Give the Gift of Flame

Father's Day is Sunday, and if you're tired of giving the same old ties, after-shave, or Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolets, allow me to suggest something that every man needs to turbo-charge the family cookouts: a flamethrower.

The NAO F542 propane-powered flamethrower represents the pinnacle of fire-shooting consumer devices, ...featuring all-brass finish, carved wooden grips, adjustable aperture, and the ability to cook gourmet meals in under 45 seconds!

I understand it will even sterilize tomatoes.

If Dad is the more active or less pyromaniacal type, NAO's recumbent trike design is interesting, with the ability to lean into turns thanks to a pivoting frame.

HP King

Gazette readers with sadly uncluttered minds and dormant social lives will remember this post in which I spent an amazing amount of time and HTML coding to construct a table comparing weight/horsepower ratios for various machines (including Lance Armstrong). My exhaustive research revealed that on this basis, a Kawasaki motorcycle reigned supreme, with a ratio of 2.04 lbs/hp, handily beating out the $1 million McLaren F1 sports car.

Well, I'm here to tell you that a new king has been crowned. The unimpressively-named MTT Turbine Superbike sports a Roll Royce-Allison gas turbine motor that runs on kerosene or diesel, and generates a nifty 320 horsepower. It also weighs in at only 500 pounds, thanks to its aluminum chassis and carbon-fiber dressing, giving it a weight/power ratio of 1.56. Even if you go with the more practical comparison of weight-to-HP at the rear wheel (286), the ratio is 1.74, 15% better than the Kawa.

The motor produces an astounding 425 ft-lbs of torque, more than a 2009 5.7 liter Dodge Hemi V-8. Theoretically, all that's preventing you from towing an Airstream trailer on your next vacation is finding a suitable trailer hitch.

Even better, with a price tag of $175,000, you won't even notice that you're paying over $4/gallon for diesel (I have no idea what kerosene is going for nowadays). Perhaps Jet-B would be a good substitute.

So, who needs a bike like this (other than Jay Leno)? If you have to ask that question, then I respectfully suggest that you return to washing your Prius with eco-friendly water strained through organic linen recycled from Al Gore's used underwear.

Pricey Tag

According to this report in the Telegraph, a British man has paid 375,000 pounds (the equivalent of $745,000) for a personalized – um, excuse me – personalised license tag reading "F1." With VAT, the plate totaled £440,625 or $875,000.

The man was quite enthusiastic about his purchase: It's every man's dream to have his perfect car with a number plate like this. I know I certainly lay awake at night thinking about the possibilities of getting my hands on a certain license plate (the identity of which I won't share; I'm not sure I trust you that much).

Even more ridiculous is the fact that the car upon which he will affix this plate, a McLaren SLR, while undeniably cool, retails for less than the license tag itself.

The article states that the buyer is a businessman who "has amassed a £75 million fortune." That means that he spent .6% of his net worth on a license plate. His family must be so proud.

You may have a favorite phrase for which you'd be willing to pay good money to put on your ride, but my pick for this occasion is shown below:

Mystery Car Contest

Update: Kyle Lent -- who's a professional musician and owns his own recording studio and is thus one of the few Gazette readers who can actually afford the car -- correctly identified it as a Koenigsegg CCX, manufactured in Sweden. Kyle narrowly edged out "Paula's son" (I secretly think it was Paula's guess and she just didn't want to admit it ;-) who identified it as a CCR; that was very close, but the CCX replaced that model this year. Thanks for playing!

How about a completely different kind of contest?

The first person to correctly identify the following car will win untold fame and glory, blah blah blah...

Here's a hint: the car's engine generates over 800 bhp off the showroom floor, but its quarter mile time is still almost 10 seconds.

Making the F-List

One might be tempted to feel sorry for Christina Binkley for having a name that's just too close to comfort to that of the model who once was married to what's-his-name, but don't: she gets to test-drive cars like the new Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano, which you won't be able to buy from an American dealership until next year, and then only if you can pony up (get it -- pony -- heh.) the $249,034 it takes to get into the starter model. Ms. Binkley wrote about her experience with the 599 in her Drive Buy column in last week's Wall Street Journal.

