Indy 500
I confess: I succumbed to "Danica Fever" and tuned into the Indy 500 this afternoon after church. As I type this, the racers (those that are left) are on lap 157 of 200, and about 60 of those laps have been run under the caution flag. For those who are unfamiliar with auto racing, that means that no racing is actually taking place...the drivers are just maintaining their positions while the track is cleaned up following a crash. This also makes for a pretty boring spectacle.
Note: Danica just exited the race in the most frustrating way possible – getting clipped by another driver on the way out of pit lane. She was running in 7th place at the time, around lap 160 or so. Bummer.
I haven't watched any of this race since sometime in the Nineties, when my pal Jack Ferguson was a truck driver for Michael Andretti's team; his insights got me temporarily interested in open wheeled racing.
I don't think I've missed much. But here are some high and low points of this year's race:
- Lowest of the Low: ABC/ESPN's inflexible broadcast coverage. What I mean by that is that the networks seem unable to space the commercials so that most of them occur during the caution laps, thus keeping the cameras on the actual racing action. They do have a "side-by-side" split screen feature that lets them show ads on the right side of the screen while the race continues on the left. It's only slightly less annoying than cutting away completely, because the race has no audio so you can't really tell what's going on. But the most annoying ad-related tactic is ABC's insistence on pitching its own programming (primarily, the insipid "Wipe Out"). It's not like they're losing revenue by skipping that for this race.
- You wouldn't know it from the pre-race hype, but Patrick wasn't the only woman driver in the race. Unfortunately, all three of them have now been knocked out in crashes. American Sarah Fisher went first (and cried during the follow-up interview), then drop-dead-gorgeous Argentinian Milka Duno (while leading the race), and now Danica Patrick.
- Highlight of the race thus far? Watching Patrick stride down pit row intent on having words (at the very least) with Ryan Briscoe, the driver at fault in the crash that knocked her out, and being intercepted by the Indy chief of security who steered her over to clearer heads. I have new respect for the competitiveness of Patrick.
- The pit crews actually provide some of the best entertainment. Coming out of a pit stop is the only way a driver can change position during a caution flag, and we watched as last year's Dancing With The Stars champion, Helio Castroneves, move up five places in two successive pit stops. That's an amazing display of skill and teamwork. With 12 laps to go, Helio is hanging onto third place. However, Helio has been warned several times for blocking, and may get a reprimand after the race. He also just got passed by Marco Andretti (Mario's grandson).
The race just ended, and pole-sitter Scott Dixon won handily. The real fun begins for the 300,000+ spectators as they enter the Mother of All Traffic Jams trying to leave the speedway.
Danica just told the interviewer that it was "probably best that I didn't get down there, huh?" when asked what she wanted to say to the driver who knocked her out of the race.
Super Bowl Contest Answer - And Do-Over
I almost forgot to post the answer to the question I posed during the game in a failed attempt to rid myself of a Fire Ant coaster.
The question went something like this: what Super Bowl record did Tom Brady set around the midway mark in yesterday's game?
The answer, which no one got, is "Most career pass completions in Super Bowls." That was according to the big brain football trivia guys at Fox. I have no idea whether it's true or not.
However, I feel kind of bad about this, for a couple of reasons. First, while I promised "contests," that was the only one I ended up putting forth. I should have realized that liveblogging the game would be too hectic for me to come up with stuff like that on the fly, and I didn't prepare in advance.
Second, it was a lame question anyway. The whole point of liveblogging is to make it where you don't have to watch the event itself, and so what did I do? I picked a question that required you to watch the event. D'oh!
I'd like to make it up to you. If you left a comment on any of the posts during yesterday's game (pre-game and wrap-up included), and you still want a coaster, I'll send one to the first three who ask in the comments to this post. (One of 'em even comes in a fancy-schmancy wooden frame.)
[If you didn't leave a comment yesterday, sorry -- you're not eligible. Even though you might have displayed superior judgment, you still miss out on the chance to win valuable Fire Ant merchandise. I trust you'll learn something from this episode.]
Super Bowl 2008: Wrap-up
That was a thrilling game, I must admit. Congratulations to the Giants; if the 'Boyz can't be in the Super Bowl, I'm happy to see another NFC East team make it and win. New York earned it.
As far as the Pats go, if their coach wasn't so...so...um, what's the word? Well, you know. Anyway, they still have nothing to be ashamed of, and the old Dolphins can start breathing once again, their record secure for another year.
We'll have a wrap-up of the commercials later, after my keyboard cools off.
Thanks for hanging with me, guys. I had fun!
Super Bowl 2008: 4th Quarter
Perfection? Nah. I don't think so. ;-)
And I'm no prophet, that's for sure.
***
Although that last sack changes my opinion a bit, as does that long incompletion. But that ball went almost 70 yards in the air.
***
My prediction now? This one goes to overtime. (How's that for going out on a limb?)
***
Great shot of Peyton Manning in a skybox cheering for his little brother following that TD pass.
***
Biggest extra point in NFL history...and it's good. 17-14, Giants.
***
Touchdown, Giants! But, did they leave Brady with too much time to work with?
***
HUGE catch for New York! We've still got a ball game, folks.
***
4th down and game's on the line. This is why they make the big bucks.
And they get the first down...but just barely.
***
TV ad: Amp Energy Drink (Nipples jump start) - Edgy in a bizarre way. Or bizarre in an edgy way.
TV ad: Victoria's Secret (uhhh....)
***
And Wes Welker makes a big tackle on the kick-off return!
(Just kidding. He no longer has to play on special teams. Although I'm sure he would if they'd let him.)
***
The New York defender fell down and Randy Moss was alone in the end zone for the easy TD. Giants blew this one. So close. (OK, technically, they still have a shot, and plenty of time. I just don't see it happening. [And they should thank me for it, as I've not yet predicted anything accurately in this game.])
***
Third and goal for New England. This is one of the biggest plays of the season coming up.
***
OK, here's the game. If New York can hold 'em to a FG, they have a chance to win in overtime. But I don't think they can do it.
***
Ten catches for Wes Welker. If the Pats end up winning, I think he should be in the running for MVP. Seriously.
***
TV ad: Hyundai Genesis (Again, nothing to distinguish it)
TV ad: Bud Light (Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon) - The ad's gotta be better than the movie.
***
4th and 1 for the Giants. The way they're playing defense, no need to go for it.
***
TV ad: Gatorade (Dog drinking) - Weirdness taken to a new level.
TV ad: Taco Bell (Office mariachis) - El lame-o
TV ad: eTrade (More baby talking with clown) - Even better than the first one; great use of clown footage. Clowns are better than spiders any day.
***
Big incompletion for Brady/Welker. One of the few times you'll see Welker fail to catch a pass thrown to his area code.
***
TV ad: Some Adam Sandler movie. Not interested enough to rate it.
***
TV ad: Toyota Sequoia (Big Wheel race) - At first, I thought it was a satire. It would have worked as a satire.
TV ad: Coke (Carville and Frist) - I never understand political humor.
***
Touchdown, Giants.
I wouldn't want to be Tom Brady, having to face the Giant defense protecting a lead.
***
OK, this is getting exciting. New York is knocking on the door (aka the end zone) once again. I'd love to see 'em take the lead.
***
My vote for the most infuriating move in the NFL is the commercial break they take following every kick-off. Just in case you're wondering.
***
TV ad: Coke (Parade balloons compete for a Coke) - Charlie Brown finally scores!
TV ad: Sunsilk (Girls known by their hair) - Um, ad guys? Super Bowl? Demographic? Congruence?
***
I finally remembered to change quarters on my post title.
Super Bowl 2008: 3rd Quarter
TV ad: NFL (Oboe-playing Houston Texan) - This one probably wasn't designed to compete with the big guys, but it ended up being one of the best of the evening. Great story; great delivery; great ending.
***
End of the quarter. Still 7-3.
***
Oops. Just noticed the clock. Time to shoot the dog.
TV ad: Bud Light (Ability to fly) - Marginally better than the ability to breathe fire.
