly-hatched mosquito population – although, frankly, we've all done it, haven't we? – but Parker is a half mile away, across a drainage ditch the size of the LA River, and school has been out of session for several weeks. It just seemed to be some unnecessary arm-waving about a felony that almost was.


• I shudder to think what this might do to the Gazette's search engine traffic, but on a windless day disposing of the remains of a fully-grown Hindu can take six hours and 500kg of wood. That's according to this article in The Economist. This poses a pretty significant problem for India's environment:
  
  With around 8.5m Hindus expiring each year in India, these pyres exact a huge environmental toll. By one estimate, they consume around 50m trees a year, producing 500,000 tonnes of ash and 8m tonnes of carbon dioxide.
  
  Why, that's the equivalent of the carbon footprint of a month's worth of jacuzzi baths for Al Gore. (Oh, man – there's another unfortunate Google phrase.)

In closing, let me remind you that according to the Texas Mileage Guide, it's 391.9 miles from Midland to College Station. The significance of this number, and others of even greater magnitude will be made clearer later on. In the meantime, I'd appreciate if you'd start rounding up your spare change; I'll provide mailing instructions.

Random Thursday

Let's begin this week's edition of RT with a look at Retrievr, a web-based app that lets you create a sketch (or upload an image) which is then matched against images uploaded to Flickr. The results are, well, unpredictable – but fun. Below is a sketch I submitted (shown on the left) and two of the Flickr matches returned by Retrievr. The resemblances are undeniable.

I'm not sure about the value of the sketch matching, especially for someone with little artistic ability (like moi), but the image matching feature has definite possibilities.

Or, maybe not.

The image on the left was uploaded to Retrievr, and the one on the right is one of the presumed matches it returned from Flickr. This feature could use a bit more work, methinks.

Now, where were we?

• I see where the Illinois high school students who were denied diplomas because of cheering families have finally received their papers. The students and families are still upset, though, because the school district and its officials didn't apologize. Having recently sat through the longest three hours of my life at a local high school graduation, experiencing firsthand the lengths to which family members will go to flout both legal notices (sheriff's notice of "no airhorns") and polite requests ("please hold your applause to allow other's names to be heard"), I have little sympathy for those Illinois families. I do agree that it's a shame that students are penalized for the actions of their families, but I'd like to hear alternatives for ensuring the re-introduction of decorum and civility in this group setting. This is one venue where the kids are better behaved than the adults.


• I guess you saw where John Edwards referred to the global war on terror as "a bumper sticker." That's pretty rich, coming from a candidate who's a haircut.


• Did you catch Letterman's line last night about Paris Hilton's stay in the slammer? He said that Hollywood is already making a movie about her ordeal. It will be called The Birdbrain of Alcatraz.


• Well, you'd just have to have been there. Watching the show, that is. Not in the slammer.

Random Thursday: Link Love Edition

This week's edition of RT focuses on what's going on in other corners of the 'sphere.

• Patti is recovering nicely from her tussle with the Big C, but is struggling with how to talk to others about it. She's also being blocked by China (as is the Gazette).


• Nic is now providing English translations of his posts, apparently succumbing to pressure from the LUV (League of United Vowels), the members of which seem to believe they're underrepresented in the Welsh language. Besides being able to actually understand what he's writing about, I now know the Welsh counterparts for "website" (gwefan), "name" (enw), and "email" (ebost), so I've got that going for me.


• Jimmy hated POTC:AWE, believing it to be boring and overly long. As a baseball fan, he's eminently qualified to recognize those characteristics. <rimshot>


• Bob and Cherie have new puppies, Rascal and Trixie. And Jennifer's new pup, Britta, is now attending class. *sigh* They grow up so fast, don't they?


• The Thinklings have an active discussion in progress regarding the Scriptural implications of debt. As someone who's contemplating a new home and concomitant mortgage, this has personal relevance.


• Kevin Whited over at blogHOUSTON provides a link to a transcript of a hilarious exchange between a telemarketer and a skeptical customer (scroll down to the section heading, "Call Me"). This is a picture perfect example of how to deal with this situation. It also demonstrates that it's not a good idea for some people to try to sell iceboxes to Eskimos.

In closing, allow me to direct your attention to the library-cum-kitchen of the ever-scintillating Bakerina, who has a wide ranging post about a lot of things which may or may not mesh with your immediate interests, but which includes a rapturous denouement involving a jelly cake made with white peaches. Please cover your keyboard before reading the recipe and viewing the photo. I cannot be held responsible for damage from drooling.

Random Thursday Lite

According to Wikipedia, the shortest commercial runway in the world is situated on the tiny island of Saba, and is only 400 meters in length.*

• After years of studying the phenomenon, I feel comfortable in asserting that the likelihood of your newspaper being thrown onto the fraction of the portion of your driveway that's covered with runoff from your sprinkler system is directly proportional to the likelihood that the sun will rise in the east.

*I didn't know it was the shortest, but I did know it was pretty dang short, having landed there once in 1989.

Random Thursday

For a desert, things are awfully wet around here.

• MLB has been graced by her employer with a brand spanking new Blackberry, ensuring her the privilege of never being out of contact with the office. But there are a few challenges. One is the protocol of just how attached she should be to the device. Should she take it to lunch? (Probably) How about to the restroom? (Umm...)
  
  But the bigger issue is that, after years of spending who knows how many dollars to buy the newest smaller cellphone so that it will fit in her stylishly svelte handbags, she's now saddled with this big honkin' thing (it's the model with the full QWERTY keyboard). If she was a guy (or a geek), she'd just hang it from her belt, but she doesn't swing that way and so the fashion obstacle is profound. I'm sure she'd appreciate any advice you can provide, seeing as how I proved myself to be worthless in that regard when I suggested hanging it from a chain around her neck.


