The Fire Ant Gazette

Lindsay's Slippery Slope

2010-03-10T14:29:57Z

I'm sure that you've heard that Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade and its advertising firm for using the name "Lindsay" in one of their wildly popular TV commercials. The "actress" wants $100 million for "pain and suffering" because - her lawyer claims - she's a "one-name celeb like Oprah or Madonna" and the TV ad sends a subliminal message that reflects badly on her image.

Excuse me? First, I feel compelled to remind Lindsay that she's made a series of choices in her life that have relegated her to the B-list (at best) of impaired and out-of-control wannabes. Having a talking baby make fun of her (even subliminally) would actually be a step up for her.

Setting aside the fact that in 1986 (the year of her birth, in case she can't remember) the name "Lindsay" was the 46th most popular girl's name in the USA (and the variant "Lindsey" ranked even higher, at 39), I think she should give careful consideration to the implications of claiming an exclusive association with certain descriptors. If her lawsuit is successful and thus requires that every time we hear "Lindsay" (or, if we have a discriminating ear, "Lindsey") we think of her, then it will have to logically follow that we'll also bring her to mind whenever we hear "pathetic," "narcissistic," and "delusional."

Then again, perhaps that horse has already bolted the stable.

And just to show how seriously we here at the Gazette take her lawsuit, here's the ad in question:

Happy Slo-Mo Dogs

2010-03-05T14:04:21Z

Remember the frustrated frog videos? Well, on the flip side of things, here's a vid that has a happier ending for all the participants. (Remind me never to eat in front of a 1,000 frame per second camera.)

Laugh for the Day (or not)

2010-03-04T17:23:50Z

If you work in the oil industry - or know anything at all about it - and are looking for a laugh, you might want to check out this article at a website called The People's Voice.

The author decries our economy's continued reliance on fossil fuels, but implies that as long as we're going to drill for oil, we ought to stop doing it where it costs so dang much money.

Inexplicably, the industry picks the most expensive places on the earth to drill for oil.

He then quotes another apparent genius in the field:

"You really don't need to know a lot about geology or oil to figure out something is wrong here, why don't they go back to the old days and drill oil wells onshore?"

I'm sure the chairmen of Exxon, Chevron, and BP are at this very moment slapping their collective foreheads and exclaiming with great vigor, "why didn't we think of that!? We should just drill where it costs less!"

After reading that, I quickly checked the address bar of my browser to make sure I hadn't been redirected to The Onion without noticing.

Interestingly, those assertions are the most reasonable things put forth by the author, as he then attributes various natural disasters around the world to the pain caused to Mother Earth by poking holes in her skin. Seriously.

During the various stages of the energy extraction process, the globe of the earth suffers limitless pain as the area where the drilling occurs. It is gradually being depressurized and cooled internally, causing cycles of contsriction [sic], joint-rending cramps, intermittent partial asphyxiation and searing pain as they use large drills to puncture pericardium and into the heart, sometimes as deep as 10,000 feet.

He even provides Bible verses to back up his thesis.

OK, on further review, this isn't a bit funny.

Link via The Oil Drum

I shouldn't be surprised but he can't even get the basic facts right to support his hypothesis. Drilling often occurs below 10,000 feet, but the deepest wells on record are only six miles deep. Compared to the almost 8,000 mile diameter of the earth, this is barely a pinprick to the skin, much less a penetration to the "pericardium and into the heart."

Random Thursday

2010-03-04T12:32:57Z

Scattershooting while pondering one of life's most important questions: will Pamela Anderson's samba outfit on this season's Dancing With the Stars be sufficiently intriguing to offset the appearance of Kate Gosselin? (Seriously, though: Pamela Anderson?!)

You may have seen Rube Goldbergesque stunts before, but I assure you that you've seen nothing like this video from the pop group OKGo.