The 366 cubic inch V-12 engine generates 620 horsepower (or 620 cavelli, according to Ferrari's website...which, by the way, runs considerably slower than any of its vehicles. Or so I would assume, having driven only the former.), and moves from 0 to 60 mph in a spritely-but-not-coma-inducing 3.7 seconds (coma induction being the pretty much exclusive domain of the Saleen S7, which covers that distance in 2.8 seconds).

The F-List is mentioned as proof that simply being obscenely wealthy is not enough to buy one of these cars. The Ferrari dealership in Beverly Hills has a waiting list for the most desirable models that takes years to conquer...although there are shortcuts which are as closely guarded as Google's page rank algorithms. One way to move up is to buy Ferraris regularly, whether you need them or not. Another way is to be famous, in the Hollywood sense of the word, although that really just gets you into a different form of competition:

I'm guessing Mr. Cage got dinged for making The Weather Man, but that's just conjecture.

Anyway, the 599 is a pleasant-enough looking car, especially with the clichéd Ferrari red paint job (or is it "Lamborghini red"? I always forget.) Still, when I look at the front profile of the car, I can't help but think a bit about Jack Nicholson in The Shining. And to make matters worse, that funky logo placement in the front grill calls to mind nothing so much as a picture of a crazy guy with a piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth. Really...am I wrong?

For $250,000, I hope the car comes with a lifetime supply of dental floss.

It was a dark and cacophonous night

I awoke Sunday morning in stages, as an increasingly urgent call raised me from the depths of sleep. It took a few seconds for the intruding stimulus to register: who is that laying on their car horn in front of our house?! The horn went on and on, until I grudgingly decided to investigate. Of course, as soon as I threw off the covers, it stopped.

Ah, probably some drunk who got turned around and thinks he's serenading his girlfriend, I thought. Or, perhaps, I dreamed. I crawled back in bed...and it started again.

This time, I hopped up a bit more energetically, pulled on a pair of pants and stumbled to the front door, where my father-in-law was peering out onto the driveway, casting a baleful eye at the culprit, his own '93 Chrysler Concorde.

"It's your car that's doing that?!"

"Yeah, it's gotten to where it does that every now and then."

"Oh, great. But you don't know what causes it?"

"Well, it's probably a short of some kind."

At that point the noise stopped. I remarked that if it went off again, we were going to have to do something (as I had just seen the beam of a neighbor's flashlight wash angrily across our drive); otherwise, we're going to have the whole neighborhood marching on us.

We closed the door to the silence, and I almost made it back to the bedroom before it started a third time. I ran into the garage, hit the door opener while grabbing a set of Channel Locks, sprinted to the driveway, popped the hood and disconnected the battery cable, thereby quieting the clamorous beast forever. Or at least until daylight.

Did I mention the barking dogs?

With things temporarily under control, I returned to bed, noting the time for my testimony in the upcoming trial -- 3:47 a.m. Sleep came back as grudgingly as I initially left it.

A few hours later, after breakfast, we reconnected the battery and pulled the fuse that controls the horn, radio amp, and cigarette lighter. My father-in-law will have to light up while listening to Rush in some other vehicle, at least until he gets the car to the shop to have the short fixed. We thought about disconnecting the horn, but have you looked under the hood of a car lately?

The good news is that none of my neighbors has left any threatening notes or phone calls, although I have an uneasy feeling about the dead goat hanging from the oak tree in the front yard. Ah, some drunk satanist probably got turned around and left it in the wrong place.

When Hogs Fly

My pal Gregg was unimpressed with the world's most expensive motorcycle. Being an aviator, he tends to think in circles, as in "radial engines," and none of those wimpy Wankels, either. Here's what he's talkin' about:

According to Gregg, those are R-985 aircraft engines, made by Pratt and Whitney. I don't know if they're still being made but at one time, they were found on a bunch of aircraft, both military and civilian. You can pick one up in Tulsa for only $31,000.

I told Gregg that I was equally impressed with his taste in motorcycles, although I think I'd prefer the one with the transverse engine mount. I'd rather not be in the line of fire if one of those pistons ever decided to cut loose. (It appears that the guy in the bottom photo is contemplating that exact scenario.)

Technorati tag: Radial Engine Motorcycle

Forget the 'Vette; here's how to fly...

Meet the Eclipse 500:

Six passengers, max cruising speed of 375 knots, range of 1,280 nautical miles, 41,000' ceiling. Available in June, 2006 for a mere $1.5 million.