• I alluded above to the fact that we've had some unusually damp weather around here lately. In fact, I've measured 4.7" of rain in our backyard since May 2, and almost 12" year-to-date. Those numbers may not be impressive unless you realize that our average annual rainfall is 14". And while no one who's lived out here for very long will complain about getting some good downpours (except those poor souls whose homes have flooded), we're all secretly wishing for a few days of sunshine. After all, this is the desert, and if we wanted to mildew, we'd have moved to Houston when we had the chance (which all of us have had, at one time or another).


• This is the point at which I'd normally employ the adage that living in Houston is like living in the mouth of a dog, but I've been threatened with legal action by the Bayou City Chamber of Commerce if I do it again, so I won't.


• The Big Bend Open Road Race was held a couple of weekends ago in Fort Stockton. By all accounts, it was another successful event, but everyone was abuzz (ha! Oh, that's premature...) over the Close Encounter of the Bird Kind experienced by the driver who came upon six buzzards in the middle of the highway, and managed to avoid five of them -- while doing 195. The sixth ended up having a bad day, as evidenced by these photos. Amazingly, the car went on to win its class (Provisional Unlimited) with an average speed of 172 mph. No word on whether it was later disqualified for carrying an unauthorized passenger.


• Did you catch the types of vehicles entered in the Unlimited class? Talk about diverse. A 1999 NASCAR entry, followed by a 1962 Dodge Polara. The third entry, a '99 Grand Prix, had a DNF due to a DNS, which, when you think about it, is a fairly predictable outcome.


• I'll close with a movie trivia question. Earlier this week I watched a movie on TV. The dialog was in English, but the movie had Dutch subtitles. Any guesses as to the movie's title?

Random Thursday: The Friday Edition

Pondering some trivialities while strategizing how best to reveal the fact that I'm actually Miss America from 1978, working a long-term undercover operation.

• Two of my favorite TV ad "franchises" are those for Rozerem (the prescription "sleep aid") and Jimmy Dean Sausage (touting its nutritious and delicious microwave breakfasts). The latter may be a regional thing -- I don't know if Big John has gone national or not -- but it features characters dressed up as celestial bodies (and I'm not referring to Jessica Simpson) and meteorological phenomenon. I especially like the one where a despondent guy dressed as a waning moon (which could, of course, be part of his problem) is confronted by the perpetually up-beat guy dressed as the sun (he never breaks a sweat). "Hey," says the sun, "I thought you were supposed to be full." "I'm not feelin' it," responds the moon. The sun breaks out breakfast and the next shot shows the moon swollen to full girth. The Deanster obviously doesn't care about the subliminal message, and the whole concept is funny.


• I'm sure everyone with a TV is familiar with the Rozerem spots, wherein a sleepless guy is confronted by characters from his dreams: a hip but achingly sympathetic Abe Lincoln (does anyone still dream about Abe?), a sardonic beaver (real subtle, guys...like we didn't all go to junior high at some point in our lives), and a disturbingly anonymous deep sea diver (which a friend mistook for an astronaut, to his eternal embarrassment). I like the way the main ad is followed by a throw-away scene seemingly created just for entertainment, like the one where Abe is playing folded-paper-placekicker using the annoyed beaver as the goalpost.


• One of our local early morning news anchors has acquired the habit of announcing the time with these words: "The time on the clock is..." At first, I found this to be annoying -- cue the beaver -- but have since realized that she's simply being accurate. In the immortal words of Chicago, does anyone really know what time it is? Of course not. We have eleven clocks in our home, and the best we can do is hope to average their displays to try to figure out whether we're late or not. (We are.) So that anchorette is simply providing us with a reference point which we can choose to accept or not. She could say, "I don't know what time you think it is, and I also don't know whether our means of measuring time is accurate, but the best I can do for you is to point out that our clock says this." I can live with that.


• Note to Apple: Would it just kill you guys to give us a full minute to sample music in the iTunes Store? I mean, I just checked and your market cap is $85B, you have $6.5B in cash, you're not paying any dividends, and I'm assuming that you have, like, a mega-T1 line or something so that bandwidth shouldn't be a problem. You'd still have enough money left over to cover legal fees and fines related to those backdated options.


• Well, for that matter, Apple, why don't you just downsample the music to something like 96kbps, put it in mono, and let us listen to the whole dang song? The people who'd use AudioHijack to steal it instead of buying it aren't going to buy it anyway, and you'd more than make up for it by selling additional copies to people who aren't willing to risk 99 cents on an inadequate test drive.


• OK, if neither of those options works as a Store-wide policy, why not let each artist decide the length and quality of the sample you provide?

By the way, I'm taking a cue from the Pointy-Haired Boss and letting Abbye handle the rest of my posts today. After reading the previous one, she's thinking it's way past time.

Random Thursday

Random observations while searching for my place on WikiMapia...

• Golf statisticians have -- by definition, I think -- too much time on their hands. How else to explain this report that fifty different players have been runners-up to Tiger Woods in PGA Tour tournaments. And, based on the fact that this story got written, it's equally obvious that some sports reporters are also running out of ideas.


• I would be curious, however, to know how many guys wearing red pants have finished behind Tiger. Surely someone is working on that.


• Ever wonder what it would be like to live the exciting life of a freelance web designer? Me, too. But I read this, and now I know. Actually, it pretty much describes my life (even down to the detail of having a law firm as one of my first clients, and wondering how I survived the experience), except I answer emails after 5 pm. I may write my own version of this article...if I ever find the time.