TV ad: eTrade (Baby talking) - OK, how many talking baby commercials are there in the world? Having said that, this one is quite well done, very clever, and has the gross stuff that only a baby can pull off and still be charming.
***
OK, time for a contest. Tom Brady just set a career record for Super Bowls. The first person to post the nature of that record in the comments gets a coveted Fire Ant ceramic coaster.
What's up with that 4th down call by New England?
***
TV Ad: Wall-E (Pixar movie ad) - Excellent! (But it's almost unfair. No one can compete with Pixar for clever animation.)
TV ad: Hyundai Genesis (Nothing memorable)
***
Please disregard the previous prediction about NE's touchdown. I was insane.
***
Mick Jagger refers to Tom Petty as "that old guy."
***
New England will score a touchdown within the next three plays.
***
The sideline challenge just about killed me. They used it to get caught up on the ad backlog.
***
TV ad: Careerbuilder.com (Spider) - It had a spider in it. What can I say?
TV ad: Bridgestone (Richard Simmons) - Now that's funny.
TV Ad: Ice Cubes Gum (Carmen Electra) - Meh, again.
TV Ad: Bud Light (Cavemen) - Geico does this better, too. (I've reconsidered the rating, though; it was still better than a "2.")
TV Ad: SoBew Vitamin Water (Shaq jockey) - Good concept, but not as good as the dancing lizards.
TV Ad: SalesGenie.com (Panda cartoon) - Still lame. They need to re-think using a Chinese ad agency for a American sporting event.
TV Ad: Cars.com (Plan B: Witch Doctor) - Still funny.
***
Kickoff. And I'm still eating dinner. Boy, wasn't Tom Petty scintillating? 8-)
Super Bowl 2008: 2nd Quarter
Halftime score: 7-3, New England. Catch you on the flipside.
***
22 seconds to halftime. Giants recover a fumble, but have no time to capitalize on it. I won't be blogging the halftime, by the way. I'm not that tough.
***
Also, my apologies to those of you coming here expecting to find something useful regarding the "Talking Stain Commercial."
***
The Gazette is third on Google for "Talking Stain Commercial." I'm so proud.
***
Giants defense is asserting itself in a big way. This game is closer than I expected, so far.
***
TV ad: Doritos (Mousetrap) - This is more like it. A guy in a mouse suit beats up an opera fan. What's not to like?
TV ad: Pepsi (Justin Timberlake gets sucked in) - Would have worked better had I been able to recognize Timberlake (I've already established my anti-cool creds), but still pretty funny (and strange).
***
TV ad: Planters Cashews (Unibrowed chick turns heads) - Pretty funny, but would have been better had it not been preceded by the Dell commercial with a similar theme. In fact, when it started I thought it was another Dell ad.
***
Today is the third Super Bowl in which both teams have names consisting of three words.
***
Tom Petty recorded his first album using a big round rock and a chisel.
***
TV ad: Bud Light (American accent) - Ending line blew it, probably unintentionally, but still...
TV ad: GMC Yukon (Sisyphus) - What percentage of the viewing audience recognizes the name, "Sisyphus"? (I'll bet it's higher for the Gazette reading audience!)
***
TV ad: Parents - The Anti-Drug (Dealer) - Not bad for a PSA.
TV ad: SoBe Life Water ("Thriller" Lizard Dancers) - First thought: Geico does lizards better. Second thought: Wow! Loved it.
TV ad: CareerBuilder.com (Heart) - Intriguing start, if a little gross. Repeat viewings not advised.
The Giants' punter, Jeff Feagles, is officially the oldest player to participate in a Super Bowl. AARP is so proud. And that might explain the support kicking shoe.
***
Giants are looking flustered now. NE's defense might be having something to do with that. (Stay tuned for more insightful, um, insights.)
***
TV ad: Garmin - (Napoleon drives) - Excellent. Intelligent AND amusing.
TV ad: Toyota (Nursing badger) - Just my cup of weirdness. Good mixture of cute animals and face-chewers.
***
Oh, great stop by the New York defense! New England has to punt for the first time in the game, and the Giants get a good runback. The INT didn't hurt NY on the scoreboard.
***
TV ad: Budweiser (Hank training for the hitch team) - We've seen this commercial every year for the past decade or so. It works better with a burro.
***
Ooh. That's gotta hurt. New England just got an interception on a tipped pass. The receiver messed up, but it goes on Manning's record.
***
Manning draws a delay of game penalty. Giants have the only two in the game so far, but they're also still moving the ball well.
***
I just realized that I was still posting to the 1st quarter post. Boy, is my face red!
***
TV ad: Tide (Talking Stain on shirt) - Pretty high-larious for a laundry detergent ad; also insightful
TV ad: Cars.com (Circle of Death match) - Understated and unexpected
TV ad: Fed Ex (Carrier pigeons) - Great F/X and humor (as always)
TV ad: Dell (Red laptop makes nerd sexy. Or something.)
TV ad: GoDaddy.com (Danica unzips) - Typical sleaze.
TV ad: Gatorade G2 (Derek Jeter) Another "Meh."
Super Bowl 2008: 1st Quarter
Patriots score a TD (two plays later than I predicted. Slackers.) Score: 7-3
***
TV ad: Dodge "White board - you talk, we listen" - Meh.
TV ad: Doritos "Singing Americans" - Very sincere, but not too memorable, and no product tie
TV ad: Bridgestone "Screaming animals" - Panicked insect at end was the kicker
***
End of 1st quarter.
***
First flag...against NY in the end zone. Pass interference. Here comes the touchdown.
***
We made it almost all the way through the first quarter before hearing these immortal words: "it will depend on the spot of the ball as to whether it's a first down or not." Duh.
***
New England will score a touchdown within the next three plays.
***
I know it's early, but there have been no penalties and no turnovers, after 12 minutes of play. These big games are usually error-filled.
Wes Welker just caught his first pass. Amazing guy; played at Texas Tech. Went to high school in Oklahoma, where he did everything: offense, defense, special teams, kicker. The next Steven Largent?
***
Long kickoff return by NE, and now they have a first down. NY is doomed...doomed, I tell you!
***
TV ad: Underarmor "The future is ours" - So serious. So dark. So boring.
TV ad: Bud Light "Guys with Cheese, Baguette, and TV" - Any commercial that includes the phrase "that's some serious cheese" has little going for it
TV ad: Salesgenie.com "Animated cartoon" - All business, nothing memorable
TV ad: Diet Pepsi Max "Wake Up, People" - Funny, especially the ending
***
Great drive for New York, but only three points makes it something of a disappointment. On the other hand.
***
The Giants are making the Patriots look like the Cowboys.
***
Tom Petty is almost two years older than me.
***
Giants are putting together a pretty decent little drive; good mix of passing, running, and Viennese Waltz. The latter is giving the Pats defensive backs fits.
***
TV ad: Audi R8 "The Godfather" - Great movie reference, very well done. The R8 is a drool-worthy car, too.
TV ad: Bud Light "Ability to Breathe Fire" - Lame, although disclaimer at end almost elevates it to three-ant territory
***
Bleu thinks the broadcast on Fox looks "mushy." I think he's watching on an $8,000 LCD/Plasma/Boron Plated TV, so I don't blame him for being ticked. Me? I'm watching on a 16 year old RCA tube model with a wired remote control, so, sure it looks mushy to me, too.
***
Giants have the first first down of the game, the first first of this game that is likely to be full of firsts. And I'm the first one to point that out.
***
Troy just referred to the "nature of Eli Manning's make-up." Personally, I thought he went a little heavy on the eye shadow, but that's just me.
***
Patriots are kicking off using a special tee studded with real diamonds. (This is simply the first of many lies, half-truths, and mis-representations, both intentional and otherwise, you'll see on this page.)
***
I'm trying to figure out when the real commercials start, the one's that merit Fire Ant ratings. I assume the big bucks ads don't start until after the kick-off.
***
OK, coin toss. But not before presenting Jason Taylor (Miami) with the NFL Man of the Year award. Bill Walsh's family and some former players are observing the toss, to lend it the appropriate gravitas. My wife recognized Jerry Rice from Dancing With The Stars. I'm sure he would be proud to know. And New York win the toss. Will it be the only thing they win this evening?
