The Fire Ant Gazette

Random Thursday

2010-09-02T13:31:06Z

The theme of today's post could be "Around the Web," as I don't have anything noteworthy to write about, not that that's ever stopped me.

Ever wonder how a sewing machine works? How about a rotary engine or a Maltese Cross mechanism? If you're a visual learner, this website has some very simple animated examples that might clear up some of those mysteries. I'm now considering the possibility of building my own constant velocity joint, as soon as I can figure out what it's used for.
If your vehicle is lacking charisma and charm, try applying a set of Car Lashes. If you're of the female persuasion, these will enhance your overall feminine wiles. If you're a guy, however, you might want to avoid bowling alley parking lots.
I recently had my eyes tested and was pleased to find that my vision has not appreciably deteriorated during the past five years. Fortunately, the vision test didn't involve this chart. I barely qualify for 20/200 on that test. If it's truly a measure of geekiness, then I'll have to turn in my pocket protector. (Source: Neatorama)
This is pretty cool. It's a project called Like Mom, Like Dad, where people re-create photographs from their childhoods. Some of them are amazingly successful in replicating not just the poses but also the moods.
One of the pressing issues of our time is how to ensure that everyone on earth has access to clean drinking water. One possible solution, the Aquaduct, is a pedal-powered filtration system. It's a great concept although it has some significant shortcomings for application in the poorest and most remote regions of the world. Here it is in action (Source: iBike.org):

Here's some background on the cover art of four Beatles albums. You remember cover art, right? How about albums? Well, surely you remember the Beatles?
Last, but certainly not least, for those who are not from Midland and who have a mental picture of a sleepy, unsophisticated backwoods - well, this might shake up your stereotypes. Or, affirm them. Take your pick. (Note: The comments on this story are pretty entertaining. My favorite is this one, from "tigerland": Looks like I DO have time to help you move this weekend after all, grandma.)

How to keep a customer after you mess up

2010-09-01T20:20:13Z

I ordered an accessory a week or so ago from the company that built my recumbent bike, and I just got a phone call from one of its employees. Here's how the conversation unfolded, more or less:

Him: We got your order and we shipped it. Unfortunately, our shipping clerk forgot to update your address and we sent the package to your old address.

Me: Oh?

Him: Yeah, we got a call from someone named Bob who got the package. He says he'll hold it for you. Would it be too much trouble for you to pick it up from him.

Me: Uh, no, not really. Midland isn't that big.

Him: Thanks. We're really sorry. Next time you order something from us, remind us about this, and we'll do something like give you free shipping or something like that.

Me: Well, thanks, but that's not really necessary.

Obviously, in a perfect world the company would have noticed my new shipping address and updated their records before sending the order. But I appreciated getting the phone call (at least they had my new phone number) and the honest explanation of what happened. They also demonstrated some practicality in asking if I could pick up the package, rather than having the guy who got it send it back to them, so they could re-ship it, delaying the delivery even further.

And my guess is that if I do change my mind and ask them to accommodate a special request in the future, they'll have a note in my file referring to this incident.

Of course, it's a good thing I hadn't moved to another city. Anyway, I think the secret to good customer service isn't being perfect (although that's certainly a desirable goal), but in how you deal with the aftermath of imperfection.

Programming Note

2010-08-31T15:03:42Z

It may be a Tuesday, but it's acting like a Monday, and while I was out of town only two days, things piled up like it was two weeks, and so while this may look like a post, it's just a sorry excuse while I go do less fun stuff like try to make a living.

Feel free to visit amongst yourselves until I stumble back here.

My new "Life Verse"

2010-08-27T20:41:40Z

A hilarious post entitled Having a 'life verse' appeared a few days ago on the Stuff Christians Like blog and it made me realize that I, like the anonymous author of that post, have never really adopted a favorite Bible verse that I could roll out to demonstrate my superior-yet-humble spirituality.

For one thing, my memory is terrible, and is worsening. So...um...what was I writing about? Oh, Bible verses. I need something short and pithy, along the lines of "Jesus wept" but without such a narrow focus.

Then there's the fact that the Bible is filled with too many good candidates. Why, it's almost as if it was written to apply to every conceivable situation, laughable as that concept may be.*

So, I've dropped the idea of using an actual Scriptural statement as a "life verse," and instead have adopted a secular - albeit pretty pious, as I'm all about piety, as you well know - statement. It's short enough that even I can remember it, and pithy enough that almost everyone will be impressed when I roll it out in the course of general conversation.