Here's a bit of local news you Midlanders might not have yet heard. The pastor of Midland's First Baptist Church, Gary Dyer, is leaving at the end of this month to pastor a church in Austin. Dr. Dyer has been at FBC Midland for about fifteen years; he was just the third pastor my wife and I have had since coming to Midland in 1982. FBC is, in my opinion, at something of a crossroads, and the choice of a new pastor will be critical in determining its future direction. But, I guess you can say that about any new pastor.
I found out today that one of my high school English teachers passed away, just short of his 90th birthday. Mr. Skylstad was born in Norway and came to America as a teen. There weren't too many Norwegian immigrants in Fort Stockton. I remember him as having a great love of the English language and literature, and of teaching. I can't honestly say that his class represented a great turning point in my life, but I do believe that he reinforced a love of reading and learning that I was fortunate enough to acquire at an early age. He also tried to teach critical thinking, something that I perceive to be sadly lacking in some of today's educational tactics.
The practicality of this gadget for a bicyclist probably depends on the traffic conditions faced by the rider, but it has possibilities. I never ride on the street without a rearview mirror, so the ability to monitor traffic behind me via a video screen isn't something I need. But, of course, when it comes to geeky toys, need is basically irrelevant. Plus, it allows you to record an accident, which should result in some new dramatic YouTube videos.
I have never claimed to be a graphic designer, but in my line of work, I can't avoid tasks like coming up with color schemes for websites. Adobe's Kuler is an excellent tool for the job, but it's complicated and a bit of overkill. That's why I'm thrilled to discover Elvan Online, a color generator that provides sliders for varying the colors, and one-click generation of a wide variety of palettes derived from a single color.
Finally, while dealing with color palettes is plenty intimidating, riding a dirt bike on a rocky 12" wide trail at the edge of a sheer cliff is downright nausea-inducing. Exhibit A:

There are a dozen places along this trail where I would have plummeted to my death (if I was fortunate), for the sole reason that I have never mastered the art of looking where I want to go instead of at what I want to avoid. And when I look at what I want to avoid, I inevitably ride straight for it. (You know, there's a Bible verse that seems to address this very phenomenon, although it probably wasn't originally intended for mountain bike riders.)

Slow News Day?

2010-03-03T22:33:26Z

I have a subscription to the online version of the Wall Street Journal and I subscribe to an email list that sends three news updates each day: morning, noon, and - wait for it - evening. Those updates usually lead off with breaking stories about events of widespread interest - you know, disasters like earthquakes in Chile or Charlie Rangel in Washington, and economic/financial news of import such as the content of the latest Fed Beige Book* or Tiger's dwindling sponsorships.

But today must be a slow news day, because the noon update led off with this story - A Game of Tag Breaks Out Between London's Graffiti Elite (think Hatfields and McCoys armed with Rust-Oleum) - and the evening wrap has this in the lead: Should This Move Be Banned? (an article about a "devastating penalty-kick" employed by the Brazilian World Cup soccer team). This had the effect of pushing down more important news like the status of Mideast peace talks ("promising and yet inevitably failing") and Leno's whupping of Letterman on his first night back ("promising and yet inevitably failing").

I'm not complaining, mind you (although I am eagerly awaiting a report of a devastating penalty kick delivered to Letterman; now that would be news). But it does make one wonder if the Journal is going for a different image, sort of a "Drive your Veyron to a 7-11 for a raspberry-lime Slurpee" vibe.

*"Beige Book"? Talk about someone whose image could use some sprucing up.

"When The Money's All Gone"

2010-03-03T19:17:44Z

Good time Charlie's on the evening news
The party's gone public, grab your dancin' shoes
Pass it around 'til we all get stoned
We'll all come down when the money's all gone.

Everybody's livin', everybody's high
Everybody's sellin' so buy, baby, buy
Everything's had and nothing is owned
Around it goes 'til the money's all gone.

[Chorus]
When the money's all gone we'll get back to work
Get back in the garden, get back in the dirt
It's an ill wind doesn't blow some good
We can put it back together the way that we should.
It might not be the worst thing after all...
When the money's all gone.