Yeah, that sounds like a lot, but it's about a million dollars less than most corporate jets. An article in today's Wall Street Journal estimates that the numbers of these "microjets" (known in the trade as VLJs or "Very Light Jets") will increase by 400 or 500 each year starting in 2007. That could eventually make for some very crowded skies.

OK, now that I think about it, why would I want to be another lemming in the crowd? If I'm going to spend that kind of dough, I'll just stick with a Bugatti Veyron. After all, only 299 other people can have one each year.

Technorati tags: Eclipse 500 | Microjet | Very Light Jet

Another Dodge Muscle Car?

The 2006 edition of the North American International Auto Show takes place this week and as usual we'll be treated to some tantalizing glimpses into a possible future for car enthusiasts.

One of the concepts on display is Dodge's re-casting of the Challenger, which in its original incarnation was manufactured from 1971-74. It was offered in several engine configurations but the Big Kahuna, in terms of power, sported a 425 horsepower 426ci Hemi.

The photo shown below is actually a 1970 T/A model (stands for "Trans Am," of course), which had a smaller but still pretty powerful engine.

Dodge's new concept features a 6.1 liter 425 hp Hemi V8 with a 6-speed manual transmission that will go 0-60 in 4.5 seconds, and turn a quarter mile in 13 seconds, according to this report. But what's most appealing to me is that they've managed to capture the essence of the styling of the original vehicle, something they missed badly on with the Dodge Charger. Here's the new Challenger concept:

All it lacks is a shaker hood scoop, and it's good to go. Here's hoping that Dodge doesn't let the suits override the designers and engineers in bringing this one to the market.

Technorati tags: Dodge Challenger | International Auto Show

The Morgan Aero8: Back to the Future

One of the few network TV shows we set aside time to watch every week is CBS's "NCIS," which stars Mark Harmon along with a great ensemble cast. If you're familiar with the show, you may also know that one member of that cast is David McCallum, who plays the chief medical examiner, Dr. David Mallard (from whence cometh his rather ridiculous nickname, Ducky). You may also remember that Ducky drives a restored Morgan automobile. I don't recall the model, but it purportedly has the original wooden frame. It's a beautiful car and very British in demeanor, although it's obviously been modified in some fashion as it seems to run just fine in the rain, and we all know that British electrical systems don't do that in real life. ;-)

I don't think it's widely know that the Morgan Motor Company continues to build cars in the UK and the company's design philosophy hasn't departed much from those original roadster-style models. But that doesn't mean the company is allowing its designs to stagnate. The Aero 8 shown below is an example of how a classic can be updated while retaining the qualities that made it a classic to begin with.

As the name suggests, the car is powered by a 4.4L V8 engine making 325bhp and 330ft-lbs of torque. It weighs in at a relatively svelte 2,500 pounds and tops out at 162mph. (By the way, isn't it interesting that almost all the specs for this British car are given in non-metric measurements?) I didn't try very hard to find current pricing for the Aero 8; according to this article, the base price for the 2004 models was $95,000, but that's probably changed. I did note that one may choose from among 30,000 shades of colors for the car's exterior. That seems to be a bit overkillish, but that's just me.

On a related note, if you want to see what happens when you drop a Corvette V8 into a rather pedestrian Morgan Plus8, you can get your enlightenment here.

Technorati tags: Morgan Aero 8 | NCIS

But...does it come with an iPod nano?

MLB and I saw two movies last weekend, one of which was the critically-panned "Transporter 2." We found it to be a fun bit of fluff, with stunts and car scenes so over-the-top as to seem somehow right, like the hidden-wire magic of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." If you can wrap your mind around the concept that it's not only animated characters or people wearing funky costumes who can routinely defy the laws of physics, then you can sit back and enjoy "Transporter 2."

But enough about the movie; let's talk cars. After all, that's what the movie's hero is all about: making unbelievable cars do unbelievable things. Audi was prominently featured as the primary product placement provider, with the $118,000 12-cylinder A8 being the transporter's personal choice of vehicle. I've no doubt that it's a marvel of modern technology, but it was, frankly, a bit boring to behold.