With a nod toward either Augustine or John Wesley (depending on which Wikipedia article you read), my new "life verse" is this:

Unity in the Essential;
Charity in the Non-Essential;
Chocolate in All Things.

This, I believe, will serve me well in many otherwise difficult situations, such as menu selections. So, for example, when ordering Tex-Mex, it will allow me to be open-minded about enchiladas, recognizing that there's equal validity to green or red sauce, as long as (1) we all agree on the requirement of corn tortillas, and (b) we have chocolate mousse for dessert. Brilliant!

I think it has a great ring to it. Is it possible to trademark a "life verse"? I can also see a CafePress t-shirt in my future.

*That's either sarcasm or irony, although it could be satire. I can never keep them straight. I'm pretty sure it's not hyperbole, but don't hold me to that.

Does Praying Make You a Christian?

2010-08-26T13:18:27Z

Last week, in response to a poll wherein almost 20% of respondents said they believed that President Obama is a Muslim, a White House spokesman stated that "the President is obviously a - is Christian." The spokesman went on to support this assertion by saying "he prays every day," as if that settled the question once and for all.

I don't pretend to know whether Obama is Christian, Muslim, or anything else. I do find it odd that he would cancel the White House's National Day of Prayer breakfast but hold a dinner to celebrate Ramadan, but neither of those things are germane to what I really want to discuss, and that is whether prayer is a sign that someone is a Christian. And, of course, the short - and Biblical - answer is "no."

It's probably helpful for purposes of this discussion to define prayer, and I take a very simplistic view: prayer is speaking with God. We can make it complicated or ritualistic, but conversing with the Deity is the essence of prayer.

Prayer is an important characteristic of the Christian faith. Jesus Christ taught His disciples how to pray, and He spent considerable time in prayer. The Christian who doesn't pray is missing a cornerstone of his faith.

But, guess what? Using my broad definition of prayer, the practice is not limited to Christians. In fact, Satan and his demons pray. A passage in the book of Revelation describes Satan's habit of coming before God to accuse us of sin, continually (as if God didn't already know these things!). And one of Jesus' earliest recorded miracles was the exorcism of an evil spirit from a man; Scripture records a short, desperate prayer by said spirit before it was evicted.

These simple examples help demonstrate that it's not what we do that makes us Christians; it's what we believe. In this regard, the President's spokesman did him no favors in attempting to describe his boss's faith.

Two additional thoughts. First, while one might argue that the faith, or lack thereof, of an American president is nobody's business, it's a fact of life that such things are still of interest to an apparent majority of Americans. I fear for our nation when that ceases to be.

Second, while we're in the neighborhood, just as praying isn't necessarily an indication that one is a Christian, neither is knowing who Jesus Christ is. Knowing Christ is not the same as accepting Him as Lord and Savior. Check out this passage in Acts where more evil spirits make this point.

Redesigned US Currency

2010-08-25T20:59:47Z

There have been a number of attempts to redesign US currency, which I'll readily admit looks old and drab next to that of many other countries (but which also demonstrates that beauty does not always equate to utility or value, but that's a completely different issue).

The Dollar ReDe$ign Project brings many of those attempts into a central location, and it's interesting to scroll through the wide range of variations put forth by designers.

The design firm of Dowling Duncan provides one of the more innovative approaches, with a vertical layout (based, the company says, on research into how we actually use currency) and different lengths for different denominations. The latter would solve one of the great pressing problems of currency, and that's how to make it easier for sight-impaired people to distinguish among the different denominations of bills. But, of course, putting a living president on a bill is simply not going to fly, for any number of reasons. Nevertheless, their attempt at tying each bill's amount to a symbolic historic reference (e.g. $50 = the 50 states of the Union) is laudable.

Then, there are the designs put forth by Mark Scott, a Brit (many of the designs are submitted by non-US residents apparently eager to help drag our currency into the 21st century). Sensing the inevitability of ubiquitous corporate sponsorship, he's replaced the usual political and historical references with symbols representing iconic American brands, such as Coca-Cola, Wal-Mart, and the NFL. I'm especially fond of the $50 Apple bill, although I'm sure Steve Jobs would prefer that it appear on a $100,000 note.

There are scores of designs on this site, some of them quite whimsical (including a 10 cent note with the inscription "Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?").