There's only so much that can go around
The top goes up but the bottom goes down
Call it what you want to
Tell me I'm wrong
We'll all find out when the money's all gone.

When the money's all gone we'll get back to work
Get back in the garden, get back in the dirt
It's an ill wind doesn't blow some good
We can put it back together the way that we should.
It might not be the worst thing after all...
When the money's all gone.

Lose a little, you can scream and shout
But you gotta lose big 'fore they bail you out
They'll buy the bank so they can take your home
They don't need you anymore when the money's all gone.

When the money's all gone...
When the money's all gone.

When the Money's All Gone
Jason Eady & Kevin Wilkins

I've been listening to Jason Eady's music a lot lately, especially the preceding song from the album of the same name. The iTunes Store puts his music into the Country genre, but I think that's too limiting for the mixture of delta blues, zydeco, rock, and gospel that wraps around lyrics that manage to be simultaneously intelligent and catchy. When The Money's All Gone is a perfect example. It's as good an economic commentary as you'll find in the Wall Street Journal, and a heck of a lot more danceable.

Rock Your World

2010-03-01T17:22:39Z

3 steps:

turn up your speakers
visit this website
click on the rocks

Via today and tomorrow

Update: Here's a game to play. See how many "rocks" you can cram into one screen. My best is 30. (I guess your success in this will depend on your screen resolution.)

More Tilt-Shift

2010-03-01T12:26:27Z

Perceptive Gazette readers will recall this short post about tilt shift photography, a technique that seems to be gaining in popularity.

One of my favorite commercial applications of the technique is the following Allstate Insurance TV ad:

It's a winsome effect, turning a real life scene into something toy-like. But, as nice as it is, it's child's play compared to this (link via Neatorama):

The Sandpit from Sam O'Hare on Vimeo.

The filmmaker, Sam O'Hare, describes the process he employed in converting 35,000 still photos (shot over a five-day period) into this fascinating look at "a day in the life of New York City." He used a Nikon D-3 digicam and opted for standard Tamron and Sigma lenses in place of dedicated tilt-shift glass; the "minature" effects were added in post-production.

O'Hare says that he likes "making large scenes small," and The Sandpit is an amazing example of how to do that.

Unloaded Open Carry (UOC): What's the Point?

2010-02-28T23:29:41Z

George over at Sleepless in Midland has run across an interesting tidbit: it's legal to openly carry a handgun in California as long as it's unloaded. At first glance, this seems like a senseless legal right. As I mentioned in a comment on George's post, carrying a hammer would actually be a better choice than an unloaded gun in a self-defense situation.

But then I ran across the FAQ on the California Open Carry website, where we learn that it's also legal to carry ammo at the same time; it just can't be loaded in the firearm. This considerably evens the playing field, given the speed with which one can pop a loaded magazine into a pistol, with a little practice.

Of course, laws and lawyers being what they are, the definition of "loaded" is subject to, um, nuances. Read this discussion thread to get a feel for some of those subtleties.

I'd be interested to know how often people exercising their right to UOC in California get stopped and inspected by the police to ensure their firearms aren't loaded, and how strictly the definition is applied.

In Texas, anecdotal evidence suggests that Concealed Carry Permit holders are generally treated with beneficent respect by law enforcement officers (I've never had a chance to prove this myself as I've never had an encounter that required me to present my permit to an officer). The CCP is evidence that the holder has passed a background check, and has been trained not only in firearm use, but also in the legalities that accompany it, with the implicit assumption that holders and peace officers are, so to speak, on the same team. I wonder if California police have the same attitude toward UOC?