But that definitely was not the case with the car that was featured -- and ultimately destroyed (heartbreaking!) -- in one of the climactic-if-clichéd chase scenes. If ever there was a car capable of chasing down a corporate jet prior to take-off, it's the Ferrari 612 Scaglietti (I think). This 12-cylinder, 540hp gem tops out around 200 mph, and you can have one for about $260,000. The Scaglietti sports a relatively low-key design compared to, say, a Lamborghini, but it's still a thing of beauty:

What caught my attention during the movie, though, was the shifter, an organically-designed piece of metal afixed to the steering column and operated via the driver's fingertips. It reminded me of something Campagnolo might design for its top-of-the-line bicycle component gruppo. I confess to ignorance as to the performance advantages of this shifter, other than its convenient placement and quick operation; perhaps I'd be better schooled if I had $260,000 laying around for "tuition." But, it's Italian and it looks cool (I know; that's redundant) and that's enough.

Oh, I almost forgot. In answer to the question posed in the post title...yes, it does. Or soon will.

Technorati tag: Transporter 2

Ride of the Week

The rundown is impressive: 520 horsepower and 425 ft lb of torque from a 6.0 liter V-12. Top speed in excess of 200 mph; 0-60 mph in under five seconds and 0-100 in under ten. 1,200 watt, 13-speaker audio system by Linn. And last, but certainly not least, a "boot-mounted umbrella" to ensure that you and your suitcases stay dry while loading and unloading, and optional coloured brake calipers for that special touch of personalisation (notice the classy UK spelling?).

Have you guessed? It's the Aston-Martin V12 Vanquish S, and it can be yours for only $255,000 (MSRP).

The Vanquish also comes with personalized sill plates, upon which one can have engraved one's name (and, presumably, title) along with a message. "Don't hate me because I'm rich" might be a logical choice. However, at 11 mpg (city) and a requirement of 95 RON unleaded (equivalent to a US rating of 90-91), a better message might be "Money to burn."

This post inaugurates a new Gazette category called "Rides" in which we'll periodically spotlight some cool ways to get from Point A to Point B...most of which your truly will never be able to afford. But that doesn't prevent one from fantasizing, does it?

Technorati tag: Aston-Martin Vanquish V12

Ants on Hogs

So, I'm thinking about getting me a motorsickle. It'll have to be a Harley, but not one of those behemoth Fat Bob models. No, I figure that for a dashing figure like me, a sleek Sportster complements and even completes the image.

I wouldn't just do this for myself, you know. My pal G is in desperate need of a Harley, and my getting one would be all the impetus required for him to take the plunge. Heck, he's even already got his wife's permission. Of course, I don't need anyone's permission, given my newly-acquired royal status and all, but I'd probably run it by one of the court's key advisors before approaching the Royal Treasurer (coincidentally, both positions appear to be occupied by the same person).

If this comes about, my pledge to you is that you'll never catch me wearing one of those ridiculous Harley-logo pre-tied do-rags.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to wake up from this dream sequence...

Technorati tag: Midlife Crisis

If Giger made motorcycles...

...he'd make the Wraith.

Fortunately, we have Confederate Motorcycles to do it in his place.

Tip o'the helmet to A Whole Lotta Nothing

Technorati tag: Confederate Motorcycles

Hey, that thang got a hemi?

Thought you might enjoy seeing how my pal and fellow CIS is "investing" some of the proceeds that accrue to being a bigshot oilman in a $55-a-barrel world:

In case you're not of the same, um, vintage as Tommy and me, that's a 1969 Chevelle SS 396, restored to primo condition. Tommy tracked it down and bought it over eBay (after coming oh-so-close in the bidding for a 1968 version of the same car a couple of weeks earlier). The car has 4-on-the-floor, bucket seats and has been bored-and-stroked to 405 c.i.d. (I didn't realize it, but this model actually came stock with a 402 engine, but the SS 396 nomenclature had gained such impressive marketing cachet that Chevrolet decided to stick with it even after the engine displacement grew.)

Let me tell you, this puppy gets up and moves!

Riding in it last week brought back all kinds of memories. Growing up in the muscle car era, we didn't really think of them as "muscle cars." You couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a car that cranked out 300 hp or more; that's just what Detroit made. GTOs, Dusters, Road Runners, Shelby 'Stangs, Z-28 Camaros, 'Vettes (only for the hoity-toity, of course), 442s...they were everywhere (well, everywhere except my garage, of course). Sure, most of them also carried around 500 or a thousand extra pounds of steel compared to today's hi-revving pocket rockets, but that was nothing that 400 foot-pounds of torque couldn't overcome.