Hat tip: Subtraction

Tattooed Teachers

2010-08-24T13:40:15Z

Semi-interesting post over at the Freakonomics blog about the possibility that college professors who have tattoos could be more successful than their non-ink-stained counterparts.

I'm pretty skeptical about the relevance of the study cited in the post, as are most of the commenters. If nothing else, showing male undergrads photos of tattooed female models* is, frankly, a really dumb idea if you're trying to assess anything other than libido. But, perhaps I'm not giving the students enough credit.

I was almost able to type that last sentence with a straight face.

*I readily admit that tattooed models are not equally attractive. For example, compare this to this.

In pursuit of the wily Rosie

2010-08-23T21:58:26Z

You think you're a dog person? You're not a dog person. This is a dog person.

(OK, it's really "these are dog people," but that doesn't work as well with the Crocodile Dundee schtick. You know, the one where they're comparing knives?)

Seriously, you need to go to Find Rosie (the link above takes you to the first entry...read it and then keep clicking to move through the story; it's almost like a Chapter Book! Only with pictures!) where you'll find things that will make you laugh, cry, and scratch your head while thinking "wha' the...?"

You'll also want to thank Molly and Colin (Rosie's people) for being the kind of dog owners all our dogs usually think we really are. Until we make them take pills or ferry them to the vet for shots, but that's mostly irrelevant.

I had only one question after reading Rosie's story: who has that many night vision cameras, outside of the CIA?

Conversation

2010-08-22T21:22:56Z

Scene: Master bedroom, this morning

Her: That's not the same shirt you were just wearing.

Him: No, I decided that other one looks like a clown shirt.

Her: What?!

Him: Well, those wide vertical stripes make it look like a clown shirt.

Her: So, you're never going to wear that shirt again?

Him: Well, not to church when I'll be up on the camera stand. I don't want to be a distraction to people, thinking there's a clown behind the camera.

Her: And what does the shirt have to do with that?

The Dance of [Unintentional] Mystery

2010-08-20T13:01:10Z

Today's "Close to Home" cartoon hits, well, close to home.

However, in our case the caption is wrong. In our case, the neighbors would be saying, "The Siegmunds aren't being tormented by wasps after all; they're practicing the rumba." Or the cha cha...or the foxtrot...or, well, you get the idea. Sometimes it's hard to tell just exactly what we're doing on the dance floor.

The baddest geek in the 'Bucks

2010-08-20T11:30:59Z

So, I stumbled across this - a mock-up of an add-on iPhone QWERTY keyboard - and while it's somewhat interesting in concept, it's still far from an ideal solution for those who can't seem to master the phone's tiny virtual keyboard.

But it made me wonder whether the iPhone plays well with the dockable keyboard* that Apple markets to iPad owners. I had never even considered the idea before, so I popped my phone onto the keyboard, and sure enough, it works.

I can assure you that this combination will make you the baddest geek in the Starbucks, if that's your aspiration.** (And, really, why wouldn't it be?)

*And, in anticipation of your next question, the iPad's Bluetooth keyboard also pairs up and works with an iPhone. This combination is even cooler because you can set your phone off to the side while keyboarding, giving people the impression that you're typing with no obvious device to receive the input.

**While the combination may appear ridiculous, I've actually found a legitimate use for it. I have a password management app on my phone and it's a royal pain to input new entries via the virtual keyboard. The next time I have several updates, I will definitely be using the external keyboard.

Testing a jQuery lightbox script

2010-08-19T20:57:19Z

I've installed the PrettyPhoto jQuery lightbox script and I'm testing things to make sure they work properly. Click on a thumbnail and then browse the other images using the controls in the pop-up image.

This is a pretty cool application; expect to see it more often around here.

Random Thursday

2010-08-19T11:01:27Z

OK, we've got some pretty serious stuff to go over today, so I hope you're appropriately caffeinated.