• My pal, newlywed, and Bible haiku king Larry Stephey brought WikiMapia to my attention recently, and it's a sure way to drain your discretionary time. The site combines the wiki concept with Google Maps by allowing you to draw a box around a place and enter a description of that place that's viewable -- and editable -- by everyone else. I spend some time outlining a few places in the Midland area, including our neighborhood park, the rifle range, and an airport south of town that we visit fairly regularly.
  This application has potential to be helpful in a number of ways, but it would be more useful if you weren't limited to rectangles for outlining places of interest. Anyway, to use WikiMapia, just zoom in on the place you want to describe, drag it to the crosshairs in the center of the window, and click "Add Place." Note that you can insert an URL in the description by simply preceding the web address with "http://" (and nothing else -- don't try to use tags; they don't work).


• I see where Governor Perry has signed SB 378, and it will go into effect on September 1, 2007. Dubbed "the Castle Law," this bill allows Texans to exercise deadly force in their homes, cars, and workplaces without first retreating. Up to now, one had to retreat from an attacker, presumably in the hope that once he understood you meant him no harm, he would have a change of heart and leave, after writing you a generous check to cover mental anguish and, possibly, broken window glass. This was a defense lawyer's dream come true. Thankfully, Texas citizens will now be able to protect their lives with the blessing of the law. Here's the text of the bill, if you're interested.

Random Thursday

Contemplating the prospect of a stormy day in west Texas while wondering about the true significance of "Class 5 Flushing Action."

Caution: The following presentation contains material of a poopish nature. Reader discretion is advised.

• Isn't it amazing in this age of enlightenment that used car salesmen still seem to believe that yelling at us through the TV screen is an effective marketing technique?


• Following almost seven years of empirical study, I've come to the conclusion that the likelihood that a dog owner will pick up after his or her pet is inversely proportional to the size of the dog. This is rather disheartening to those of us who own small dogs, not to mention hazardous to the unobservant park walker.


• And what's the deal with owners who let their dogs poop right in the middle of the sidewalk? I blame cell phones, but that's an untested theory.


• Quick, for 20 points, in which movie is the planet Crematoria referred to?


• If you decide to buy this gun, make sure you request that the dealer demonstrate how to reassemble it after taking it apart for cleaning. Why? None of your business.


• Have you ever put a locking knob on a closet door and then realized that because the hinges are on the outside, your presumed security measure is easily defeated? Well, friend, you need a security stud (Save your comments for the debriefing. And save your comments about that comment for some other venue.). Good luck finding these in your local hardware store, but you might be able to get them from a keysmith. They're really simple to use, and will eliminate the easy opening of a locked door by removing the hinges. I'll leave it to your imagination -- which for some of you is already running wild -- to discern how they work.


• And, finally (yay!), I'll end on a symmetrical note by wondering what was going through the mind of the person who drafted the jingle for a local company that includes the phrase "...the name that needs no repeating," which is then immediately followed by two repetitions of that name?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled Thursday.

Random Thursday

Some random observations while reflecting on how weird it feels to actually be caring about March Madness, given that A&M's men's and women's basketball teams are legitimate contenders for the first time in memory.

• I had a check-up at my internist's office a few years back, and the doctor asked me if it would be alright if someone besides him drew my blood for the usual tests. I said fine, expecting his nurse to do the job. Instead, the receptionist came in, sat down, and -- under his guidance -- stuck me. Fast forward to today when, according to this column in yesterday's Wall Street Journal, hospitals are implementing new initiatives to reduce the stress on patients due to awkward needle sticks. In addition to creating IV teams for patients with hard-to-access veins or fear of needles, hospitals are beefing up training programs for the medical technicians known as phlebotomists and other staffers who regularly draw blood, and developing stricter protocols for monitoring patients during and after procedures to avoid complications.


• The article also cites the use of a new gadget called the VeinViewer which, in addition to being an obvious boon for myopic vampires, helps technicians locate veins using "near-infrared light."


• In the same vein (ha! I crack myself up), the fear of needles is referred to as blenophobia. I haven't been back to see that internist. I don't suffer from blenophobia, but I am a bit worried that he might ask to bring in some outside help for my next prostate exam.


• Someday, I hope to attend South by Southwest (SXSW) in Austin, which seems to be a really cool mashup of technology, film, and weird cultural things. This year's film festival includes the March 13th premier of what is likely the world's first and only movie about a font, Helvetica. If you can't get excited about a film about a font, there's simply no hope for you. I just hope the movie's performers don't get, you know, typecast.


• I caught Abbye chewing on a hoof in our backyard this morning. Just thought you ought to know.


• I received a summons for jury duty in a couple of weeks. At first I was disappointed, because as a self-employed, um, employee, if I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. But then I realized, hey, I'll make more as a jurist than I do as a web designer, so now I've got that going for me. Maybe I'll get a government leak case.

In closing, if you're still tossing and turning at night, wondering about this, you'll be relieved to know that they exhumed the body of the Big Bopper 48 years after his death and confirmed that he died immediately in the same plane crash that killed Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.

Random Thursday

Inconsequentia commenceth:

• Blogathon 2007 is scheduled for July 28th! Who's in?


• I was disturbed to discover that my local supermarket rearranged the cereal aisle while I was out of town. I can't help wondering what perceived feng shui faux pas led them to believe that putting the Shredded Wheat on the south end of the aisle instead of its traditional place on the north end provides a superior shopping experience.


• I'm also not happy that my good old green Zest soap -- the soothing verde of the ocean that I grew up only 500 miles away from -- has now been replaced by a strange purple lump in the shape of an elephant's vertebral disc and bearing a silly name like Serene Lilacs of Repose. The fool thing won't even stay put on the soap dish.


• Oh, for those of you who are familiar with the good eats to be found in Santa Fe, while I won't bore you with a blow-by-blow description of our gastronomic adventures, I will provide the following list of our dining destinations and you can fill in the blanks yourselves: Pasqual's, The Shed, Harry's Roadhouse, Tia Sophia's (twice), the Stakeout Bar and Grill (Taos), the Plaza Café, the Guadalupe Café, The Chocolate Maven, and Il Piata. Oh, and high tea at the Hotel St. Francis, which despite no longer providing clotted cream with its scones, is still worth the $9 it takes to enjoy the illusion of culture.