Of course, the downside of Tommy's rumbling nostalgic foray is that the engine requires premium gasoline. Or, as we like to call it, "ethyl." The engine's been modified to run well on unleaded, but he still probably could have picked a better time to get a sub-10 mpg car. (I'm sure he'd be the first to acknowledge the irony that the situation that funded this purchase is the same one that bites him in the wallet everytime he gases it up.)

I have to share one anecdote that perfectly displays how times have changed. Tommy said that when he took the car in to get a state inspection sticker, most of the guys working at the shop were younger and they were all abuzz over the car. But they seemed to be having a problem at one point in the process. They couldn't get the headlight's high beams to work. One of the more "seasoned" employees had to come over and point out that little round foot peg in the floorboard...none of those young whippersnappers had ever seen one! Man, youth is wasted on the young, y'know?

More Power (Guy Stuff)

I was thumbing through the new issue of Bicycling Magazine when a full-page ad for a motorcycle caught my eye. It's not unheard of for motorcycle manufacturers to advertise in the human-powered cycling publications, although you don't see Harley-Davidson buying any ad space...something about the wrong demographics/lifestyle image/etc. Harley riders don't wear lycra, at least not in public.

Anyway, this ad was for the new Kawasaki Ninja ZX-10R, a truly hot-looking bike if you go for that style. But it was the juxtaposition of these two phrases that really grabbed my attention: 184 horsepower, 375 pounds. I don't know about you, but I find that astounding. That's a pound/hp rating of just over 2, and I don't know of another production vehicle on the face of the earth that can match it.

And, speaking as one who once hit 120 on a Kawasaki that wasn't nearly as jet as this, I can say that I don't really want to know what it will do down a long straight stretch of west Texas highway.

I did some quick research to try to find a way to put this bike's credentials into perspective, and came up with the following table.

I just threw Lance in there for fun. Obviously, his $10 mil per HP isn't accurate; the net present value of $10 mil per year for who knows how many years is going to inflate that number considerably.

Of course, the McLaren F1 is the world's fastest production auto, hitting just over 240 mph back in 1998. I don't think it's still in production, but there used to be one flitting around Midland.

So, what's my point? Well, if you have to ask, then you really shouldn't be reading posts like this to begin with. The simple contemplation of man's mastery of the mechanical should instill a joy and pride that leads to an unconquerable desire to go into the garage, don a welder's helmet and bang on something with a hammer.

See ya...

Another Indian Bites The Dust

I was somewhat saddened to hear that the Indian Motorcycle Corp. is shutting its doors (again).

The Indian was the first motorcycle built in America, introduced in 1901. It had a history of highs and lows, and shut down in the 50s. The company was resurrected in 1999, but just couldn't make a go of it, despite producing some of the best looking Big Iron on the road.

I suspect price had a little something to do with the company's demise. The lowest priced bike I found on their website was around 17 large. You can still get a Harley for half that.

You might want to visit the Indian website and grab a screenshot for posterity. Something tells me that we won't see this brand again anytime soon.

A Century of Hogs

A few random observations (hey, it's what we do!) on the 100th anniversary of Harley-Davidson:

• The HD V-Rod is arguably the best-looking production bike ever made. At just under 18 grand, it should be.


• This is also the 20th anniversary of the Big Government Bailout of HD. In 1983, in response to the whining of a nearly-bankrupt, mismanaged company making an inferior product, Congress imposed huge tariffs on Japanese motorcycles with engines larger than 700cc... in other words, those which competed directly with Harleys. Were the Japanese dumping bikes in the US, to the detriment of Harley? Probably. Were they dumping better bikes, by a factor of 10? Definitely.


• Regardless, HD made the most of this five-year window of opportunity, recognized that without a focus on quality they were toast, regardless of governmental interference, and got their act together.


• Would I ride a Harley? In a heartbeat, if I had the coins to afford it. But, unlike most people I talk to, I prefer the look of the Sportster to anything else in the line-up (with the exception of the V-Rod).


• Do I wish I had bought 10,000 shares of Harley Davidson stock a decade ago? Uh, yep. It was selling for $5/share back then. It closed today around $50. Not the stuff of tech-bubble legend, perhaps, but a pretty decent return for a company that actually makes stuff.