Super Bowl 2008: Pre-Game
Oh, she actually won "American Idol" last year. Oops. But, she is the daughter of a former NFL player, so that's cool. I like the simple arrangement of the song, by the way, and wonderfully performed. We like it.
***
My woeful lack of knowledge about Important Cultural Icons has already reared its ugly head, as I had to google Jordan Sparks to find out why she's singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl.
Should have known it's another Fox marketing ploy.
***
The recitation of the Declaration of Independence by various NFL personalities during the pre-game show was odd but moving, especially the inclusion of Pat Tillman's widow. Wonder how they picked the DoI to recite? The cynic in me says that it was the document that is the right length for TV.
***
OK, the dog's been walked, the recliner situated according to ancient football feng shui, and the laptop fully charged. Joe and Troy are now on-screen, acting as though they're calling play-by-play for Moses's receipt of the two tablets from God's own hand.
According to long-held tradition, I plan to have just one post per quarter, and I'll add new entries at the top of each post. If you are so bored as to come back here from time-to-time, you may need to refresh the window in order to see what new nuggets of wisdom have been deposited.
Please feel free to weigh in on the game, the commercials, and Tom Petty's fashion sense. I'll read all of your comments, but I likely won't have time to reply to them. Don't take it personally. I love you more than life itself.
Are you ready for some Badminton?
Just kidding.
I'm getting warmed up for the 5:17 pm (CT) kick-off, a starting time picked for its significance throughout sporting annals. Do you know why? Neither do I (nor do I know what an "annal" is, for that matter).
Are you really ready for four hours of this?
Super Bowl 2008 Liveblogging
Once again this year, we'll be wrangling pixels and Cheetos to bring you some quality Super Bowl bloggage, with special emphasis on the TV commercials (game? what game?). I hope you'll join us, but more than that, I'll pay you to join us.
OK, not really. But there will be some giveaways of coveted Fire Ant Gazette cra...uh, merchandise, simply because I love and respect you. Plus, I don't want to have to pack and move that stuff.
We'll use the same format as last year, with one big honkin' post per quarter, along with our trademark Ant Ratings for each ad. Your insights, feedback and commentary will be greatly appreciated, unless you actually plan to take the game seriously, in which case you might be better off finding a Buffalo Wild Wings somewhere.
And, in advance of the Big Game, I'm going out on the limb and making my prediction right here for the world to see: I think the Mighty Ducks will beat the Panthers by two runs and a birdie.
I'm all about professional sports, dude.
Super Bowl Setup
Are the Giants worthy to take to the same field as the mighty Patriots?
The experts will probably say no, but my advice to New England is to not start polishing that dynasty trophy just yet.
I can't help feeling sorry for Brett Favre, though. He's going to have to consider seriously whether he wants to end his career with the interception that kept his team out of the Super Bowl.
Embarrassed by the Cowboys
The 2nd best team in the NFL* just stunk up the joint, and I can't believe I keep falling for it.
*Turns out they're probably not even the second best team in their conference, and possibly not the second best team in their division.
Rabbit Run
As I read this column about a small Florida town that allegedly produces the fastest college football players in the nation, I kept waiting for a "gotcha" or a link to Snopes or some indication that its early April (2007) publication date was not to be disregarded by the savvy reader.
But, apparently, it's not a joke. In which case it's also extremely interesting, in a bizarre fashion.
Link tip: Wall Street Journal
How pitiful am I?
I'm sitting here, PowerBook on lap, staring at the Sports Illustrated website's "live" coverage of the Cowboys/Packers football game.
I guess it could have been worse. I could have actually switched cable providers just so I could watch the game.
I swore off the 'Boys years ago, sometime after the last of the Triplets retired, and they broke my heart one time too many. I can't believe I'm getting sucked back into the hype.
Priorities
Which of these things is not like the others?
- More rioting in Paris suburbs
- Red Cross ousts president
- Texas oilman handed year term in federal prison
- Police shoots girlfriend then himself at Houston mall
- Midland cable company plays waiting game over whether NFL Network games will be available
If you guessed (5), you're absolutely right, but perhaps not for the reason you think. (5) was the only one of the five headlines to appear on the front page of today's local newspaper. It landed that spot presumably because the underlying issue is whether we'll be able to watch the Dallas Cowboys play the Green Bay Packers tomorrow night. You think it's bad to mess with Texas? Try messing with the television viewing habits of Cowboys fans.
In reality, I have no problem with the newspaper's reporting priorities in this case. I don't rely on newspapers for any international, national, or state news. Doesn't mean I'm not interested; I just go to other sources. But I recognize that not everyone has access to those other sources, or desires them.
Plus, in the midst of so much worldwide turmoil that seemingly has no solutions, it's soothing to focus on a problem that has neat boundaries and a measurable outcome.
But, in the end, it does come down to this: we have an image to uphold.
Statistical Rationalization of Football Mediocrity
The meat of the college football season is over, and while some interesting match-ups loom in those conferences that have playoffs, fans of the upper tier teams can start speculating about the high profile bowl games that await their programs. The rest of us must be content with defining success (or explaining the lack thereof) statistically.
One of the favorite rationalizations for a lack of success focuses on strength of schedule. "Sure, so-and-so had a better record than my team, but they also played a bunch of pansies." Now, while I'm not usually one to resort to such excuses, that just so happens to be my story this season, and it's a good one (in my opinion, anyway). A&M finished the regular season at 7-5, a pretty dismal showing for one of the largest universities in the country, and one of the highest paid (former) coaches. On the other hand, compared to some of its rivals, A&M really did have a tougher row to hoe. Here's a quick statistical comparison, which I'm sure you'll find riveting:
| A&M | Kansas | UT | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Opponents Winning % | 61.3% | 43.0% | 49.3% |
| # of Opponents >.500 | 7 | 3 | 5 |
| 5 or < wins | 3 | 7 | 6 |
| 9 or > wins | 4 | 1 | 2 |
| # of Ranked Opp* | 4 | 2* | 2* |
| Schedule Rank** | 3 | 82 | 63 |
*Includes Kansas State, which ended the season at 5-7
**Out of 119 schools in the Football Bowl Series (FBS) subdivision of NCAA football (see the official NCAA stats website for details)
Kansas, in particular, had a "Perfect Storm" kind of schedule this season, in that it didn't play Oklahoma, Texas, or Texas Tech. The two opponents on its schedule with the best records, other than Missouri, were A&M and Central Michigan, both of which ended up 7-5. It had one opponent with no wins (Florida International), and three with only 3 wins (SE Louisiana, Baylor, and Iowa State).
Now, I'm not denigrating what KU accomplished, because they still beat every team they faced until the last game, and both A&M and UT lost to teams with overall losing records (Miami and Kansas State, respectively). I'm a KU fan, for personal reasons, and I hope they draw a good bowl and win it in impressive fashion. Nevertheless, it's hard to dispute the contention that they faced an overall less formidable set of foes than did, say, A&M (whom they beat, by the way).
So, there you have it. Indisputable evidence that there's much more to the game of football than wins and losses. Especially when your team doesn't have enough of the former.
Go Jayhawks!
If you'd told me a year ago that I'd ever devote a post to an upcoming football game between the University of Kansas and the University of Missouri, I'd have declared you officially deranged. But Saturday's game is arguably the biggest for both schools in their respective histories, and with my cousin's son playing defensive end for the undefeated and second-ranked Jayhawks, my interest level and allegiance is unquestioned.
"OK, everybody go deep..."
Update: The video is no longer available via YouTube, but it is still posted on the UTube Blog. Watch it while you can; the traffic from Sports Illustrated may well bring that blog's server to its knees.
Your football team is down by six, two seconds to go, and you've got the ball on your own 39 yard line. Quick: which play do you call?
Do you think the quarterback actually specified 15 laterals in the huddle?
It may be Division III, and the announcers may be somewhat less than network-polished, but I seriously doubt that you'll ever see a more exciting ending to a football game than this.