• Speaking of Santa Fe, here's a short video clip I captured during a Sunday afternoon stroll through a neighborhood not far from Canyon Road. Forgive the quality; a hand-held camera at 20x zoom doesn't make for the most stable of images, and the back-lit setting wasn't ideal. But do make sure your computer's audio is turned up to get the full effect:

• I'm not sure I've ever seen a woodpecker in the "wild" before, let alone been in a position to capture one on film.

In closing, I'll share with you that I just finished watching One Night with the King on DVD. This movie purports to be the story of Hadassah, whose accomplishments are described in the Old Testament book of Esther. My advice is short and probably cruel: read the short book of Esther, use your imagination to fill in any perceived gaps in the story, and skip the movie which, while not awful, doesn't come close to measuring up to the real thing.

Random Thursday

Scattershooting* while contemplating Biblical references to "grits"...

• The story of the jealous astronaut has consumed the airways -- and rightfully so -- creating a field day for talk show gag writers and journalists seeking respite from political stories. My favorite headline this far was this simple one that appeared on CNN Headline News the day the story broke: "Astro-Naughty."


• I understand that as a result of this incident, NASA is second-guessing its psychological evaluation process for prospective astronauts. Good luck with that, I say. For some reason, this weird episode is comforting in the way it shows that while we might be able to conquer space and perform all kinds of technological "miracles," the human mind, psyche and heart are still as mysterious and unpredictable as ever.


• We've been treating Abbye for a fairly serious flareup of uveitis, an "ocular inflammatory disease." It's apparently a fairly common thing for dogs with diabetes. Trying to cover all the bases, the vet has performed some tests which I've never seen done to a dog. One was a measure of her tear production, which was accomplished by sticking a strip of paper under her eyelid and measuring the amount of tears via capillary action down the strip. I've been told that an identical process is used on humans, which I didn't know; it sounds quite uncomfortable. The second test seemed even more so. It was essentially a test for glaucoma, measuring the pressure of her eyeballs, and was accomplished not with the puff of air many of us have experienced during our eye exams, but by punching the eyeball with something that looks like a digital thermometer until it beeps (the device, not the eyeball), indicating the pressure has been recorded. Again, the prospect of having this done to my eye gives me the willies, but Abbye didn't blink (pun intended) at either test. And, since you're wondering, she produces the normal amount of tears (for a dog) and her eyeball pressures are just fine. So, other than not working, her eyes are fine.


• I've always liked the New American Standard version of the Bible, and I understand it comes closer to faithfully capturing the precise wording of the original Hebrew and Greek manuscripts than most other translations. But despite careful reading and re-reading, I'm always discovering new things, and this morning I ran across a reference that I'd never before noticed. Take a quick look, if you will, at the the Old Testament book of Leviticus, chapter 2, verses 14-16:
  
  Also if you bring a grain offering of early ripened things to the LORD, you shall bring fresh heads of grain roasted in the fire, grits of new growth, for the grain offering of your early ripened things. You shall then put oil on it and lay incense on it; it is a grain offering. The priest shall offer up in smoke its memorial portion, part of its grits and its oil with all its incense as an offering by fire to the LORD.
  
  If you look in other translations of this passage you might find references to "beaten corn," but the translators of the NAS were apparently raised in the south -- probably Southern Baptists -- and so they've employed the superior term, "grits." There's something cool about knowing that grits are mentioned in the Bible.


• Incidentally, in the original Hebrew, the word signifying "beaten corn" is geres, derived from a root that means husk or kernel, and is often translated as simply "grain."


• You can think about the preceding thread the next time you watch My Cousin Vinny.

*In honor of the great Blackie Sherrod, dontcha know?

Random Thursday canceled due to apathy. But, really, who cares?

I made a good start on today's "Random" post, including a joyful rant about the apparent increasing unreliability of the local web design community (I think we're well on our way to becoming the 21st century equivalent of aluminum siding salesmen, no offense to aluminum siding salesmen), but when I looked outside and saw how dreary and drizzly and altogether yucky the weather is, I lost the will to publish.

I hope the sun is shining where you are and that it motivates you to do great things today. As for me, I think I'll plug in our NetFlix-originated edition of A Prairie Home Companion and put the Bad Jokes scene on perpetual loop.

Update: You can add "sleet" to the list of yucky things occurring outside right now. We are not amused.

Update #2: Did I say "sleet"? Make that "snow." As in, "you gotta be kidding me! Snow?!"

Update #3: What snow? The sun's shining.

Random Thursday

Serving up the freshest, hottest, most succulent trivialities of the day...

• I'm hardly a credible film critic, having seen only one of the movies that got an Academy Award nomination for best picture -- Little Miss Sunshine -- and coming away from that viewing completely unimpressed, but I have to think that if you still believe that the Oscars are non-political and only about the art, you've surely done a monumental job of rationalizing why Apocalypto didn't get a nod in the foreign language film category.


• The power of the internet to bring people together is amazing, isn't it? If you've been paying attention, you'll recall the Great Potato Peel Fiasco from last Christmas. Apart from providing great amusement to a certain sadistic segment of the Gazette readership, it's apparently also attracting similarly afflicted souls from around the world, as our visitor logs are showing fairly regular searches for phrases like "garbage disposal clogged by potato peels" or "why can't garbage disposals handle potato peels" or "instructions for inflicting a painful death on (&#*%&^(Q garbage disposal clogged with potato peels." OK, I made that last one up, although I'm almost certain that's what the searchers are thinking. Anyway, one such searcher came to the Gazette, then actually emailed me. Here's the amazing thing: it was a former Fort Stockton high school classmate now living in Illinois whom I haven't seen or corresponded with in decades! Imagine reconnecting via a shared potato peel experience. There's bound to be a Hallmark movie idea in there somewhere. Or at least an e-card.