Cynicism Alert: I want to propose a new law, similar to Murphy's Law or Godwin's Law. My new law would read thusly: "You've lost the argument in the precise instant that you resort to 'just because you have the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do'." Really, is there anyone, anywhere who is willing to give up their rights in order to do the right thing? *cough*Ground Zero Mosque*cough*
Speaking of rights and doing the right thing, Midland's City Council unanimously hiked next year's tax rate over the vocal protests of as many citizens as could be fit into a marathon hearing. A couple of local bloggers who are more astute and plugged in than me have weighed in on the process and implications. I recommend this post by Ospurt over at Jessica's Well, and George over at Sleepless in Midland has a couple of good articles on the subject, one serious and one less so (but still insightful).
Of course, one has to be naive to think that hearings immediately before a final vote would result in any budget cuts (which is the only way taxes get cut). If the Council truly wants meaningful citizen input to the tax rate, the time to get the public involved is at the beginning of the budget cycle...and good luck figuring out how to do that.
OK, on to more interesting topics, such as whether the internet is making us stupid. (We must blame someone or something.) By the way, number 2 on the list is awesome.
Here's another list: Some reasons you might not want to become a web designer. Thanks, guys; you're about ten years too late. Actually, the writer left off the best reason to stay away from website design, and it was picked up on by a commenter: Internet Explorer.
However, there are a few things that are making designers' lives easier, and one of them is Adobe's recent announcement that it is partnering with Typekit to bring some of its classic fonts to the web. If the implications of that announcement escape you, don't worry. It just means that whereas before we designers could fill your screens with ill-advised combinations of crappy fonts, we can now do the same with high-quality fonts. Seriously, though, this is a big deal, especially since Adobe has optimized those fonts for screen display. It's even convinced me to sign up with Typekit, and I'm now using that service on a new project.
In addition to the new law above, I want to suggest a new bumper sticker: "Friends don't let friends use their browser's search bar instead of the address bar." Pretty catchy, huh? Anyway, if you're in the habit of typing a URL into the search bar, my advice is simple: STOP IT! That's not what it's designed for.* (Of course, if all browsers would follow Google Chrome's lead, we wouldn't need two input fields anyway. But, apparently, Google is the only browser maker smart enough to figure out whether you've input a URL or a search term.)
And speaking of Google Chrome, I'm this close to finally making it my default browser. As it stands, I have it open continuously and simultaneously with Firefox, with each running on a different monitor. I have yet to find an area where Firefox is clearly superior, although its web developer plugins are good enough that I'll never let it go completely (until they're ported to Chrome, anyway). If you haven't yet tried Chrome, well, as Mal would say, it's shiny!

*This is more than a philosophical issue. Google's database isn't real-time, regardless of what they've made you think. Relying on a search rather than the actual URL can sometimes give you the wrong results. I've seen it happen.

Barn Swallows: Winning the battle, losing the war

2010-08-18T14:27:51Z

As you may recall, I was successful in convincing the local barn swallows that our porches were sub-optimal for nest placement. That battle was messy and frustrating for both sides, as battles always are, and neither side emerged feeling entirely satisfied with the outcome.

During the aftermath, it became obvious that barn swallows are masters of turning lemons into lemonade. They also subscribe to the strategy of victory through overwhelming numbers. And so it is I find that even though I've successfully stopped them from building nests, they've created more holes in the dike than I have fingers.

Our next-door neighbor recently counted more than forty of the little birds perched along the eave of her back porch. That should give you an idea of the magnitude of the issue. A number of that gang has decided that our back and front porches provide excellent overnight accommodations, even if they can't erect apartment complexes for permanent residence. As it turns out, they've decided that the steps that I took to dissuade the nest-building (stuffing rolled-up shop towels behind ceiling-mounted speakers, for example) provide perfectly cozy places to spend the night.

Now, let me be clear: barn swallows are very cute birds, and entertaining to watch. They do a great job of mosquito control, and they don't bother other birds (unlike the house finches who bully the hummingbirds trying to service our feeders). But the concept of - how can I put this delicately? - "not fouling one's own nest" is completely foreign to them. In other words, we can always tell how many overnighted by the mess they left on the concrete below.

I'm now taking suggestions for further countermeasures. Regarding the speakers, it's obvious that I'll need to build a solid enclosure of some type around them. The porch eaves pose a bigger challenge. But if my idea for a tiny little electric fence works out, you'll be the first to know.

Dos Burros

2010-08-17T19:31:10Z

There are two burros pastured about a quarter mile from our house. Every so often, something will set them off - a rattlesnake, a coyote, perhaps even each other - and we'll hear their braying all around the neighborhood.

I took a photo of them a year or two back, when we were in the middle of an extreme drought. I just stumbled across the image and liked the way the light of the setting sun added some contrast to the picture. I applied a little Photoshopping (OK, more than a little), and voila!