Vid link via the UTube Blog, as described on Stewart Mandel's SI.com column.
Superhuman Predator on TV
TNT ran Blade and Blade II back-to-back yesterday afternoon. Perhaps you've seen one or both movies. They tell the story of a vampire who can blend in with humans, and whose crusade is to hunt and destroy other vampires. (Don't ask; it's complicated.) The hero has powers that neither humans or vampires can hope to match.
So, I spent the afternoon watching a predator hunt down and destroy his fellow beings, methodically and without pity, demonstrating a prowess that left onlookers speechless. The carnage was both electrifying and heartbreaking.
Yes, that's right. I watched Tiger Woods punk-slap the best golfers in the world into a mopey band of guys with dreadful fashion sense. What he did in winning the Tour Championship and the Fed Ex Cup was too intense for a Discovery Channel nature special. It was as if the NCAA had finally instituted a football championship playoff system, with USC meeting LSU in the final game after four rounds of proving they deserved to be there, and USC wins by 60 points. With the point being, what's the point?
There's an exchange in Joe Versus The Volcano where the incomparable Ossie Davis, playing a limo chauffeur, is responding to Tom Hanks's question about what kinds of clothes he should wear. Davis asks, "what kind of clothes do you have now?" Tom replies, "well, they're like these I'm wearing." Ossie glances in the rearview mirror, smirks, and says "so, you got no clothes."
Years from now, a young boy (or girl) will ask his (or her) grandfather a question. "Grandad, what was your career in the early part of the century?" (Children of the future will be more erudite and better conversationalists.) "Why, child, I was a professional golfer, same time as Tiger Woods." The child will nod and reply sagely, "so, you got no career."
The Rangers give the Cowboys something to shoot for
One of the benefits of being a blogger is getting to know people you'd probably not otherwise encounter, and so when I read this morning about the Texas Rangers baseball team scoring 30 runs against the Baltimore Orioles – in the Orioles' home park, no less – and becoming the first major league team in 110 years to do that, my thoughts turned immediately to the only Orioles fan I know: Soccer Dad.
He's probably glad his blog isn't entitled "Baseball Dad."
This is not a gloating post, to be sure. I'm not a huge baseball fan, and I've attended a total of one Rangers game in my lifetime. I do find baseball interesting, however, for its ability to generate arcane statistics and anomalous outcomes like last night's game. The fact that two second-tier teams (they're both at or near the bottom of their respective divisions with healthy losing records) can enter the record books is somehow comforting.
Here's hoping the Dallas Cowboys can score that many points in any game this season.
Tour de France Wrapup
The 2007 edition of the Tour de France ended today in fine fashion.
Wait a gosh-darned minute, you may be thinking, they still have another day of racing. How can you say it's ended?
OK, details, schmetails. You've obviously forgotten about the longstanding tradition that the overall race leader after the final time trial will not be overtly challenged in the final run-in to Paris the next day. I know, it's kind of weird to American sports fans; it's almost like baseball teams agreeing to play the ninth inning just for fun, with the actual game winner being decided in the eighth. But that's the way it is. And this means that Alberto Contador's 23-second lead over Cadell Evans will stand up (barring a catastrophe or an inconvenient drug test), and Cadell's eight second lead will hold up over American Levi Leipheimer's third place finish.
Leipheimer rode the race of his life in winning today's individual time trial, his first TDF stage win and the fourth fastest ITT in the Tour's history. Asked after the race if he would try to grab those eight seconds tomorrow, he responded in true gentlemanly fashion that Cadell shouldn't worry about it; he's quite content to be on the podium in third place, and especially with his teammate standing on the top of the podium. By the way, the 31 seconds separating the top three riders is apparently the tightest finish in TDF history. The fourth place rider is more than seven minutes back.
Today's results also cement the team win for the Discovery Channel (making Lance Armstrong quite proud, I'm sure), and also ensures that Contador will claim the white jersey as the best young rider (he's got an almost 17-minute lead over the second place rider).
Now, just because the overall race leaders have been decided doesn't mean that there won't be some serious racing tomorrow. The points leader's green jersey is still up for grabs, although Tom Boonen has a strong lead (24 points) after today's stage. With the points bonuses available at various intermediate sprints and at the finish, it's still possible that Robbie Hunter could catch Boonen – although I predict that not only will he not do so, but that Boonen will actually increase his lead.
One can "what if" this year's race until the cows come home, but in the end, it still provided a great deal of excitement and suspense.
Now, if we only knew who won the 2006 Tour de France.
My prediction: Rasmussen will NOT win the TDF
Remember my ironclad prediction of just a few hours ago: Michael Rasmussen will win the Tour de France?
Well, as they say, not so fast.
Un-freakin-believable.
Hat tip: TDF Blog
Le Tour Irrésistible
After hearing the news about yet another elite Tour de France competitor testing positive for doping, I had decided I was giving up on the event. I was tired of (1) stupid riders doing stupid things, or (2) a stupid system shafting innocent athletes, or (3) both. Regardless, the end result was an event that had lost its luster.
So I went for a ride this morning and enjoyed the uncharacteristically cool weather, and thought about many things other than the TDF. When I returned, I switched on the TV, not to Versus but to CNN Headline News, as I went through my stretching. Then, I decided to peek in on the race coverage, not out of any real interest, mind you; just to see if anyone was talking about the latest scandal.
And there I was, hooked once again, watching Michael Rasmussen win the stage and the overall race, in a fashion that was reminiscent of the dominance of none other than Lance Armstrong. Sure, there are several days of racing left, but I stand by my prediction: Rasmussen will wear yellow in Paris at the end of the day on Sunday. This probably won't translate well in the circles of international cycling, but that Dane is a hoss!
The last five kilometers were a thing to behold, as Rasmussen's top challengers - Alberto Contador and Levi Leipheimer, both of the Discovery Channel Team - attacked on the steep mountain climb to the finish, time after time. Rasmussen answered each attack (all the while angrily shooing away photographers whom he apparently thought were violating his personal space). Not only did he not crack under those attacks, but at the end, he launched his own attack which neither rider could defend against, and he won the stage easily. He now leads Contador by more than three minutes, and the only drama left is whether Leipheimer can overtake Aussie Cadel Evans for third place (Contador is a lock for second, assuming he doesn't blow up in the upcoming time trial).
But, I warn you, if any of those riders test positive, then it's all over. No, really. I mean it.
Probably.
Bad Day, Mate
Today was a bad day for Aussie riders in the Tour de France as the continent lost three riders to the mountainous Stage 8, two to crashes and one to slowness.
Michael Rogers and Stuart O'Grady both crashed hard on mountain descents, with O'Grady's injuries being the most serious: five broken ribs and fractures to three vertebrae and a shoulder blade. Rogers was able to remount his bike after his crash (one in which another rider went over the guardrail and down the mountainside a bit; fortunately, he was able to climb back up and finish the stage) but later abandoned the Tour, in tears, after consulting with the team doctor.
Last but not least, Robbie McEwen, a perennial contender for the best sprinter's jersey, finished outside the time limit set by Tour officials and was forced to withdraw from the race. It's very rare that you'll see one of the top riders succumb to this longstanding race rule.
However, just to show how dangerous this sport can be, German rider Patrik Sinkewitz received facial injuries when he ran into an elderly spectator while cycling back to his hotel following the stage. The 78-year-old spectator was air lifted to a hospital and is said to be in serious condition.
If Sinkewitz can't start tomorrow, that will make three riders from the T-Mobile team who have been forced to drop out of the Tour – including their leader, Michael Rogers.
Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, Michael Rasmussen – the only Danish rider in the Tour – is the overall leader after today's stage. Tomorrow's a rest day.
Hat tip to the Tour de France 2007 blog for the information about Stuart O'Grady
Profiling Pain
Want to see what a profile of pain looks like?
Tomorrow's stage in the Tour de France is almost 200km in length, and at the 183km mark the riders crest the Col de la Colombière in the French Alps, having tackled a 16 km climb with an average grade of 6.8%. This is not the most difficult climb in the Tour, but it's the first Category 1 mountain of the race, and should greatly clarify who's a contender and who's a pretender.