• Incidentally, I apologize to those who are coming here in hopes of finding a solution to your potato peel clogs, although I suspect you're at least a bit content to learn that you're not the only ones who experienced this tragedy.


• Despite good intentions to the contrary, I forgot to watch Tuesday's live webcast from Odessa's Alliance Hospital of a "minimal incision total knee replacement." So, I popped over to OR-Live.com this afternoon to view the archived footage. I was doing pretty well until the first scalpel cut on the patient's bent knee laid that tissue wide open and then I remembered I had to wash my hair, mow the lawn and wash the car. If that's an example of "minimal incision," I don't even want to contemplate the alternative.


• Speaking of minimal incision, the tree service guys came out yesterday and completed the pruning and clean-up of our ice-damaged oak. Here again, I'm not an expert, but I have this nagging feeling that they could have exercised a bit more restraint in their pruning. Ah, I'm probably overly sensitive; what do you think...does it look OK to you?

Random Thursday

A brief collection of trivialities assembled while contemplating the idea that 34° (F) seems mercifully warm...

• Don't know about you but when I'm sick, the Food Pyramid contracts to the bare essentials: NyQuil, hot green tea, and thumbprint cookies (shortbread with pecans, and dollop of chocolate frosting in the middle). If only NyQuil came in chocolate flavor...


• I'm sure your weather is worse than mine right now, but I'm thankful that we're above the freezing mark for the first time since last Friday. I've decided that I hate winter. As I said in a comment over at Janie's place, I'd make a lousy Alaskan or NoDak. I don't know how Julie puts up with it, and I've never even had to use the back seat of my car as an adjunct to my freezer.


• Abbye, on the other paw, is a big fan of cold weather, and for a dog who despises rain, she's remarkably comfortable with snow. I hope to post photos later today demonstrating that fact.


• I'm usually less than enthusiastic by the flood of "Best of..." the past year's whatevers that accompanies each new year -- unless, of course, it's a look back at the year's best fonts.


• If you're contemplating a knee replacement -- and, really, who isn't? -- you'll be interested, I'm sure, in watching the live webcast of this procedure, streaming from Odessa's Alliance Hospital via OR-Live.com next Tuesday, January 23, staring at 6:00 p.m. CST. Dr. William G. Reilly will demonstrate the "minimal incision total knee replacement" technique. Coincidentally, I'll be meeting with Dr. Reilly on the 22nd to discuss a new website for his practice. Anyway, I watched a bit of a webcast from Alliance last year -- it was a minimally invasive cardiac procedure using the hospital's DaVinci robotic surgical system -- and it's a fascinating look inside the operating room. If you're into this sort of thing -- and, really, who isn't? -- mark the date on your calendar. I'll bring the Junior Mints.*

*Oh, this is too easy...but extra credit for the first person to identify the source of this reference.

Random Thursday

Just a few observations while wondering if there's ever been a year in which the only undefeated team in NCAA Division I football was not number one...besides this one, that is.

• After some initial skepticism, I've become a big fan of screw-in fluorescent light bulbs (or "swirls," as they're known in the trade). We're gradually replacing all of the standard 65 watt bulbs in the fixtures throughout our home, and once we got used to the initial dimness when the lights are first turned on, we've been very happy with them. But we also have a bunch of recessed ceiling lights that take those big 4.75" diameter floodlights, and I figured we were stuck with the incandescent bulbs for those fixtures. That is, until I saw this. I just installed five of these 16 watt reflector bulbs in my office and they're great. They'll also be much cooler in the summer. The interesting thing about them is that they're the same swirl bulbs as you see in regular fixtures...they've just been encased in a floodlight covering.


• I am still skeptical, however, about the claims of 7-10 years of life for these bulbs. I had to replace a couple of the regular ones, and I know they've been in place for less than two years. I've started marking the installation date on the bases with a Sharpie so I can keep track. Yes, that's how exciting my life has become.


• Via BatesLine comes this link to an excerpt from a book, The Gospel According to the Beatles, in which is described John Lennon's brush with Christianity. While fascinating, it's also one of the saddest accounts of a "near miss" you'll ever read, and for some us, confirms what we always suspected about Yoko Ono.


• Oh, by the way, I've added a few new photos to Abbye's random slide show over in the right column. Happy clicking!


• Quick reminder to those who live in west Texas: despite what it says on the package, the time to apply pre-emergent to your lawn is now. The package's instructions are for those who live in areas where winter is, you know, cold. Anyway, get some Balan/Treflan, put it down in liberal quantity -- repeat on March 1st -- and send me a thank-you note in April.

I'll end by quoting a statistic that came last week via email: "The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400." Now, despite the fact that this falls into the category of an "unknowable statistic" (as did much of the content of that email), I can use it as a benchmark for proving that the dog-like creature that cohabits our household is a significant overachiever in this regard. But what would be even more enlightening -- and alarming -- would be a tally of what it costs to adopt ballroom dancing as a hobby. More on that later...

Random Thursday

I'm a little late with this today. I've been caught up in the euphoria that comes with the realization that, as of this morning, our federal government is now in the hands of a group that can lead us into a glorious future, and that the shackles of oppression and fascist chaos have been thrown off in favor of a wonderful Plan.

Dang, I almost got that typed with a straight face.

Actually, I got a copy of season one of My Name is Earl on DVD, and I'm having trouble tearing myself away.