My guess is "no," as UOC appears to not be accompanied by any training requirement or background check. In fact, here's what the aforementioned FAQ has to say:

You may also have encounters with law enforcement officers. You must be prepared for this. Know all the laws. Carry the flyers and memos with you. Many Open Carriers carry personal voice recorders to record their police encounters. You may be detained. You legally must allow police officers to inspect your firearm to ensure that it is unloaded (where applicable per 12031). You may even be arrested. This shouldn't happen if you follow all the laws, but from many of the experiences shared on the OpenCarry.org forums, it appears that many police officers do not know or do not understand the law. Remain patient, and if you can, share with them what you know. If however you are placed under arrest, immediately stop talking.

If you are unwilling to accept this risk of false arrest, or are unable to bear the significant financial burden for your legal defense, then don't Open Carry in California.

Ever had one of those days?

2010-02-26T15:00:07Z

At least it's Friday.

Link via TwistedShifter

Oh, and here's where it gets even worse. Somebody needs to retake Fly Catching 101.

Unique Local Haiti Relief Effort

2010-02-25T20:17:15Z

Vicki Jay is the director of Midland's Rays of Hope, a grief counseling resource for children (and an outreach of HospiceMidland). She leaves next week for Haiti for ten days as a part of a grief/trauma team working with children in a Haitian village that was devastated by the earthquake. That relief project could use your help. Here's the appeal; you know what to do:

On March 4 - 14, Vicki Jay will be traveling to Mizak, Haiti representing Rays of Hope on a "Volunteers in Mission - Global Ministries" relief effort.The grief/trauma team will be working directly with the children in the village as well as their families. Vicki will be serving as Camp Director for the children's camp. The camp will be staffed with other members of the team as well as Haitian leaders. The team will partner with a trauma team from China and Japan called Operation Safe and with HAPI (Haitian Artisans for Peace International), a mission group established in Haiti. In addition to the grief/trauma team, there will also be a medical team headed by Dr. Peter Reed, son of Rev. Jan Reed.

Needs: The cost of food has dramatically risen since the earthquake. In the past, $1.50 would cover the cost of supplying a hot meal for the children in the village. Due to limited supplies, that cost has risen to $4.50 per meal. The goal of the HAPI (Haitian Artisans for Peace International) is to meet the basic needs of the children, knowing that having those needs met will contribute to a more peaceful lifestyle and sense of community. Checks can be made to HospiceMidland to help supplement the expense of providing hot meals.

Rays of Hope has found t-shirts that have feelings faces with French expressive words that would complement the work we hope to do in Haiti. Fifteen dollars would cover the cost of getting a t-shirt to the kids and families in Haiti.

Rays of Hope knows that children in our community might want to give to the Children in Haiti. We would like to collect the following inexpensive items to be distributed to the children in Mizak. Items can be brought to Rays of Hope by Tuesday, March 2nd.

Small containers of playdough
Bright colored pipe cleaners
Permanent markers
Bright colored index cards
Beach balls
Individual packets of Kleenex
Inflatable Balloons (not water balloons)
Kazoos
Small thick combs
Frisbees

Please remember the families in the Mizak village and the mission team in prayer. Please pray for the team to be effective in their relief work and for a safe return.

Rays of Hope is honored and humbled by the opportunity to participate in this relief effort. We appreciate your support of the expansion of our mission. Thank you.

Checks should be payable to HospiceMidland (designate Haiti Relief) and mailed to:

HospiceMidland
c/o Vicki Jay
911 West Texas
Midland, Texas 79701

100% of the donations will go to the Haiti Relief.

Random Thursday

2010-02-25T13:39:27Z

Scattershooting while pondering the email I received overnight with a subject line of "Your income depends on the watch you wear." That would explain a lot, actually, given that I generally wear no timepiece.