If Fabian Cancellara is still in the yellow jersey at the end of tomorrow's stage, don't bet against him in Paris on July 29th.
[Chart via the official Tour de France website]
Technorati tag: Tour de France
TDF Report: The Ads
I'm having trouble getting motivated to blog about the Tour de France thus far. It's early enough in the race that teams are still riding conservatively, trying more to avoid losing the race than to win it, and that doesn't make for compelling drama. Most of the stages have been like NBA games; you can ignore all but the last two minutes (or two kilometers) and not miss much of anything.
But, one thing that's in stark contrast to previous years is the almost complete absence of previous TDF winners in the advertising. When Lance Armstrong was making his incredible run of consecutive wins, almost every ad featured him in some way. Even last year, when he wasn't in the race, his familiar presence was a common theme for commercials.
This year is different, and one can't help but feel a bit sorry for three entities, the first being Floyd Landis, the second being Óscar Pereiro, and the third being advertisers as a group.
In Floyd's case, the long drawn-out controversy over whether he did or didn't dope up during last year's TDF victory has deprived him not only of being able to compete in this year's race, but also of all the very lucrative endorsement deals that normally accrue to the wearer of the yellow jersey. Now, granted, Landis is nowhere as well-known or charismatic as Armstrong, but he is an American, and even a lesser-known American TDF winner is a valuable asset in the cycling world. Unless, of course, he's damaged goods, and that's the verdict on Landis, regardless of the outcome of the drug hearings. I suspect he's lost close to seven figures in endorsement deals, and those will not reappear even if his victory is legitimized via the appeals process.
Pereiro's situation is a bit different. As the runner-up last year, he shouldn't have expected to play a big role in this year's ad campaigns. But, if he truly was the winner, then he's been cheated out of those deals and, again, they won't reappear.
The third group worthy of sympathy consists of the advertisers who had to make a tough choice about Landis as a spokesman or product endorser. I suspect the decision wasn't that hard in the end. It's better to leave him out of the marketing plans, rather than risk having your guy exposed as a cheater. Again, even if he's proven innocent, the damage has been done, and there's little upside left. What I am a bit surprised about is that Lance wasn't re-recruited to fill in the gap left by the theoretical vacancy in the yellow jersey. Perhaps there just wasn't time to get the campaigns off the ground. And, perhaps that tactic smacked too much of rubbing Landis's face in it, although that might attribute an unwarranted amount of conscience to ad agencies.
OK, there's actually a fourth group to feel sorry for as a result of this situation, and that's all the viewers who now have to watch an endless repetition of Smiling Bob's stiff endorsement of "male enhancement products" and Cervelo bike commercials that look like they were shot by an obscure Swedish film director.
No, I'm afraid we'll have to be content the race itself. Personally, I'm waiting for the Alps.
Technorati tags: Tour de France | Floyd Landis | Oscar Pereiro
Braggin' on the Cuz
I'm happy to report that my cousin, Brad Bryant, won the U.S. Senior Open professional golf tournament yesterday, pocketing $470,000 in the process.
He was typically modest after the win:
"Let's face it guys, I'm not in their league. I wasn't, and as far as golf goes, I never will be," Bryant said. "I'm a journeyman that happened to have a really great week."
I can't argue with the "journeyman" label – which isn't a derogatory term by any stretch – but he also can't argue with the fact that the win puts him near or at the top of the money leaders list for this year's Champions Tour.
I think this sort of sums up his approach to the game: he didn't even realize he was leading the tournament until his caddy told him as they approached the 18th hole.
How's he going to celebrate? He and twenty guys from his church are going to go to a sports bar and eat chicken wings.
Guess who's buying?
TDF on YouTube
The Tour de France will be offering its "official videos" via its own separate YouTube channel. Among other things, a map and elevation profile of each day's race course will be available via video. Presumably, race updates and results will also be available, although that remains to be seen.
Interviews and commentary may also be available, but you'll probably need to be fluent in French to benefit from them.
Technorati tag: Tour de France
International Pro Cycling Rules
Here are a few things you might not know about the wonderfully wacky world of pro cycling:
- Many people think that the pros use the lightest weight bicycles on the face of the planet, and while it's true that lightness is a valued attribute, there's actually a minimum weight limit governing bikes used in international competitions: 6.8 kilograms, which equates to about 14.99 pounds. (If that still seems awfully featherweight, it is. Things start breaking when they start getting this light. That's one reason the governing body has imposed a minimum weight limit.)
- Road cyclists, such as those competing in the Tour de France, must adhere to a dress code: When competing, all riders shall wear a jersey with sleeves and a pair of shorts, possibly in the form of a one-piece skinsuit. By shorts it is understood that these are shorts that come above the knee. Sleeveless jerseys shall be forbidden. Ironic, isn't it, that they can't wear pedal-pushers.
- Helmets are now mandated in international road races, with one exception: ...riders taking part in UCI ProTour events may, at their own risk, refrain from wearing a helmet during individual time trial races taking place entirely on a mountainous course. In an individual time trial (ITT), riders start at set intervals and therefore aren't exposed to the dangers of a large pack going at high speeds. Also, the implication of a "mountainous course" for an ITT is that it's going to be primarily uphill, so speeds will be much lower than usual.
- And, just so you'll know that the governing body has found no detail too small or obvious to ignore: The bicycle shall be propelled solely, through a chainset, by the legs (inferior muscular chain) moving in a circular movement, without electric or other assistance. Darn. So much for my plan to ride the Tour on a moped disguised as a portly Trek Madone.
All of these rules and many, many more are available via this 81-page PDF document provided by the Union Cycliste Internationale, the governing body for most international bicycling events, including the Tour de France.
TDF Trivia
Just to get you in the mood for Saturday's start of the Tour de France...
A French rider has not won the TDF since 1985, when Bernard Hinault secured his fifth yellow jersey. That victory marked the ninth time in eleven years that French riders won the race, the most dominating national performance since the Tour's beginning.
No, this won't be a recurring feature. I'm just trying to prime the pump, so to speak.
Technorati tag: Tour de France
Tour de Ambivalence
Are you aware that the Tour de France begins next Saturday, July 7? Do you care?
I haven't seen much at all in the media about the race. I suppose the absence of a likely American contender, and the seemingly endless doping allegations and sanctions, have combined to elicit a huge yawn from the average citizen, although I suspect most avid cyclists are still interested.
Even with all the baggage, the Tour remains one of the great spectacles in the sporting world. It's a rolling soap opera, full of intrigue, and strategies based as much on psychology and gimmicks as on physiology and physics. Ancient European traditions combine with cutting edge technology to create a three-week anachronism with layers of complexity that take a few years of viewing to begin to comprehend.
Even if you don't recognize any of the names at the start of the race – which, by the way, is in London this year – you'll find yourself drawn into the lives of the racers if you invest the time to observe their peculiar form of insanity. There will be unlikely heroes, stunning disappointments, and acts both chivalrous and comic. Crashes are inevitable; pray that none are fatal. Massively skilled athletes will be betrayed by piddling little mechanical bits; a few riders will be taken out by things as mundane as stomach aches and colds. Teams will sacrifice themselves for one member, and single members will sacrifice themselves for their teams.
And, after 2,200 miles of racing, one man will be awarded the maillot jaune because he finished a minute or two sooner than anyone else. It's really quite amazing when you think about it.
So, even if you're not hearing much anywhere else about the Tour de France; even if you've grown cynical about a sport that sometimes seems less credible than pro wrestling or, um, baseball; even if you can't pronounce half the names of the participants – give it a chance. There's still plenty of drama and admirable achievement to go around.
Here are some additional TDF resources, in addition to the official site linked above:
- Discovery Channel Pro Cycling Team - Team leader Levi Leipheimer is America's best hope for an appearance on the podium in Paris at the end of the race.
- TDF 2007 Blog - This is your go-to source for objective and wide-ranging reporting on the Tour and related media coverage.
- Bicycling Magazine's TDF section - The magazine is promising more extensive coverage than ever.