Hey, did you see that Nick Saban is leaving the NFL to coach football at the University of Alabama? He's going to make about $4 million per year. I'll resist the urge to make any comments about public education priorities, but I do wonder how that makes Chris Petersen feel. You know Chris Petersen, don't you? He's the head coach at Boise State, the best team in the nation that won't be considered for the national championship. Thanks to their undefeated season, Petersen's getting a big raise and will make $575,000 next year, plus some incentives that could bump him up to as much as almost 20% of Saban's base salary. So he's got that going for him.

Wesley Autrey, the New York City "Subway Hero," is being honored at this very moment by Mayor Bloomberg for his actions in saving the boy who had a seizure and fell onto the tracks in front of an oncoming train. Among other things, Autrey got a 12-month pass for the NYC subway system, and all the handi-wipes he can use. For his part, Autrey responded humbly by pointing that he's not a hero...the real heroes are the men and women now fighting in Iraq. He also refrained from chastising city officials for not being able to pronounce the names of his young children.

For their part, the new Democratic majority in Congress is trying to convince Autrey to run for president in 2008.

Random Thursday

Sort of a mixed bag today, including idle curiosity about the origin of the term "mixed bag"...

• NASA claims to have discovered evidence that water flowed on Mars as recently as a few years ago. So, that apparently moves west Texas into the #1 spot as the driest place in the universe. [OK, it only seems that way, as we're getting close to two months without measurable precip.]


• So many blogs, so little time – Had a brief conversation with Gazette Blogathon prizewinner and soundman extraodinaire Jon Wheeler at church last Sunday, and he reminded me of a site I've had blogrolled for a while but hardly ever think to visit. Footnoted.org obsesses over the footnotes to corporate financial statements and brings to light interesting -- or outrageous -- details that we'd otherwise likely miss. For example, a recent entry calls attention to the agreement between Kohl's Department Store and former Chief Operating Officer Arlene Meier who retired from the company last September 1. The agreement calls for the company to pay Ms. Meier's a lump sum of $880,000, but the real value comes in the fact that she will continue to receive the employee discount at the company's store for the rest of her life. So she has that going for her.


• A Norman Rockwell moment - Last Monday morning, as Abbye and I made our way around the park in sub-freezing temperatures, my first notice of the young boy on the bike came in the form of sound, the unmistakable crunch of tires plowing over ice and slush. On his way to the local elementary school, the kid was taking obvious delight in riding slowly down the gutter, back wheel losing traction as he sought the line that offered the slipperiest section of ice. He wasn't making much progress, but he surely was enjoying the ride. Yeah, that's a lesson worth applying elsewhere, isn't it?


• Speaking of Abbye, she had a six month check-up on the status of her Cushing's Disease and the blood tests revealed that it's still well in control. So, what's her reward for being deemed reasonably healthy (for a sick dog)? She goes in tomorrow for teeth cleaning and annual shots, which we'd put off until her immune system was stronger. I'm sure she'll fail to see the irony in all of that.


• On a much more somber note, Janie Snelson emailed to say that local Halliburton employees are mourning the loss of one of their own, a man who was killed in a truck wreck Tuesday night, leaving behind a wife and young daughter. I noticed a short notice in this morning's newspaper, but not recognizing the name, didn't linger over it. It's fascinating how the mention of the name by someone else immediately transforms a dry factual description in newsprint into the story of a family, and a shared bond of humanity reveals itself.

Random Thursday

We prepared for the predicted cold snap (which arrived on schedule last night...temperatures are 30 degrees colder this morning than at this time yesterday, and snow is coming down in light flurries as I type this) by undertaking our annual ritual of installing flannel sheets on our bed. Flannel makes great sleeping in cold weather, although one must be careful not to overdo it. An ugly secret of the flannel bedding industry is that every year, scores of unwary people crawl between flannel sheets while wearing flannel pajamas, and aren't found again until the spring switch back to cotton sheets, when their stiff -- albeit cozy -- bodies are discovered fixed in place, unfortunate victims of Flannel-Velcro Syndrome.

• Bumper sticker sighting of the week: "Midwives help people out." Heh.


• Is there really a big market for midwife-related bumper stickery?


• And speaking of being with child, I'm getting tired of hearing how Keisha Castle-Hughes's out-of-wedlock pregnancy is an "intriguing parallel" to the story of the virgin Mary whom she portrays in the new movie about the birth of Jesus, The Nativity Story. I even heard one talking TV head observe that Castle-Hughes's boyfriend is a carpenter, same as Joseph, Mary's betrothed, as if that enhances the lovely mysticism around the whole situation. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but attempting to equate this particular teen pregnancy with the miracle of the Virgin Birth is misguided at best, and insulting at worst.


• In fact, I can think of at least one religious group which has burned entire neighborhoods over less.


• Don't you just love the signs of the season: houses drapped with lights, Christmas tree lots going in on every vacant lot, lawsuits over nativity scenes? One of my favorite signs is when the email spammers switch over to their festive holiday themes. Within the past few hours I've received emails touting various prescription drugs, with the subject lines of "Seven swans a-swimming" (Zoloft), "Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer" (Avandia), "Jack Frost nipping on your nose" (Coral Calcium), "Hang a shining star upon the highest bough" (Diflucan), and "And then we got upsot" (Cozaar). If that doesn't get you in the Christmas mood, nothing will.


• I know that "upsot" thing is from a carol, but I'm having trouble remembering which one. Is it "Jingle Bells"? Can someone confirm that?

OK, that should just about do it. Be sure to stop by and leave appropriate congratulations for Patti who completed her entry in this year's National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I'm thinking about entering, myself; there's still 15 hours left in November. That's less than 4,000 words per hour...

Random Thursday

I don't have time for this, you know. In fact, I actually turned down a project yesterday because I couldn't make the deadline requested by the client. If you could see my pathetic cash flow statement for the year, you'd understand the significance of that decision. But the blog must go on, so...

