It occurs to me that I've never told you much about the third member of our little family, the one around whom all the universe revolves, or would, if she had her way about it. I'm speaking, of course, about The Dog, aka Abbye Fabulous (or Ab Fab, for short). I've decided I need to make her a recurring character here on the Gazette. After all, Rachel puts dog pics on her site, and look at the traffic that generates. Lileks, likewise, obviously relies on Jasper for his hordes of daily readers. So it stands to reason that we need a dog. We need one that doesn't slobber as much as some, or engage in endless stick-chasing like others. We need Abbye.
By the way, this is probably a good time to point out that she's never been overly fond of that "e" dangling from the end of her name. She considers it pretentious. She can blame me for it. I got in way over my head and just panicked.Here are five things you need to know about Abbye, if you're truly going to embrace her as she deserves:
- She's more like a cat than a dog, in many ways. She doesn't follow people around through the day, craving their attention. She gets up on her schedule, goes to bed on her schedule, and doesn't really care what we think about that.
- She's not fat, but she is really hairy. She has multiple layers of hair and fur, like a duck, I suppose. She'll lay in full sun on the concrete in 95 degree heat without being fazed, and she's never known the sensation of being too cold, even in the dead of winter. She also has webbed toes.
- She's absolutely afraid of everything. Blowing leaves, moths, pecans falling out of trees, blades of grass that behave in unexpectedly aggressive fashion... all of these things and many more are cause for great consternation in her life.
- Unless, of course, she spots a squirrel. Then she'll run through razor wire and broken glass to give chase. The hunting instinct is strong.
- She was a malnourished, beaten-down, broken-tailed shadow of a dog when we rescued her; she didn't walk to people, she crawled on her belly. I'd love to introduce my Colt Python to the guy (I'm sure it was a man, although that word really wouldn't apply, now, would it?) who put her in that state. So none of the preceding "eccentricities" are really her fault.
I know you're just dying to learn more about Abbye, so stay tuned. I expect her to turn up occasionally here in the Gazette. Rachel and James should stand forewarned.