- VeloNews - This online magazine has an international flair with more inside scoop than just about any other source.
Technorati tag: Tour de France
"You throw like a girl." "Thanks!"
There's an old* adage in sports that goes "those who can't do, generate statistics." And so we're awash with numerical indicators of dubious usefulness, like aces per game on clay (tennis), 3 point percentage in away games played in cities beginning with an "S" (basketball), and butt pats per game (football).
The most entertaining of such statistics are those which seek to measure something relevant against something less so. One of the most famous is found in golf, where "shooting your age" is apparently a mark of stellar achievement, as by the time one's age is such that the score is reasonable, one's physical ability has deteriorated to the point where achievement of that score is darned near impossible.
I proposed to add a new statistic to that category. But first, the back story.
Abbye and I were walking around the local park a couple of weeks ago, and observed an unusual scene at the baseball diamond next to the entrance. A young girl -- she appeared to be about 10 or 11 -- was pitching a softball to a woman sitting on an overturned bucket. The girl was hurling the ball with the traditional underarm motion, and the velocity (and accuracy) with which it smacked the glove was quite dramatic, so much so that someone else was measuring her pitches with a radar gun and calling out the numbers as we walked past.
Now, the highest number I heard was 41 mph, which may not sound too impressive compared to the majors (where a fast ball may exceed 100 mph), but it was plenty good for a slip of a girl, and it caused me to wonder if anyone had ever tracked pitch speed as a percentage of pitcher weight. In other words -- to use the golfing vernacular -- has anyone ever pitched their weight?
I suspect the little blond-headed girl was coming pretty close to it, and I'm sure that no major league pitcher ever has. I also wouldn't be surprised to learn that elite college softball pitchers of the distaff persuasion routinely accomplish that feat.
And so, as Roger Clemens leaves Houston and re-dons the Yankee pinstripes, it's good to remember that while he may be making a bazillion dollars, he'll never out-pitch that little Midland girl, at least where this new key statistic is concerned.
*And by "old" I mean the length of time it took me to make it up just now.
Baseball Class
I'll admit it: I'm not a baseball fan. I find most televised baseball games exceedingly boring and I can't remember the last time I watched one. I surely wouldn't normally watch a game between the Dodgers and the Padres.
Having said that, I'll also admit that sitting here and watching Rachel Robinson talk about her late husband's career, and the state of baseball today, from the booth of ESPN's broadcast of the LA/San Diego game is a privilege. She's an articulate and passionate spokesperson, not only for the legacy of the first man to cross the "color barrier" in big league baseball, but for baseball overall, and for civil rights as well.
I salute ESPN's wisdom in inviting her into the broadcast booth -- and especially for giving her free reign to speak her mind (including rooting openly for Los Angeles, which is fun). And I salute the LA Dodger players, all of whom are wearing number 42 in honor of Jackie Robinson (as did many other players around the league today).
And thus, I must make one final admission: baseball is more than just a sport, in many ways. It's an integral part of America and American history. Even a non-fan should be able to recognize that.
Aggie Chokes
I should have known what would happen as soon as I published a public acknowledgment of Texas A&M's basketball prowess. That same evening, the women's team lost their first game in the Big 12 tournament, and the men's team waited until last night to lose their first game in the other Big 12 tourney (making the A&M men 1-11 in Big 12 tournaments).
Both teams played well enough during the regular season to get automatic berths in their respective NCAA tournaments, but given their proclivity to choke in the games that really count, I'm no longer holding out hope for anything other than not to be too badly embarrassed.
Super Bowl 2007: 4th Quarter
Whew. I think I've lost momentum, and I know I've lost interest. In the game, anyway. Good thing...Tony Dungy just got the bucket of ice water. And Peyton Manning finally has a Super Bowl ring.
***
Another viewing of the Go Daddy ad. Oh, my eyes...my eyes!
***
#41 - Careerbuilder.com: jungle employees #3
The best series of commercials in this year's line-up. Well, OK...it's the only series, but it's still pretty good, even with a boss giving a wedgie as a part of an employee review.
***
#40 - E-Trade: things you can do with one finger
Trying just a bit too hard, in a junior high schoolish manner.
***
Not another interception by Grossman. See. I told you that Chicago made history this year as the first team to make the Super Bowl without a quarterback. How many turnovers is that by Chicago? 5? 6?
***
#39 - HP: Orange County Choppers
Credit HP for trying to stay relevant, but it didn't make me want to get one.
***
TD stands. Chicago loses a timeout, and, likely, the game.
***
OK, the TD return has been challenged by Chicago.
***
Indy intercepts and returns for a TD. Where's Don Meredith?
Kyle tracked down an explanation of how they paint the stripe across the field.
***
Through 45 minutes, Colts have almost 31 minutes of ball possession. Amazing...and even more amazing that their lead is only five points.
#38 - Budweiser: crabs worshiping a cooler filled with Bud
Too strange to make the cut. Brings to mind the phrase, "what were they smoking?"
Super Bowl 2007: Halftime/3rd Quarter
Chicago gets a field goal, and continues to hang with the Colts. Their defense has to be running on empty, though.
Third quarter ends.
***
Two minutes until the fourth quarter. C'mon, clock!
#35 - Fed Ex: can't judge things by their name
Meh.
#36 - Nationwide: K-Fed's commercial
I've seen it several times, so there's no surprise factor, but I give this ad props for Federline's willingness to make fun of himself. Not sure how effective it is for the sponsor, as the word "Nationwide" don't appear in the ad except in the fine print at the end.
#37 - Bud Light: axe-wielding hitchhiker
This was a three-anter until the last line: "But, he's got a chain saw!"
***
The Colts kick another field goal. They once kicked five in one playoff game. *yawn*
The Colts have had 40 more plays than the Bears, in case you're wondering.
#34 - Emerald Nuts : Robert Goulet appears and messes with your stuff
Pleasantly obscure.
***
The Colts' defense is beginning to assert itself. The game itself is a two-anter so far.
#32 - Careerbuilder.com: jungle employees #2
Builds on first one. Liked the reference to the delivery guy. Again, takes a corporate drone to appreciate it.
#33 - Taco Bell: Lions trying to pronounce carne asada
More talking animals. Love 'em. Everybody does, right? Love the reference to Ricardo Montalban.
***
Vinatieri's just kicked another field goal. 19-14 Colts, but the Bears are hanging in better than I expected.
#28 - E-Trade: bank robbers
E-Trade's dissing of banks lacks subtlety.
#29 - Coke: Tim Burton's submission
Psycho-freakin-delic, man. I'd like to see it again. Might pick up another ant.
#30 - Bud Light: gorilla plot
I'm a sucker for a short attention span primate. Being one myself, that is.
#31 - Revlon: Sheryl Crow on tour
Something for the chicks, and it wasn't bad. It's an interesting tactic for a cosmetics company, as well.
***
Glad to read some more props for Prince from the homies in the comments. I agree with Foo, though; Purple Rain wasn't the best choice for this show, even if it was meteorologically relevant.
***
I just realized that I committed an unforgivable blogger blunder when I mentioned comments by Jim and Kyle without linking to their places. Sorry, guys.
Betcha Kyle and Jim don't realize how much they have in common.
***
It's a two point game, Indy still in the lead.
In the first half, our favorite commercial was the Blockbuster "mouse" ad, hands down.
Worst commercial is a tie between Go Daddy and the Bud Light "slappers."
Uh oh. Emmitt Smith made an HEB commercial, playing off his Dancing With the Stars success. Pretty good...not bad at all. Uh, did everyone see it, or was it a regional spot? HEB isn't a national chain, as far as I know. Jim?
But it won't be in the running if it's not national.
***
I don't care what anybody says, I like Prince. I think he did a great job, especially considering the weather conditions. Amazing guitarist.
I was also impressed that none of the dancers slipped and fell on that stage; it looked slick.
Super Bowl 2007: 2nd Quarter
Someday, I hope someone can explain to me the technology behind their ability to overlay a stripe across the field to show where the first down line is. How do they lay it on top of the field, but under the players?