• I was looking up the definition of "hypocrisy" this morning and imagine my surprise to find a picture of Geraldo on Fox & Friends protesting the exploitative sleaziness embodied in O.J. Simpson's new book (which I won't dignify with either a link or a title).


• To his credit, however, Geraldo did take his employer to task for allowing the publishing company -- apparently a subsidiary -- to do the book deal in the first place.


• One can only assume that the apparently racially-motivated jury that acquitted Simpson in the criminal case is still proud of itself for sticking it to The Man, unless, of course, they now realize that Simpson has succeeded in placing them into the "The Man" category as well.


• Still, as we saw a week or so ago, "sending a message" is really more important than actually dealing with issues.


• Just for the record, there's absolutely no truth to the rumor that Nicole Simpson's family has hired Bobby Knight to pay OJ a visit. Wish it was true, but it's not.


• Sorry. I just realized my Rhetor-O-Meter was inadvertently pegged in the red. Let me dial it back here a tad.


• First hard freeze of the season for us here in lovely west Texas. I even pulled out the nerdy earmuffs for the morning walk. But Abbye loves it, now that her coat is back with a vengeance. She was willing to actually touch her rear end to the sidewalk during a "sit" while waiting to cross a street, instead of hovering inches above it as she did last February when she was sporting an unfashionably balding butt.


• Now that Emmitt Smith is the new champeen of Dancing With the Stars, look for an increased supply of professional athletes to join the cast of future editions. I can't wait until Yao Ming's schedule clears enough for him to participate.

Just for the record, I'm pretty sure that the preceding post can be chalked up to an administrative error.

Random Thursday

Julie calls this a salon des refusés, which, roughly translated, means "garbage heap of a post." We heap; you decide.

Today's theme: You kids get off the lawn!

• Remember when the funny paper had comics that were actually funny? That's so 1950s, apparently. Strips nowadays must be socially relevant, if not downright educational, and a little pathos won't hurt. The newly introduced theme of For Better or Worse has a main character's father suffering a massive stroke. Funky Winkerbean has recurring themes around breast cancer, divorce, and alcoholism. I'm not saying that we shouldn't seek those humorous linings in life's inevitable dramatic clouds, but all things being equal, give me Zits (not literally, of course) or Baby Blues any day.


• OK, I admit that the comics issue is not a new one. No one did biting social satire better than Pogo's creator, Walt Kelly. Never heard of Pogo? You kids...get off the lawn!


• When's the last time you fired up your optical character recognition software? It's been at least two years and maybe longer since a client was unable to provide me with text in a digital format. I don't even have an OCR program that will work with OS X.


• I do find it interesting that the clients who tend to still rely on things like faxes are physicians who are otherwise engaged in state-of-the-art medical technology. I have one client who periodically asks me to post a scholarly article that he co-authored, and he invariably provides it to me via fax...which, of course, defies all known attempts to OCR. While I could re-type and format it for web display, racking up my exorbitant hourly fees in the process, I've avoided that temptation and have been able to track down an online version via the publication's web archive, saving the client money, and allowing me to avoid having to type sentences like "Coronary endothelial function testing with intracoronary infusion of graded doses of the endothelium-dependent vasodilator acetylcholine (10^–6 to 10^–4 mol/L) into the LAD was associated with a progressive decrease in coronary blood flow and paradoxical vasoconstriction of the LAD ultimately resulting in complete LAD occlusion, compatible with the presence of severe endothelial dysfunction of both the coronary microvasculature and the coronary macrovasculature (Figure 1)."


• Along these same lines, when's the last time you received a document on so-called legal-sized paper (11" x 14")? (Attorneys and paralegals are exempt from answering this.) I have a very nice HP flatbed scanner with a legal-sized bed -- at least, I think I still have it -- which hasn't been used in a couple of years. It's a good thing, too, since it doesn't have an OS X-compatible driver. Anyway, even my clients who are in the legal profession don't send me documents on legal-sized paper anymore.


• We were sitting in our favorite $tarbucks last night, visiting with friends, when Carole King's (You make me feel like a) Natural Woman began playing. All of us being of a certain age, we began reminiscing about the album (Tapestry) and our college days. About that time, a not-quite-20-something barista walked by our table and said "isn't that just the most amazing song?" We laughed, agreed, and replied "you realize that the song is much older than you, don't you?" She looked skeptical, but when we informed her that the album was released in 1971, she got that look that says (1) wait right here while I run and get the carbon-dating machine, and (2) old people are so cute.


• Never heard of Carole King? You kids...get off the lawn!

Next week: We'll discuss what it was like to carve our car wheels out of stone.

Random Thursday

It's been a while since we've been able to squeeze in a Random Thursday post; I'm a little rusty, so please bear with me while I try to recapture my randomness.

• In the category of Strange Things To Do With A Helicopter, we find this epic beer-bottle opening battle between Japan and the USA. Could this be the next Olympic sport? [Hat tip to Jeremy Zawodny's linkblog]


• Remember cassette tapes? Yeah, I know; they were before your time. Right. Anyway, I'll bet you'd still like to immortalize yourself on one. [Hat tip to Frank Portman, aka Dr. Frank]

• I wanted to watch this video before I recommended it to you, but according to the good folks at MSN, I must first switch to either IE 6 (not available for Mac) or Firefox 1.5 (which I don't want). But, I'm sure it's a perfectly hilarious video.


• I see that dimunitive beauty queen/IRL racing star Danica Patrick has picked up yet another heavy-hitter sponsor: Go Daddy, the 800-pound gorilla of domain name registrars and purveyor of tacky Super Bowl TV ads. On its news release page, the domain registrar refers to Patrick as the "new Go Daddy Girl" and the release says that she will appear in an upcoming TV commercial. While the company refuses to speculate about the possibility of a Super Bowl ad starring Patrick, you just know that Bob Parsons, Go Daddy CEO and founder, is already picturing her in wet Nomex.