I understand that Elin Woods was so taken with Tiger's contrition during his "public statement" last week that she's given him a present: a Toyota.
Speaking of silliness, I for one am enjoying the resurrected Filet-o-Fish TV ad from McDonald's, the one where the guy gets an MMS text from the singing wall-mounted bass while in his buddy's car. I'd like to see those two (the two guys, not the fish...although that would be interesting as well) become the new spokesmen for Sonic Drive-In. When I shared this observation with my wife (a prime example, by the way, of the kind of intellectual content typical of our dinner conversation), she replied "Why? They don't say anything." I nodded and smiled knowingly, confident that I'd made my point.
I do wonder, however, how Apple missed the exquisite marketing tie-in, as the ad prominently features a BlackBerry instead of an iPhone. I'll bet Steve Jobs is a big consumer of Filet-o-Fishes. Or is it "Filets-o-Fish"? Anyway, perhaps the thought of seeing a perfectly good iPhone tossed from a car window was too traumatic.
Speaking of trauma, it would almost be worth breaking an arm or a leg in order to show off one of these. Well, to be honest, it would be worth faking a broken arm or leg. But what would be even cooler is if your Castoo revealed a Terminator-like framework under your skin.
Of course, Terminators aren't afflicted by broken bones, so that would be a little silly.
Speaking of movie characters, I plan frequent visits to the "That Guy - Character Actors" website. It's a visual database of actors who have appeared in many movies and television shows, but who are not exactly household names. Be sure to read the criteria for inclusion at the bottom of the page. I particularly like the "No picture on IMDB" qualifier.
And, finally, if you've ever wondered what it would be like to pedal a 5-seat bicycle, complete with three daughters under the age of eight, from Kentucky to Alaska, you should check out the Pedouins (get it? Pedouins...Bedouins? Nomads? OK, anyway...). They're now in the Malibu, California area, on the last leg of their year-long journey. It's quite a picture of "relying on the kindness of strangers."

Snow Report: Historic but not Impressive?

2010-02-24T14:05:05Z

Midland's official snowfall yesterday totaled 4.5" which, as some commenters implied in the previous post, is not worth sniffing at compared to what they've had in their northern climes. But put it in perspective: that total was the 9^th heaviest snowfall in our area's recorded weather history. Midland has never had more than 10 inches of snow (officially) in one day (the record of 9.8 inches occurred in 1998). So, for us and our anemic snow-handling infrastructure, yesterday provided an event of historic proportions.

Of course, by 3:00 pm the sun was shining, the streets were [mostly] clear, and those who'd gotten "snow days," while enjoying their good fortune, were doing so with just a tinge of sheepishness. (I initially used the term "guilt" and then decided that it probably wasn't applicable at all.)

I chauffeured my wife to her office around 8:30 a.m. so she could grab her laptop and work from home. The streets were a bit treacherous, but traffic was light and well-behaved. Even though her office was officially closed, several employees showed up, either because they weren't intimidated by the weather or - more likely - hadn't gotten word of the closing. She was able to be productive the rest of the day from the comfort of our living room.

The best thing about snowfall around here, besides the fact that it's rare and doesn't stay around too long, is that it makes for some pretty scenery.

"Snowpocalypse," West Texas Style

2010-02-23T13:15:21Z

We Texans pride ourselves on our fierce, independent toughness, able to overcome any obstacle with aplomb.

Any obstacle, that is, except for 3" of snow.

I'm sure every West Texas-originated blog will carry reports of the snowfall that now blankets our area. That snowfall has practically shut down all public activities, including all local schools (college classes are starting late) and many government offices. Loop 250, one of our major thoroughfares, is now closed. Interestingly, all flights from Midland International Airport are still listed as on time.

Also, for the first time ever, my wife's office is closed due to the weather, something that I'm sure will be greeted by amusement at their Denver headquarters.

I'm also sure that our friends from the northeastern part of the US will also be amused at our reaction to what for them is hardly worth mentioning.

Looking Up

2010-02-22T20:18:52Z

I sometimes accuse my wife of attempting to cover every square inch of space on our walls and shelves with, um, stuff. Don't get me wrong; she picks out first-rate stuff, but I do enjoy the peacefulness of an occasional blank surface.

So, I'm hoping that she's not reading this, and then clicking over to see this.

[Although, I confess that the idea of such offbeat ceiling-mounted art installations does have some appeal.]