Road Trip may turn out to be a lame movie, but the trailer is hilarious.
#27 - Sprint : Connectile dysfunction
OK, I'm out for dinner. Catch you after half time.
***
Benson's knee injury will keep him out of the rest of the game. Hope it's not more serious than that.
Here's a shout-out to Tommy, Toni, Lee, Jenny, Larry, Lucretia, Andye, and whoever else showed up at the Lent House On the Prairie. At least your son knows how to use a computer! ;-)
***
#25 - GM: laid-off robot, contemplating suicide (dream sequence)
Cute; catchy ending. I'm a sucker for despondent robots.
#26 - Coke: Black history month
Punch line alludes to the head coaches in today's game. Not sure how I feel about that connection.
***
Indy takes the lead on a touchdown. Inevitable, actually.
#24 - Bud Lite: slappers
Really, really stupid. Go Daddy gets some company. Maybe they can slap the chippie in the wet t-shirt.
***
OK, this is exciting. There are hamburgers being cooked and guacamole being assembled in the kitchen.
#21 - Careerbuilder.com: employees in the jungle
Works better if you've ever worked in a corporate office.
#22 - Doritos: grocery checker's commentary on shopper's choices
I tried to like it more.
#23 - Chevy: car-washing guys (amateur submission winner)
Sorry, just too contrived.
***
I think I forgot to mention that Indy just kicked a field goal. Score is 14-9, Bears. Be still, my beating heart.
By the way, Kyle and Jim -- I'm reading (and appreciating) your comments...just don't have time to respond.
***
#19 - Budweiser: lost dog
I'm a sucker for a good lost dog commercial.
#20 - Garmin: Godzilla map
Lame-o.
I just realized that my "One Ant" rating image was defective. It's fixed now. I'm sure Go Daddy is grateful.
***
They finally confirmed what I said at the beginning: that was the first opening kickoff for a TD in SB history. Also said that Benson was questionable for the rest of the game, due to a knee injury. Shame, really.
Again, in case you're just showing up, there'll be one post per quarter here. Refresh the browser should you have the poor judgment to return.
But I'm glad you're here, however temporarily.
Super Bowl 2007: 1st Quarter
End of 1st Quarter.
#17 - Go Daddy: sleazy as expected. I saved this one just for them:
#18 - Coke: computer game, take off on Grand Theft Auto
The 21st Century Version of Teach the World to Sing.
***
Uh oh. Two Bears down on the ground, one of 'em being Cedric. Turns out they whacked each other. Some teammates.
I don't recall that Benson has ever had a serious injury throughout his high school, college and (short) pro career. Looks like he's OK now, as well. Hope so.
Want to know how you can tell that you don't have much confidence in your QB as a passer? You run on 3rd-and-seven. And you don't make it. Bears kick...more commercials, please.
Ooh, there's David Spade and Patrick Warburton, sitting in the stands, no umbrella. As one of the announcers says, if their new show is a hit, they'll get a suite next time. For now, let 'em soak.
***
Oh, hey, did I mention that my wife and I are now hard-core gamer dudez? She bought a Nintendo DS Lite this afternoon, after seeing our pfriend Phyllis's. It's in the charger now. I hoped I don't get lured away from this productive enterprise by the siren song of the schoolboyish software.
I also just made good use of Firefox's awesome "Undo Close Tab" feature. I'll let you guess why.
***
Let's see...score is 14-6, Chicago. Cedric Benson's name just got called, but he was just a decoy. Cedric used to play catch in the street in front of our house when he was in high school. His quarterback, Jon Rogers, lived across the street. Pretty impressive, huh?
Bad luck to speak of Benson, as he just fumbled and Indy recovered. My bad.
***
Commercial #15 - Chevrolet: Amateurs singing Chevy songs
Puzzling at first, but gets better as you figure out what it means.
#16 - Bud Lite: ESL class
Extra points for including the convenience store clerk from My Name is Earl
OK, the Letterman ad featuring Oprah rawked! More, please...
***
Two plays, two fumbles, two turnovers. I've seen better football in junior high games. Thomas Jones runs 52 yards, to the Bear's five yard line, to answer Manning's previous long pass.
I gave the Toyota commercial shown below a couple of extra points for believability, by the way, even though it was pretty run-of-the-mill overall. They actually had me believing that truck was about to go over the edge of that canyon.
Uh, Bears score.
#13 - Snickers: mechanics eating candy, accidentally kissing, doing something manly
Ripping off the chest hair was almost redemptive, but not quite.
#14 - Schick: girl falling off treadmill after seeing clean-shaven guy
***
It's raining steadily now. In Florida, that is, not in Midland. Wouldn't you just love to have paid $2,000 for a ticket to the game and have to sit behind some guy with a giant umbrella?
Fortunately, the sloppy weather provides a good excuse for the sloppy play.
Ooh. That wasn't sloppy...Manning throws 53 yards for a touchdown. Somebody in the Bears defensive backfield must have fallen down.
Nope, just bad coverage. Indy misses the extra point though, so it's 7-6.
#9 - Toyota Tundra: drive to the edge of the canyon
#10 - Fed Ex: space station office with weightless workers
#11 Bud Lite: auctioneer wedding
***
By the way, be sure to refresh your browser window when you come back (ha! pretty funny...assuming that anyone will actually be coming back), to get the freshest, bloggiest content possible.
***
Da Bears couldn't do anything with the ball after the interception. More
#5 - Sierra Mist: Beard comb-over
#6 - Salesgenie.com: whatever
#7 - Sierra Mist: Martial arts class
Interesting strategy by Sierra Mist, by the way, running two commercials in such close sequence. Too bad they're so forgettable, especially the second one.
***
Peyton Manning just proved that if you try something long enough, you'll finally succeed. He succeeded in throwing an interception.
1st commercial: Bud Light - rock, paper, scissors, with a real rock
2nd commercial: Doritos, amateur submission (live the flavor)
3rd commercial: Blockbuster "click and drag the [live] mouse"
***
Sure, it was the eight kickoff return for a touchdown in SB history, but I was referring to the opening kickoff. Bet it was the first.
In case you're wondering, here's how this is going to work. Instead of creating new posts for each report, I'm just going to have one per quarter and update it throughout the quarter. Look for the triple stars to delineate each entry.
The Bears have a sixteen year old playing on defense, judging by the photos introducing the starters. I didn't realize that. Surely there's a law against that.
***
OK, we're off to a less-than-auspicious start, as I missed the singing of the National Anthem, choosing instead to accompany MLB on Abbye's afternoon walk. It's a beautiful day here, by the way.
Here's the kick off...
...and it's a touchdown for da Bears! OK, first time in Super Bowl history?
Super Bowl 2007: Pre-Game Warmup
Hello and welcome to the Gazette's coverage of Super Bowl MCXXLMVIX, aka Super Bowl 2007. The actual game doesn't start for a couple of hours, but we're going to join the pre-game show which began last Wednesday and bring you quickly up-to-speed on some important and fascinating details that will make our coverage more meaningful and enjoyable.
If you haven't been paying attention, today's game pits the Chicago Cubs against the Baltimore Colts in an epic match-up that will captivate the citizens of at least twelve midwestern counties. Both teams have storied pasts, but I'm not Wikipedia so go look that up on your own time.
Here's some little known trivia about today's participants:
- The Cubs (hereafter referred to as "the Bears" for marketing purposes) are the first team in NFL history to reach the championship game without a quarterback. This is a pretty amazing story. It turns out that the guy they've been snapping the ball to all year was actually the winner of a "retrieve the kicking tee" contest sponsored by a local car dealership. He was supposed to run onto the field after the opening kickoff of the first pre-season game, grab the tee, and run off the field, thereby achieving 25 seconds of his alloted 15 minutes of fame. Instead, he kept going back onto the field and calling plays, and it wasn't until the Bears were reviewing game films last week did they realize it.
- The Colts, on the other hand, have won something like 87 straight games and are led by a player with the unlikely name of "Peyton," and he's not even a girl. His story is just as fascinating, in that he was raised in the wild by hippies who named him for a 60s TV show. He has a brother, Eli, named for a Three Dog Night song. Eli is also a quarterback, but he plays for a New York team so he's not in the same league. <rimshot>.