Okey-doke. I think that just about covers things in an entirely pointless fashion. Don't forget to vote in the Gazette's Tagline Contest.

Random Thursday

Let's put a technical spin on this week's edition of Random Thursday, shall we?

• Apple's "press event" slated for September 12 has created a huge buzz over the possibility that it will roll out a studio-to-set-top integrated solution for delivering digital video content. Translation? Streaming movies from the iTunes Music Store directly to your television or monitor...or revamped widescreen iPod. This could be the first move in an inevitable process that will do for full-length movies what iTunes and the iPod did for music.


• More from the wacky world of Apple - Jon Gruber, proprietor of Daring Fireball, has issued a challenge in response to an alleged security weakness in the new laptops: "hijack my new MacBook and it's yours." There's method in his apparent madness, but thus far, no takers.


• Joi Ito previews the mylo, a very small, very cool wifi digital-media thingamajig set to be released by Sony on September 15 and which may or may not be running Linux, is definitely running Opera, and probably won't be available outside of Japan, but you can pre-order it via Amazon, so who knows?


• Via Schneier on Security, this website that allows you to test your bomb-recognition acumen.


• While Apple may be conquering the known media universe, Google is laying claim to everything else, including your company's next intranet.


• And, finally, "tech" shouldn't necessarily imply "high tech," and some of our favorite things might be referred to as "retro-tech." Take mopeds, for example.

Geek out.

Random Thursday

Today's the last day to enter the "Give the Gazette a Tagline" contest and possibly win Fame and Glory (but not much else).

Meanwhile...

• The winner of the "Snidely Whiplash Employer of the Year Award - Creative Use of Technology Category" goes to RadioShack for its use of email to notify 400 employees that they had been fired. Now, the move -- if not the medium -- wasn't unexpected. In a news release dated August 10, RadioShack announced the planned layoffs:
  
  Most of RadioShack’s planned reductions will affect positions at its headquarters operation. The exact number of employees affected has yet to be determined; however, the reduction will include employees at all levels. RadioShack will notify affected employees by early September.
  
  I suppose that the company just figured that the immediacy of email in helping it meet its self-imposed "early September" target superceded the humanity of its corporate motto: Enhancing the quality of life in the neighborhoods we serve ... it's what RadioShack corporate citizenship is all about.


• I watched the early release DVD of The Sentinel this week, and while I haven't yet had a chance to watch the special features on the disk, I did notice something unusual in the credits. One of the stuntpersons in the crew was Cotton Mather, which seems to run counter to the conventional wisdom that there are no longer any good roles in Hollywood for 300-year-old Puritans.


• And speaking of Snidely Whiplash, the true comedic genius of My Name is Earl was showcased last season when Earl's brother, Randy, used his vast knowledge of TV trivia to confirm the nationality of the brothers' fence's putative Russian mailorder bride, via this exchange:
  
  Randy: Say "Moose and Squirrel."
  
  PRMB: Mooose end Squeerul
  
  Randy: Yep. She's Russian, alright.


• Speaking of profiling via linguistic accent, there's a Biblical precedent for the practice, used very effectively by a group of Hebrews during wartime. Anyone remember the context?


• I'll close here -- no, don't thank me -- with this old joke that I was reminded of while listening to KLOVE this morning:
  
  A group of scientists approached God and told Him that they weren't all that impressed with His skill in creating man, because they were sure they could duplicate the feat using their own learned prowess. God said, OK...give it your best shot. The scientists began to gather some dirt in an attempt to duplicate God's handiwork. Wait a minute, interrupted God. Get your own dirt.

Hope you have a great day...just remember Whose dirt you're treading upon.

Random Thursday

Burning question of the day: mayo, mustard, or ketchup/catsup/squished tomatos?

• In the comments of this post about the the "25 Most Influential Products" of the PC era, I posed a question about a "classic computational device" that I saw in action as a mere pup in my first real job out of college (way back in the 70s). I couldn't remember what it was called, but I do now: a comptometer. Check them out here; I think the model I observed was similar to the electric Burroughs shown about 2/3 of the way down the page.


• The cool thing about the comptometer was that its tiny little mechanical brain could perform rather complex ciphers, but it was very slow. You could leave the room and take a coffee break while it computed a square root. I'm sure it's an urban legend, but some say that you could divide a large number by zero on Friday afternoon and return Monday morning to find that the machine had exploded at some point during the weekend, giving up its very life in pursuit of the infinite.


• Bicycle riders often accuse car drivers of being inconsiderate, but that street runs both ways. Only thing is, drivers have more options for payback.


• Given the ongoing crisis in the Middle East -- and especially Iran's pursuit of nuclear weapons -- something tells me that CBS ought to rethink the appropriateness of its new fall series, Jericho, the plot of which centers around an apparent nuclear explosion in Kansas.


• By now, I'm sure everyone has heard that Google has now launched its free citywide WiFi coverage in its home town of Mountain View, California. While this certainly sounds appealing from a user's perspective, "free" is perhaps a bit misleading, especially if you want to use the service indoors. A wireless modem will set residents back $70-$150, and there will be a certain set of users who will be too intimidated by the technology to even bother with it.


• Font of the Month is the aptly named Killer Ants, a distressed typeface that evokes absolutely nothing related to ants, as far as I can tell. But, it's still a cool font.

Closing here with a gentle reminder that there are only about two weeks left in the "Give the Gazette a Tagline" contest, the new game sensation that's sweeping the country. Feel free to leave your suggestion here, or email it to me at info -at- ericsiegmund dot com.