- As always, there's a lot of buzz around the singing of the National Anthem just before kick-off. This year, the SSB will be professionally mangled by none other than the legendary Billy Jor-El, best known as Superman's dad. Jor-El was once married to supermodel and physician's attendant Christie Brinkley, for whom he sacrificed his career by writing and singing maudlin songs about Brooklyn in order to help put her through nursing school. Brinkley dumped him as soon as she got a cap, citing "irreconcilable discontent with his weird googly eyes."
I hope this little primer will help you better understand the significance of this year's edition of The Ultimate Game. Be sure to check back here for full coverage of the often pathetic attempts by the game's sponsors to get a meaningful return for their advertising dollars, said attempts being periodically punctuated by a football game. And, by all means, please do feel free to weigh in with your own insights and opinions.
Oh, and for the record, Baltimore will hereafter be referred to as Indianapolis, for marketing purposes.
Technorati tag: Super Bowl
Super Bowl at Church? Not so fast, bucko...
I made reference yesterday to our church's plans to broadcast the Super Bowl as a part of a fellowship that will substitute for the regular Sunday evening worship service.
Not everyone agrees that this is a good idea, and apparently the NFL is one of them. The league is warning churches not to violate its rules concerning broadcasts of the game to which it owns the copyright.
From the above-linked article:
Many churches are canceling their "Super Bowl Fellowship" plans, but not every congregation is rolling over:
[Sidenote: There's something amusing about hearing the pastor of one of the largest evangelical churches in America use the term "wack."]
For its part, the NFL isn't sending goon squads to comb the neighborhoods in search of offenders. NFL spokesman McCarthy said the NFL won't be patrolling churches for violations. But from a strict legal perspective, that could prove problematic for the NFL down the road in terms of copyright protection. Letting things like this slide is not a good precedent for claiming later on that the value of your copyright has been damaged.
I'm not inclined to take sides on this argument, but I will make a couple of observations. It would seem to me that churches should be beyond reproach in all areas of their actions, and if the owner of a copyright (or any other asset) protests about the use of that asset by a third party, it seems inappropriate to push back.
And with respect to our own church's plans, I fully understand why the NFL -- and its sponsors -- might be less than happy with the thought that the game will be broadcast minus commercials, very expensive commercials that the NFL's clients paid for with the express understanding that those commercials would be broadcast as a part of the game. There's nothing that says the viewers have to watch those commercials, but editing them out of a live broadcast so that they can't be seen is pushing the envelope.
Issues like this are probably why we're implored to be in the world without being of the world.
Super Bowl Programming Note
Our church is preempting its regular Sunday night service with a Super Bowl broadcast fellowship, with missions reports substituting for the commercials, and taped testimonies from Seattle Seahawk players Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander in place of Prince's halftime performance. To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time we've ever done something like this.
It would be hypocritical of me to criticize this move, as we infrequently attend Sunday evening services anyway, but this does make it an easier decision to carry on a longstanding tradition here at the Gazette, which is the live-blogging of the game with particular emphasis on the commercials. If you have no interest in the game itself (and, really, I don't) feel free to tune in right here to get an irreverent play-by-play (or, actually, every five or six plays-by every five or six plays; I'm not going to kill myself for this, you know) ala MST3K, only without the android and robot humor.
We'll wrap up the evening by listing our picks for the top 10 best commercials, then have a poll to let the multitude of Gazette readers select the best of the bunch.
As far as Sunday evening worship goes, now that Prince is a JW, maybe the halftime show will suffice.
[I'm going to pay for that. I just know it.]
Anyway, if you'll bring the chips, I'll provide the salsa.
Technorati tag: Live Blogging the Super Bowl
Shooting Fish in a Barrel, Pt. 2
So I'm sitting at the dining room bar eating a sandwich for lunch and I hear a story about the strange odor that's infesting the Big Apple's atmosphere and I think to myself, "it's just the Jets and the Giants stinkin' up the place." Then I think, "say, I need to go do a post about that, because I'll bet I'm the only person in the country who thought of that, except for maybe Yogi Berra, and he's dead." (He is dead, isn't he?) But, instead, I eat a banana and some cookies.
Not ten minutes later, Ray D'Alessio, the sportsguy on CNN Headline News leads off his report with a line to the effect of "those who are wondering about the strange odor over New York City need only ask the fans of the Jets and the Giants."
I hate it when the MSM eavesdrops on my brainwaves.
Disgusted
I don't know which bothers me more, the way the Cowboys blew yesterday's playoff game in Seattle, or the degree to which their doing so upset me.
I swore earlier this year that I was through with the 'Pokes; I hadn't paid them much attention for years, anyway, but they'd put together a few wins and start looking like a real team and before I knew it, I was right back there, actually caring about how they played.
I watched only the last four minutes of last night's game, and I must confess that I've rarely seen a more deflating display of ineptitude from professional players. Well, not since the last time I watched them.
I don't care if Tony Romo's now dating Condi Rice...I hereby officially no longer care.
Plus, the new season is still eight months away.
The Impending Apocalypse: Sign #937
Texas A&M is ranked #13 in the AP preseason college basketball poll, ahead of every other team in the Big 12 South*, and one place behind perennial powerhouse Duke.
At least the writer of the linked story also recognizes the implausibility of the situation, reminding us that this is the first time A&M has been ranked since 1980.
*Thanks to Gunner at Target Centermass for pointing out the error in my original post, which overlooked the overall third place spot held by Kansas, which, the last time I checked, was still in the Big 12. (Actually, I have a second-cousin who plays football for Kansas.)
Floyd Landis to lose his TDF title?
By now you've probably seen it: the second sample confirmed the findings of the first, and Floyd Landis now faces the very real possibility of being stripped of his Tour de France title and suspended from the pro cycling circuit for two years for used of a banned substance (testosterone, in this case). He's already been fired by Phonak, his Swiss cycling team.
Landis continues to maintain his innocence, and we can expect to see months of legal wrangling about this, as not only his reputation but also millions of dollars is at stake.
Interestingly, Greg LeMond, 3-time TDF winner and the first American to win Le Tour, has already passed judgment:
"He's a victim that needs to be held accountable. Just by pinpointing him is not enough. He needs to tell who did it, how they did it."
I still say there's something fishy about this situation; prepared to be surprised by future revelations.
Technorati tags: Floyd Landis | Tour de France
Light the torches; loft the pitchforks...
Landis doped? Say it ain't so, Floyd.
It just never ends, does it?
TDF Wrap-up: Landis has 'em where he wants 'em
I didn't get to see watch the final stage this morning but I just finished watching the re-broadcast. I was struck by the apparent respect and even affection of the other riders for Floyd Landis. It was different with Lance Armstrong, who was respected to be sure, but also feared. Armstrong was an intimidating presence; Landis is viewed as a regular guy who rides his heart out, and is much more approachable.
The next big question is his future in professional cycling, given that he may well be facing hip replacement very soon. I theorized that this might have been his last professional race, but I started thinking about some American cycling history. Greg Lemond won a TDF after he was blasted in the back with a shotgun in a hunting accident. Lance started reeling off wins following a life-threatening bout with cancer.
I don't know if it's American in origin, but we're fond of saying that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It may well be, then, that putting a titanium hip into Floyd Landis's body is about the worst thing that could happen...to the rest of the Tour de France peloton.
I'm already looking forward to 2007!
TDF: Landis wins? But...what about tomorrow?!
If you're relatively new to the Tour de France, you may be wondering how I can be awarding Floyd Landis the yellow jersey when there's still one more stage to be contested tomorrow. It's a good question and one that it took me a while to understand when I started following the race.
The final stage -- which always ends in Paris -- is essentially a victory lap, a ceremonial ride for the overall leader following the traditional individual time trial the day before. It's considered poor etiquette to attack the general classification leader (the official title of the overall race leader) in the final stage. It's one of those European things that adds a certain amount of dignity and charm to the event.
Th